81 - Target

"There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution."

― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

. . .

I looked at the multiple dishes on the table. Zavier had outdone himself.

We were sitting under the gazebo around a circular table with a candle in the middle of it which smelled nice. There was soft rain today which felt amazing and suited the whole atmosphere.

"This is nice," Ashton said, looking up at the sky through the glass-made ceiling of the gazebo. "Perfect for your birthday."

I smiled. "It really is." It was perfect. The rain and them. It could not get more perfect than this.

We ate, talking amongst ourselves.

"I don't like art much," Zavier was honest with his opinions. "I don't like anything that's made up much."

"But you love lying." I sipped my wine. He rolled his eyes. "You forgave us."

I shrugged.

"Little brat," he muttered.

"What about Astronomy, love?" Ashton asked me softly. "I bet some of your art buddies take that class."

"Oh." I threaded my fingers together. "T-They do." He raised his eyebrows. "Interesting."

"Yep!" I drank more wine. Xerxes took it from my hand, shaking his head. "We don't want you drunk for what we have planned."

I gulped. "Oh."

"I think I saw you buy an Astronomy boom for college, though," Ashton said. Why could he not let it go?

"Did you?"

He hummed, eyes reflecting the candlelight. "Yes. Tell me why you are lying unless you fancy a red ass."

I bit my lips looking down at my lap. "I'm dumb in it," I muttered. "And I'm dumb in econ. I can't do anything but art. It's incredibly dumb. My astronomy professor probably hates me. Professor Duncan doesn't hate anyone."

"Little one." Ashton tipped my chin up, pressing a lingering kiss on my mouth. "You are not dumb."

"I kind of am."

"No." He kissed me again. "You are brilliant at art. I bet your astronomy professor can't hold a candle to your masterpieces." His thumb brushed over my cheekbone. "Don't question your worth, Little one. You are too precious."

My face heated up. I covered it with my hands. "You are gonna make ke blow up," I grumbled and they chuckled.

"Too fucking pretty," Xerxes muttered, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "You are not dumb, yes?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"The only one dumb here is this guy." Zavier pointed at his twin who rolled his eyes. "Does anyone intelligent spend half an hour on his hair?"

"You spend hours trying to figure out what to wear." "I need to look good for my Kitten."

"You never look good, Zavier," Ashton deadpanned.

Xerxes rolled his eyes, shaking his head. I giggled quietly as Ashton and Zavier kept bantering. Xerxes smiled at me.

"I love you," he whispered to me, kissing my cheek. "I..." I bit my lip. "I love you, too."

He froze. "What?" Ashton and Zavier stopped arguing.

I bit my lip, looking at Xerxes then Zavier, and then Ashton. "I love you three, I think I have for quite a while. I-I..." I bit my lip. "A-After Brian, I could never feel safe. I always felt like he was going to jump out of every corner. You...You three make me feel safe, loved, happy and so many things which I-I didn't think I would ever feel." I looked down at my hands. "I love you knowing you keep secrets, I love you knowing you might never tell them but I will always love you, that is one thing I am sure of."

There was silence.

"Say that again," Zavier said. I looked up. "I love you."

"Again," Ashton said, looking dazed. "I love you."

"Again," Xerxes said. "I love you."

And I'd tell them that as many times as they wanted because they heeded to hear it. I could see the agony in their eyes, I had seen it leak out in red from Zavier's arm. I had seen it in the tears Ashton had shed. I had seen it in the way Xerxes had begged me to promise him that I'd stay.

I didn't want that agony in their eyes. I wanted them to feel as happy as they made me feel. I wanted them, the scars and the tears, the pain and the pleasure, the love, and the fears.

Zavier's phone buzzed.

He frowned. "Sorry, Kitten."

He took his phone out and read the message. The phone was crushed in his hand. My eyes widened. "Zavier!"

"What the fuck happened?" Xerxes asked.

"It's Kylie and Harry. They were staying in our mansion with the kittens...it got bombed." He let out a breath. "They are injured. We have to go."

They stood up.

Ashton looked at me. "We'll be back in the morning." "I what to come."

Xerxes shook his head. "No. You are the main target, Olivia." "B-"

"But nothing," Zavier said sternly, walking closer to me. He grasped my upper arms, looking into my eyes firmly. "You are going to be a good girl and go to your room, Olivia."

I didn't want to but I nodded. I wanted to see if Harry and Kylie were okay. Zavier let go of me and in minutes, they were gone.

I sat back down on the chair, feeling cold dread wash over me. Harry and Kylie were hurt.

You are the main target.

Just how many people were going to get hurt for the main target? Ten people at the cafe, Georgia, the Creeds themselves, and now Harry and Kylie.

I bought my shaking hands to my face, tears slipping out.

I didn't know how much time I sat there. The rain had gotten harder. The candle had been blown off by the wind.

I felt someone place a jacket over me. I looked up at Giovanni with blurry eyes.

"Come on, Livy. It's too cold to stay out. Pick you?" I nodded wordlessly.

He picked me up and took me inside the mansion. "Not your fault," he muttered.

But it was. Wasn't it? Other were collateral damage. It was me the Russians wanted to hurt.

. . .