-Alexi-

MATAPOS maghapunan ay pansamantalang humiwalay sa amin si Raye dahil may pupuntahan daw ito. I don't know anything what she's gotten into these past few weeks. Maybe one of her jobs. She may not voice it but I know, bukod sa pagtatrabaho kay Boss Esther ay may iba pa itong pinagkakaabalahan. I saw her one time, counting blue papers of cash. Ang pera dito ay parehas din sa Sonkan school. Times 20 ang halaga ng isang token. Everything here is expensive so the one thousand peso bill is just 50 tokens. Now I understand why it's so hard to earn money here.

Nandito ako sa hallway at naglalakad. May mga tao akong kasabayan na sa tingin ko'y babalik na sa kani kanilang silid. I was boned-tired and there's nothing I'm desperate to go to except for bed. I wonder which room Fare is in. Hindi na namin siya nakakasama sa isang silid. Kami nalang lagi ni Raye ang madalas magkasama. Marahil sa bagong grupo niyang sinasamahan siya nakikitulog. She left the dining hall earlier than us. I asked her where she was going, but she didn't answer.

I was worried about her, though I wasn't sure exactly what I was worried about. Hanggang sa nakita ko siyang naglalakad mag-isa. Mukhang papasok na siya ng elevator ngunit binilisan ko ang hakbang ko para maabutan siya. Before the elevator opens, I grabbed her by the arm. She groaned even though my grip wasn't that strong.

I pulled her into a less crowded space to talk. I let go of her hand. "What's happening to you?" I frankly asked.

Saglit nitong hinilot ang kanyang kamay na binitawan ko. "What's happening to me?" She parroted my question with a soft chuckle. "What do you mean?"

I crossed my arms and eyed her from head to toe. "What's with the change, Fare?" I asked, my tone perhaps a little blunt, but I didn't care. We haven't had a formal confrontation, so I'm taking this chance. "Hindi kana sumasama sa amin? Kahit sa quarters ay sa ibang silid ka natutulog. How can I watch and prevent you from danger if you're distancing yourself from me?"

Sinalubong nito ang tingin ko. Her chin held up high in a defiant posture. Even the way her eyes look, changed. Her sweetness faded. "Bakit, Lex? Hindi mo naman ako kailangang bantayan. Kaya ko ang sarili ko" she said, stepping closer. "Isa pa, hindi naman pwedeng kayo nalang ni Raye ang lagi kong kasama. Bawal ba ako magkaroon ng bagong mga kaibigan?"

My gaze hardened. "You don't know any people here. We shouldn't trust anyone" may diin ang bawat salitang binitawan ko sa kanya.

She stepped forward, going back to her original position and crossed her arms. "So is Raye? We don't know her yet you're always sticking with her. Mas mukha pa siyang may balak na masama kaysa sa mga bago kong kaibigan pero wala naman akong sinasabi"

And even her way of talking changed. She never speak as boldly as like that before. Mahinhin lang ito at laging nakasunod sa akin na tilang nakakabatang kapatid dahil ako lamang ang sa tingin niyang magpoprotekta sa kanya. My eyes moved to her left sleeve. Hinila ko ito. Her body's flinched as I grabbed it.

"What are you doing--"

"What is this?" I cut her off. Binaba ko ang manggas niya at pinakita doon ang mga markang sa tingin ko'y pasa. As I pulled the sleeve further down, more bruises came into view. I masked my surprise by maintaining a stern expression on my face. "Saan galing ang mga pasang to?"

Fare aggressively yanked her arm from my grip. Her eyes were blazing with anger. "It's nothing"

"Bakit ka may pasa?" I pressed, dismissing her response.

Inayos nito ang manggas at hindi sumagot. Nilagpasan ako nito ngunit pinigil ko siya sa pamamagitan ng muling paghawak sa kanyang braso. "Why can't you answer me? I have a lot of question to you, Fare. What are you hiding from me?"

