The advantage of the warm weather is the clear sky that makes me want to go for a walk. Even though the sunlight is so strong that it hurts my eyes, this kind of light makes the photos look beautiful.

Besides, staying in the room makes me feel like I have nothing to do. So I pack my stuff in my backpack and take out my favorite camera to hang it from my neck and get ready to go out for a walk and take pictures in in Chiang Mai, where I've been for a few days before the semester starts, about two months ago.

I... Typhoon... I will be a first year student at the Faculty of Veterinary Medicine, in a strange place far from home, living alone without knowing anything. But it's okay, because being alone isn't much different from when I was at home. And at least I'll be closer to him...

When I took the exam, I chose the Faculty of Medicine as my first choice and the School of Veterinary Medicine as my second choice. I didn't think I would get in, but when I got into the Faculty of Veterinary Medicine, I hesitated whether to continue studying or to stop studying and read books at home. In the end, I decided to come to study for the same reason....

I don't want to stay at home. Being here... it should be better. And it's not only good for me. I moved alone to the residence my father found for me and he already took care of everything. He didn't complain or ask me a single word when I told him I wanted to study here.

Of course, the farther away from them, the better. My father had his secretary transfer money to me once a month. I talk more with my father's secretary than with my father. He works hard, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have free time. He has free time, but he chooses not to spend it with me.

After divorcing my mother, his life is going very well. His one-year-old daughter is so cute and enviable. If I get to meet her in the future, I will be a good brother to her and take care of her as well as Torfan took care of me. But I probably won't have that opportunity.

Living alone in a place far from home is not as bad as I thought. The dormitory is quite convenient. My father has been using money to support me forever. The same goes for cameras and photographic equipment. He transfers money to me without asking. He doesn't care what I do with the money. He just told me just don't overdo it and don't bother him too often.

The secret character in that woman's father's story will never know that his new husband also has a son named Typhoon, which is fine.... I'm not going to demand anything, I don't want to ask for an identity point for myself anymore.

I am Typhoon, a storm, the wind that blows and destroys everything and no one can see it. I saw people passing by the university during a school break. There weren't many people. The atmosphere at this university is not bad. It is somber and quiet. I couldn't help but raise my camera to take pictures. In fact, I always take pictures of everything because I really like taking pictures. It's the only hobby I have and, if possible, I don't want it to be just a hobby.

Torfan...

It's a little hot today, but I think Fan would definitely like it. As for the sky today, there are no clouds. The sky is very clear. I decided to post a new photo on Instagram.

I am a collector of sky pictures.

The reason is because it... it's my only sky. Both in the past and in the future, it was Fan's sky...and Typhoon's.

I intended to come here because I wanted to see it, but it wasn't really easy, I still don't know how to find him. What would I do after I found him? We haven't seen each other for four years. He must have changed a lot. We haven't had contact in the last four years. That's right... Why didn't we?

I got lost...

I've been a person who likes to get confused with addresses since I was a kid. I don't remember addresses very well. I get lost. Sometimes I confuse left and right. I tried to trust my feelings and follow that path, but the result was that I got more lost and it's harder to get lost.was that I got more lost and it is more difficult than before. The confusion between left and right started when I was a child. The teacher taught me to remember that my dominant hand is my right hand and asked everyone to right hand at the same time. Most people are right-handed, but I am left-handed. right-handed, but I am left-handed. So I have been confused about left and right ever since.

I remember walking out the door of the university, but I don't know which door it was. I kept walking straight until I probably walked out of the university. Since I've only been here a few days, I never realized that the sky here, when the sun sets, is not the same as it is at home. It can be different every day. And I had to stop when I came to a red light. Now I can't cross. I have to wait for the cars on this side to pass first.

No way.

I'd rather not cross.

I'm too afraid of cars. It's a scar from the worst thing that ever happened to me. That's why I've been trying to avoid crossing the street or driving when there are a lot of cars. I decided to walk backwards a bit.

"Are you going to college?" I said to the old man driving the songthaew who had stopped when I waved him over.

"Oh, I'm not going to college. I'm going in the opposite direction. You have to cross and flag down a car in the other lane."

"Oh..." I was silent for a moment and looked in the direction the old man was pointing.

