"NECESSARY STEPS"



Young Kieran ^^^ idk what age he is in this but I tried. I drew this like a couple of months ago so it's a little wonky... 😭 I hope you enjoy it though.

warnings; mentions of child abuse and neglect



Kieran didn't change his routine from what he normally did. It was a given. But now that you knew it was bodyguard business or something to do with his father's work, you had somewhat less anxiety around the whole ordeal. And it gave you a little wiggle room; room to figure out what else he was hiding.

You tried asking him about his clients and whoever he was protecting, but he was quick to shut it down and say it was confidential. You supposed that made sense. In truth, you avoided asking him anything, not wanting him to realize you suspected something. If he knew you knew he was hiding something, he would try his best to hide it harder.

That was just how Kieran was. You were slowly starting to realize that.

He bent over the back of the couch and kissed your cheek, mumbling sweet nothings about how much he adored you. His hand twisted around to tilt your head towards him, pecking your lips gently.

You leaned your head back to look up at him. Curiosity got the better of you. "Where are you going?"

He raised an eyebrow and smiled, his eyes softening. "Mm, I can't tell you. It's a surprise."

That's new.

Kieran was a doting husband, he often kissed you whenever he liked, and he enjoyed gifting you presents. But he was never the type of man to make you wait for things; he knew that he wasn't good at surprises of any kind. The last time he surprised you was a long time ago, in high school, around your birthday. It turned to chaos when he accidentally smashed the entire cake all over you. He was mortified for weeks.

You leaned into him and glanced at his hands. They were wrapped in bandages, touched with an edge of red, and you wondered if he busted them worse than he did before. Who did he fight to hurt his hands enough to get bandages? Did they punch back just as hard? Did he have bruises you couldn't see? Questions tumbled back and forth in your head. Your fingers brushed against his hands and he stiffened up like a board, his lips pursing into a thin white line.

Every day was a little bit longer than the last. Stretched out days with worsened weather, whispers of conspiracies on the news from the recent murders, and a house turned frozen from his lack of presence. You hadn't found a thing. Kieran went through his office and cleaned it out from what you guessed, especially since his computer was nowhere to be found. Maybe he found out you went through his messages.

Honestly, you weren't that excited for a surprise. You just wanted the truth.

Maybe he was going to surprise you with the truth? Yeah, don't be an idiot. There was no way he would do that. If he was going to surprise you with the truth, he should have just told you in the beginning.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, his voice gentle. You were nothing more than pretty red stained glass to him. "I can see the gears turning behind your eyes, Котик. What's going on in your head?"

You frowned. "I don't like seeing you hurt."

There was a long pause. His green eyes looked dark, so heavy, like a deep pool of thoughts that you could never touch the bottom of. You shuffled when his arms wrapped around your shoulders and he pushed his nose into the crook of your neck, littering kisses and nibbles across your skin. "I'm sorry, my love."

That was all he could say. But sorry couldn't take away the stress or the fear each time he came home. Some days he came back perfectly fine, then other days he walked in looking like he fought a hurricane to get inside. Bloody knuckles, ruined shirts, ruffed hair. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, relishing in the scent of him. He brought you comfort even through all of this.

"Just be safe, okay?" you whispered.

"Always."

He gave you one last kiss before pulling away. The warmth retreated from your shoulders and within minutes, with a goodbye and a couple more mumbles, the house was empty just like it always was. Who knew when he'd be home, you sure as hell didn't. You just prayed he didn't come home with a missing tooth and black eye.

But today was different for you. Kieran was in a constant state of static, but you? Motivation burned through your heart the moment you heard the car pull out into the driveway, jumping up from the couch.

He seemed to be lingering a lot more in the morning, eyeing you from the corner of his eye, as if you were eggshells that he had to watch just in case he stomped a little bit too hard. It made it difficult to do all the things you wanted to do. Snooping was increasingly difficult when you swore he was around every corner, doting on you like the loving husband he was. It was like he was trying to keep you from something.

You glanced out one of the windows one more time before darting to his office. You tried digging through his belongings a couple more times before this but he always came home before you had a chance to find anything good. His laptop was nowhere to be found and a couple of other papers were missing on his desk.

