A part of me wanted you to never see the darkness that plagues the essence of my soul. I wanted you to see the part of me I keep hidden away..but I realize I could never be that type of man who freely could show my weaknesses to others. No matter how many times I wanted to tell and show you the truth, a part of me didn't think you would truly be comfortable seeing the side of me even my enemies dreaded seeing.

"Verena, Verena, Verena". I gasp and open my eyes as I look up to see my best friend, Zolani, staring down at me with concern as she touches my forehead checking my temperature. "I'm sorry I didn't realize I fell asleep". I place my hand against my chest, feeling my heartbeat that is beating at a normal pace. That dream felt too damn real. "You had me worried. I had been calling your name for the past five minutes. You didn't make a move.". Zolani takes out her stethoscope that is around her neck and proceeds to listen to my heartbeat. "I promise I'm fine Zo. I just fell asleep". Zolani ignores me while she proceeds to check my blood pressure as well. Zolani is a pediatrician just like me and works with me in my clinic here at Fountain View Children's Hospital. After moving here to Fountain View, it did not take me long to find a job position opening at the hospital.

Zolani was the first person I met during my job interview at Fountain View Children's Hospital and ever since then we have been stuck like glue."I've noticed you've been working yourself a little hard lately. Mind wanting to tell me what's going on". She places the medical equipment back on the shelf near my desk while she takes a seat in front of my desk in one of the light pink loveseat. "I've been having dreams about Eryx again", I reveal, placing my hand across my head. Zolani doesn't say a word as she stares at me for a moment. "Are you going to say something", her silence is causing me to worry that maybe she will say something off the wall like she normally does. "I've been telling you for the longest you are still in love with that man".

She then rolls her eyes, "But hey what do I know. I've been practically single for most of my adult life so maybe I look at relationships a lot differently than you do". I take hold of Zolani's hands. "Don't do that Zo. I keep telling you to go out on dates. It's plenty of men who have shown interest in you". Zo just smirks before letting out a snort. "All be damn if I go out with any of these damn homewreckers. You keep forgetting I know everybody in town". I begin laughing as Zo has a bewildered look on her face, which always causes me to laugh at her antics.

"Speaking of men, are you really thinking about going as Kieran's date for the masquerade ball on Friday". Kieran Alvarado was a hot wet dream, and he had been trying to get me in his bed since I moved here to Fountain View. I'm not sure what made him so persistent in pursuing me, but I was adamant about giving my heart to another man. Something about Kieran gave me chills and not in a good way. It was something about him that caused me to take an absolute pause. Do not get me wrong, he was gorgeous. He was the epitome of wealth and made sure to flaunt it any chance he got by arriving in town with a new car every month, to wearing tailored suits that were imported from an Asian designer overseas, as well as being on investors' board for Fountain View Children's Hospital. I am not too sure how he came into money, but rumors have circulated around town that Kieran and his family were drug traffickers. Being that my estranged husband, had a similar background, I stirred away from Kieran, but somehow over the years he it pushed him to pursue me, which involved asking for my phone number or offering to take me out on dates, which always would decline stating I was too busy with work, but one day it caught me off guard and somehow I ended accepted his offer, which I am later regretting.

"Make sure to call me if you have any questions or concerns about the medications I prescribed for Payton", I just finished up seeing my last patient of the day and was discussing the medications Payton, a five year old little brown skin girl, who made a habit of running into my arms and embracing every time she came to see me for her doctor visits. I cherished the moments I would spend with my patients. I loved interacting with children. It was the reason that influenced me to become a pediatrician. As well as I wanted to set an example for young, black people within my community that we needed more healthcare professionals who looked like us in the medical field. I had spent the entire day seeing patient after patient as I was running on fumes being that I woke up that particular morning at 4am. I was in need of sleep and my bed was calling my name. Just as I am clocking out for the day and saying my goodbyes to many of the doctors and nurses on staff, I see Kieran standing in the lobby with a bouquet of red roses in his hands. I cringed inwardly as I walked towards Kieran. "Hey Kieran, what are you doing here", I ask, keeping a neutral expression as I stare back at him, a smile plastered on his face. "I brought you these", he then motions towards the flowers and places them in my hands. I forcefully plaster a smile on my face. "Thanks", not even interested in smelling like I usually do being that I make a habit of going to a local floral shop every week to get new flowers to place in various areas of my home.

