-Alexi-

I FOUND myself being nursed by Reigan. He's holding my hand and carefully cleaning it up. We're here in his room. I just presumed that it was his room because of the design of the surroundings. It was dark and melancholy like his personality. My mom told me before that if you want to know someone, look at their room. It says their character. I feel awkward while sitting at the edge of his bed. Maybe because it's my first time to be in a male's room. Kahit kwarto ng mga kuya ko ay hindi pa ako nakakatapak. I can't help but stare at his serious face. I wouldn't deny to myself that he's really a good-looking kahit lagi siyang seryoso.

"Am I getting your attention now?"

I blinked my eyes and almost flinched to my sit when he spoke. Umangat ang tingin nito sa akin. Nakatitig lang ito sa mga mata ko na para bang isa akong special species na pinagmamasdan niya.

"W-what do you mean?" Tanging tugon ko. Para akong nangangalap ng tamang salitang sasabihin.

"I always wonder when can I get your attention" bumalik ang tingin nito sa sugat ko na ginagamot niya.

Hindi ko na alam ang sunod na isasagot kaya tinikom ko nalang ang bibig ko. He's like an encrypted paper that is hard to decode. Sometimes he's nice, sometimes he's annoyed. Now he's blabbering some things. Does he mean, he like it when he have my attention? For what? Isinantabi ko ang mga katanungang 'yon dahil hindi naman 'yon ang dapat pagtuunan ng pansin. Instead, I asked something.

"Why is Ardizonne so obsessed with killing you? What have you done to him?"

He mockingly laughed a bit. I looked at him puzzledly. "Now you're switching your attention to Trevor"

My forehead creased. "That's not the answer I wanna hear"

Nawala ang nakakaloko nitong ngiti at napalitan ng seryosong mukha. Tinapos nito ang paggagamot sa sugat ko at binalutan ng benda. I said "thanks" after he nursed my hand. He stood up and went to the window side. Binuksan niya ang bintana at naglabas ng isang stick ng sigarilyo mula sa bulsa. I scoffed at the back of my head. Mukhang hindi niya na talaga maaalis sa sistema niya ang paninigarilyo. Tumayo ako at lumapit sa kanya. I kept a meter of distance behind him.

"You're friends with him before, right? Friends don't kill each other. Alam kong maaari ka ulit balikan ni Ardizonne. He wouldn't stop until he killed you all. But I don't get it why? Where does his hate come from?"

"Woman, we have a rule here. We don't talk about dead people. Their soul is already resting in peace so why bother them?" Humarap ito sa akin. Bakas ang galit sa kanyang mata na halatang pinipigilan niya. Until now he's not calling me by my name.

Their gang rivalry wouldn't do any better. If I can just convince Al Capone to reconcile with Trevor so no more lives will be harmed. Including Coleen's. I was worried that someday Trevor would do his threat to Coleen. That he will kill her for real. Trevor and his gang are a big threat to us. If he doesn't stop bothering Mobsters, then he will also go after us.

"Just reconcile to him," I said with sincerity in my voice. "Can't you see the people who get harmed because of your rivalry?"

"Leave. I'm not interested to talk about trash" mariin itong humithit ng sigarilyo saka humarap sa bintana para ibuga ang usok doon.

"Reigan..." I closed my eyes and took a deep sigh.

"Leave before I drag you out of here" may diing pagkakasabi nito.

I stepped back and took my pace towards the door. Sandali ko itong nilingon bago ko tuluyang buksan ang pinto para lumabas. I hope he would think what I said to him. Paglabas ng pinto ay saktong nasalubong ko si Callista. Nagpalipat lipat ang tingin nito sa kwarto ni Reigan at sa akin hanggang sa kumurba ang malawak na ngiti sa kanyang labi. Nanlaki ang mata ko at paulit ulit na umiling.

"T-that's not what you're thinking"

Lumapit sa akin si Callista at sinabit ang braso nito sa braso ko. "Why? Do you know what I'm thinking? I knew it. That explains why kuya treats you differently"

Huminga ako ng malalim. "That's not it, Callista" ngayon pa nga lang ay parang galit siya sa akin. Hindi man siya nagtaas ng boses pero alam kong sa mga tingin niyang 'yon ay parang may natrigger akong hindi dapat.

Iginiya akong bumaba ng hagdan ni Callista at bumitaw din ito nang makarating kami sa living room. Naabutan namin sina Shane, Fare at Chad na naglalaro ng board games.

"I want a baby boy from you guys" bulong ni Callista bago lumapit sa tatlong naglalaro. I unconsciously swallowed as if something was blocking my throat. What was she imagining?