Turning the door knob, you didn't shut the door behind you as began your search.

You didn't have a lot of guilt on that matter anymore. Sure, you felt bad for having to snoop, but you concluded that you shouldn't have to do this. But here you were just because your husband was hiding something. Mathew's words were your mantra. You had every reason to be upset and suspect Kieran was up to something.

You took a deep breath and started to shuffle through some of the boxes on the floor. The papers on the desk were unimportant, as was the junk inside the cabinets, so you were forced to move to the shelves.

The first box you went through was nothing. Most of it was office supplies and paperwork that you couldn't understand. The lot of it was coated in a heavy layer of dust, untouched for who knows how long. You didn't even remember unpacking half of this stuff six months ago when you moved in with him. Kieran did have an issue with keeping a lot of things he never used.

Pushing that box back, you wiped the dust on your pants before moving to the next box. Come on! You had to find something in this room that gave you a small clue about what he was hiding. Kieran was good at hiding things, but he wasn't immune to small mess-ups. There had to be some evidence inside the house.

The next box was heavy. Thick letters were written on the top in sloppy cursive.

"Photos?" you mumbled. You opened it up and blinked. "Oh, it's these."

It was a ton of photos you and Kieran gathered over the years. Some Polaroids, some of them printed out for the memories, and others from his childhood before he came to the States. They were all neatly organized with clips and little tags that said the years.

You doubted there was a single shred of clues in this, but you stopped to go through them nonetheless. You pulled out a couple of clips and grabbed a pile of photos of them. None of them were that dusty, showing that Kieran did a good job at preserving them.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

You froze when your phone started to ring in the other room. Who would be calling at a time like this? You never got calls around 8 in the morning. Shrugging it off, you went back to digging through the photos. The phone call probably didn't matter, and if it was super important, they'd leave a voicemail.

Flipping through the photos, you paused on an older one when you and Kieran were in your first year of high school. That was four, or five years ago? It was hard to believe you'd be twenty soon, while Kieran was turning twenty-one in just a couple of months. You would have to do something with his birthday.

Not a surprise birthday. He didn't like loud noises or anything that was overly energetic. Maybe you could drag him out to see a movie with you and have a date with him. Hopefully, he won't be busy around that time.

The photo was embarrassing. It was in 2019, you were fourteen years old, and Kieran fifteen. His hair was shaggy and stuck out in odd angles, green eyes were so dark and brooding that it almost didn't look like the man you married. He didn't want to take the photo but Danny forced him to stand beside you.

He found you horribly annoying at that time. You didn't blame him; fourteen-year-old you was embarrassing to look at. Why did you style your hair like that? Holy hell. You looked like you just came out of The Exorcist. It was a miracle that Kieran thought a girl like that looked cute enough to date.

You flipped to another photo. Smiling, you ran your thumb over the edge, reminiscing on the memory. It was a photo the day Kieran proposed to you. You hadn't a clue about the ring in his pocket, even though it was horribly obvious he was nervous about something. The two of you were in the countryside at a petting zoo, a small trip the two of you wanted to go on, when he proposed to you that night at one of the orchids.

You were glad he didn't do anything fancy. When he proposed, there was no one else. Just you and him in the moment, a moment that you'd never be able to forget. In the picture, he had a nervous look on his face and there was a bump in his jacket pocket. He looked like a cute, rattled puppy.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Your smile fell and you groaned. Another call? It had to be the same person. You almost debated on leaving it be a second time, but you didn't want to be interrupted by another call later. You put all the photos away before closing the box and putting it back on the shelf.

Maybe the phone call was a sign telling you to stop dawdling and get back to looking for clues. Kicking up from the floor, you walked into the living room with a small pep in your step. Seeing the photos did lighten up your mood a tad bit, you'd be honest.

There were some things you forgot about. Seeing Kieran so nervous in that photo made your heart well. You'd have to tease him about it later, he always got embarrassed when you brought up sentimental memories like that.

