45 - Instincts

"The very essence of romance is uncertainty."

― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest and Other Plays

. . .

I was going to go after my periods were done.

Ashton was being distant, drowning himself in books. Zavier spent half of his days in the gym and Xerxes always had a damn glass in his hand.

They were not paying attention to me.

I could not lie, I had gotten somewhat used to being picked up by them any time and kissed thoroughly.

I was in my class. The new Art History teacher was so boring I could cry. I was laying on my stomach on the bed with the laptop in front of me.

It was the fourth day. Tomorrow I was going to go to California, my old home, to live with one of the Valentinos. I could maybe survive Giovanni and Dante but Fabiano hated me. The Creeds had said that the Valentinos wouldn't hurt me and I believed them. I still could not bring myself to not almost freak out at the mention of Valentinos. They were mafia bosses. Holy heck.

As soon as the class ended, I shut the laptop and rolled on my back, glaring at the while ceiling.

There was a knock on the door. "Little one."

I stuck my tongue out at the door and then cringed. Was I losing it? I was such an attention seeker.

"Come in." I sat up, sitting up. He entered the room.

He was dressed in a dark suit with his hair stymied to perfection. There was a little cut on his cheekbone. He had refused to put anything there and he and Zavier were still not talking normally. They talked formally only and I felt like they did that only for my sake.

"Do you want to go for a drive?" He asked softly, eyes moving over me and then resting on my face. "We can get ice cream."

"Okay..." I bit my lip. "I need to change." He nodded. "Okay. I'll be downstairs."

I nodded and he walked out, closing the door.

I wore a black t-shirt, pants which had brown checks on them and a big coat which was completely brown. I wore black boots and parted my hair in the

middle. I wore my glasses and walked out, not bothering with makeup because I didn't want to make him wait much and no one looked at me if I was with any or all of the Creeds.

I descended the staircase, he was standing at the end of it wearing a coat now. He smiled and extended his hand towards me. I put my hand in his. We walked out of the mansion.

"I like the way you dress," he said casually. "You do?" I peeked up at him.

He hummed. "Yes, Little one."

I smiled. Only Georgia and dad had ever said that to me. "Thank you."

He kissed my cheek in return as we walked inside the large garage they had. It had so many cars that I had tried and failed to count.

"Which one?"

I pointed at the black and red Lamborghini parked in the corner. "Alright."

Soon enough, we were settled in the car, driving on the smooth road in the wilderness. The mansion was a good two and half hours away from the city. I tried to keep track of the roads and failed again.

"How many people know about the mansion?" I asked. "Important people in the mafia and you."

"Oh." I put my fingers in the pockets of my coat. "The Capo... Where does he live?"

I looked at him, watching as his jaw clenched. "In the city." "Why are you angry? D-Did I do something?"

He let out a breath and put one hand on my thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. "No, baby. I'm just..." He sighed. "My head is fucked," he muttered under his breath, abruptly stopping in the middle of the vacant road. "I walk around like some fucking genius and yet this-" He pointed at his temple, rings glittering. "-is completely fucked."

"Ashton..."

He shook his head. "I'm...so sorry, Olivia. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for what I did. I shouldn't have locked you up. I just...lose it sometimes and I know it's not a good enough excuse - It's can never be. I'm fucked up and I do fucked up things and I'm so fucking sorry we got you caught up in our world." He sighed again. "I'm sorry for being an asshole to you. I hope you can forgive me."

His eyes were gentle. His words had been raw truth. I knew it when someone was lying and when someone was saying the truth. I might not be an exceptional liar, as Zavier had mentioned I had many tells, but I could tell it when a person spoke the truth and when they spoke a lie.

"Ashton..." I sighed. He did not know about High School. He had no way of knowing what his actions would do to me. Speak, Olivia. "Never..." I whispered. "Never ever lock me up like that again." I would break if he did it again.

"I won't." He took my one hand in his, pressing a kiss to the palm. "I won't." He put my hand on his heart. "I swear it, baby."

I nodded, sniffling. I hated periods. "You promised ice cream," I mumbled.

He nodded. He still had this look in his eyes, as if he was containing something, as if he wanted to say some things but couldn't, or wouldn't, say them.

The Creeds were a mystery. I knew that. I knew I had barely scratched the surface of who they were.

I wanted to find out.

But something in the bright color of his eyes told me I wouldn't like what they hid.

And because of that, I was wanted to find out more.

We got ice cream. It must have been awkward for Ashton to order double scoop chocolate ice cream with sprinkles of the top but he still managed to do it with style. The woman behind the counter had looked mesmerized so I, as casually as I could, took Ashton's hand in mine and was rewarded by a kiss on the cheek from him.

He was forgiven. I could not imagine having a sibling and then seeing them hurt, but his actions had come from a place of fear, and actions which were influence by fear were rarely right.

Ashton was a man of science. A man who prided his mind over his strength, you could see that if you just looked at him, and I did. I always did.

Losing control over your mind like that had to be hard for a man like him. I could understand that. I really could. He had no way of knowing about the bullying. He was angry and scared and he acted on his instincts.

But why was his instinct to accuse me? Why was his instinct to lock me up?

. . .