Nickel wasn't going to let Yin and Yang's split get in the way of his plan to impress Balloon. He wanted to get closer to him, and he wasn't going to let anyone stop him. While Balloon was engrossed in conversation with Yin, Nickel slyly dropped his hand beside Balloon's, sneakily snatching Balloon's hand in his, causing Balloon's face to go bright red. Balloon turned to his side to face Nickel, offering him a shy smile. Nickel smiled back 'charmingly', but to Balloon, he looked like a cute dork.
"This is okay... right?" Nickel asked cautiously, not wanting to make Balloon uncomfortable.
Balloon glanced ahead at the other guys. They didn't know about how Nickel and Balloon felt toward each other, and Balloon feared they might tease them. They weren't like the Bright Lights, who were a little more supportive compared to Knife and Trophy. Balloon knew he shouldn't care what others thought about him; that was the whole reason he and Nickel stopped talking in the first place. Balloon wanted people to like him and hurt Nickel in the process of trying to be liked. He shouldn't repeat the same patterns as before, but he was worried for both him and Nickel. He didn't want them to be bullied. Balloon finally felt like they were able to fit in with the group. Knife and Trophy were really cool! And maybe they would think Balloon was lame if he was holding hands with Nickel.
Balloon bit his lip anxiously.
"Uh... maybe not around the others... I mean, Knife and Trophy have no idea that we like each other... and I don't want them to think we're uncool..." Balloon nervously spoke as he pulled his hand back.
Nickel's smile fell into a frown. "Who cares what they think...?" He felt the trauma from middle school flooding back, he didn't want to go backwards, not again. He took a deep breath, before speaking. He wasn't letting Balloon go back to fearing what others thought of him. Not again.
"I think you're pretty cool," Nickel spoke softly, with a small grin.
Balloon's face flushed pink as he looked away and covered his smile with his hand. "I'm not cool... we both know that," he chuckled softly.
"I think you're both cool!" Yin chirped. "Nickel is right, Yang always tells me we shouldn't let others' opinions hurt us, we are allowed to be who we are without judgement!" Yin flashed a happy smile.
"See!? You should be yourself..." Nickel grinned, he felt himself relax from worry.
Balloon looked ahead at the other boys, still feeling really hesitant. He wanted to be himself, but he wasn't ready for the world to know how he felt about Nickel, especially since he wasn't 100% sure himself. If he started being romantic with Nickel now, what would happen if, in 12 days when they get back home and everything supposedly changes? They decide they don't feel that way for one another. People would ask questions, wondering what happened. Balloon didn't think things would change between them, but he still had doubts. What if they went back to school and things reverted to the old ways where they didn't talk? He really hoped not, but he couldn't help worrying about it. Everyone knew them as constantly bickering and hating each other. How would their friends react when they saw them not only getting along but possibly dating? It was a lot for Balloon to take in.
He didn't want to hurt Nickel's feelings by not holding his hand, nor did he want to make Nickel worry that he had reverted to his old ways of pushing him away to be liked by others. This was a completely different situation. Yes, a part of him didn't want to be made fun of, and another part wanted Knife and Trophy to think he was cool. They never even talked to him at school, and now they were in a group together. He didn't want to do anything that could embarrass himself, not that Nickel was embarrassing or that showing romantic attraction to him was embarrassing. It was more about the stigma around being lovey-dovey; maybe they'd find that uncool. Even if Balloon didn't care about their opinion, he dreaded the thought of having to explain things. Surely people would ask questions about why they were holding hands. There were so many factors that freaked Balloon out. He just wanted to avoid humiliation as much as possible. Was that too much to ask?
"I really appreciate everything you both are saying... and I do want to be myself and not have to worry about what others think of me! I just... What if they tease us...We are even lucky to have them in our group... I don't want them to think we are uncool because we are holding hands... a-and this is nothing against you Nickel, it could be anyone else and I still would feel anxious to hold their hand, I just–"
"Balloon... it's okay, you don't have to justify yourself. We don't have to hold hands, okay?" Nickel flashed a weak smile. Despite his smile, he felt hurt inside. It felt like history was repeating itself, and he was overwhelmed with anxiety and dread that Balloon would hurt him again. He had spent years avoiding being friends with Balloon, fearing he would get hurt once more. He had built a wall around himself, vowing never to let Balloon hurt him again. He didn't want to trust him or believe that he had changed. But now, he had let that wall crumble, and he was vulnerable.