Picking up your phone, you furrowed your brows at the number on the screen. It wasn't anything recognizable but you paused before hanging up. What if it was one of your professors? Kissing your teeth, anxiety started to churn through your gut. Twisting, knotting, burning; you took a deep breath and tried to steady your nerves. There was no reason to be nervous. It wasn't like it was Kieran calling to demand why you were snooping through his office.

At least you didn't think so. No way he put cameras in his office, right? What if he was watching you snoop through his room? What if he was calling you from another phone to yell at you? Your heart dropped. You wouldn't know what to do if that was the case. There was no excuse you could give that would get you out of that situation.

No, no, no. Don't think about it too hard. You were fine. This was all fine. It's fine. Even if Kieren did find out, you had every reason to be snooping through his things. He was the one who was in the wrong. Not you.

You answered before you could you could second guess it. "Hello?"

There was a long pause.

"Is anyone there? Hello?"

There was a crackle of static on the other end, followed by a muffled man's voice. It sounded like he was far away from the speaker. "(Y/N)? Is this (Y/N) (L/N)?"

You frowned. A weird case of Deja Vu washed over your shoulders, a sudden headache throbbing in the back of your head. Hairs stood on the back of your neck and your guts went cold. "Uhm, yes, I'm (Y/N) Morosov now. Who is this?"

Another pause. Did they not hear me–

A harsh laugh, much closer to the phone this time, made you jump. "Seriously? Damn, you really didn't recognize me. This is Dominic."

Your heart dropped to the bottom of your stomach. If only you listened to your nerves and didn't pick up the phone, you should have listened to your intuition. Stupid, stupid, stupid! You were so fucking stupid! Why in the world did you answer a phone number you didn't recognize?! You were just asking to get swept up into a mess, weren't you?!

Hang up. Move your hands and hang up.

You couldn't. Your kneecaps snapped like twigs and you leaned against the couch in some weak attempt to stay standing. God must hate you. One after the other, you couldn't seem to catch a break. The moment you somewhat smoothed things over with Kieran, your family came barreling through the picture to make it even worse.

Danny was right. They were up to something.

"Don't hang up. You'll regret it."

Your lungs deflated like popped balloons. The walls screeched like nails on a chalkboard as they closed in, the carpet beneath your toes like needles piercing your skin. The air was thick. You gulped it like you were drowning, trembling through the blizzard that swept through your house.

"You're lucky, (Y/N). I persuaded your father to let me talk to you instead of him. He wasn't as... understanding as I was."

"I..." your voice failed to form a proper sentence.

"Hm?"

Spinning, spinning, spinning; you were going to be sick. The floor wasn't sitting still and the world was going in and out of focus. He was going to hurt you. Your father was going to hurt you. They wanted to drag you back home. Drag you home, lock you up in that stale white bedroom, and force the family business down your throat with enough blackmail and illegal coercion to keep you there.

Their world was like a parasite feeding off of my own. At least, that was how you described the feeling. They wriggled like maggots inside an infested fruit, finding a way to ruin the taste of freedom you so desperately longed for. An apple that fell so far from the tree that even the worms had to join in on the maggot's fun.

Long ago you looked at Dominic in awe. Before you realized the type of man he was, before you were old enough to know what real bad men looked like, you just saw him as what he was. Family.

—And now your family wanted you back.

"What—what do you want?" you whispered, hating how wobbly your voice was. "Our ties cut long ago, Dominic. I'm married now."

"Oh? Well, it's not a happy marriage from the information I got."

Your jaw tensed to keep him from hearing the chatter of your teeth. Anxiety pumped through your veins like a bad-tasting drug. "What?"

Dominic shuffled on the other end and sighed. He almost sounded disappointed, as if you were a kid who didn't know how to place the last piece of the puzzle together. A sigh you were all too familiar with. Your knees curled into your chest on the living room floor as you sank down, chin pressed to your legs.

"Your father is upset, (Y/N). It's time to come home."

Tears welled up behind your eyelids. You thought of this conversation thousands of times; the day they'd maybe want you back. After your marriage, they contacted you less and less, and you blocked them as well. Of course, your father would try every now and again to reach out but this time was different. He was allowing Dominic to talk, the mastermind, the puppeteer who pulled all the strings.