Okay, I have to cross and flag down a car in the other lane to get one back to the university, right? But I said I didn't want to cross the street?

"So where are you going now, uncle?"

"To drop off tourists on the pedestrian street."

"Ah... The pedestrian street, I want to go," I said, hopping on a songthaew immediately after making the decision.

It would be nice to take a stroll down the pedestrian street. I had nothing else to do. I was sitting in a songthaew that was being driven down a fairly congested road. It was around 6 pm, the traffic would be the same no matter where I was in the world. The atmosphere of the city was different from those I had seen before. It was like opening up a new world for someone like me who doesn't go anywhere often. I was surprised to see the sign for the College of Pharmacy here.

What do you mean, is this faculty separate from the university? Including other health faculties such as dentistry or medicine. It's like it's separate from the campus itself. When the car passed the sign for the School of Medicine, I felt a little dizzy.

I probably won't see it yet. It's only the end of the semester, so I still have time to prepare myself, prepare my words and prepare mentally. Most important thing is that I still haven't decided whether I should tell Phi Fah everything or not....

I got off the songthaew when I saw everyone else getting off. It was almost 7 pm and it was the first time I had walked down a pedestrian street anywhere else.

I walked slowly toward the walkway, which was divided into two sides: the outbound side and the return side. The items for sale were a little unusual, such as key chains of elephant dolls or items that were unique to the northern region.

"How much is this?", I asked, pointing to a key chain.

"150 baht." Wow...that's expensive.

"It's handmade, so it's a bit expensive," smiled the old woman selling the item.

I nodded and bought it right away. It was handmade, after all. handmade, after all. It was expensive, but it was worth it. I kept walking, excited to find things I don't usually find. I'm not a person who travels often. I've hardly ever traveled far, like to the provinces, and more importantly...

This is the first time I've ever gone anywhere alone, and I've realized that getting lost is even easier than I thought it would be. I didn't think that the pedestrian street here had a fork in the road, until I turned, well, where did I turn?

If I keep walking, will I find my way back? I stood there confused for quite a while before I had to walk the way I turned, because I couldn't stand in the way of others for very long.

Oh no, am I going to walk down the pedestrian street and then turn back, how am I going to turn back? The road is so complicated, will I get lost until morning?

I stopped because I heard music. I walked towards the sound and found a large square that was having a performance. Musicians were playing musical instruments, and about six women dressed in Thai Lanna costumes were dancing. Wow, that was amazing!

Having never seen this before, I was very excited. I quickly picked up my camera. I barely had time to take pictures. Everyone was so well dressed up. The lights were all beautiful. In addition to taking pictures of the performance, I also took pictures of the sets, the stage decorations, the musicians, and the people watching the performance.

I moved to a place where there were not many people so I could take better pictures, until, by moving the camera, I could see one person. The image I see through the camera lens made me stop immediately. I slowly lowered the camera and looked at him with my own eyes.

Phi Fah...

I froze as my brain began to process. My heart started to lose strength and my hands and legs started to shake for some reason.

It really is Phi Fah... Phi Fah looks different from what I remember, but not much more than I imagined. I already thought Phi Fah must be a very handsome man, but he exceeded my expectations, because he looked even better than I thought.

Phew... Why is my heart beating so fast?

It seems Phi Fah didn't come alone, but since there were a lot of people and someone was blocking me, I couldn't see the other person who came with him. They seemed to talk for a while before leaving the show area.

Are they going to leave?

What should I do?

My legs were faster than my brain's commands. I just wanted to look at Phi some more. I didn't intend to greet him because I wasn't ready yet, but is it really good to follow him secretly like this, Phoon?

Phi Fah is very tall. From what I saw, he should be over 180 centimeters. I raised my camera to take a picture of the person I was secretly following. I disguised that I was taking pictures, and this action made me see the person who came with Phi Fah.

A woman...

I only saw her face from the side as she was turning to talk to Phi Fah, but just by seeing that, I could tell she was very beautiful. Her hair was down to her waist.

Would she be his girlfriend...?

Phoon... Why didn't you ever think Phi Fah had a girlfriend? That's right, someone like Phi Fah, how could he not have someone?