Deep down, Nickel knew he should stand his ground and tell Balloon straight out that if he wasn't holding his hand because he was afraid of being made fun of, then it was over between them. He should rebuild that wall. But he couldn't. The wall was already in pieces, and it would take time to put it back up. Now that it had crumbled, he had to give Balloon chances. He had to believe that Balloon wouldn't hurt him again, especially since he had become so attached and didn't want to lose him again. So, he smiled through the pain and went along with it, even though he knew he should stand his ground. He gave Balloon the benefit of the doubt and made excuses for him, again. Balloon said he had a crush on him, that he liked him. There was a chance for them, and he just had to keep pushing through. He just had to keep trying and not shut him away. Right?
Balloon glanced in front of him and then back at Nickel. It didn't look like Knife and Trophy were even paying attention, they were focused on talking with Yang. Although Balloon felt weary about it, he didn't want to hurt Nickel, he wanted to show him that he has changed and that he didn't give him a chance for nothing. So with a soft sigh, Balloon slides his hand into Nickel's hand.
Nickel quickly glanced up into Balloon's eyes, his eyes wide in confusion, tilting his head a little... he didn't think Balloon would hold his hand, but he was glad he did, it was able to put him at ease, that Balloon was willing to change.
"Happy?" Balloon huffed with a smile.
"Very." Nickel grinned brightly.
Yin smiled wide witnessing the two. He totally shipped it.
The group continued on as Lifering rambled about the history of the forest. Poor Silver Spoon looked out of breath from all the walking, which he had been tagging along behind everyone, for two reasons, one he didn't want to be near Yin or Yang, knowing they probably both wanted him dead and two because... he wasn't really used to walking so much. Alas for Balloon and Nickel, It was a peaceful walk: the sky was clear, a soft breeze blew, and while the weather was a bit chilly, it wasn't overly cold. Nickel and Balloon held hands as they walked, listening to Yin occasionally rambling about various topics. They stole shy glances at each other, clearly showing that neither had much experience in relationships. Both were nervous wrecks, and every time they looked at each other, they smiled like dorks and blushed. It was nice.
Nickel would've loved for it to last a little longer, but as soon as Knife and Trophy turned around, Balloon quickly dropped his hand. Nickel should've expected it. He wasn't mad, just upset. He wished Balloon didn't care so much about what others thought, but what could he do? He bit his tongue and crossed his arms uncomfortably.
"I almost forgot you guys were here!" Knife laughed, smiling at the group behind them.
Balloon smiled faintly; it felt really cool to have Knife talk to him. "Haha, yeah... we can be quiet!" he replied with a small smile.
"Yang told us about what happened earlier. Kinda sucks to see your teachers making out... It's understandable why he's so upset," Knife continued. "Especially since both Yin and Yang see Candle as a mother figure..." Knife huffed.
"It was unfair what she did!" Yang spoke up behind him, arms crossed.
Yin hid behind Nickel. "I know it was unfair that she never told us... but that doesn't mean we shouldn't forgive her!" Yin chimed in.
"She doesn't deserve our forgiveness!" Yang snaps grumpily.
Silver Spoon finally caught up to the group, huffing and puffing and sweating his ass off.
"I don't know why you're so upset at her. She's allowed to be in a relationship." Silver scoffed as he wiped the sweat off his forehead.
"Not with you! You are a meanie!" Yin crossed his arms.
"Yes, Yin is right! You are mean! Mean dumb guy!" Yang added.
"I'm a... 'mean dumb guy?' Is that all you have? I didn't do anything!" Silver protested.
"Group! Let's keep moving, we can chat and walk!" Lifering called out. He could see the tension growing and worried for Silver's safety, Yin and Yang were not happy with him, and Lifering would much rather Silver not get attacked due to his carelessness with words.
Yang snarled at Silver, glaring him down, before walking ahead. Yin blew a raspberry at him and continued walking also. They both hated his guts right now. Ultimately, they did blame Silver Spoon for what happened, even though... nothing really happened. They were kids, and their mother figure had a boyfriend, it hurt them and that's enough for them to be this upset.