It was kind of ironic. When they threw you to the dogs, you never thought they'd ask for you back. You always thought you'd be able to say "no" and "fuck off" if they did. But now that it was actually happening... how come you were absolutely terrified? How come everything you wanted to say turned to dust?

Does dad and mom really want me back?

As if Dominic sensed your thoughts, he hummed a soft calming tune. "I know this must be so confusing, (Y/N). But we want you home. Your father wants to see his daughter again, he wants to talk to you about the business, and about your future."

Never trust the words of a serpent, you always heard your mother grumble that each time she talked to Dominic. She hated everyone there as much as you did, but wealth and her husband's powerful influence kept her there. She also just happened to hate you too. Maybe if she loved you, maybe if she cherished you a little bit more, then your life would have been different.

A warm home, a loving mother, the smell of cookies, and the hum of a lullaby. A life where you could find safety in the palm of a mother's loving embrace... but instead you got sterile walls and heels that clicked each time she ignored your father's fingers bruising your skin.

It was hard not to blame her. She was trapped just like you were, two peas in a pod that looked like the spitting image of each other.

...so why did she always look away?

Your bottom lip wobbled. "...Cut the act, Dominic. Why do you really want me home?"

"Apologies. I guess you're not a stupid little girl anymore, you're more observant than you were back then. Your father wants to talk to you about becoming the successor again and possible engagement—"

"I'm already married—"

"To a man who doesn't even come home every night."

It was a sucker punch to the gut. You opened your mouth to refute his claim, but you couldn't, so you stammered on nothing. They have been watching you. Subtle enough that nothing was strange or out of the ordinary when they did. Maybe they hacked into your devices and snooped, maybe they used men to tail you, there were many routes your father could have used. They knew enough to know Kieran's sporadic schedule.

"Don't pull up that happy wife act with me, (Y/N). You really think we wouldn't look into your marriage before contacting you about this?"

You slammed your forehead into your knees. "Dominic—"

"Come home and at least talk to your father about it. You don't have to make a decision now, but I can assure you, that if you come, you won't regret it. I'm not the type of man to lie about business (Y/N)."

You gnawed on your bottom lip. Of course, you weren't foolish enough to think that Dominic actually cared about your thoughts and feelings on the matter, you knew very well he only cared about himself. But maybe they'd leave you alone if you stopped by, listened, and refused them for good. They weren't threatening you to come over; so that's a good sight, right?

You didn't know what to think. The idea of touching one piece of gravel on that blasted driveway made your heartthrob. A familiar taste of iron pooled at the side of your mouth from your gnawing, which you quickly stopped. You curled tighter into yourself.

"I'll think about it."

That's all you could say, all you could do. You didn't think you had the power now to say no in that moment.

"Good. Now, have any questions before I get off the phone? If I have to be honest, I thought you'd be more excited to hear from me. Being cousins and all that, you know."

Your breath hitched in your throat. Happy to hear from him? The man who smiled ever so slightly when he threatened to sell you off to suspicious men who walked into the mansion for so-called business deals? He was lucky your brain was fuzzy right now, one second away from snapping and sobbing into the cushions of the couch. You'd never be happy to hear from someone like him.

But no way you would say that. You'd rather take a gun to the temple than ever insult Dominic. That glimmer of sadism in his eyes was always enough to keep your mouth shut as a child, not wanting to become a victim of a psychopath you were sadly related to.

You fiddled with the edge of your shirt. "...is my mom doing okay?"

Dominic didn't answer right away. "She broke her wrist recently after she fell, but other than her constant nagging and pathetic whining, I'd say she's the same brooding woman she always is. Do you wish to talk to her—"

"No! No, no. I don't."

You didn't like your mother. She was a mean woman and neglectful as a parent, but you couldn't deny that whispering need to know how she was doing. It was odd. You didn't care about your father's health, if he was hurt, you wouldn't even care if he died—but your mother? You don't know if you'd cry if she died, but you knew some part of you would be sad.

