"I'm not allowed access?"

"We can't let you in while Utari-san and Genji-san are still busy. You can have a seat while you wait."

The man's response was expected, but also very unfavourable.

Here you were face to face with two security guards. Despite their typical intimidating suits, pristine appearance, and colossal height, they were actually very nice and didn't threaten to kick you out the moment you breathed in the wrong space.

It's not guaranteed that I can prevent the death if I go backstage before Kashi. Something can happen on stage for all I know. No point in making excuses to try and get in.

"Is it alright if I watch the Q&A from backstage?

The security guards exchanged glances.

"Sorry, but we can't allow that."

Worth a try. "That's fine."

One of the security guards was nice enough to escort you somewhere nearby to take a seat. Kashi's and Genji's distant voices went one ear out the other while you sat with a world's amount of stress plaguing your mind. Your nails drummed nervously against the chair. There wasn't much you could do about your situation, so you needed to plan ahead. Plan ahead... Ugh, if only that chapter summary feature wasn't penalised.

In your pocket there were two key items, your phone and the keys Genji gave you. A few ideas entered your head.

It's not like Kashi will murder Genji the instant the concert is over. There needs to be some build up. Likely an argument that will get him emotional enough to enact violence.

You took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. To distract your paranoid thoughts, you listened in to the Q&A.

There wasn't any major uproar or protests to burn Genji's career to the ground, mainly because there wasn't really a reason to. All the redhead did was insinuate that he did something bad in the past. The crowd was a little uneasy and you were sure the internet was going to blow up with speculations and new rumours would surface, but the Q&A continued smoothly.

Finally, the concert came to an end. You could already imagine how crowded the venu must be.

Well, it was time for you to head in.



===



It was a quiet spring afternoon. From the faint chatter of students outside to the empty silence of the classrooms, it blended into one conclusion; school was over. The sun was present, but the temperature wasn't unbearable. It seemed like the sunlight decided to provide sufficient warmth rather than cooking someone alive.

In short, it was perfect weather to go out and have a good time. However, instead of that, here Genji was alone in a classroom with a dreary atmosphere.

"Break up...?"

Her vulnerable expression coupled with her fragile voice evoked a wince out of Genji. It was as if her world had shattered right in front of her, it was as if Genji himself had cruelly taken away something precious to her.

"Why... Why? I put up with everything, I never complained... So... Why?" The girl's expression fixated onto the polished classroom floor, eyes unblinking. "What did I do wrong?"

Genji had been planning this confrontation for months. Several attempts were made in the past few weeks, but he always ended up backing out at the last minute. Today, he almost did it again. Genji almost threw a casual arm over her shoulder and laughed it all off as a joke; all because he heard how (Y/n)'s voice trembled.

"I don't think––no." Genji steeled his resolve again. Words like 'maybe' or 'perhaps' needed to be eliminated from his mind. He needed to be sure of himself, his uncertainty can cause his sentences to lose meaning. "This relationship is unhealthy."

"How? If we're both happy, then it's fine."

"Happy? With someone who cheats on you? Someone who did the bare minimum when you were bullied?" He glanced away guiltily. "I saw how badly you were injured the other day."

"The other day?" (Y/n) was in thought for a moment before she snapped her fingers. "Oh! When those girls came and––ahhh, I was wondering how the teacher knew where I was. Thanks––"

"Thanks? I didn't even come help you!"

After a moment, Genji realised how loud his voice had grown. Panicked, he searched (Y/n)'s expression for any signs of distress. Surprisingly, he didn't find any. Instead, she slowly raised her hand up and felt her bandaged cheek.

With a tilt of her head, (Y/n) asked, "Does this make you feel guilty? It does, doesn't it?"

She rolled up her sleeves and showed her bruised arms.

"This as well, huh?"

A giggle left her lips.

"If it does, you can always make it up to me. How about you come over to my house? You've been avoiding that ever since we've started dating. I can bake you something!"

Genji's breath hitched. There was an invisible string that tied him to (Y/n), that being guilt. And something told him that she was more than aware of it.

"That's..."

"Come on, you're all I have. I can put up with anything so long as you're by my side." She smiled cheerfully. "So no need to feel bad! Just don't break up with me."

"Why me? There are better people out there."