"Ah!", I shouted in surprise when suddenly someone pushed me.

"I'm sorry," that person apologized immediately. I turned to look.

He asked with a concerned expression, "Are you hurt?"

"N... It's okay," I quickly replied. It seemed that the person behind me had pushed me hard.

"Phoon."

I turned to look towards the source of the voice I heard.

"Um..."

The caller grimaced in surprise and looked at me. Phi Fah looked surprised to see me here, before walking quickly towards me. The woman next to him looked a little confused.

"Phoon, do you remember me? I'm Phi Fah."

"Yes...yes."

"What a surprise, did you come here for a walk?"

"Yes."

"You came alone?"

"Oh... yes."

"That's strange."

"Why?"

"Is Phoon no longer the boy who always gets lost like he used to?" Phi Fah asked with a playful smile.

It's the same as before....

Phi Fah is still the same....

I smiled slightly at the person in front of me.

"Um..." I turned to look at the person standing next to Phi Fah.

"Oh... He's my neighbor's younger brother, his name is Typhoon."

Ah... Typhoon... his neighbor's younger brother, of course.

"Oh... Hi. Are you a freshman?" She nodded at Phi Fah's words and turned to give me a friendly smile.

"Yes..."

"You don't have to talk to me formally, do you? My name is Mona. I'm also a freshman."

"Oh..."

"What faculty are you in?" asked Mona.

"Veterinary school."

"Oh, I'm in medical school."

"Mo, you have to go already, don't you?" asked Phi Fah.

"Hum, yes, my brother is waiting for me."

"How can I do?" said Phi Fah, thoughtfully.

"Wait, Phoon, can you wait for me here? I want to invite you to eat. Have you already eaten?" I shook my head.

"Well then, wait for me here please. I'll take Mo first and come back for you." I nodded.

"Bye, see you later." Mona turned to wave at me.

I smiled slightly and waved back. I watched the two of them walk away. He told me to wait here...

Since Mona is a woman, it would be dangerous for her to walk back unaccompanied, so it was okay for me to just wait here.

I stood there and waited while I looked between the tents, because if I continued on the walkway, I would be in the way of the others. My hands were sweating and I didn't know why, my pounding heart seemed to throb. What are you doing standing here, Phoon? Is Phi Fah really coming back or not? I still don't know. I looked up at the sky, it was already night and there were no stars, there was only darkness. It wasn't that bad. It was still beautiful.

Secretly, I was glad that Phi Fah was the same. He seemed to be kind to everyone, just like before. Phi Fah was raised to be like that, uncle and aunt are kind. No matter who he is, at first glance, you can tell that Phi Fah has been raised well in a perfect family. Perfect... in every way.

He is intangible heaven (sky)

Fah means 'heaven'.(Sky)

"Please excuse me."

"Oh, excuse me." I apologized when someone came to buy something and I was in their way.

I quickly moved to the other side. But no matter where I stood, it was like I was in everyone else's way. Until I had to squeeze myself again to get to the walkway.

And when I was on the walkway, I had to start walking with everyone else, following the flow of people, getting squeezed from one side to the other until I ended up in a place I didn't know.

Oh, no... Phi Fah told me to wait there. Where am I now?

That day, it was raining like every day during the rainy season. Since my province is a province that often encounters monsoons, I ended up full of dust and became a naughty boy who refused to go home.

No, what should I say? I was going back, but got lost because I heard a kitten and followed the sound. A little soggy kitten on a rainy day.

"Oh, come here." I slowly took it in my arms. It must have been very cold.

"You're all right now." I comforted him even though he was shivering just as hard as the little orange cat, who looked up at me.

"We can't stay like this in the rain. We both might get sick."

I kept running without knowing where I was going. I often got lost. Torfan often told me not to go to unfamiliar places, so I only knew the way back and forth between my house and school.

I found a bench that provided shelter from the rain. The environment didn't seem very safe, but there was no other option. As I sat down to rest, the cat in my arms began to crawl toward me as if it needed warmth.

"I'm soaked, too. You won't be able to get warm if you crawl in like that, or are you afraid?"

