-Alexi-

ILANG minuto namayani ang katahimikan sa aming dalawa. No one dares to speak. We're just walking slowly as if we're walking on the moon. This is not the first time I walked with him through the night. I don't know what he was thinking. He's just quiet and syncing his footstep with mine. I gave him a sideward glance, whenever I look at him, una talagang nakakatawag ng pansin ang tattoo nito sa leeg. Mukhang naramdaman niyang nakatingin ako sa kanya kaya lumingon ito sa akin. He gaze down a bit because of our height difference. Umangat ang isang gilid ng labi nito.

"Are you admiring how handsome I am?"

I spit a soft laugh and turned my look at the way. Hindi ko nalang pinansin ang pagkamahangin nito. "I was looking at your tattoo. That's painful, right? I wonder why you guys love pain"

"We don't" mahina nitong sagot. Binalik na din nito ang tingin sa daan. "Sometimes it's our way to express our pain in the inside to the outside"

I simply nodded. Out of words. Some people say it's art, some would say it's their expression and some turned their emotional pain to physical pain. Iba iba't talaga ang perception ng mga tao pagdating sa tattoo.

"You don't like people with tattoo?" bigla nitong tanong.

I shook my head. "It's not that I don't like them, but I think we, people, have no right to paint our body since it's not ours. Like we're not the ones who created it"

"I see"

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kahaba ang daan na ito ngunit nagpatuloy lang kami sa paglalakad.

"Bakit mo nga pala ako sinundan?" I asked him out of nowhere as I glanced at him.

He tucked both his hands into his pocket. "I once told you, you're easy to die. Until now, you really are"

"Why so harsh to me?" I unconsciously asked. It's just slipped through my mouth.

Hindi ito sumagot. I don't know him that much, but one thing I observe is sometimes he just chooses the words he's going to say or stops himself from saying them. Or maybe he's avoiding the question.

"I thought you're mad at me" muli kong sambit. "If you are, I'm sorry. I must have crossed the line"

I realized that I shouldn't asked him that. I saw a glimpse of his pain during purging days. He was sabotaged by Ardizonne's group and had to see his troupes to die in front of him. I feel guilty because I was being careless. Alam kong may sugat akong nabuksan na pilit niyang tinatakpan. They both hated each other to death. Not only Ardizonne. Iyon din ang bumabagabag sa aking damdamin nitong mga nakaraang araw. I'm glad I finally say sorry to him.

"I'm not requiring you to say sorry. I also feel the same way about Trevor. I wanted to kill him and make him experience a painful death"

"People can say sorry to the person they feel sorry to without requiring them to say so" I reasoned out. "I said that because I feel sorry. I really do"

I stopped walking and faced him. Looking at him straight in the eye. Huminto din ito sa paglalakad at sinalubong ang tingin ko. Lumapit ito ng isang hakbang at napakurap ako dahil sa distansya namin sa isa't isa. I tried to step back but he slowly shook his head.

"Don't step back"

I pursed my lips looking awkwardly at him. "D-do you accept my apology?"

"When you say sorry to someone, do you oblige them to accept your apology?"

I looked down, my eyes flinching in any direction. This is so awkward. "Uh, no. I'm sorry"

Naramdaman kong hinawakan nito ang baba ko para paangatin ang tingin ko sa kanya. He smiled. His lips were stretched into a thin line, smiling that reached his eyes. I don't know if this is the first time I see him smiling like that but I know it was real. And it's seldom to happen. So rare. I hope there's a camera that can capture those smiles.

"You're so beautiful" lumipat ang kamay nito sa mga nakatakas kong buhok na sinabit niya sa likod ng tenga ko. "I think I could stare at you all day"

My face turned abstract, and I was unable to talk for a couple of seconds. Processing what he just said. Nananatili pading nakapinta sa kanyang labi ang malawak na ngiti. It's nice to see him smiling like that but to hear him complimenting me all of a sudden, it's surprising.

"Gusto kita, Alexi" mas lalo pang napaawang ang bibig ko sa sumunod na narinig.

Out of reflexes, I pushed him a bit and stepped back while my eyes were blinking multiple times. Nakatitig lamang ito sa akin. It seems alive. Not the usual lifeless eyes I used to see. I feel like time stopped for a moment. I could hear my heart pounding fast for no reason.

"D-did you just confess to me?" Matapos ang ilang segundong pagkatahimik ay nakapa na rin ng dila ko ang salitang dapat sabihin.

Tumango ito. "Yes," he proudly said.