I avoid eye contact with Kieran for several moments before I glance back in his direction. He places his hands in his pocket, his Rolex watch gleams against the sunlight. "I was wondering if I could take you out to dinner tonight". I bite the corners of my mouth trying to find a way to turn him down once again, but before I can tell him no, my stomach begins to growl loudly. My eyes widen in shock as Kieran has an amused look on his face. "I guess someone is hungry". I sigh and rub the side of my face. "I guess so". Kieran then takes hold of my vacant hand, "Will you allow me to take you out to dinner", he then kisses my cheek. Instead of getting chills from his lips touching my skin, I feel nothing. "Yes that's fine". Kieran took hold of my hand. "Great. I know the perfect place". He then reaches for his phone and I watch as he makes a brief phone call as I wait for him to finish. Once he is done he takes hold of my hand and leads me out of my office. Instead of riding home with Zolani like I usually do I send her text telling her I am going out to dinner with Kieran. She immediately responds back.

Zolani: Hell must've froze over you letting Kieran take you out on a date.

Me: It's not a date, It's just dinner. Besides I kinda feel bad for turning him down all those times in the past.

Zolani: Bitch please. I know damn well you don't like that man

Me: I wouldn't say all of that, but let's just see how dinner goes

Zolani: Make sure to pin me your location

Me: I will. I'll text you later

An hour later, I found myself giggling at Kieran, him reminiscing on a childhood memory where he and his best friend nearly almost burned down his parent's home when he was 13. "Oh my god, you were a rebel child. My parents would have killed me if they thought of doing something like that". Kieran sits across from me as he laughs before chugging down the rest of his Jack Daniels. "I have had my fair share of rebellious moments during my childhood. Tell me what did it take so long to finally take me up on my offer to take you out". His question takes me by surprise as I shift my hands in my lap, not too sure how to answer the question. "It's not that I didn't want to go out with you. Just haven't been in the mind frame to want to date. Kieran raises his eyebrows in concern. "Oh I see. I'm sorry if I was being a little too forward". I shake my head, motioning for him to stop. "No, no, no need to apologize. It really is me. I just...", I sigh, "Have been through a lot.". I had no plans to share my drama with my husband with Kieran or any other man. It was none of their business. "Can I ask you something", Kieran then adds. I am curious to know what he wants to ask. "Okay", gesturing to him to continue on. "There is a masquerade ball the Hemsby Bank is hosting in a few weeks and I was wondering if you would be my date". I contemplate whether going out with Kieran would be a good idea. Without putting much thought into it, I responded back with a yes. Kieran leans forward and kisses my lips, which takes me by surprise. I don't push him off of me when his lips linger against mine. Although I don't have any butterflies at the pit of my stomach, Kieran's lips do feel nice.

"You should have just told him no like you have been doing in the past", Zolani answers back. Although I agreed to go to Hemsby Bank Masquerade Ball on Friday with Kieran, I was really looking forward to being that people were going to think we were an actual romantic couple, which I was trying to avoid. Since I accepted Kieran's invitation to go to the Masquerade ball with him, we have been calling and texting each other on the phone. More so, him doing the texting and calling than me. I answer his phone calls when he calls, but I do not really put emphasis on wanting to get to know him better. I make sure to keep the topics away from my life before moving to Fountain View. There have been several occasions where Kieran has tried to get me to talk about my past life, but I always revert the conversation to another topic. "Do you ever have plans to visit your hometown", Zolani suddenly asks out of nowhere. I frown in response. "Fuck no". Zolani's mouth is jared open at my response. "Dr. Vallea, I see I hit a nerve. Maybe you don't want to go home because you might run into that husband you still are in love with". I wave her off. "I am not in love with that man anymore". Zolani looks as though she doesn't believe a word I am saying as she crosses her arms in front of her. "Okay well why won't just file for divorce then since you are over the man".

Zolani knew that I was still legally married but she had no idea who Eryx truly was. I kept his background a secret from her being that if I shared with her who I was married to could put her in danger. Divorcing Eryx ran through my mind constantly throughout my time here in Fountain View, but every time I thought about getting a divorce attorney, I never actually went through with the process. I was scared that one day Eryx would find me and get revenge for leaving him in the way that I did. Eryx wasn't the type of man who took lightly to anyone crossing him.

"I see I hit another nerve. I guess a divorce to Eryx is out of the question then", Zolani states. I lean back in my seat and stare off into space. "You didn't hit a nerve. Just talking about him unsettles me and causes me to think about shit haven't thought about in a very long time. Zolani nods, a solemn expression covering her face. "Some day you are going to have to come to terms with your past. Running away is not going to solve your problems". I am starting to realize that now. Sometimes I do think about what my life would be like if I didn't leave. But I can't go back and change the past. "Luckily today is not that day".



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