Charlotte "Hi, I'm your past."

Perfect life. Yes, this is what your perfect life looks like, girl. You sit on the floor next to the washing machine and fold dirty laundry while your husband is at work.

On the one hand, it's great that he works and I spend his money. But it's also...boring. Especially when before I put that damn ring on my finger, my life was different. I was different.

"And where did the old you go, hmm?" Another piece of fabric went inside. "Your dangerous side?" Now the hand twitched even stronger.

"Your freedom? Danger? Lust?" I practically screamed into the void. "When do you get fucked and not make love?" I loaded the rest of the laundry so quickly that I just buried my face in my lap, starting to breathe quickly as the memories penetrated inside me.

"Tell me, do you like this? Right? How hard am I going into you, krasavica?" I cursed myself for such thoughts, trying to get them out of my head.

The problem is that I couldn't. I really tried. Honestly. But his shadow always loomed over me like a damn ghost. I ran away physically but not mentally. I pretend to be a good girl when I dream of being bad again. And that's not right. Firstly because I wanted it. Calm. Impeccability. Security. But actually it's still not what I wanted.

I wanted this then. From him. With him. Next to him. And I'm a terrible person. John clearly doesn't deserve someone like me. On the other hand, I love him. But I'm not in love. And the person with whom I was once in love is now in my nightmares, and my only desire. The reason why I want to kill him. I need to remind myself of this more and more often, because hatred attracts me even more to him.

I heard the impatient doorbell ringing for the fifth time. Leah. I quickly turned on the sterile machine and tiredly tried to open the door to the tsunami in the sight of my friend who had just collapsed on me.

"Hey, I'm ready to dress you up for tonight, baby!" She immediately slipped inside giving me a kiss on the cheek. "I think you should wear a red one with a cutout near the hip, or a black short one? I don't know. But I know that you definitely need to let your hair down and curl it and of course focus on your eyes and then..."

"God, where is my life going?" I muttered, closing the door and following her into the living room where she had already managed to jump onto the sofa with her legs dangling.

I leaned my elbows against the wall as she continued to talk. "Shut up!" I raised my hands, attracting her big eyes to me. "What are you even talking about?" "Um...about dinner with John and his partners?" Leah said uncertainly. "Exactly." I exhaled tiredly and hit my head against the cold wall.

I don't even like restaurants. Hate them. But like a good wife, I should always be close to my husband because it is right. That's what John thought, and that's what I should think too. After all, now I had to be good too. Correct. And of course obedient. But my brain was not like that and took me back to the past. Again.

"You don't want me to go with you? Say it!" "I want to, but I know that you don't like crowded places, so I'll decide everything myself and come back to you." "You've become so cute, I don't have even a few reasons to hate you anymore." "I think my tongue is to blame." "I think you're right."

"Hey, the earth is calling Charlotte!" I suddenly opened my eyes, pushing away from the wall, realizing that Leah's voice had just pulled me out of my memories. It's been 10 months since I was able to force myself to move on with my life. Without that life. Where there is everything I wanted. And where is he? But today was a slightly special day that made me plunge into the past as if it were yesterday. "Sorry, what did you say?" "I asked - red is more revealing than black. So which one?" Be normal. Answer black, answer black... "Red."

"Perfect." Her lips curved into a grin. "Now tell me." "What exactly?" Her eyes narrowed, making me swallow, but I continued to stand together, dreaming of merging with the wall. "You were thinking about him again!" Leah shouted indignantly.

Um, did I forget to say that Leah was part of my past life? So she was and remains my friend, because this way I can remain at least a little like myself. But there is also a minus. Our long-term friendship does not help me hide anything from this woman.

"No." "Look, of course you have the right to think about him today because you married him 6 years ago but..." Leah rolled her eyes. "You ran away. Everything has changed. Now I'm fucking calling you as Charlotte! And you have a new husband!"

"Thank you, but I didn't need a biography of my life." "I just wanted to say that..." "Leah, I understood." I put a fake smile on my face. "Dinner, remember?" "Right. What time will he come for you?

I winced, straining to wrinkle. "We'll meet at the restaurant." "We have little time!" Leah shouted halfway to my room. Honestly, if it weren't for my new life, which gave me a chance to survive, I would have killed someone now. "Oh God, help me survive."

It is difficult to explain how we became friends, where she is a cheerful open book for everyone, I am just a mysterious footnote to that same book. But I needed such a person to know and learn how to behave without blood on my hands. However, I never understood why blood is so scary. Isn't it wonderful that the blood in our veins makes us live, but at one moment the cause of our death? Oh, today is clearly not my day and if I continue like this, I'll run away again. But I don't run away anymore.

***

"You're so beautiful." My best friend said after she finished working on my appearance. I really was a beautiful girl. One has only to look in the mirror and the red dress perfectly fits my ample breasts and the slit opens up a view of my legs. Long legs. This look was not like what I have usually worn in recent months, but on this day I can make a mistake. "You look different, I like it." Because it wasn't me before. I tiredly plopped down on the bed from where Leah continued to watch me.