"You approached me and you showed me kindness. No one has ever done that." (Y/n) sighed. "My parents are stressed and anxious because we're constantly moving. Their business's profit has been fluctuating a lot as well. They're kind people, but it's hard to ask them for any help when they're like this." She shook her head. "Anyways. Point is, I need you. You can't just leave me here like this."

"You don't understand––"

"What more is there to understand?"

There's no way. There was no getting through to her. No matter how many reasons he threw her way, she would deflect it without batting an eye. Instinctively, Genji took a step back. He didn't even notice that he had taken a step until a sharp pain twisted his wrist.

(Y/n) had latched onto his wrist, her grip firm and unyielding. Was she always this strong? How did she close the distance so fast?

"Where are you going?"

A quiet voice, one devoid of her usual timid nature. Genji knew there was only one response that (Y/n) would accept.

"I..." Words were lodged in the redhead's throat. He couldn't breathe. "I'm sorry."

Genji managed to rip his arm away from (Y/n)'s grasp. Immediately, his eyes set on the door and he made a run for it.

"Don't leave!" (Y/n)'s voice was on the brink of being hysterical. "DON'T LEAVE ME! WHERE DO YOU THINK––"

Genji closed the door with a clamorous thud. With frantic breaths, his legs took off on their own with a single thought powering them: to get away from (Y/n).



===



Here was the thing. Genji hardly cared about what others thought of him. The redhead was one of the few idols that didn't fall under the pressure of expectations from fans, media, etc.

This was a trait of his that has both helped and hindered him.

Genji would fail to see the signs of certain emotional developments from others. It was just too easy to brush things off and only focus on himself. So when he is forced into a position where he needed to consider the other person, he didn't know what to do. All he could think of was how he could sever that emotional attachment as soon as possible.

Genji knew his personality was bad. He was arrogant, took things lightly, and never knew when to shut up or when to read the mood. However, he was never punished for it. He was never punished for things he should've been punished for.

"Your career could be jeopardised."

Oh, right. The concert had officially come to a conclusion and Utari was talking to him inside his designated room for the concert.

"That doesn't take away my voice," Genji responded, leaning back on the chair. "If the truth gets out and I get backlash I can't exactly complain."

Utari took a moment to respond as he settled down on the couch across Genji.

"Why did you become an idol in the first place?"

Genji may need ten business days to solve a maths question, but he could answer Utari's inquiry in a heartbeat.

"The feeling of my voice being the loudest in the room and having everyone's attention on me is thrilling." Genji smirked. "Arrogant, huh? But it's something that is hard to take away. Even if I'm not an idol, I can always find an audience."

Utari slowly nodded. "You're very relaxed.

Genji shrugged. "My parents are super lenient, guess I kind of got that attitude from them."

More like they only see him once a year and hardly cared about what he did, but whatever.

"I did act impulsively, though. (L/n)-san could be pissed for all I know," Genji mumbled. "I should talk to her one more time."

"Shouldn't you stay away from her?" Utari asked. His voice was so innocent you'd think he was kindly asking you something trivial such as holding a bag for him. "You bring bad memories."

"Blunt, but fair point. I wanna confirm some things and clear up any misunderstandings," Genji said. "And there's also the fact that (L/n)-san told me to not cut ties with her yet."

Utari's expression fell. "... What?"

Genji blinked in surprise at the bitterness in Utari's hushed voice. The blue-haired idol was always so cheerful and optimistic towards literally anything. Of course, Genji had seen sides of Utari where he would display mild annoyance––he was human, after all––but this?

"What? Are you worried that he'd like you too much? That he'll depend on you?"

You looked surprised. "Did Kashi give off that impression when he talked to you?"

"Not really." Genji glanced off to the side, contemplating whether or not he wanted to say his next words. "That's what happened between you and I, wasn't it? I just assume what I know."

... Was the same thing happening again? Seriously?

"Your personality always does a 180 whenever (L/n)-san is brought up." Genji chuckled, but it was pretty obvious that he forced it. Cringe. "You're kind of overprotective of her, huh?"

Utari sighed. "After hearing what you did to her, why wouldn't I be?"