Of course he was afraid. I don't know where his mom went.Why did you leave your kitten alone? They probably wouldn't dare go out alone because there are so many dogs around here.

"Don't be afraid. I'm not just trying to comfort you. Someone will come to help you. Seriously, there will be a hero to help you. I can't take you back because I can't remember the way. We'll be good boys and wait here."

"Phi Fah."

"It rained a lot didn't it, what have you got there, a cat?"

"Yeah, he's lonely, so he came to snuggle with me."

"I guess you followed him and you don't know how to get back anymore, do you?" asked Phi Fah and sat down next to me, looking a little tired.

I looked at him and felt guilty.Why do I always depend on Phi Fa?

"Yes, I'm sorry Phi Fah. I'm just inconveniencing you again."

"No, you're not. Remember what I've always told you?"

"'If you get lost, sit and wait, and I will find you.'" I repeated what Phi Fah had always told me, for if I got lost and stubbornly tried to find my way back, I would surely get even more lost. So Phi Fah and I agreed that when I got lost, I had to be a good boy and wait for him to find me.

I always did.

"Yeah, you're not looking to get lost, are you?"

"True, but if I didn't help this kitty, he'd definitely be in trouble. He's shaking a lot."

"Let me see him," Phi Fa said.

I slowly handed the kitten to her. The other party took off her own sweater and put it on the kitten.

"I'll have to let this kitten wear it for today."

I nodded in agreement because Phi Fa usually wears a sweater when he comes to see me. Phi Fa said he intentionally brought it for me to wear.

"Phi Fa."

"Yes?"

"Do you think I can keep him?"

"Ah... mmm, wouldn't it be better if you found someone else to adopt him?"

"It's just... I want to raise him. He's lonely... like me. But if we're together, he won't be lonely anymore."

"You're not alone. You have all of us."

"But no one ever has time for me."

"Well, all right. Let's talk to Auntie."

"Hm... thanks Phi."

Phi Fa was always so kind.

___

"No way!"

"But mom, I want to raise him. I promise to take good care of him."

"If I said you can't, then you can't."

"But..."

"Stop it. If you're going to argue like this, then you'd better not talk to me anymore. Just go away. I'm going to work."

"... Okay."

"Mom won't let you?" Fan was waiting downstairs at home and turned to look at me, as I was walking down the stairs.

"Uh, mom's really mad."

"She must be in a bad mood about work." Fan said before turning to look at the kitten on the pile of old rags. Phi Fah was cleaning it up.

"Hmm."

No, Mom is always in a bad mood when I talk to her.

"Too bad. Why don't you ask Daddy?" said Fan as she sat down and looked at the kitten. "He's so cute, does he have a name?"

"Not yet. I haven't even thought of a name yet."

"I see. Fah, help me think of a name."

"Hmm." Phi Fah looked up and arched his eyebrows, slightly surprised by Fan's words.

"I'm not very good at coming up with names."

"But why should we name him if he won't stay with us?" I said with a sad face.

"I'll take care of him for you," said Phi Fah.

"Really?" asked Fan in a tone as if he couldn't believe it. "You're really going to take care of him?"

"Hmm, you can go play with him later."

"Will your parents let you?"

"I think they'll let him stay. I'll ask them," Fah replied. "Then, Phoon, you can name him, okay? Because he's not going anywhere."

"...Thank you, Phi Fah."

I named him Golden, because of his orange and gold color. When Fah moved out, we had to take care of him ourselves. My parents complained a little, but they let me take care of him. They probably thought we were responsible enough to take care of him. But now, Golden...he's gone. He died a few months ago. There was nothing I could do to save him.

"Phoon."

I turned my gaze back to the source of the voice, as I happily browsed the items on sale. He found me...again....

"Yes."

"Why aren't you in your original place?"

"M...I got squeezed." The person in front of me seemed a little surprised by my words, I guess because I didn't refer to myself in the third person, as I used to do as a child.

"Okay, let's eat."

"Ah... okay."

I followed Phi Fah, not daring to say anything because I was so nervous I couldn't articulate a word. Besides, I'm not very good at talking, so I didn't know how to strike up a conversation.

"Do you want to eat something special?"

"No, nothing special."

"Then how about this place?"