They continued to walk, with Silver Spoon lagging behind again. He wasn't even trying to keep up with the group; he was too frustrated. He couldn't understand how any of this was his fault. He was allowed to be with Candle, whether YinYang liked it or not. This whole ordeal was ridiculous, and he was growing sick of it. But what could he do? He couldn't yell at them without being seen as the 'bad guy,' so he had to just keep his mouth shut and let those two little rascals talk horribly about him.
As for Balloon and Nickel, they kept pace with the group a little better. Yin was actually walking with Yang, which was a good sign—it meant there was a chance they might reunite. Despite this, Nickel still felt a weird pit in his stomach about the day's events. Test Tube worrying about Balloon, Balloon dropping his hand when Knife and Trophy looked back—these things weighed heavily on Nickel's mind. He had hoped today would be a day to show Balloon what it would be like to be with him, but being in a group of all guys somehow made it more difficult. The other group was much more accepting, perhaps even too accepting at times. This group, however.... Well actually Nickel had no idea where they stood! It wasn't really them that was the problem; it was Balloon. He refused to test the waters around them, afraid of embarrassment, masking his true self to look cool. But he didn't need to do that. If they truly liked him, they'd like the real him, not this facade.
"So, how's it been hanging with the others? We don't really talk to them much," Knife began, looking down at Balloon, who was noticeably shorter than him.
"Oh... yeah, they're nice," Balloon replied nervously, hardly believing Knife was talking to him.
"Nice, but annoying," Knife laughed a little, casually wrapping an arm around Balloon. "What's with the ribbon in your hair?" he asked, fiddling with it.
"O-Oh... it's, uh... just..." Balloon stammered, suddenly very nervous about their closeness.
Nickel, walking a little behind them, watched everything unfold, his blood boiling. He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. This was supposed to be his and Balloon's day. They confessed to each other last night and should be spending time together, not having Knife steal Balloon right under his nose. Nickel was furious! It wasn't fair! Knife was like a cooler version of him. What if Balloon liked Knife more than him? They were practically the same—both sarcastic, a bit rude, and with similar style—but Knife was ten times cooler. What if Balloon decided he liked Knife instead of Nickel? Nickel couldn't possibly compete with that!
Jealousy surged within him. He should be the one with an arm around Balloon... Even if he was probably too short to do so, who cares? That should be him, not Knife! Who did Knife even think he was? Was he doing this on purpose? Did he see Balloon and him holding hands earlier and think it would be funny to steal Balloon from him? He was a jerk, after all! He'd do anything for a little humour! He felt his face growing hot from anger.
"You look jealous~" Silver suddenly cooed from behind him.
Nickel snapped his neck to glare at Silver.
"What!? No! Why would I be jealous... Knife doesn't even know Balloon! They've barely ever talked... he knows ME better than Balloon..." Nickel crossed his arms.
"Well... it looks to me like he is getting to know him right now~" Silver Spoon teased.
"Shut up! If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have to be in this group! You and Candle just had to sneak off in the middle of camp to make out! Christ! How could you be so inconsiderate?" Nickel snapped at him.
"Whoa, don't take your anger out on me! I'm not the one flirting with your boyfriend~" Silver smirked, crossing his arms.
"He isn't..." Nickel paused. "Ugh." He turned away from Silver and caught up with the others.
Knife still had his arm around Balloon's shoulder, playing with the ribbon that kept Balloon's hair tied back. The two of them were walking and talking. Balloon felt a twinge of guilt for leaving Nickel behind, but he didn't want to appear bad in front of Knife, so he kept quiet and let Knife continue talking.
Suddenly, Nickel stormed up behind them, loudly clearing his throat. The two of them turned around.
"Uh, yeah, thanks for leaving me behind, Balloon," Nickel snapped sarcastically.
Balloon frowned, realising he had messed up.
"Sorry! I... I got distracted... you see, Knife was just telling me about–"
"I don't want to hear it! So what, I can't hold your hand, but Knife can be all over you? Wow, I see how it is," Nickel snapped suddenly.
"Nickel! What the hell?!" Balloon squeaked, his face turning bright red.