Truth be told, Genji did leave out a few details. Those details being your possessive tendencies and dependence towards Genji; your unhealthy fixation on a toxic relationship. But for some reason, he didn't feel like it was accurate to share that ever since reuniting with you. You seemed like an entirely different person. People can change. But to such an extent? That baffled Genji.

Not only were you more headstrong and willing to take action, you were miles more easier to communicate with. When Genji met you at the grocery store, he almost couldn't believe how smoothly the conversation went. Yes, you displayed your frustrations towards him, but you were also willing to listen and understand when Genji explained things.

And there were times that you were surprised at certain information, as if it was new even though you should be aware of it.

Maybe she didn't recognise some information because her judgement was warped back then?

That answer didn't feel right. For some reason, an outlandish conclusion like 'you've literally became a different person' sounded better.

"Yeah, helping her is great and all, but she can handle herself," Genji said.

"You out of all people shouldn't lecture me." Utari stood up from the couch and closed the distance between himself and Genji. With eyes that looked at Genji as if he was no more valuable than a speck of dust, he said, "You wouldn't understand how much I care for her."

Genji almost flinched for a moment. He was reminded of the past, he was reminded of the day he officially broke up with you.

"Has (L/n)-san ever been wary around you?"

Utari was quick to respond. "Of course not. She trusts me, she looks out for me, she cares for me. Why would she be cautious around me?"

Genji wasn't good at discerning people's emotions and whatnot. However, because he had experienced something like this in the past he was able to realise that despite Utari's confident words hidden underneath it was doubt.

"Really now? I guess she asked me about you before for no reason."

Ah, Genji's bad habit was kicking in again. Spilling information he knew he shouldn't.

"What?"

"Shouldn't have said that, forget it."

"Forget it? What do you take me for?" For a second there, Utari almost scoffed. His nails dug into his palms and his expression was bitter. "What did she say?"

"Not telling."

"Not telling, huh?" Utari mumbled. His gaze drifted to the ground, eyes clouded with something Genji couldn't quite concern. Whatever it was, it put the redhead on edge. "If I make sure you physically cannot get close to (Y/n) and plant those shitty ideas in her head..."

"Woah, woah. Slow down there." Despite Genji's playful tone, he was apprehensive. "The Utari Kashi pissed? Isn't this a sight to see? For your information, I didn't do anything. She sought me out herself."

Utari didn't seem convinced at all. Oh man, this was reminding Genji of the past––how no matter how many reasons were stated, if the individual was never willing to understand in the first place then there was no getting through to them.

"I'm someone (Y/n) can rely on and she's someone I can rely on. That's our relationship." Utari grey-blue eyes grew duller. "It won't be ruined. There's no way someone like you will take that away from me."

Genji was silent for a moment. Then realisation hit him.

"Don't tell me... Do you think she still has some attachment to me––"

There was a sharp strike to Genji's right cheek followed by a painful thud on the left side of his body shoulder. Liquid built up inside his mouth and he spat it out.

It was blood.

Utari Kashi, the bubbly and puppy-like idol adored by many. The talented prodigy who fans would praise for his kindness and positive attitude. The very same person had just, in a fit of rage, punched Genji in the face to where he fell off his chair.

Because of that, Genji accidentally bit the inside of his cheek. Hence, the blood. Ugh, the pain stung like hell and he could feel more blood pooling out.

Click.

Genji's attention snapped to the door. A door that Utari locked. His silence coupled along with his calm movements despite what he just did was unnerving.

Before anything else could happen, there was a faint ringing coming from Utari's pocket. It was a phone call.



===



Finally, you were let in backstage. However, there was one critical issue; you had no idea where the two idols were. You already tried asking around, but no one could give you a concrete answer.

You almost jumped in surprise when your phone suddenly rang. You checked to see Kai's caller ID on the screen. Shoot. You didn't have time for this. You'll quickly tell him you were busy and hang up. You answered the call and continued searching around.

"(Y/n)! You're backstage, right? Himari and I are planning to hit up a cafe or something while we wait for you. Sounds good?"

You barely let the guy finish his sentence before responding with, "Oh! Yup that sounds perfect, text me the address when you––"

A holographic screen flashed in front of you. Though you had a foreboding feeling of the cause of the screen's apperance, a small and naive part of you prayed that it wasn't what you suspected.

[ Penalty 2 - feature removed: progress check ]

Your heart plummeted to the ground.