"Yes."

So we walked into the roadside restaurant Phi Fah had chosen. It was a regular restaurant that seemed to be open not only on days when there was a street hawker market. After ordering, while waiting for the food, the atmosphere was tense...for me.

"What made you think of coming to study so far away?" Phi Fah began to ask.

It was normal for people who hadn't seen each other in a long time to ask each other.

"Oh... I just wanted to try..."

"Study veterinary medicine?"

"Hmm... Yes."

"That's strange. I never thought you liked it here."

"Well... No, I like it." I lowered my head and replied, reaching out for a glass of water.

"Phi Fah, are you studying medicine?" I asked again, even though I already knew the answer.

"Yes. Did you come here alone? Or do you have any friends studying here?"

"No, I came alone."

"Oh really? You are so brave."

"How are you, Phi Fah?"

"I'm fine. How are you Phoon?"

"Just...everything's fine." I sobbed secretly to reduce my excitement.

Why was I so tense?

"The girl from before... is she your girlfriend?"

"Oh, Mona? No, just a Nong."

Just a Nong...

"Ah, okay."

I'm also just a Nong in his eyes. Phi Fah is like that, he is kind to everyone and treats everyone well. I have seen people fall into the trap of kindness. They think they are special, but in the end they are no different from others. Phi Fah doesn't think anything of it.... But his kindness is the cruelest. That's why I said that it's heaven that seems close but cannot be touched or possessed.

"How are your parents?"

"Oh, Dad's fine." I answered truthfully. I turned to thank the waiter who brought the food. "But I don't know how Mom is..."

"Why?"

"My mom and dad got divorced and...mom disappeared."

"...I'm sorry."

"Ah...she's fine."

"What about Torfan...how is she?

"Fan..."

How much pressure can a child take from their family? I think I'm someone who has always been patient. I'm patient, obedient, and I follow everything. I tried and I tried even harder, but no matter how hard I tried, I was never good enough.

"Can you stop bothering me already?"

"Phoon..."

I looked at the face that was filled with worry, fear and sadness. Torfan was crying. She was standing and looking at me from the door in front of my house. I had lost my patience with everything and I unintentionally yelled at her.

I yelled at Torfan...for the first time.

"Don't call me. You're annoying."

"Phoon... Don't go."

"Let's get out of here." I got on the motorcycle and turned around to tell my friend who was driving, before he rode out the front of the house.

Yes...

I'm running out of patience. It became a feeling of resistance.

Throughout my childhood, I carried everything. At one point I couldn't take it anymore. In high school I started to feel it was unfair. Why did it have to be me?

Why did I have to be the one who had to go through something like that? Why? I did the best I could. Why didn't they ever think of me? If she doesn't love me, why did she give birth to me?

It's all about Torfan.

Oh... Then they didn't have to have me.

Thinking back... Who can blame Typhoon for becoming a problem child? He wants acceptance, he wants praise, he wants attention, and if he doesn't get that at home, with his friends he does.

So... Where would he be happiest?

Typhoon is a lost child.... He has gone astray.

"Phoon, aren't you sleeping at home today?" A friend asked while we were at his condo. You could call it our hangout place.

"No."

"Why, have you two had a fight?"

"Yes, I'm angry."

"Who was that? The one who was talking to you when I came to pick you up, she was very pretty. Does she have a boyfriend?"

"No, no. She's banned," I said, lifting a glass of liquor from the table, and letting the bitter taste flow down my throat.

"Turk, pass me one."

"Here." He handed me a cigarette.

I held it in my mouth and lit it. I didn't like it at first, but after trying it a few times, I became addicted. After all, all my friends smoked - how could I not? At least alcohol and cigarettes could help me forget some of the pain.

"How many days have you not slept at home? You almost moved into my apartment."

"Why, can't I sleep here?"

"Sure."

"Are we going to skip school? I'm too lazy." Another friend asked.

My group was a bunch of naughty kids. Sometimes I went to school and sometimes I didn't. I had never done anything like that before. I was skipping school like crazy.

Er... Why should I study hard if I don't even get any compliments even if I get a low score on the exam? I'll get scolded for not going to school at all.

"I won't go," I said.