Tinanggal nito ang kamay ko sa braso niya. Nakaukit padin sa kanyang mga mata ang masama nitong tingin sa akin. "Huwag ka nalang mangialam, pwede? Kailangan ba lahat alam mo? Hindi naman kita nanay"

"I'm just worrying about you--"

"You don't have to worry about me!" she snapped, her voice rising. "I'm doing good. I'm old enough to protect myself. I'm minding my business, so should you?"

She let out a frustrated sigh before she brushed past me. Nilingon ko ito at nakita kong sumalubong sa kanya ang dalawang babaeng lagi niyang kasama. They must be the new friends she's bragging about. They looked older than Raye's age. Kami lang ang magkakilala ni Fare dito sa Zone 12. I made a vow to myself that I would protect her no matter what it cost me, but now this is what is happening. It saddens me to see our bond slowly drifting apart. I consider her as my sister.

"Nagpaalam na nga pala yung kapatid mo kay Boss Esther" agad na pumilig ang ulo ko sa direksyon ni Raye. Gaya ko'y kakasimula niya lang din magkusot ng mga damit. "Hindi na daw siya papasok"

Alas siyete palang ng umaga, nagsisimula ng magtrabaho ang lahat hanggang sa maabutan ng sikat ng araw. I wore a piece of fabric as a scarf to shield my face from the intense sunlight. Kailangan mahahabang manggas ang lagi mong suot upang hindi masunog ang balat sa init. It wasn't even noon yet, but the sun was already blazing. Walang silong sa pinaglalabhan namin kaya kanya kanyang diskarte para hindi masunog ang balat sa araw. Raye's wore a cap, long sleeve and gloves so her hands wouldn't get hurt dahil sa tapang ng mga sabon.

Wala pa akong pambili ng gloves kaya tinitiis ko na lamang ang hapdi ng sugat sa kamay ko kapag nagkukusot. As if I have a choice. This was the only available decent work I know that can sustain my living.

"I see" tanging sambit ko. "Sabi naman niya'y may bago na siyang trabaho" bahagya akong napangiwi nang mahawakan ang sabon. Dumikit 'yon sa sariwa kong sugat na hindi ko pa nagagamot.

"Mukhang wala ng pakialam ang kapatid mo sa'yo ah" Raye blabbed out, stating the fact. Hindi ko na lamang 'yon pinansin ngunit ang sunod niyang sinabi ang nagpatigil sa akin dahilan kaya lumipat ang tingin ko sa kanya. "You know what, you're pretty. Kahit mukha kang haggard halatang anak mayaman ka" saglit nitong binalik ang damit na sinasabon sa basin para inumin ang beer sa tabi nito. Aside from being a smoker, she was also a drunkard. A slow smile curved her lips as her eyes raked over me. "Why don't you use your beauty to seduce soldiers? Kaunting ayos lang sa'yo siguradong maraming sundalo ang maaakit mo. Basta maging mabait kalang sa kanila ay bibigyan ka nila ng pera. Besides, you look young."

"Hindi ako interesado sa mga ganyang bagay" I said dismissively, returning my attention to the fabric in my hands. Minsan ng nabanggit ni Mang Fredo na isa din sa paraan para kumita ng pera ay magbigay aliw sa mga sundalo. Mukhang 'yon ang tinutukoy ni Raye. I haven't lost my mind yet to consider such a thing.

"Why not?" A soft chuckle escaped from her lips. "Kaysa nagtitiis ka sa ganitong trabaho, bakit hindi mo paganahin ang utak mo? Kahit papaano giginhawa ang buhay mo dito. Makakakain ka ng masarap at makakabili ng maayos na damit"

I listened to her natterings just to dump it on the other side of my ear. I remained no reaction and continue what I'm doing. "I'm not kind of woman. May natitira parin akong dignidad sa sarili ko" muling bumalik ang tingin ko sa kanya. "How about you? Mukhang marami ka namang pera pero nagtitiis ka sa ganitong trabaho"

My counter question seemed to surprise her but the expression vanished quickly. Binaba nito ang iniinom na beer saka nagpatuloy sa pagkusot ng damit. "Sabihin na nating malaki ang utang na loob ko kay Madam kaya hindi ako makaalis dito"

"Are you referring to Boss Esther?" I asked for clarification.

