-Alexi-

"My family is fine. Medyo tagilid ang relasyon ko sa kanila. They have favoritism which is common when you have siblings" sagot ko at inabot ang isang soda can. "My parents sent me here, believing I'll have a good future so I won't be left out of my siblings' success." The memories started to bring back to life as I remember my young self, standing in front of my dad's office desk and being scolded because I failed the exam. All of the downgraded words were being thrown at me at that time.

Coleen's eyebrows raised in amusement. "You must have a complicated family"

Ngumiti lamang ako na may kasamang marahang pag-iling. "Their lives were driven by good names. As long as you bring a good name in the family, you'll be honored. I kinda hate them. Lalo na si Dad. Si Mom sunud sunuran lang siya kay Dad. But I have good auntie and uncle and best cousin" my eyes sparkled upon remembering them. Tumingin ako kay Coleen na parang batang nasasabik ipakilala ang mabubuting tao sa buhay ko. "They have a farm and I was happy working there with my cousin, Harrile. She's sweet and loud. Pangarap niyang mag-aral dito sa Sonkan"

"I don't really understand how Sonkan can paint their name to be as perfect as a dream in the outside world. If only they knew how terrible this place is" Coleen said with disgust in her voice. As if it was the poison she spit out.

"That's what we're going to tell the world, Coleen" I spoke softly. "Once we get out of here, we will reveal everything to the world"

Marahang tumango si Coleen at tinaas ang kamao na parang nakikipagfist bump. "I'm up for it," she said with a smile. I also raised my hand and curled it up to make a fist bump with Coleen.

Ang simpleng lunch namin ay nauwi sa mahabang kwentuhan. We talked a lot of things about life and random stuff. It was a good distraction for us to forget we're in this problematic world where people are killed every Friday or some other day and where our lives are played. We just found ourselves laughing as I told her my life as a probinsyana girl. I told her that it's fun to work on the farm and bathe the pigs, and smell their stinky poop. Coleen, on the other hand, wants to be a doctor and run a hospital. She wants to help poor people to get free medical services.

"Oh, what a kind doctor you will be" tanging komento ko sa kanya na may kasamang mabagal na pagpalakpak.

"Well what about yours? What is your dream?" Balik na tanong sa akin ni Coleen. Kasalukuyan itong nagliligpit ng pinagkainan namin. Nilagay ko ang mga butong natira sa plastic at tinulungan siyang maglinis. Para kaming mga naiwan sa bahay na nagliligpit para hindi masermunan ng nanay. Well ang inaasahan lang naman namin dadating mamaya ay si Felicity. I don't want her to have an impression with us that we're messy people.

"Well, I don't really have any in mind. Maybe just live on the farm or study Agriculture and collect fish. Taking care of them in a big aquarium" I casually answered with a shrug. I took the plates and placed them on the sink.

Narinig ko ang pagtawa ni Coleen. "Collect fishes? You've got to be kidding me"

"Yeah, I love fish. I have one, actually, and I miss him. His name is Nemo. My parents will be disappointed if they hear my dream is just like that. But yeah, I want to have a simple life"

"Any dream, whatever it is, is still a dream, Alexi," Coleen said encouragingly. "No dream is small as long as you have good vision in it"

Ako na ang nagpresintang maghugas ng mga plato at siya naman ang nagwalis sa sala. Ngayon ay naramdaman ko na unti unti ng bumabalik ang dating Coleen. That's a good improvement isn't it. May gusto pa akong itanong sa kanya pero nagdadalawang isip ako kung dapat ko bang itanong 'yon dahil baka sensitibo ang dating sa kanya. I just clung on my little courage and asked it anyway. Tinapos ko muna ang paghuhugas ng plato bago siya puntahan sa sala. I wrinkled my shirt with my hands to dry them off. "About your brother..." I trailed off. "Gusto mo ba siyang isama kapag nakaalis tayo dito?"

Coleen's gaze shifted to me as she paused what she was doing as If I caught her off guard. She fell silent in a second. "Why bring him up? I don't even care about his existence" bumalik ito sa ginagawa. Inurong nito ang isang couch at winalis ang gilid nito.