Knife took a moment to analyse the situation before he moved his arm away from Balloon.
"Jeez, I didn't know you two were dating..."
"Well– no, technically we aren't dating–" Nickel quickly protested.
"So what, you're just getting jealous that someone else is hitting on him? You're not dating, so what's the big deal?" Knife asked, with genuine curiosity.
"So you were hitting on him!" Nickel grunted, gritting his teeth.
"Relax, I was just playfully flirting..." Knife rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.
"Well, don't playfully flirt with him, how about that?" Nickel spat.
Balloon had no idea that Knife was even flirting with him. He was so caught up in trying to impress Knife that he hadn't even realised what was going on! As much as Nickel believed that Balloon thought Knife was better than him, that was the complete opposite. Sure, Knife was really cool, but Balloon wouldn't want to date him. He didn't have what Balloon had with Nickel... Why on earth would he actually want to date Knife? Balloon felt guilty but also really angry. Why was Nickel acting so jealous and controlling? All day, he had been acting really weird, obsessive, and possessive, defending Balloon when he didn't need defending. It was getting so annoying! Balloon had his own voice and didn't need Nickel to speak for him.
Balloon couldn't take this anymore. He was so frustrated and confused, he wanted to curl into a ball and cry if he didn't speak.
"Nickel, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Balloon burst out. "All day, you've been so obsessive and controlling. You've treated me like a prize to be won, constantly doing everything to... I don't know, impress me? You promised you'd give me time and space to work this out, but you haven't been doing that! You've been constantly pushing me and pressuring me! You asked what Test Tube was talking about... well, she was talking about this. I'm so overwhelmed with everything that's going on. One second you hated me and didn't want anything to do with me, and then I learned that you're in love with me. The next thing I know, you're obsessed with me and doing everything you can to impress me! I don't need you to speak for me. I don't need you to treat me like I'm royalty. I just want you to be you... and let me be me. As for Knife? I didn't even know he was flirting with me! And do you really think I'd be accepting of that when I can't even work out my feelings with you?"
Balloon's words poured out, driven by emotion. "We're supposed to be here for Yin and Yang, but all you can care about is trying to make me like you! I already do like you, Nickel—why can't you see that?" Balloon cried.
"No, no! You are not doing this right now! How dare you paint me to be the bad guy here! You cannot sit here and play the innocent card! How the hell is this fair on me? You said it yourself, you can't even work out how you feel about me! So what, do I have to just sit here and hope that maybe something could come from us, being a possibility that nothing could happen? You know how I feel about you, yet it's like you're playing with my emotions! And then on top of that... I can still see the old you, desperate to fit in and be liked. You can't even hold my hand, but you can let Knife have his arm around you? I don't care if you knew he was flirting or not, you abandoned me! Again! For popularity, after everything, after all these years, you still managed to make the same mistake. Do you even learn? I am bending over backwards for you, and it's like you aren't even trying! I can't keep doing this, I can't let you keep toying with my emotions!" Nickel shouted.
The shouting grabbed the attention of the others. Lifering quickly intervened, stepping between them, as the others stood around and watched. Knife felt partially responsible for this starting, but how was he supposed to know? He didn't know that they were a thing... or kind of a thing! Trophy, Yin, and Yang weren't paying much attention as they were walking ahead. It wasn't until they heard the shouting that they realised something was going down. They stood as bystanders, listening in before Lifering could break up the fight.
"Alright... that's enough, both of you. Come on... we can talk about this. We're heading back anyway... just, let's keep it cool, alright?" Lifering spoke calmly.
Balloon felt guilt and shame rise within him. Was he really the same old Balloon? Had he truly not changed? He didn't want to lose Nickel again; he had just gotten him back! He didn't want Nickel to believe he hadn't changed and rebuild his wall, shutting him out again. He couldn't handle that. As much as he didn't want Nickel obsessing over him... he kind of did? It was so confusing! He liked the attention he was getting from Nickel, but at the same time, it was overwhelming him. He just wanted Nickel to like him again, to go back to how they were. He wanted Nickel's attention, but not in the way Nickel thought. He was fine with the clingy behaviour, but when it got possessive... Balloon didn't want that. He didn't want Nickel speaking for him or being overprotective. He just wanted Nickel to care about him and not others around them.