Bahagya akong napayuko at napatingin sa baba. "Uh.." I laughed a bit fakely, trying to play it cool to avoid awkwardness "That's so random. I hope you're just joking because you're not my type"

Humarap ako sa daan at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. Umaktong parang walang nangyari. Pero ang totoo, ramdam ko ang panlalamig ng pawis ko. Reigan helped me a lot of times. He's been good to me at least but I thought we just see each other as friends or acquaintance who have common interests in some things.

Naramdaman kong nakasunod ito sa akin. Nang tumingin ako sa kanya ay nakaangat lang ang isang gilid ng labi nito. "That hurts. Did I just get my first rejection?"

I lifted my eyes at the sky where the moon was brightening. "Are you really serious about that?"

Ilang segundo itong natahimik bago sumagot. "I am"

I saw in my peripheral vision that his head moved sideward, fixing his eyes on me. "It's okay if you don't like me now. Soon you will"

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kalayo ang nilakad namin sa tahimik na daang iyon bago ko napagdesisyunang bumalik sa dorm. Before going there, I found myself heading towards The Bob's. I pushed the sliding door. Tumunog ang door chimes. May mangilan ngilan kaming naabutang kumakain. I haven't visited this place for awhile. It reminds me a lot of good memories. The last time I went here, I was with Coleen and Joan. I treated them two. We're happy eating together. 'Yon din ang araw na nag participate ako sa Art of Death. I thought I'm gonna die the next day so I acted happy the whole day and treated them.

My gaze turned to the chair we were sitting at that day. Suddenly, a flashback appeared. I saw ourselves on that chair, enjoying our snacks. Sipping our milkshakes. I could even hear Joan's laugh. Kapag tumatawa 'yon ay dinig na dinig ng lahat. Sadly, it would never happen again.

"Are you hungry?"

My eyes switched to Reigan. Hindi ko namalayang nakasunod padin pala siya. Marahan akong umiling.

"No. I just want to remember my friend's birthday today" dumiretso ako sa counter at nag-order ng pagkain. I know burger or waffles and milkshakes are not appropriate for dinner but who cares. Matapos makapag order ay pinaghintay muna kami sa upuan.

I sat on the occupied seat and Reigan sat across me. "Sino sa kaibigan mo ang may birthday ngayon?"

I inhaled some air and leaned forward. I looked outside the glass wall. "Joan. I know you know her"

Saglit itong natahimik. He knew what happened to her at purging season. Huminga lang ito ng malalim na tila nangangapa ng maaaring sabihin. "That noisy girl. You must miss her"

I faintly smiled. "Yeah. So much. But there's someone who misses her more than I do"

Al Capone escorted me back to the dorm. We just stayed in silence until we arrived there. Nang nasa tapat na ako ng room namin ay nagpaalam na itong umalis. I simply uttered "thanks" before he bid me goodbye. I fished out my spare key to open the door.

"Coleen?" Una kong hinanap si Coleen.

Bukas ang ilaw dito sa sala kaya alam kong nandito na siya. Nilock ko ang pinto at umakyat sa taas. Binuksan ko ang kwarto. Nakapatay ang ilaw at tanging liwanag lang mula sa labas ang tumatanglaw sa aming silid.

My eyes flickered on the balcony. Bukas ang sliding door. Sa railings ay nakatayo ang nakatalikod na babae, hanggang balikat ang buhok. Her hair grew longer. I took my pace without making a sound to approach her.

"Is this how you celebrate Joan's birthday?" I appeared from her side after I placed the snack on the chair. Saglit na napatingin sa akin si Coleen. Bahagya itong ngumiti. Maging ang ngiti nito ay naging pilit nalang.

"I bought snacks for us at Bob's. I bought Joan's favorite food there and a milkshake." Inalis ko ang milkshake sa cardboard at inalok ang isa sa kanya. She stretched her hand to accept it.

"Thanks"

Ngumiti lamang ako bilang tugon. "I also ordered waffles and cheeseburgers"

Hindi na sumagot si Coleen at binaling na lamang ang atensyon sa labas ng balcony. Mukhang pinagmamasdan niya ang tahimik at mailaw na tanawin ng Sonkan. Mabuti nalang at may balcony dito sa dorm. Magandang tumambay dito para magbulay bulay.

Namayani ang ilang minutong katahimikan sa aming dalawa ni Coleen. I just stayed silent and let her feel my presence. Bagamat lagi kaming magkasama, ramdam ko naman kung gaano siya kalayo. Malayong malayo sa dating Coleen noon. Na parang nanay naming dalawa ni Joan dahil palaging nanenermon at nag-aasikaso sa amin. Now I was the one who took her place. I'm the one who makes our breakfast in the morning, waking her up because I know she'll just sleep all day in her bed and won't get up even if she's hungry, and sometimes reminding about her smoking habit.