"You're worried. I saw your eyes while looking at your brother as Al Capone beating him up"

Coleen's scoffed. "How do you think so? My reaction is just plain at that time, Alexi"

I heaved a long sigh and spit out the words I wanted to say, hoping she wouldn't see it badly and would not think I was taking advantage of her relationship with Trevor. "What I'm saying is if you can convince your brother to side with us. Once he becomes our ally, he'll be of big use to us. We can guarantee a high chance of making our plan succeed. He's working with the Dean and I'm sure if Trevor is with us then we can use him to get information with him"

Tumigil ulit sa ginagawa si Coleen at sinalampak ang likod sa sofa. Malalim itong napabuntong hininga. "You sound like you wanna use me to get my brother alliance to us"

"Maybe that's how it sounds to you but think the other side. I know you still care about your brother. Dean is an evil person. He's in favor of Trevor now, but there's also a possibility that he'll kill him in the end when he's no use to him." I looked intently at Coleen while she was processing what I was saying. "Either you let him die or save him before it gets too late"

Tumayo si Coleen at tumingin ng diretso sa akin. Disagreement was evident on her face as her eyebrows almost knitted. "What you're telling me is impossible to do. I convinced him before, and nothing happened. I know him more than anyone does. Mas pinapanigan niya ang taong magbibigay ng malaking pakinabang sa kanya. And you know who's supplying him that profit? The Dean" she emphasized the last word. "Mobsters' force is going down. My brother will be the top kingpin. He wouldn't allow himself to be convinced over our vision to escape here"

Wala akong nagawa kundi matahimik. Nangangapa ng sasabihin dahil may punto si Coleen. Parang sinampal ako nito ng kanyang mga salita. I realized the person we are talking about is Trevor. The person who tried to massacre us in purging season. The person who killed half of Reigan's group in front of his eyes. The person who is a leader of the group that once attempted to kill me. The Ghettos. I remember them chasing me in a long dark hallway. If not only with Kaiden, I might die there. Si Trevor nga pala ito. Ang tusong leader ng The Ghettos.

But even if it seemed impossible, I still pushed it to her. "Then what are you gonna do? Will you forsake your brother and let him kill more people?"

Napahilamos ng mukha si Coleen at saglit na tumalikod. She looks frustrated. Maybe that question bothers her mind. "I don't know" mahina nitong sambit. "Even if I convince him, what I'm going to tell him? What plan should I present to him? We got nothing but buildings. Our plan is not moving further. For the last few months, we're not even making any progress" She paused for a moment, preparing herself for what she would say next "I hate to say this but I honestly think our plan wouldn't go anywhere"

I stiffened from my standpoint. My ears wanted to reject what she was saying, hoping I didn't hear it at all. My voice trembled "A-ano bang sinasabi mo Coleen?"

Umiwas ng tingin si Coleen at marahang umiling. She heaved a long sigh and closed her eyes. "Nevermind. Just forget what I said" tumingin ito sa kanyang winawalis. "You can continue this or leave it there. I'll chill outside for a bit"

Coleen passed me by and walked towards the door, closing it with a loud thud. Maya maya'y tumulo ang luha sa isang mata ko. It hurts because maybe I didn't expect her to have those thoughts. She's my friend, and she is supposed to support me in believing in our goal, but at some point, it's also my fault. I started the U-squad, recruiting them to be on my team, and had them attend meetings, but still, there's no movement on our plan. I wanna give them hope but where am I going to start?

Lumipas ang oras at nanatili lang ako dito sa dorm. Sumapit ang gabi at dumating si Felicity. Wala padin si Coleen.

"What's with that face? Mukha kang namatayan" walang buhay na bati ni Felicity nang pagbuksan ko ito ng pinto. Hindi ko nalang 'yon pinansin at tinuro ang pagkaing nakatabi sa estante.

"May pagkain dyan. In case you haven't eaten"

Tinaas ni Felicity ang dala niyang supot. "I cooked. I don't want to go to the dining hall. It's crowded there. You can join me for dinner"

I flashed a sly smile on my face. "Thanks. I'm not hungry yet" I excused myself and climbed upstairs. Nakakailang habang palang ako nang magsalita si Felicity.

"A guy is waiting for you outside. He asked me to call you"

My forehead creased, and I turned my head to her. "Who is it?"

Wala akong nakuhang sagot kay Felicity kaya tamad akong bumaba ng hagdan at lumabas ng pinto. My paces reached outside the building and I thought Felicity is joking because I haven't seen anyone here. Nilinga ko ang ulo ko para hanapin kung sino ang tinutukoy ni Felicity na nandito sa labas pero wala naman akong makita. Hanggang sa may narinig akong pamilyar na boses.

"Hi, Alexi?"