"Phoon, even if you get a zero."

"I don't care."

"Cheer up, that's the end of it. I'm not going with you."

I turned to look at the phone with Fan's incoming call. I sighed in annoyance before stepping out onto the balcony and answering.

[Phoon, where are you, come home].

"I told you not to call me anymore."

[Can we talk nicely?]

"I won't talk to you. There's nothing to talk about. You're annoying, stop being nosy."

[Phoon...]

Then I hung up and took another cigarette to calm down. Since when did I start feeling... hatred for Fan? It wasn't her fault. Deep down, I knew it, but at the time, I still couldn't control myself very well. My parents only loved Fan, their interest was Torfan and anything that had to do with her. Whenever there was a comparison, it made me feel like I was so inferior and the only way to not let me feel so worthless was to build a wall to protect myself.

Torfan should be able to understand why. Even though I acted so badly, my parents didn't even care. Even though the teacher sent for my parents, no one came. It was Fan who came to talk to the teacher instead.

She was a good student, had good behavior, and was a student that all the teachers at school loved. So, the teachers tried to overlook my absences as Fan's requested. She was the only one who called me to come home, but it was no longer necessary..

That house was not my place.

I spent almost a month of my life with that mess. Until I thought I couldn't go back. Sometimes, I felt guilty. But when I thought about why I had to go through something like that, I decided not to. Torfan and I fought every time I went home to change my clothes. She would beg me not to leave anymore, but I wouldn't listen. I started yelling, screaming, and using harsh words I shouldn't have said.

I didn't know how upset she was...and what was even more infuriating was...that at that moment, I didn't care at all.

____

"Turk, that idiot is looking at your wife," said one of my friends who was drinking with me. We were at a bar to celebrate one of my friend's birthday.

"Where?"

"That idiot in the orange T-shirt."

"How long has he been looking at her?"

"From what I can tell, it's been a long time."

"Do you want to hit him?"

"Hit him, he looks like he's from that school too."

"Hey, you have to hit him."

Then my group of friends got up and went out to find trouble with another school. One thing I don't really like is fighting. You could say I'm a coward, but the reality is I hate using force.

"Phoon, come on."

"Are you a coward?"

You go." I replied evasively.

Some friends who didn't go stayed with me and their girlfriends. I was sitting with them as I watched my friends start fighting, it had become customary for them to do so. At most, there were two or three people fighting, but I didn't think they would add more people until the store turned into chaos.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" a woman screamed as a liquor bottle was thrown toward her.

Store staff had to come and stop them, but they were caught in the crossfire until the manager had to ask other customers to leave first for safety.

"Hey, are you trying to escape?"

Huh?

Me?

"W-wait a minute." I was surprised when my neck was suddenly pulled up and a strong punch landed right on my face, which made me fall down due to the force used.

It's going to hurt...

"Are they friends of yours? I need to teach them a lesson so they don't mess with me."

I hadn't even gotten involved in the fight....

"Again!" I gritted my teeth as I got hit again.

Damn, it hurt like hell. That's why I don't like to fight. Before the staff came to arrest the person who was fighting me, I took that opportunity to hide somewhere else.

I quickly pulled out my phone to check who was calling when the ringtone rang.

It was Torfan calling again. I quickly hung up the phone.

But then Fan called again. I had to answer.

[Phoon, are you at the bar?]

"How did you know?"

[A friend told me he saw someone hit you, is that true?]

"It's not."

[I'll come get you.]

"Right now?"

[Yes, I'll come get you and bring you home now. Do you want me to go crazy with worry? I won't listen to anything you say anymore. Don't argue with me. Don't go anywhere. Wait where you are. I'll be there in ten minutes]

Torfan then immediately hung up without listening to me. I tried to call back but she didn't answer.

Are you crazy?!

It's already late, it's dangerous. Besides, Fan's voice sounded scared. I bet she'll come for me quickly. No way... It's dangerous even later at night.

I was so anxious I couldn't sit still, but I didn't dare call again because I thought she might be driving. It was almost thirty minutes before the situation in the bar calmed down. She still hadn't arrived.

I waited on the spot, but she did not come for me. I felt an indescribable relief when I saw her number calling, but when the voice on the other end of the line was unfamiliar, my heart sank as I listened to her words.