"Is this how Joan felt when I left?"

I looked at Coleen. Diretso lamang itong nakatingin sa labas. Bakas ang lungkot sa boses nito. I just sighed, clearing the air pathway in my throat. Binalik ko ang tingin sa labas at sumimsim ng milkshake.

"Yes. Palagi siyang naglalasing noon. She will go to the Mobsters' hub to drown herself in alcohol. There's even a time that I slapped her to wake her up from drunkenness"

Narinig ko ang marahang pagtawa ni Coleen. "Ang daya niya" sambit nito. "Ang sakit niya gumanti"

Then her voice cracked because of tears. "Panghabang buhay na sakit 'yung iniwan niya sa akin"

Binaba ko ang iniinom sa upuan at lumapit sa kanya para yakapin ito sa balikat. "There's no rush for healing Coleen. Just take your time. Joan's memories will remain with us but we got to move on. Kung buhay pa siya ngayon, hindi siya magiging masaya na nakikita kang ganyan"

I'm not brave enough to say those words. The trauma when I saw my friends die in front of me wasn't easy to cope with. Until now, I've been dealing with it. But there's another day every day we're going to face.

I slightly caressed her arm. I could hear her feeble sobs.

"Pain will never leave us, Coleen" I spoke softly. Like a mother comforting her child. "We will learn to live with pain until it hurts no more"

_______

Dumaan ang sumunod na araw. Nandito kami sa labas ng dorm building, nakatayo sa gilid habang nakatingin sa mga nagsisidatingan. They're carrying their rucksack and maleta. You could read on their faces how excited they were, how wide their smiles were while touring the alluring buildings of Sonkan. They must feel special because they got the privilege to study in one of the most popular school in the country.

"Grabe ang dami nilang building dito" sambit ng dalawang magkaibigan na tila mababali na Ang leeg kakatingin sa taas.

"3000" Napatingin ako kay Felicity na siyang nagsalita. "They're expecting 3000 newbies coming within this week"

"That's a lot" komento ko. "Lahat ba ng mga 'yan ay freshmen?"

"No" sagot ni Coleen. "Some of them are in their sophomore year or senior year. Sonkan's qualifications for transfer applicants are easy to meet. You only need money. It's called Renewal"

My forehead creased a bit as I looked at them two. Bago pa ako magtanong ay sinagot na ito ni Felicity.

"They did that years ago after Friday's Massacre. Kapag maraming namamatay ay nagdadagdag sila ng panibago"

Friday's Massacre? Saglit kong inalala kung saan ko nakita 'yon. I get it. I remember when I played Art of Death, nakita ko 'yon sa isang yearbook. I pictured the page that I saw on that night. It was a room full of dead people.

"Maraming nag-aapply dati pero ilan lang ang nakakapasok dahil kaunting slots lang ang inooffer nila. Now that they're doing Renewal, they'll welcome as many applicants until they meet the required population which Sonkan has to contain. Since maraming namatay noong purging season, higit pa sa 3000 ang idadagdag nila" Coleen continued.

"Are we able to save them?" I unconsciously whispered in the air.

"We're not superheroes" Felicity replied. "We're not even sure if we can save ourselves and get out of here"

Isang malalim lamang na buntong hininga ang pinakawalan ko dahil tama si Felicity. Patuloy ko lamang silang pinagmasdan suot ang malungkot na mukha. It's like you're watching a movie and you already know how it would be ended.

Hindi na kami nagtagal sa labas at bumalik na din kami sa loob ng dorm. Felicity just vanished to our sight like a ghost.

Paakyat na kami ng hagdan nang biglang tumunog ang speaker na nakakabit sa bawat sulok ng palapag.

"Calling the attention of all people in Sonkan... Calling the attention of all people in Sonkan..."

Saglit akong napatigil kasabay ng paglakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. I stood stiffened as if I was injected of a drug. The last time I heard them calling our attention through the speaker, something bad happened.

"Hey, Alexi" Coleen held both of my arms, probably worrying I might fall. "Are you okay?"

"Calling the attention of all people in Sonkan... Calling the attention of all people in Sonkan..."

"Y-yes" I gave her a reassuring smile.