Dahan dahan kong nilingon ang pinanggalingan ng boses na 'yon. There he was, standing within a few meters from me. His lips stretched to warm smile when my head turned to him. The smile reaches his eyes which everyone around him barely to see. Hindi ko maitatanggi ang kapanatagan na naramdaman ko nang makita ko siyang okay. Dumako ang tingin ko sa magkabila niyang kamay na nakabalot ng benda. His looks were plain yet still good looking. Wala siyang suot na kahit anong piercing sa tenga at ilong. Hindi din nakawax ang buhok nito. He's just wearing plain t-shirt, and jeans. He looks normal and harmless. Malayong malayo sa sigang Al Capone na lumaban sa Mortal Combat.

"What are you doing here, Reigan? You should resting" sambit ko sa kanya.

Maya maya'y nagsimulang humakbang si Reigan hanggang sa tuluyan itong makalapit sa akin. I confusedly looked at him while he was walking closer. What he did next surprised me. I stiffened for a second and I was caught off guard. He suddenly wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in a warm embrace. "I've got enough rest. I just want to see you"

Ilang beses akong napakurap at hindi makapagsalita. It feels comfortable yet awkward. Sinubukan ko siyang itulak para kumawala sa kanyang bisig. We're not in a relationship to hug like this. Nang maramdaman niyang tinutulak ko siya ay mas hinigpitan niya pa ang pagkakayakap sa akin at mahinang bumulong. "One minute. Just give me one minute to hug you this tight, Alexi"

Those words are sincere and sound begging. It made my heart beat pound like crazy. I ignored it, trying to play it cool. So it's true? The feelings he confessed to me are true. All along I thought it wasn't that serious. Binaba ko na ang mga kamay ko at hinayaan siyang yakapin ako.

"How's your wounds?" Mahina kong tanong.

"It's getting better, don't worry," sagot nito.

Kumalas na din ito sa pagkakayakap. Umangat ang tingin ko sa kanya. He's just staring at me like I was a special display he got from auction.

Hinila ko ang kamay ko pero mahigpit ang pagkakahawak niya doon. He started walking and I tried to stamp my feet on the ground pero para lang akong magaang bagay na tinatangay niya. "Where are we going?" I hissed.

He glanced at me with a mischievous smile on his face. "Just gonna show you something. I'm sure you will like it"

Napabuntong hininga nalang ako at nagpahila sa kanya. Somehow, hindi ako sanay na mabait siya sa akin. I didn't know Reigan can be this friendly. Nasanay ako sa fierce image nito na kinatatakutan ng lahat. Hanggang sa nakarating kami sa isang hardin. The place was stunning, making my mouth hung up. My eyes wandered around the surroundings, appreciating how beautiful it was. Tila mababali na ang leeg ko kakatingin sa maliliit na bulb na nakasabit sa taas ng puno. The garden was surrounded with warm light bulbs. Para silang malalaking alitaptap na nakapirmi sa mga sanga. Dumako ang tingin ko sa tatlong stem na nasa gilid ng puno. I smiled in amazement. They're like fireworks made of small bulbs.

Reigan stood in the corner and let me roam my eyes around. Kusang naglakad ang mga paa ko para maglibot. Hanggang sa may nakita akong fishpond. May nakapalibot na ilaw sa ilalim na tubig para kitang kita ang mga isdang lumalangoy. My eyes sparkled, watching them. They are so cute. I looked at the surroundings again and darted my gaze at Reigan as I began to be familiar in the place.

Ito yung fishpond na pinupuntahan ko noon.

"H-how come you remember this place?"

"Well.." Reigan smiled and placed both of his hands in his pocket. "This is where I used to smoke before so how will not I remember it?" Lumapit ito sa akin at may binigay na maliit na bote. "Go. Feed them" nginuso nito ang fishpond. Kinuha ko sa kanya ang fish food at parang batang excited na pumunta sa fishpond.

I bent my knees and poured small amount of fish food in my hand. I extended my arm, dipping my hand to the water. Gano'n na lamang ang paglawak ng ngiti ko nang magsilapitan ang mga isda para tukain ang pagkaing kinalat ko sa tubig. Matagal tagal na din akong hindi nakakapunta sa lugar na ito. Ngayon nalang ulit.

Umangat ang tingin ko kay Reigan. Gaya ko'y pinapanood nito ang mga isdang lumalangoy hanggang sa lumipat ang tingin nito sa akin. His lips formed a thin smile. Kahit pag-ngiti niya ng ganyan ay nakakapanibago. Madalas blangko lang ang ekspresyon nito. It's like, emotions never existed to his face because it was covered by a gloomy mask.