[Excuse me, are you a relative of the deceased? We saw this number as the last number on the phone].

"What....deceased?"

_____

"It was your fault!" a shrill voice shouted as the owner of the voice pushed me against the wall.

A small palm smacked my face over and over again until blood began to trickle out of the corner of my mouth.

"Stop it, stop it."

"You little brat, you little devil, you killed my daughter, my daughter died because of you!". I looked at the woman who was almost mad with rage in front of me.

Mom...

"...I'm sorry." I lowered my head and spoke softly, letting the tears flow.

Even though the blood was still flowing from my mouth, it didn't hurt at all from being attacked at that moment. It didn't hurt at all. My whole body was numb.

"I'm sorry..."

Sorry...

Fan... I'm sorry. Sorry...

Torfan's body was taken to the hospital for examination. It was discovered that she had been hit by a drunk driver. The assailant did not even know he was drunk and was punished according to the law.

After that, the body was taken back to the house. The funeral was held in a simple manner. Apart from the locals, no one knew anything about this matter. They did not want the townspeople to find out that their daughter had secretly gone out with the car at night to pick up her younger brother at a bar and had been hit by another car resulting in her demise.

Included in this was Phi Fah's family, who were not told because they were my father's benefactors. So my father could not let the uncle know or else he would never have had the courage to receive it.I sat in front of the coffin that was placed in the house.

I didn't want to go out to greet I didn't want to go out and greet the guests. I didn't want to get that look. Of course, I hated the words the locals said.

"If he hadn't acted like that, his sister wouldn't have died."

"That's right. What the hell. His parents didn't want him anymore. Only Fan was looking out for him. and now?"

"Nobody wants him, so he's in trouble. That kid."

"Think about it. What good person would go to a bar this late at night? I heard he got into a fight with someone that night."

"That's true. I don't know why Torfan was so worried. If it had been me, I wouldn't have gone out looking for him."

"She was hit by a car because of him. If she had stayed at home it wouldn't have happened. What a pity. I heard she was a good student and she's her parents' future. Torfan, oh Fan."

I haven't been able to sleep well since the day she died, I would wake up in the middle of the night and just hide in Torfan's room.

I didn't know how long the tears would last. No matter how long I waited, the sadness wouldn't go away. I simply understood what it felt like to be exhausted, even to stand up?

My whole body was exhausted and I didn't even have the strength to move, but the tears wouldn't stop.

I heard my father's voice....

It was my parents arguing downstairs. I didn't want them to fight, so I bent down and thought about how I could stop them.

"Stop it! I'm tired of men like you."

"Why, what do men like me do?"

"You are so shameless. Even after you get married, you still get other women pregnant. How can you do that!"

"We've already talked about this. Why do you have to bring it up again?"

"Why, why can't I talk about it? Are you afraid of other people finding out? Are you afraid of being the center of attention in town, aren't you? Why, is Rit, a respected person in society, ashamed of other people knowing that you're a promiscuous man?"

"Shut up! This is not the time to talk about this, you know?"

"Why, I'll talk, since that son of a bitch killed my daughter! I raised him for more than ten years, that's enough. Every time I look at him, I can't forget how evil you are. It always reminds me of who ruined our family."

"I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to get her pregnant."

"So what? She got pregnant anyway. And that bastard, in the end, killed my daughter."

"Torfan was my daughter too, you know."

"Why did it have to be Torfan? Why wasn't it that child who died instead? Hey! Why did it have to be her ?.... Fan, my daughter."

Then Mom began to collapse on the floor, crying. Dad didn't know what to do either.

The same thing is happening to me.

It was like the world was crumbling and breaking into pieces. That's right, Fan... Why wasn't it me?

___

"Phoon."

"..."

"Phoon."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Why are you so distracted?"

"Um... No, no."

"Do you want to eat first? It's going to get cold."

"Yes." I quickly scooped some rice into my mouth, wiping away the tears that were gathering around me. I can't cry here.

"Ah... Y..."

"Yes?"

"What did you just ask Phi Fah? I haven't answered you yet."

"How is Torfan?"

"She's... fine."