Nickel felt hurt. Part of him knew he had gone too far. He shouldn't have pushed Balloon so much or been so clingy. He was just afraid of losing him, feeling like he had to prove he was good enough, especially since he hadn't been kind to Balloon for years. He wanted to show Balloon that he had changed, but in the end, he just made himself look like a jerk. But that didn't excuse what Balloon had done. Sure, maybe Nickel was at fault, but so was Balloon. He was still doing the same things he had promised he wouldn't do! He didn't need the approval of the popular group; he was already special. Why couldn't he see that? It hurt Nickel that he couldn't see that. He had just let down his wall... he didn't want to have to rebuild it because of trust issues. He wanted to be with Balloon, not avoid him for another few years.
For the rest of the walk, Balloon walked ahead with Lifering, while Nickel remained back. He was silent, arms crossed, and head down. After that big blow-up, nobody was really talkative, besides Yin and Yang who seemed to be sorting through their differences... which was at least something good that had come out of the day so far.
"I am sorry for causing so much fuss," Balloon suddenly spoke up.
Lifering smiled and shook his head. "It's okay... sometimes, fights happen, but that doesn't mean they can't be fixed," Lifering spoke with positivity.
"I... I don't think this can be fixed. I broke his trust again! You don't know our past... I understand you just want to help, but you have no idea what we've been through together... I did the one thing that could break our relationship again. Things were finally going so well, but I had to let my insecurities get the best of me!" Balloon cried.
"Hey, I may not know what you've both been through, but what I do know is what I've seen during this camp so far. You both seem to really care about each other... and if you don't want this to ruin your relationship with one another, then I suggest you change your mentality. No relationship can't be mended; you just need to talk to each other about your feelings, with words, not anger. It seems to me you both have a lot you want to share, you both are struggling with different things, but at the end of the day, it seems like you both want the same thing... and that's to be there for each other," Lifering placed a hand on his shoulder. "You both have loyalty to each other; don't let this be the thing that breaks you, okay?"
Balloon huffed, letting those words sink in as he walked. Maybe Lifering was right... this didn't have to be over, he had a chance to fix this... he can't let it slide this time. All those years ago, he didn't apologise when he hurt Nickel, it wasn't until Nickel started to distance himself that Balloon finally started apologising. He isn't letting the same thing happen. This time, he was going to do the right thing, he was going to speak up instead of avoiding it because it's the easier thing to do. He cared about Nickel and he wanted to show how much he cared.
He waited until they were exiting the woods. As the group all walked ahead, Balloon slowed down to match up with Nickel. The grey-haired boy didn't say anything, hands in his pocket and head down. He didn't want to talk to Balloon right now, but he knew Balloon wasn't going to give him much of a choice.
"Hey," Balloon spoke up.
"Hi," Nickel responded bluntly.
Balloon awkwardly looked down at the floor. He hadn't really thought about what he was going to say before speaking, but now that he was here, there was no running away. He shakily took a deep breath before speaking.
"I'm sorry," he started. "I'm sorry that I hurt you, again. I know how much it means to you that I am true to myself... I just— I have so many insecurities. I am so afraid of judgement, that people won't like me! I wanted to be liked so badly, and I was finally getting attention from the popular guys... but in the process, I left you out, just like middle school all over again. I made the same mistake that I promised I wouldn't make, and I feel terrible about it! I don't want this to be the thing that ruins us again, not because of my stupid insecurities," Balloon huffed. "I don't know why I care so much about what they think... I have someone here who loves me for who I am... Well, I hope they still do," Balloon looked away nervously.
Nickel inhaled sharply before breathing out. "Of course I still do," he finally spoke. "Maybe a little too much, huh?" he chuckled sadly. "I didn't realise I was pushing you; I was just so excited to finally be talking to you again. I missed you a lot... and I guess I was scared of losing you. Just like you, I let my insecurities get the best of me. I tried so hard to impress you because I felt like if I didn't, you'd leave me again. I was worried you'd abandon me for someone better, and when I saw Knife and you so close... it crushed me, especially since you just left me like it was nothing! It felt like I had been trying to impress you for nothing because there will always be someone who is better than me... and seeing you with Knife, it just proved that right," Nickel sighed.