"I wanna welcome our new Sonkanians who just arrived today and to other folks that will come," a Red lady's voice appeared. "Thank you for choosing Sonkan as your learning home. Hope you'll enjoy our remaining days of vacation"

Coleen seems not convinced but she let it pass. Inalalayan ako nitong umakyat ng hagdan. "Halika na"

Lumipas pa ang mga sumunod na araw at padagdag ng padagdag ang mga college applicant na dumadating. I don't know if they already reached the three thousand students but they're like tidal wave who stormed in this school. Ang tahimik na paaralan ay biglang nagkaroon ng ingay dahil sa mga estudyanteng dumating. Kung dati'y wala kang nakikitang naglalakad lakad sa daan kahit umaga, ngayon kahit gabi ay matao padin. Seems they're not oriented yet.

Kasalukuyan kaming nandito sa sala. Abala sa kanya kanyang gawain. Coleen is sharpening her arrows while I'm drawing the structure of Sonkan. I compiled all of the places including the buildings we have visited so far. I'm trying to make a map. I'm not good at art so if I present this to the group, I have to explain it thoroughly. Mukha kasing ako lang ang makakaintindi sa drawing ko.

"Aren't you going to the dining hall? It's dinner time" Coleen asked unmindfully.

Umangat ang tingin ko sa wall clock. 30 minutes nalang ay dinner time na. We rarely go at dining hall. It makes us lose our appetite. I'd rather sleep without eating dinner. Agad ko ding binalik ang atensyon ko sa dinodrawing ko.

"We could order something to Bob's. It's better than going there" mahina kong sagot na sapat para marinig niya.

Naramdaman kong tumigil ito sa kanyang ginagawa at umayos ng upo. I glanced at her. She's crossing her arms. "Fastfood won't keep us alive longer. We need to eat healthy food at least" she leaned her back on the backrest of the couch. "Besides, nagsasawa na ang sikmura ko kakakain ng burger"

I gave her a are-you-serious look. Tumaas lamang ang dalawa nitong kilay at dahan dahang tumango. She stood up on her seat and placed her arrows back in their pouch. "C'mon. Let's go. We pay millions for our tuition. Better take advantage of their little free service to us"

I heaved a sigh out of surrendering and lazily stood up on the couch until we heard a knock on the door. Mabilis na pumunta si Coleen sa kusina para hablutin ang kutsilyo at sinenyasan akong manatili sa kinatatayuan ko. It's not Friday today but it's evening so I understand her cautiousness. Lumapit ito sa pintuan at pinihit ang seradura. Nang mabuksan ang pinto ay agad nitong tinaas ang kutsilyo.

"Chill. It's me"

I craned my neck to take a peek at who was outside, and my breath halted upon seeing a girl in a white dress with long hair. Lumapit ako kina Coleen.

"Felicity?" Binaba ni Coleen ang kutsilyo at parehas naming tiningnan mula ulo hanggang paa si Felicity. She's carrying two maleta bags. "What's that?"

"I have two new roommates. They're noisy and I don't like them. If you don't mind, I'll move here instead"

Nagkatinginan kami ni Coleen. Parehong nagtataka. I never knew she was occupying a room in a girl's dormitory building. I thought she was living in the woods.

"We don't allow ghosts here--"

"Yeah, sure! You can move here" I cut Coleen off. I elbowed her and smiled agitatedly. "We still have one available bed"

Bahagya kong inusog si Coleen para tumabi sa pintuan at pinapasok si Felicity. Tipid lamang itong ngumiti at pinapasok ang sarili, hila-hila ang dalawang maleta. She stood up on the living room like a ghost, taking her time to assess the surroundings.

"Not bad" bulong nito at tumingin sa amin. "Where's your room?"

Tinuro ko sa taas ng hagdan. "There"

"You're not registered in this unit. Guards might catch you" Coleen reminded her.

"I rarely visit my dorm room. I sleep most of the time in the woods, and no one arresting me," Felicity reasoned out with a shrug.

Coleen just rolled her eyes. She's clearly disagree that someone new will move here. Well Felicity it's not new to Coleen though. In fact, they're friends before so what's to argue about. Pumagitna na ako sa kanila hindi dahil baka magtalo sila kundi para alisin lang ang tensyon.

"Mamaya na natin pag-usapan ang paglipat mo dito sa amin" sambit ko kay Felicity. "Sumabay kana sa amin. Pupunta kami sa dining hall para magdinner. Malapit ng mag alas otso"

Felicity scoffed. "Kumakain parin pala kayo doon"

Naunang lumabas si Coleen. "Bilisan nyo. Hintayin ko kayo sa labas"

I just sighed and tilted my head to invite Felicity to come with us. "Let's go. You're not a real ghost. You have a tummy to fill"

**********

Thanks for reading!