She simply shook her head. "Not her. You haven't seen her since she's old. Grannies need their rest" sinundan niya 'yon ng mahinang pagtawa. I shook my head as my lips bubbled with soft laughs. Raye has humor sometimes.

Sumapit ang tanghalian at hindi naman sila gano'n kawalang puso para hindi kami bigyan ng oras kumain. I needed to save money so I'll just eat the same lunch I ate yesterday. Nandito kami sa downtown ng Zone 12. Raye has a lot of money so she could afford whatever she wanted. Ayon kay Raye, ang mga panindang tinitinda ng mga vendor dito sa downtown ay pagmamay-ari ng mga sundalo. Pinapatinda lang sa kanila. Gaya namin ay isa lang din silang mga trabahador. It would be only an illusion if you can establish a business here.

"Pipino?" Raye looked at what I was holding. Bahagya itong natawa. Sa kabilang tindahan pumunta si Raye para bumili ng pagkain at nang makabalik siya'y nakita niya ang binili ko. "Mabubusog kaba dyan?"

Inabot ko sa ale ang bayad at binalot niya naman sa plastic ang pipinong binili ko. Nilagay niya na din doon ang suka. "Nagtitipid ako para may pambili ako ng hapunan mamaya" sagot ko. Napakaliit lamang ng sahod ko sa buong isang linggo. Kailangan pahalagahan bawat sentimo. Kumpara noong nag-aaral ako sa Sonkan school, hindi ako namomoblema sa pera dahil laging may laman ang bank account ko. Kahit times 20 pa ang katumbas ng isang token ay kahit anong pagkain sa Bob's ay nabibili ko.

"Tch" Raye took a step closer with a slight shake of her head, a frown etching her face. Hinila nito ang kamay ko. "Mukha ka na ngang malnourished, ganyan pa ang kinakain mo" nagpatangay nalang ako sa kanya dahil wala din akong sapat na lakas para magpumiglas. Wala pa akong almusal kaya gutom na gutom na din ako.

She brought me to a stall with Tupperware containers filled with variety of food, displayed inside the shelf. Mga normal 'yon na pagkain na hindi ko alam kung kailan ko huling natikman. "Pumili ka ng gusto mong ulamin dyan" she said, though her tone remained somewhat sharp.

I looked at her hesitantly, smiling a bit to mask my shyness. "Pero wala akong pambayad ng utang"

She rolled her eyes. "Libre ko na 'yan. Ibalik mo 'yang binili mo at kuhanin mo ang token na binayad mo don sa ale kanina. Itabi mo na 'yon para pandagdag sa pambili mo ng hapunan mamaya"

_____

We found ourselves sitting under the tree, leaning our backs against its rough trunk while eating the food we'd bought downtown. Tirik ang galit na araw na yung tipong bigla ka nalang mahihimatay kung tatayo ka sa walang silong na lugar. Dito kami madalas kumakain dahil aagawan lang daw kami ng matatandang labandera kung kakain kami sa loob ng warehouse.

Matatakasan mo nga ang panganib mula sa mga Hunter tuwing gabi ngunit maaari mo namang ikamatay ang hirap ng buhay sa Zone 12. Kahit pambili ng pagkain ay kailangan mong igapang. Kalahating araw palang ang ginugugol ko sa paglalaba pero parang gusto ng bumigay ang katawan ko. All of my muscles threatening to give way. I shove the last portion of rice and meat to my mouth before chewing it. My eyes were fixed at the unfinished building which half is destroyed. Parang may sumabog sa gawing 'yon kaya kalahati ang sira.