"Oi, you still there?"

"I–I need to go."

With how much your voice trembled, you were surprised that you even managed to communicate a single sentence.

"Wait, are you okay? What happened––"

Kai's voice cut off when you hung up. Your fingers glided over your screen as you scrambled to call Kashi. Stall him. Even if he doesn't pick up, maybe, just maybe his phone ringing can catch him off guard for a moment. You needed to interrupt whatever was going on.

Fuck. Maybe he doesn't have his phone on him.

The thought accelerated your panic. As you waited and prayed for the idol to pick up, you fiddled with the keys in your pocket. The metal was slippery because of how sweaty your hands were and you almost dropped it when you pulled them out.

There's at least four keys. How am I supposed to know which room? Will I have enough time for trial and error? Heck, what if they're not even in a locked room?

"(Y/n)?"

A spectacle of relief brushed over you at the sound of a voice on the other end of the phone. He picked up!

"Were you looking for me?" Kashi's voice was bubbly for someone who just did something violent enough for you to get a penalty. "Can you give me a few minutes? I have some things I need to finish."

"Where are you right now?!"

You didn't mean to shout, but your voice was faster than your thoughts.

"Where am I? Are you okay? You sound like you're out of breath––"

"He's in my room, to answer your question!"

Genji's voice?

God, you could feel Kashi's glare. Even though where you were was noisy due to all the staff members, the silence on the other end of the phone was deafening.

Then Kashi hung up on you.

Well, fuck me. But that got me Kashi's location.

Alright, Genji's room. You knew where that was. With fear and adrenaline drilled into your veins, you ran as fast as you could. Many times you almost slipped or tripped because of how haphazard your running was, but your reflexes saved you from falling.

The moment you saw the door to Genji's room, you jammed the key in and twisted the knob. You didn't even check if it was locked, you just assumed. With a click, the door was unlocked. So it was locked before.

The door slammed thunderously against the wall when you swung it open. Kashi's back was originally facing you, but at the sound his attention snapped towards you. You didn't register his expression because your attention was directed to Genji. He was holding his cheek and you could see a bruise forming. Then you looked at the bit of blood on the floor.

Ah, no wonder you received a penalty.

Despite the messy sight, you let out a breath of relief. You had made it in time. Genji wasn't dead yet.

"(Y/n)? How did you open the..." Kashi's gaze fell onto the door knob where the keys were still inserted. "Why do you have those?"

Kashi's question was blatantly ignored when you rushed to stand between him and Genji. Okay, you felt a little better now. Yes, your heart was racing a million miles per hour, but at least the anticipation was over. Now you just needed to focus on the moment.

"I think the better question is why Genji-san is injured," you said.

"Him?" You flinched at how much venom was in Kashi's voice. "You rushed to his defence first?"

"Yes? Judging by the scene, doesn't it make sense?"

"That's not my point! Why him? You came rushing to him and looked at me as if I was the enemy." Kashi looked hurt at your words. He was frustrated, but he still couldn't muster any look of hostility towards you. "What if he did something that warranted that injury? Why did you assume... I thought... I thought you trusted me."

Towards the end, Kashi's voice grew fragile.

You began to panic. "I was just––"

"You're lying." Kashi smiled bitterly. "You didn't finish your sentence, but I know you're going to lie."

"You––"

You paused. Woah, wait. You needed to think things through a little. Genji was your toxic ex and Kashi was your close friend. Kashi was right in the sense that you were really quick to antagonise him. Given your situation in the game, how could you not? When you had information that Kashi would kill Genji?

But he doesn't know about that, so you suppose you understood his feelings to some extent.

How can I salvage this...

You took a deep breath. "I stepped in between you and Genji-san in hopes to deescalate the situation. I'm sorry if it looked like I was trying to defend him. I panicked."

Kashi didn't respond, but he didn't say you were lying. Good. Though vague, your words were true.

You glanced over to Genji. The redhead didn't seem in condition to talk, so you took the chance to reprimand the hell out of him.

"And you. What were you trying to accomplish back there?" Your exasperation from the Q&A was gradually coming back. "Do you really think throwing your hands up and surrendering by trying to expose yourself will fix anything? Was that your shitty attempt at redemption?" You clicked your tongue. "How about this––make a goddamn change. Fix your awful habits. You know what they are."