"This is where we first met" I blabbed out while feeding the fishes. I was wondering if he planned it all. There's no way he would know I love fish.

"Yeah" sagot nito. "But the first time I saw you was at the fountain. You're there feeding fish. I guess it's your first arrival at that time since you're carrying your stuff"

My eyes pinned to him with wonder written on my face. Natatandaan ko ang tinutukoy niya. Iyon ang unang pagdating ko dito at may mga isda sa fountain akong nakita. I let out a soft chuckle, shaking my head a bit out of surprise. "You were there watching me?"

Nilublob nito ang isang kamay sa tubig at ilang mga isda ang nagsilapitan para tukain ang kamay niya. Mahina itong natawa na tila may naalalang nakakatawag bagay. "Yeah. I was secretly ridiculing you. Who on earth would mind feeding fish while carrying a maleta bag. You even have neck pillow"

Niliwas ko ang tingin sa ibang direksyon. Can't blame him. Kahit sino namang makakakita sa akin noong gabing 'yon ay mawiwirduhan.

"Then the second time was here" he continued.

"That's also the time you pointed a gun at me" I sluggishly said, reminding him how much he scared me that day.

"About that, I'm sorry" napakamot ito sa batok na tila batang walang maisip na katwiran maliban sa manghingi ng tawad.

"Not only that, you always threaten to kill me" I added, making it sound condemning to add his guilt.

"Yeah. I'm a violent person" his voice softened. "I scared people, threatened their lives, hurt them. It's hard to dispatch that side of me but I'm trying" he paused and glued his dark eyes on mine leaving sincerity in every word he said "Because of you, for the first time I feel inspired to be a good person"

Nanatili lang tikom ang bibig ko. I was caught off guard. I'm scared to stutter if I utter a word, so staying silent is the best rescue. My heart is racing again for whatever reason. I don't know how long I went silent before he broke it by shifting the topic to the food he brought.

"Let's eat?" pag-aalok nito. Tumayo ito at sinenyasan akong sumunod sa kanya.

My consciousness snapped at me. Ngumiti ako at tumango. "Yeah, sure. What did you bring?" I stood up and followed him as I peeked at the paper bag he's carrying. Naupo kami sa bato na nagsisilbing bench dito sa garden. Umangat ang tingin ko sa itim na kalangitan kung saan napapaligiran ng mga bituin na parang dyamante sa malayo dahil sa kinang. It's peaceful to enjoy this kind of ambiance. Quiet and relaxed. This is the perfect time to distract myself from the conversation I had earlier with Coleen.

Nilabas ni Reigan ang dalawang carton box at binigay ang isa sa akin. Pinagmasdan ako nitong buksan ang pagkain at kahit hindi ako nakatingin ay alam kong nakataas ang gilid ng labi nito. We started eating. Saktong kumakalam na din ang sikmura ko. It's just a simple fish fillet and vegetable salad with macaroni yet the taste was so good that you could barely find somewhere expensive restaurant at outside world.

"You like it?" Reigan asked like a chef wanting a comment to see if it's approved by someone's taste buds.

I smiled with my teeth showing and gave him a nod. "Yeah. Hands down. It's tasty"

"Good then. I told our chef I would cut his hands if he cooked it poorly"

I looked at him in disbelief. "Bakit mo naman ginawa 'yon?"

Pilyong ngiti lamang ang tugon nito na parang estudyanteng proud pa sa kanyang kalokohan. "It's my way of asking you to join me for dinner, so the food should be good," he reasoned. "Besides, it is our official first date. Everything should be perfect or romantic at least"

I grimaced as my eyes blinked in awkwardness. Hindi ko alam ang dapat magiging reaction ko since hindi ako sanay sa sweet niyang side na ganyan. Dinaan ko nalang ito sa mahinang pagtawa. "Friendly date you can consider"

"Friendly date?" patuya nitong sambit na may kasamang pekeng pagtawa.

I gave him a firm slow nod. "Yes"

"Wow," he whispered to himself as he sharply exhaled. Irritated.

I pretended I didn't hear it so I looked at him, acting clueless. "What did you say?"

"Nothing. You're just beautiful"

Para akong bulaklak na natiklop na bigla ulit natahimik. Ramdam ko ang pag-init ng pisngi ko pero pinilit ko yo'ng balewalain. He said it as if it's just random words that unconsciously slipped to his mouth. He's good at catching me off guard with random compliments. And I hate it.

**********

Thanks for reading!