"I lied"

Napatingin ako kay Raye nang bigla itong magsalita. Marahil gusto niyang basagin ang katahimikan sa pagitan namin. I remained silent, allowing her to go on about what she was saying.

"About the father of my baby," she added. Her words piqued my curiosity, causing me to put all of my ears to her. "I know him. Very. He's my boyfriend. He died without knowing I was pregnant" Another bottle of beer settled beside her. Kinuha niya 'yon at tinungga. Walang emosyon ang boses nito habang nagsisimula siyang magkwento. Parang normal lang siyang nagbabalik tanaw sa nakaraan. The pain must have numbed her. "He died in a gang war. He was a gangster. We both were. We were Mobsters."

My eyes blinked in surprise. The mention of 'Mobsters' make my heart pound fast. Maybe because I know some people whom I considered close to me tangled on that world. I'd never expect Raye would reveal this part of herself since she's secretive in some way. Hinila nito ang collar ng kanyang damit at pinakita ang simbolo ng isang Mob. Hindi ako makapaniwala na isa palang gangster si Raye.

"I bet you know The Mobsters. They're the most respected gang in the entire Sonkan"

"I do," I admitted, my voice barely a whisper. "Gangsters like them are often the most privileged students, too."

"Yeah," Raye nodded, a flicker of longing crossed her face. "I kinda miss my privileged life except for endless gang wars"

Kung mayroong gangster na katulad ni Raye ang nandito sa Zone 12, malamang may iba ding gangster sa iba pang mga Zones. Marahil mga Ghettos ay meron din.

"Weeks after he died was my birthday" she went on, her voice remained flat, almost detached. "I turned thirty, and I just found out I was pregnant – a few months along." She paused, stretching her lips a bit as her gaze wandered in the distance. "I was already here in Zone 12 when some soldiers arrested me. They took me to the lab... and you know what happened next."

'They killed her baby inside her womb' the unspoken horror echoed in my head.

Ilang segundo nanaig ang katahimikan sa aming dalawa. Tinungga ko ang natitira bote ng tubig at hinayaang basain nito ang lalamunan ko. Raye doesn't sound sad when she's telling her story but I know it pained her in the worst way she could ever bear. Aside from playing our lives, Sonkan is good at torturing our hearts as well.

Binaba nito ang iniinom na beer sa gilid niya at pinunas ang labi. Binalik nito ang tingin sa kawalan. "You see, love has no room in Sonkan. Don't repeat the same mistake I did"

"I don't think loving someone is a mistake at all. Human has a heart" I replied, unconsciously. Hindi ko din maindihan kung bakit bigla nalang nadulas ang mga salitang 'yon sa dila ko.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Raye's amused expression when she looked at me. "Why? Have you ever been in love before?"

"No" I shook my head with a soft chuckle. Tumingin ako kay Raye at nakangisi na ito. Her eyes were twinkling with playful challenge.

She tilted her head. "What about liking someone? Someone you liked in the past, or… someone you have feelings for now?"

Saglit akong natigilan. Hindi agad ako nakapagsalita at nag-iwas lamang ako ng tingin. I remember I liked Kaiden but am I having feelings with someone now? The thought seem futile or perhaps confusing. Naramdaman ko nalang na biglang tinusok ni Raye ang tagiliran ko ng daliri niya. "You're blushing" she teased.

Napahawak ako sa pisngi ko. It's kinda heating for unknown reason. "No, it's not" tanggi ko. I pursed my lips.

Raye didn't buy it, she just laughed as she took the beer again and leaned it to her lips. "I caught you off guard, Alexi. So, who is it? Who are you liking?"

