67 - Mom

'Perhaps they were right in putting love into books,' he thought quietly. 'Perhaps it could not live anywhere else.'

- William Faulkner

. . .

ZAVIER CREED

T.w. - Self Harm

I wanted to fuck Kitten.

I watched as she stepped out of the closet, dressed in a giant sweatshirt and shorts. She looked at me and smiled. We hadn't seen each other since yesterday morning. I patted my lap and she sat there without question as if we had been doing this for years.

"What does my baby want for her birthday?" I asked. Olivia was going to turn twenty in a few days.

"I..." She bit her bottom lip, looking down. "C-Can I come back home?"

Why did she have to ask me this? Ashton and Xerxes would handle this better.

I ran my hand up and down her spine. "Kitten...you do realize that it's dangerous, right?"

"I do," she mumbled. "I don't like this." She looked around the room. "Feels like a prison."

I looked around the room. There were no windows and it was so much away from the city.

"I...I'll see what I can do," I said. I could not say no that that hopefully expression. We couldn't keep her here against her wishes, that would fuck the whole thing up. And she liked us. She had never said that she liked me. She had said it to Xerxes and it was clear as fuck that she liked Ashton. Me? I didn't know.

She nodded, looking down at her hands. I gulped harshly. "I have to go."

I picked her up and sat her down on the bed. I walked out of the room, sighing.

I went to the awful garden there Valentinos had. I sat on the same bench I had sat on with Olivia on my lap.

I took the small box out of my pocket. It was the gift I had sent with Ashton. It was a stupid gift. She'd probably laugh if she saw it.

I pocketed it.

The weather was clear today. I liked California but I still preferred New York.

I heard footsteps. I looked over my shoulder and Miss Summers walked towards me. She sat down beside me, handing me a glass of whiskey. She somehow always knew what I needed. I gulped it down. She was a good friend to my grandmother and an incredible woman in general.

"What got you messed up, Zavier?" She asked. I shrugged. "Life. The bloody Russians."

"Any closer to getting done with the Russians?" I hummed. "Just trying to find Alexi for now."

She nodded, looking deep in thought. "You know Carrie Arnaud?"

I nodded. Olivia blabbed about her a lot while pointing and paintings on her phone. Too fucking cute.

"She wants to teach Olivia. She does this every five years for like fifteen students." She leaned back on the bench. "Can you tell Olivia about this? She'd have to leave in September."

It was February.

"How much time?" I asked. She shrugged. "Two."

Two years without Olivia.

I nodded. "I'll tell her." Would I?

Miss Summers stood up and took the glass from my hand. "She is a nice girl," she said. "But a long way from being the Queen the mafia needs, Zavier." She looked me in the eye. "Make sure she knows everything that has to do with you and your brothers, Zavier. Lying to her is not fair."

"And it is none of your business." I looked away from her. "I will do what I want to do."

She sighed. "See sense, Son. I'd hate for you three to return to the state you were in before. Heartbreak is not easy." She walked away.

I needed another damn drink.

. . .

I watched as Xerxes fed Olivia who was cuddled to his chest. I could pick her up and sit her on my lap. I could kiss her.

I sat back on my chair instead, eating the pancakes I had made. I didn't deserve her.

"You think you are strong?" He chuckled. "You are nothing. I bet your mother would be happy that I am making you strong. You would have saved her if you were strong, Zavier."

I stood up, walking away.

I entered my room, slamming the door shut.

I could have saved her if I were strong.

I sat on the edge of my bed, grabbing the knife from my nightstand. It was a new one. I had forged it a few weeks back.

I bought it close to my arm.

You could have saved her.

I didn't feel the pain. I only saw the blood. One. Two. Three. Four. I didn't know how many times I cut. I only smelt the metallic smell of blood.

My eyes closed, darkness claiming my mind little by little till I could see nothing but it.

. . .

I was woken up feeling small hands on my face.

My eyes opened. I was in my room but the smell of blood wasn't there anymore.

Olivia was sitting beside me. Her eyes were wide, tears doing out of them as she looked at me. "Zavier!" She sobbed. I wrapped my uninjured arm around her, pulling her to my chest as I sat up. She wasn't the one in the room. The Valentinos, my brothers, and Miss Summers were here, too. Fucking great. I ignored them, pulling Olivia on my lap.

I looked down at my other arm. It was covered with bandages.

"No stitches," Xerxes said monotonously, his jaw clenched. "Twenty-seven cuts."

Ashton, who was sitting on a chair near the bookshelf, said nothing.

"I think we should leave," Dante said. "Now that we know you are alive and all." He and his brothers walked out, followed by Miss Summers who looked close to tears. I'd talk to her later.

"Zavier?" Olivia looked up at me, tears still trailing down her cheeks. I wiped them away. "H-How...why..." She looked like she didn't want to overstep but wanted to know.

I sighed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Nothing serious, Kitten." That was bullshit.

"Olivia," Ashton said. "Give us a few minutes, yes?"

She frowned. "I..." She nodded, getting off my lap. She walked out of the room, closing the door softly.

"Which one?" Xerxes said.

"Mom," I said, leaning setting my back against the headboard. "It was mom's."

They nodded.

. . .

Thoughts?