"Hey, your dress. Be careful!" "I don't care." "Listen, is everything okay? You're somehow very nervous... as if this is your first dinner at a restaurant." I shrugged. "I don't know, just a bad day."

I didn't lie. I woke up with John between my legs, but again I had to fake an orgasm. The coffee ran out, the memories became more acute and going to dinner on such a day seemed like a nightmare because of an idiotic premonition.

"Leah?" "Yeah?" She was already packing all her things into a large bag. This means it's time for you to leave too, Charlotte. How I want to tell you everything. What is eating me from the inside and is ready to explode like a bomb. She knows everything about me, but there is one important secret that no one should know. The very reason why I am here now. She doesn't ask, but I...

"I'll probably go soon to make it in time." I don't tell. My teeth sunk into my tongue, realizing that I couldn't communicate normally with people. I'm afraid that because of me, many good people will explode along with me. I'm too wild for all this. For this world and for these people.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" She hugged me and threw her bag over her shoulder. "Don't hide, I know it's hard for you to open up, but don't push everyone away." I pressed myself closer to her. "What would I do without you?" "It would be boring to live for you."

I don't know what moment later I heard the front door slam. I don't know how long it would take for me to be at the restaurant. I only remembered how my mind again sucked me into the past as soon as I leaned back and my head touched the pillows.

"Tell me...have you decided to drive me crazy?" A hoarse male voice sounded near my ear. I looked up and met his wild forest eyes in the mirror. An electric current immediately ran through my body, wanting more contact with him. "Hmm...am I succeeding?" I bit my lower lip, which was wearing bright red lipstick. "You know that you always doing this to me." His palm fell on my stomach, pulling me closer to him. Until my ass was completely pressed against him. "And you know that I will kill everyone who treats you badly and you have the right to wear any clothes, but you can't hide from me because..." His fingers began to drum on my stomach. "One...two...eight...four...three." I am obsessed with you.

I stood up abruptly when the phone started ringing and quickly found it and answered my husband's call. "Where are you?" He asked excitedly. "The guests are already here." "I..." Swallowing quickly, I got out of bed, feeling weak in my knees. "I'm just driving through traffic." "Hurry up, I feel awkward, my love." "Sorry." Damn my brain.

***

The drive to the address was terribly long. I was crazy late and now I really want to die. Not out of shame. And because the nightmare of my memories is now looking at me. Directly. Fucking. Against. Me.

"And finally my wife is here." My brain heard John's voice, but only my eyes glared at the man who did not take his eyes off me. I even stopped breathing especially when I felt my husband's touch. Shit. "Charlotte, this is Cade and his girlfriend Lizzie." He pushed me towards a chair. Cade? Since when he has name like that? "It's as if you were born as Charlotte." Whispered a poisonous inner voice inside me. Shut up.

"Nice to meet you." The petite blonde extended her hand to me. "Me too." I touched her palm and swallowed when I saw a huge palm next to me. "Nice to meet you, Charlotte." His voice made my skin crawl. I touched Cade's palm too slowly, realizing that nothing was in the past.

My gaze is full of hatred, burning through his eyes, which are shone with the same emotions but also... challenge. It seemed like an eternity after his absence from my life for so long.

His body filled my space, the smell of the forest and winter cold penetrated my nostrils, filling my lungs, and my heart beat wildly against my chest. But what scared me was how much my palm itched to twist his wrist and take revenge. Good girls don't do that. But what about me? I might end up in a bad place when I get out of here.

Should I have said that when my husband introduced me to Lizzie and Cade, I knew things would end badly. He is here. He didn't say a word to me after that. I also didn't say even one. I was even afraid to breathe. Because that means he found me. To take. Invade my life. And again destroy everything that I built without him.

I wanted to maintain my silence until the end of this evening, listening to how two people whose last name I bore and wear under two different names talk about some matters. His eyes glared at my face while John, as usual, did not pay attention to me during such meetings, but Cade shamelessly looked at me while Lizzie was telling me something. I wonder if she knows that Cade has a wife? Or is he planning to kill me? Doesn't matter. One damn evening and everything will be fine. And I would have survived if not for one big but...

"John?" I heard Lizzie's thin voice, which until that moment had addressed only me. "Do you know where the restroom is?" "Yes, I know, should I accompany you?" Damn your politeness John. "It would be great." Great, now I will be left alone with the devil thanks to the fact that the person wants to write.

My husband disappears from my field of vision along with her as if everything is fine. But that's not true... "I didn't expect to see you here, krasavica." My ex grinned. "Shut up." My eyes flashed dangerously. "You knew everything." "I'm glad you know me so well." He moved closer to me. "Then you know that soon your husband will accidentally die." "Why?" I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm not yours anymore." "You never stopped being mine, sweetheart."

"Hmmm, then I'll kill your beautiful girlfriend." "I love your jealousy, and how much of a psycho you are, like me" "I'm not like that anymore." I exhaled. "What do you want from me Cade?" "Where did you get that?" "Let me think....you bought an entire company to become my husband's partner just to talk to me, so what do you need?" "You." There was a grin in his eyes. "Not Charlotte, but Melissa." Fuck my life. —————————————- *krasavica - In Russian means beauty.