Days passed in Sonkan. Ilang buwan ng walang klase. Siguro dahil wala din silang tuturuan. It makes sense because they just killed more than four thousand people. Ito daw ang pinakamahabang bakasyon na naitala sa history ng Sonkan. Ayon sa mga school staff na naririnig namin ay hihintayin daw ang mga panibagong estudyanteng mag-eenroll. They will open more slots. Thinking how many student will be fooled makes me sad.

Since the classes are off, people here have nothing much to busy about except for us. Members of United Squad. It was named 'United' because we're united in one goal. To bring Sonkan down. Kanya kanya kami ng ginagawa. Masyadong malaki ang Sonkan kaya nakadistribute ang ginagawa naming trabaho. May tig-tatatlo o dalawang taong magkasama sa bawat pangkat. We're not that many yet so we have to divide the work wisely.

Kaming dalawa ni Coleen ang magkapartner at ngayong araw ay nakaschedule kaming maglibot sa Sonkan. Sa lugar na hindi pa namin napupuntahan. Who knows what we can discover there. Kakatapos ko lang maligo at pababa na ako ng hagdan para puntahan si Coleen. Nauna siyang nagising sa akin kaya sa tingin ko'y tapos na siyang magprepare.

"Coleen, kung tapos ka ng magprepare aalis na tayo--"

I reached the last level of the stairs. What I saw made my world stop for a moment. Natutop ako sa kinatatayuan ko. Nabibigla. Coleen is smiling ear to ear. That's the first time I saw her smiling like that after a long time. A tear rolled down my cheek because of how much I miss that smile painting on her face. But I felt sad realizing what was that smile for.

"Coleen" tanging nasabi ko.

She's decorating gold paper cards with the initials of the word 'Happy Birthday' sa baba no'n ay may gold na balloon at may apat na letrang nakadikit sa ding ding. There's a cake on our table. Sa gitna no'n ay may maliit na kandila. Coleen is even wearing a party hat. May iilang pagkain ang nasa mesa na akala mo'y may mga bisitang dadating. Those are our friend's favorite food.

"Today is Joan's birthday" Coleen announced. "We should celebrate it. She'll get mad at us if we forget her special day"

Bigla kong naalala si Joan. Kung sana'y nandito pa siya sa dorm ay paniguradong maaga palang ay mag-iingay na siya para bulabugin kami at ipagsigawan na kaarawan niya. I imagine her shaking our shoulders for us to wake up even we're still sleepy. Lumapit ako kay Coleen at niyakap ito. Maya maya'y narinig ko ang mahina nitong paghikbi.

"I miss her. I want her back"

Hindi ako nagsalita at marahan lamang hinagod ang likod nito. Alam kong kung sino ang may pinaka nasaktan sa pagkawala ni Joan ay si Coleen 'yon. No one knows how much pain Coleen has to deal everyday missing our friend. If only I could transfer her pain to mine, I would do so.

Nang kumalma si Coleen ay nag-aya na itong kumain. Kinantahan namin si Joan habang nakatingin sa kanyang cake. We imagined that she's still here with us. Sinandukan namin siya ng pagkain sa usual niyang pwesto sa lamesa. We ate together thinking it would ease the pain we're bearing. Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Coleen at ngumiti sa kanya.

"We will get over this"

______

We found ourselves walking in a rough stony path. Parang may kasalukuyang construction dito na hindi matapos tapos. Masyadong malaki ang Sonkan at aakalain mong nasa loob ka ng village kaya nakakarating kami sa ganito kalayo na lugar. I don't know what part of Sonkan this place was basta malayo na kami sa school grounds.

"You've been here for more than a decade right?" Tanong ko kay Coleen. Sinisipa namin ang maliliit na bato na nadadaanan namin.

"Yes" sagot ni Coleen. "Why?"

"Have you ever strolled this whole place? Like, is there another place you visited where we could find something? Like Sonkan's history"

Madami akong tanong tungkol sa Sonkan at marami pa sa mga 'yon ang nananatiling tanong. Gusto ko malaman ang history ng Sonkan dahil malayo 'yon sa nakasulat sa libro. I tried to visit the library before but I got no answers. All of the books there were updated. Lahat ay patungkol sa achievements ng Sonkan at kung gaano ito katanyag sa outside world.

Saglit na huminto sa paglalakad si Coleen at humarap sa akin. "No, I haven't. This place is too huge and I lost my desire to find ways to escape here but I know a place that is related to Sonkan's history"

My eyes lit up and wait for the following words she'll say.