You weren't really sure why. Maybe some part of you never grew up and matured, still clinging onto past dreams that won't ever come true.

Dominic laughed and there was a thump of something on the other side. You imagined him propping his feet up on the desk, leaning back, with the phone pressed tightly to his ear. "Your mommy issues are showing, (Y/N). You'll have a better chance at having a relationship with her if you actually talk to her."

"I don't want to hear that from you."

"Pardon?"

He ripped the oxygen from your chest with a single word. His tone was calm, and collected, but so cold that you felt your insides go numb. Sweat slicked down the nape of your neck and your fingers fumbled to hold the phone up. It just slipped out. You should have thought before you spoke.

You knew how testy Dominic was about your aunt, his mother, who abandoned him at a young age. It wasn't exactly a secret. The last time a bodyguard whispered about it behind his back, they found the guy the next morning with every single tooth bashed from his skull.

A twenty-year-old man was forced to wear dentures just because he whispered a little bit loud.

"I—I... uh..."

"You're lucky I'm giving you time to make a decision, your father suggested I blackmail you," he deadpanned.

What would they blackmail you with? You weren't a felon or a criminal by any chance, so it wasn't like they could grab a file of records against you. Your mind flickered back to Kieran. They had to be threatening your marriage and life with him. After all, he was the one thing that was standing in the way of you coming home for good.

Kieran was your wall, the person you could fall back on. They wanted him out of the picture the moment he walked into your life.

"So which way do you prefer? Hm?"

Your jaw jumped up and down rapidly, teeth chattering so fast that one would think you were trapped under the snow. He was waiting for you to answer. He wanted to hear the words clearly, from your lips, to give him the ego boost he wanted so badly. You weren't brave enough to keep it away from him.

"...I'll—I'll think about it."

Dominic hummed. "Good. Now, from now on I'd suggest listening to my advice, (Y/N), instead of biting the hand who's kind enough to spare you. Drop by in two days, noon."

You didn't have a chance to speak before he hung up. The line beeped and then the screen went dark, the silence so deafening that you could hear a slight ringing in your right ear. Seconds passed, minutes, as you tried to breathe. In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out—fucking hell, it wasn't working at all!

Tears rolled down your face and you tucked into your body like a turtle. Your phone dropped to the floor with a thud. Whatever mission you had in Kieran's office was long deserted and forgotten; you didn't have the energy to climb up from the floor, walk into his office, and pretend to care enough to look for his missing laptop.

It probably wasn't even in there. You'd just be wasting your time with something pointless.

But my family on the other hand...

You yanked at your hair and screamed into your knees, pulling so hard that you swore you ripped some out. No way this was happening! It wasn't happening! You were fine, this was fine, it was fucking fine. Maybe you were just hallucinating, maybe you didn't just have that phone call and all your paranoia finally fucked your head up.

But who the hell were you trying to trick? Some people might call you crazy, but you weren't crazy like that. Ha! Maybe your family's goal was to make you lose your mind.

You struggled to suck in the right amount of air. Wheezing, broken sobs shook your shoulders and you hugged yourself for comfort. It didn't do much to make you feel better. You doubted anything could make you feel better at that moment. This was all your fault. You were the one who was stupid enough to answer the damn phone.

Some part of you longed for Kieran to be beside you, hugging you so tightly that you couldn't get away. But then it was shut down by the overpowering weight of guilt. Kieran didn't need to deal with this mess. He was already struggling with his own father, he probably didn't want to hear your whining about yours.

You've dealt with your family for such a long time. By now, you should have pulled up your pants and found a way to get rid of them for good. You should have been an adult and said no the moment he talked and hung up on him. There were so many things you should have done, but you just didn't do.

Damn, coward.

You didn't get back up from the floor for hours. Snooping on Kieran can be pushed to another day, you didn't have the mind to worry about two things at once. Your bottom lip wobbled and your chin wrinkled up. Why did it feel like you were losing everyone in your life? Your family hated your guts, Kieran was doing god knows what, Danny was no longer your best friend.

If only you could go back to simpler times. When you were a kid without any worries or fears.

Anything but now.