Then in a snap of seconds, biglang sumagi sa isip ko si Reigan. Hindi ko alam kung bakit naisip ko siya sa mga oras na ito. Bigla kong naalala ang gabing umamin siya sa akin, ang pangungusap ng mga mata niya habang sinasabi 'yon at ang mga ngiti niya sa akin na bihira lamang nakikita ng iba. He always inviting me for a walk at night and whenever he stare at me, it felt like I'm the only one that matters around him. Sa pagdalaw ng mga ala-alang 'yon sa isip ko ay siyang paglakas ng tibok ng puso ko.

"I don't know if I like him..." I began. "But he's always been kind to me. Palagi niya akong nililigtas"

Sinisisi ko padin ang sarili ko sa pagkamatay ni Callista. Alam kong nasaktan ko siya ngunit nangingibabaw doon ang galit ko sa kanya. Ang mga ngiting hindi ko namalayang kusang puminta sa aking labi ay agad ding nabura. I still hate him. For turning his back from us. For turning his back from me. He was the last person I ever expected to betray me, and yet he did.

"Maybe you like him" Raye shrugged.

"I hate him" I muttered.

Isang linggo ko ng hindi nakikita si Fare. Ang huling pag-uusap namin ay doon pa sa Capitol kung saan pasakay dapat siya ng elevator ngunit kinompronta ko siya doon. Hindi ko mapigilang pangunahan ng kaba dahil sa pag-aalala. I hope she's fine. I don't know if I can forgive myself if something bad happens to her.

"Bakit mo ba pinoproblema ang isang taong wala namang pake sa'yo?"

My thoughts were cut off by Raye's voice. Kasalukuyan kaming nandito sa loob ng silid na parte din ng warehouse kung saan dinedeliver ang mga damit, nagtutupi. We'd been folding clothes for over an hour but it looks like it doesn't lessen at all. Gabundok padin ng mga damit ang nakatambak para tupiin. Ganito ang ginagawa namin kapag huling araw ng trabaho. Ang ikahuling araw ay nakalaan sa maghapong pagtutupi. My arms starting to ache but we need to finish this before 6 pm.

"Maybe because she's my sister" I retorted with sarcasm.

Saglit kong binitawan ang damit na tinutupi at sumandal sa isa sa mga drawer na nandito. I held my arm and gently massaged it. "I'm worried" I added.

I heard Raye scoffed. "Busy lang 'yon sa bago niyang trabaho. Dapat nga ginagaya mo siya, ginagamit niya ang utak niya" gaya ko'y saglit niya ding binitawan ang mga damit at kumuha ng sigarilyo sa bulsa saka sinindihan. "Gaya mo'y maganda din ang kapatid mo. Mukhang bata ang itsura. Who knows if she's working for the soldiers, doing entertainment for them"

"She's not like that," I said, my voice held firm as I shot a serious stare at her. Matagal ko ng kilala si Fare simula pa ng purging. I was confident she wouldn't stoop to that level to do such things.

She shrugged, smirking. She sipped the edge of the cigar and exhaled a plume of smoke. "People will do everything for money, Alexi" binigyan ako nito ng makahulugang ngiti.

"She's different," I said firmly, rejecting the idea of what she was saying. She's still the sweet, innocent, and courageous Fare I know. Nagpatuloy ako sa pagtutupi. Marami rami pa ang mga ito at kailangang matapos ngayong araw. "She will never do what you think she's doing"

Bahagyang natawa si Raye. "Let's see then" mayabang nitong sambit. "I know where she's working. Maybe you'd like to pay her a visit."

I froze in my seat, shooting a questioning gaze. The last sentence took all of my attention to her. "You know where is she?" buong kuryosidad kong tanong.

"Yeah," she puffed a smoke again. Her smug look remained unchanged on her face. I wanted to slap her.

"Then why you haven't say anything?" bahagyang tumaas ang boses ko. Masama ko itong tiningnan. I'm all vocal about how much I'm worried about Fare, yet she stayed silent all along.

"You didn't ask"

I shook my head in disbelief and scoffed. Sometimes, I ask myself why I'm associating with this woman.

*******

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