"It's an old clinic for the military. I don't know if it is still there since I was just in highschool when I last visited that place"

"Let's go there then," I said with determination. Tumingin sa akin si Coleen na may pagdadalawang isip. I pleaded with her with my eyes, and good thing it worked because she just sighed deeply and shook her head.

"Sometimes what you do makes me worried, Alexi" sambit nito bago nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.

"You don't have to. Para sa atin din ang ginagawa kong to"

As we continued walking, I saw how her thin lips formed a smile. "Yeah. Somehow nakikita ko sa'yo ang sarili ko. That's how brave I was when I was still in high school. I hope your plan will succeed"

I tapped her shoulder and smiled at her. "It would. We have a team now. We will succeed"

Mahigit kalahating oras din yata kaming naglalakad bago marating ang sinasabi ni Coleen. When she say old clinic, it's literally old. Kupas na ang pintura sa labas na tila napaglumaan na ng panahon. Puro agiw din. Parang walang bumibisita ditong kahit sino. Akala ko'y walang tao sa clinic na 'yon dahil nakatanaw lang kami sa malayo pero nabuhayan ako ng loob nang makita ang signboard na 'Yes we're open'.

"You go. This place seems restricted. I'll be watching out"

Tumango ako sa pagsang-ayon at tumawid sa kabilang kalsada para puntahan ang clinic. There's a sliding door here. I opened the door to the side. The door chimes automatically created a sound, signalling that someone just entered. Pagpasok ay bumungad sa akin ang glass wall kung saan natatakpan ng mga libro. There's a skeleton anatomical model displayed on the side, hospital bed and other doctor stuffs.

"Is anybody here?"

Pumasok ako sa pinaka office at nakita kong walang nakaupo sa doctor's desk. I roamed my eyes around and as I turned around, I saw the unfamiliar face of an old man. His wrinkles are visible to his forehead. He's really old judging by his white beard and thin gray hair. Kitang kita din ang freckles nito sa mukha. I haven't seen an old person like him here in Sonkan so I'm kinda overwhelmed. May hawak itong tasa ng kape. Mukhang saglit muna siyang nagtimpla ng kape kaya hindi ko siya naabutan sa desk niya. He's wearing a lab coat.

"Magandang araw po" bati ko at bahagyang yumuko.

"Ilang taon kana hija?"

Taka akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya dahil sa bigla niyang pagtanong sa edad ko. Naguguluhan man ay sinagot ko ito. "Turning 20, sir"

Nilagpasan ako nito at pumunta sa kanyang office desk saka umupo sa swivel chair.

"Mabuti't walang humuli sa'yong tagabantay. Bawal ang ganyang edad sa lugar na ito. Ang mga kabataang gaya nyo ay bawal lumagpas sa school grounds" hinalo nito ang kanyang kape at seryosong tumingin sa akin. "Alam mo ba ang mga bagay na 'yon, hija?"

Umiling lamang ako at pilit na ngumiti. Ang tinutukoy niya ba ay mga Sonkan Guards? Bigla tuloy akong kinabahan. Pakiramdam ko'y anumang oras mula ngayon ay may dadakip sa akin.

"Maupo ka" he gestured his hand to the chair for me to sit.

"Ano ang ipapacheck up mo? Alam ko, bukas ang clinic sa school grounds. Bakit hindi ka doon nagtungo?"

Malumanay lamang siya magsalita ngunit sa bawat sinasabi niya ay tila babala. He's old so I guess he's been here in the Sonkan for the longest time. I hope he's approachable enough to answer my questions. I have lots in mind.

"Wala po akong ipapacheck up. May gusto lang po akong itanong sainyo"

Nawalan ng interes ang kanyang mukha at blankong tumingin sa akin. "Kung gano'n makakaalis kana. Maliban sa paggagamot, wala na akong ibang maiaalok na serbisyo sa'yo"

My shoulder went down. I haven't asked anything yet. I don't want to go back to our dorm hopeless. We didn't walk our way through here just to get nothing.

"Pakinggan nyo lang po ako. I wouldn't consume too much of your time, sir" my voice is pleading to him. Nararamdaman ko. Marami siyang masasagot sa katanungan ko.

Nilagay nito ang isang kamay sa telepono. "Tatawagan ko ang mga tagabantay kung hindi ka pa aalis dito, hija. They would come here in a few minutes to arrest you"

I pursed my lips. I'm a persistent person so he couldn't just shoo me away like that but I was thinking about Coleen. She's outside. I don't want her to be arrested as well. Mukhang magmamatigas pa ito dahil unang beses niya palang akong nakita. Maybe I'll just visit him again in one of these days. Tumayo ako at bagsak ang balikat na naglakad patungo sa pintuan ngunit saglit akong natigilan nang may mahagip na isang bagay ang mata ko. I looked at the frame. It was settled beside the book. Some of the books have covered with dust but that one frame has no single dust so meaning, it was wiped occasionally.