Genji's eyes widened in surprise. It looked like he had something to retaliate with, but he held back and decided to dwell in his thoughts instead. Your words were as genuine as it could get. You weren't the one hurt by Genji. And if Genji was hurt by the previous (Y/n), it wouldn't do any good if he vented that here. You weren't her. You were not being accountable for her actions.

Kashi's expression seemed to light up at your animosity towards Genji.

"(Y/n), let me explain what happened." He smiled. "Sorry for being emotional earlier, I was caught up in the moment. The story is simple, Genji-san said something insensitive and I acted out. I admit, violence is excessive, but it was hard to control myself. I promise that I didn't intend to go any further! You understand how I feel right? Didn't you slap him at one point for something similar?"

At first, you were exasperated by how casual Kashi was in his explanation and the audacity he had to compare it to your own situation. But to be fair, you were lucky Kei was there to stop you during that time. Would you have gone so far as to kill Genji? You doubted it, but that argument could be the same for Kashi. He doesn't know that there was a game that told you that he would commit a murder.

"Genji-san, leave," you said. "I need to talk to Kashi alone. And you also need to get medical treatment."

The redhead silently complied. Even when the door was shutting, he was still outlined in red. Preventing this one instance did not guarantee anything. Kashi needed to lose any intent to harm Genji so that the future was secured. You had a feeling that your last chance to do that was tonight.

"Kashi, you haven't changed at all."

The idol blinked, perplexed. "Sorry?"

"You hurt Genji because of your feelings for me, right?"

Getting straight to the point.

"That's... I swear it wasn't because I was trying to meddle with your relationship with him! It was because... because..." Kashi struggled to hold eye contact. "He was acting like I was the problem. He said that you were wary of me. Could you believe that?"

"I'll be truthful. Sometimes I am wary of you."

A look of betrayal was on Kashi's expression, but there were still elements of denial. "But––"

"Kashi, you said that you appreciated my support. But from what I see is that you went from relying on the acceptance of the crowd from your idol career..." You pointed to yourself. "To me. You're dependent on me. You're worried that I'll leave you and that support of yours will be gone. Yes, you love me. But that love makes you incredibly emotionally reliant on me."

Those words seemed to cut like a knife. "There's––that can't––" Kashi was stumbling on his words. "But I've never felt happier! You were happy as well when you spent time with me, right? Those words you said to comfort me was because you cared, right? You weren't always wary of me, that can't be true."

At this point Kashi was rambling to himself. You didn't know how to interrupt him.

"If it's because I acted violent, I promise I won't do it again!" Kashi strained a smile. "Tonight is only a one off thing! Don't worry. I realised my mistake now."

At this point you didn't know if he was trying to convince you or himself. None of his words were reassuring. He was outright ignoring your criticisms of his actions.

"So, please. Don't distance yourself from me––"

"How can I trust that?"

Your quiet voice interrupted Kashi's avalanche of sentences. The idol looked at you, confused but desperate to say something to ease your mind.

"Emotions can make even the nicest person do something terrifying. I've seen it happen before." Satoshi tried to kill Kai and Aimi. Someone quiet and unsuspecting as him was capable of that. "These feelings don't just come from nowhere, they build up over time. Simply declaring 'I won't do this' doesn't mean anything." You scoffed bitterly. "I'm so anxious and I can't even tell you why. Even the smallest sign of possessiveness sends my head into a mess. I'm just––I'm just so stressed."

At this point, you were blurring in your personal anxieties because of the game and also trying to communicate something meaningful to Kashi. He was someone you genuinely cared about, you wanted to make sure he didn't do anything bad to protect his career. But how far will that help you in the game?

A heavy feeling was in your chest. Was this your fear of losing the game?

No. No, it wasn't. It was...

Ah. You felt sad. How simple.

Your initial apprehension was that you were going to lose the game, but the true source of the persistent aching feeling in your chest was because of your emotions. Kashi was someone you truly treasured, someone you had fun with––but was that all going to be lost because of his possessiveness?

Seeing that no matter how hard you tried, Kashi was still prone to murder someone made you feel a little hopeless. Will things only go downhill from here?