Balloon stopped in his tracks, he turned to Nickel, placing his hands on his shoulder.
"Nickel, Knife might be really cool... but he isn't you. I'd never replace you with Knife, I wouldn't even date Knife over you! I like you, not him. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you had to impress me for me to like you... truth is, I always did like you, you were always my favourite person, I just have an obsession with making everyone like me, but that doesn't mean you aren't my favourite person, or that I like them more than you. I made a mistake in middle school, I humiliated you just to gain popularity, I felt awful for what I did... we can go over and over again but how sorry I am, but you've heard that story before. But I promise you... that won't happen again, I don't want to lose you again Nickel." Balloon nervously smiled.
Nickel faintly smiled back, huffing.
"I guess... maybe I overreacted a little... I mean, to be fair, Knife was flirting with you! So..."
Balloon snickered softly, leaning his head against Nickel's forehead, Nickel smiling back and doing the same.
"I can't believe I missed that... I didn't even know Knife swung that way!" he chuckled a little more.
"Aww, maybe it's just that you're too cute that he couldn't resist. I guess I can't really blame him, can I?" Nickel smirked confidently.
"Shut up, dork!" Balloon giggled, smiling like a goofball.
The two of them stared into each other's eyes for a moment, smiling like idiots, their faces flushed bright red. It was nice to have a moment, with just the two of them again. Nickel was glad that Balloon came and spoke to him... he was glad to be able to fix this. It showed Balloon's loyalty to him, that he did indeed care. It made Nickel happy. He seriously couldn't stop smiling now.
"So... you really wouldn't pick Knife over me, right?" Nickel asked sheepishly.
"No!" Balloon playfully shoved him. "You're way better... a lot nicer too, and that's saying a lot~" he teased.
"Oh shut up!" Nickel laughed.
"Make me!" Balloon said with a cheeky smirk.
Nickel shrugged with a big smile tugging at his lips, before Balloon knew it, Nickel scooped him up and held him over his shoulder.
"Oi!" Balloon giggled.
"Jeez! You're extremely light!" Nickel chuckled.
"I surrender! Put me down!" Balloon continued giggling.
Nickel carefully placed Balloon back down, happily looking up into his eyes. He was so in love with him... if only Balloon knew how deeply in love he really was. He wanted Balloon, more than he had ever wanted anyone or anything before, he completely adored him, deeply and truly. He wished Balloon could see what he saw... maybe then he wouldn't be so insecure about himself.
"We should head back to camp or else we'll miss out on lunch..."
Balloon suddenly broke eye contact as he spoke. Too much eye contact made him nervous; it made his stomach flutter and his heart beat fast. He was falling for Nickel, and it was scary to him. He had never seen himself in a relationship with anyone, especially not Nickel. A part of him was worried to fall for him, worried about what could come from it. But at this rate, he couldn't stop himself from falling deeper and deeper. Why was he scared? He had never been in a relationship before, and he was afraid of what it could hold, what it could be like. He was scared of what was to come. He liked the thought in theory, but to actually be in a relationship with someone frightened him. What if he messed up? What if he wasn't good enough? He had never felt this way before, and it scared him. Maybe that's why he was so anxious, why he was avoiding moving too fast. He was preventing himself from fully falling due to worry, worry that something would happen to ruin all that they had fixed. Everything was happening so quickly... But what was he to do?
"True... alright, I guess we should head over then!" Nickel smiled happily, he seriously could not stop smiling, and his smile was infectious, making Balloon smile back.
"Would you... like me to hold your hand?" Balloon asked softly.
"I dunno... are you going to drop it immediately when you see Knife?" Nickel teased, but half of him was asking this as a genuine question.
"I don't care what Knife thinks... besides, maybe he will back off and let you have me all to yourself~ isn't that what you wanted, Nickel~?" Balloon teased.
"Oh, shuuut up!" Nickel laughed. "Do you want to hold my hand or not?"
"Yes. Yes I do." Balloon grinned brightly.
Nickel rolled his eyes and held out his hand with a scoff, as if this was an inconvenience to him, yet he was smiling like an idiot the whole time.
Balloon happily took his hand.