Bumalik ang tingin ko sa matandang doctor. "You're a Mobster, sir"

It wasn't a question. I saw the traditional jacket of Mobster being kept inside the frame. Mukhang ayaw niya itong maluma kaya nakatabi lang ito doon. Lumapit ako sa matandang doctor at inangat ang manggas ng lab coat niya. Nakita ko ang tattoo sa kanyang palapulsuhan. "You even have a Mobster tattoo, sir"

I smiled in hope as my eyes lit up. "I'm friends with Mobsters' kingpin. Al Capone. Do you know him?"

Bigla kong naalala ang sinabi sakin noon ni Callista.

"Mobsters aren't built by kuya Reigan. Before we even came here, may dalawang gang group na ang nag-eexist. It passes generation by generation"

If this doctor is a Mobster, then it is also possible that I to meet some people older than us who are gangsters.

"The young kingpin who knows nothing but cause destruction?" Patuyang tanong ng matandang doctor at binawi ang kamay nito na hinawakan ko. As what on his desk name plate says, he's Dr. Sigmund Arellano. There's a bitterness in his voice. It seems he doesn't like how the new generation of Mobsters living their way.

"Pakonti na sila ng pakonti, sir. I need your help. A few months ago, a tragedy happened to our lives. We lost our friends and many people died because of purging. I guess you're familiar with that. Kasama ang mga co-Mobs nyo sa namatay. I want to help them to get out of here. We want to get out of here. We want to escape. Kailangan ko lang malaman ang history ng Sonkan. And also your story, sir. If you may allow it, I wanna interview you, sir"

I know I sounded desperate but that's the least of my concern. I don't know what way I could persuade him so I included the Mobsters' name. Maybe that group would peek his interest.

"Masyado kang matapang para sabihin ang mga salitang 'yan, hija"

I stepped backward and walked towards the seat I was sitting in earlier. I smiled faintly. "Seven years ago, there was a group of people who stood against Sonkan. Someone brave enough to save the people trapped here. They found a way to escape and almost succeeded." I paused for a moment and remembered what Felicity looked like while she was telling me that story. There was a sadness in her eyes at that time, even though her face always remained expressionless. It's like she lost her hope same with Coleen. "But they got caught"

Mataman akong tumingin kay Dr. Arellano na may pagsusumamo sa aking mata. "I want to get their hope back. They say, we will never see the outside world but I'll prove them wrong"

Itinapon ni Dr. Arellano ang tingin nito sa kawalan at ilang minutong natahimik bago ito bumuntong hininga ng malalim.

"Ang mga malalaman mo ngayon ay maaari nating ikamatay na dalawa" he warned me.

I put a confident smile on my face. Death doesn't scare me anymore. There were lots of times that I almost died, but still, I escaped it all. "I'm ready, sir"

"Nakikita ko ang tapang sa iyong mga mata. Sana'y magbunga ng mabuti ang ginagawa mo, hija" he fixed the bridge of his glass and pushed the telephone on the side, away from his reach. Pinagkrus nito ang dalawang kamay ay tinuon ang buong atensyon sa akin. "May dala kabang recording device?"

Nilabas ko ang phone ko at pinakita sa kanya. "Eto ho"

Mariin itong umiling. "Itabi mo ang bagay na 'yan. Maghanda ka ng papel at panulat"

Agad kong tinago ang phone ko at naglabas ng maliit na notebook at ballpen. Nagtataka man kung bakit hindi ako dapat gumamit ng phone ay hindi na lamang ako nagtanong pa.

"Ano ang una mong gustong malaman, hija?"

I cleared my throat by coughing fakely and looked around, observing if we were being watched before I turned back my gaze at Mr. Arellano. "Gaano na po kayo katagal dito?"

"Apat napu't taon"

Bahagyang nanlaki ang mata ko dahil sa narinig. Sinulat ko 'yon sa notebook. It was the notebook that Harrile gave me. It's been awhile since I last wrote something here. Now, it's serving its purpose.

Nagsimulang magkwento si Mr. Arellano at mataman lamang akong nakikinig sa kanya. Wala akong kaalam alam na ang kwentong 'yon ay magiging malaking parte ng buhay ko lalo na sa pagtakas namin sa Sonkan.

*********

Thanks for reading!