"Do I need to break your arms so that you don't hurt anyone?" you mumbled. It wasn't audible enough to hear what you said, but loud enough to know that you were speaking. "That's not against the rules, right?"

Those words were foreign, yet were so natural on your tongue.

"(Y/n)...? Did you say something?" Kashi walked over to you, regret and concern written on his face as plain as day. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know what you were going through. I was selfish. I acted on impulse and immediately antagonised you because of my emotions. I didn't consider the reason behind your actions. I promise I'll do better. So please..." Kashi's voice trembled and his eyes widened in distress. "Don't look at me like that."

What kind of expression did you have on your face?

"I need you. Don't distance yourself from me. I... I won't know what to do." Kashi gave a weak smile as his thumb caressed your cheek. Oh. You were crying and he was wiping away your tears. His touch felt acidic, but you didn't bother stopping him. "I promise, I won't––"

You grabbed onto his arms. "That's not enough."

"Then what should I do? I'll do anything, just say the word. I won't look at anyone else again, I won't act on my own ever again––you can control my actions. Just please... Let me be beside you. You will, won't you?"

"You're not listening to me!"

Kashi flinched at your raised voice. You sighed.

"Forget it. Nothing will be resolved at this rate," you said, voice growing flat. "Your actions today might've been impulsive, but these feelings don't come out of nowhere. You need to acknowledge your faults, not ask me to fix them."

You remembered all the development you went through with Kashi. From hating him to sympathising with him to genuinely enjoying your time with him.

"I still care for you despite everything." You made eye contact with him and there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "I can't give you all the answers and I can't always support you. Heck, one day we may even drift apart. You cannot latch onto me like this and act impulsively when you think I might leave your side. I'm putting my trust in you one more time. The insecurities, your dwindling passion for music because of the environment––you need to take steps to recover."

Kashi shook his head, tears threatening to spill. "I don't want this... I love you and I don't want to be away from you." His hands intertwined with yours and held it tight. "I'm not giving up on you."

You couldn't say that you didn't expect this.

"Are you scared?"

Kashi was surprised by the question.

You simply nodded in understanding. "It's alright to be afraid, change is hard and uncomfortable. And it's not easy to understand how to overcome your challenges."

You were so scared for the future, you were scared of what will become of the relationships you've formed, you were scared of what you were going to find out about yourself––there was so much to be scared of. You wanted to open up to people, but what will happen when you let your guard down? You wanted to be distant to avoid hurting yourself, but that only ruined your mental health.

"I don't have anything else to say, I'm leaving."

Kashi tried grabbing your arm, but you sharply pulled away in time. "Wait, (Y/n)!"

You had already opened the door when you glanced back at him.

"Don't leave, I swear I will––"

With a sigh, you closed the door. Right before you left, you heard Kashi shakily exhale and choke back a sob. You had to steel your nerves to leave the scene.

When you stepped out of the concert, it was still full of people buying merchandise, waiting for their rides, simply talking, and such. If only they knew the state of their two beloved idols.

The fresh air helped dry your tears, and you sniffled and wiped your eyes. You didn't know if your actions tonight were right, but your head was such a mess you couldn't even begin to self reflect. You were too exhausted to deal with this anymore.

"(Y/n)! Why did you suddenly hang up––wait, wait. Why are you crying?!"

"She's crying? Kai, what the fuck did you do?!"

You groggily lifted your head up and glanced to your left. Kai and Himari were rushing towards you with a century's amount of concern on their faces.

"You guys waited for me?"

Your voice came out meeker than you anticipated. At that, Kai and Himari exchanged shocked looks. Kai spoke up first.

"What happened? Who's the bastard that hurt you?"

You tried to show a faint smile, but simply curving your lips upwards felt like a chore. "It's..." Your mind searched for the right word. "Complicated."

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to," Himari assured. "But we're not going to leave you like this. Are your parents home tonight?"

"No. They'll be back tomorrow afternoon," you replied. "I'll be fine."

Again, the siblings exchanged glances.

"We can't force you to do something you don't wanna do, but answer this honestly," Kai said. "Do you want to be alone right now?"

The question impacted you more than you thought it would.

"I..." Before you knew it, your eyes became glassy and you were frantically blinking away your tears. With a sob, you weakly mumbled, "I don't want to be alone right now."