"Why did you do this?"

"..."

"You think you can do whatever you want with me just because you see me as your Nong?"

"...Calm down."

"How can I be calm? I'm a person too, Phi. You don't have to do this to me."

"Son of a bitch, Jo. Make your boyfriend stop getting so irascible."

"I told you, he's an irascible player."

"Phi Arthit! I'm your Nong, you know, do you see me as your Nong?"

"Yes, you are my Nong, or do you want to be my wife?"

"Thit."

"I know, Jo. I can't make fun of you."

"You're playing heavy."

"I know, I'm trying too."

The image in front of me was North and Phi Arthit playing a mobile game together. North is the kind of impulsive player as Phi Jo said. I've never seen North get as angry about anything as he does about games, and he takes it very seriously.

But the cutest picture is North sitting on Phi Joe's lap. It's become a familiar image because these two have been that way since before they started dating. Ter sat next to Phi Hill, leaning on Phi Hill's arm. I sat next to Foam and sat across fromPhi Fah....

This kind of event happened often because my friend was dating his friend, but we didn't look at each other or talk. I usually came to sit and play more with Foam.

Phi Fah was attentively writing a paper.... On one side, there was a box of chocolate milk I bought him this morning. I couldn't help but smile - why was I feeling so happy? Phi Fah only drank the milk I bought him. What Phi Fah sent back was in my bag. I didn't even open it to see what it was. I'll go back to my room and check later.

"Phi, I clicked, I clicked, why did you back out?"

"Open your eyes wide. If I add my blood, everyone will die."

"Phi Kak, tell him."

"Kak is a piece of shit."

"Phi, share with the scum."

"North."

"Why, Phi Arthit, what are you going to do?"

"You're bothering me. You should come to a personal meeting with me. You're so foul-mouthed."

"I'm just criticizing you. Do you think I'm afraid?"

"I think you and I are too close."

We laughed at the two people who were getting angry because they were playing a game. I hadn't seen Phi Arthit like that many times, probably because I don't talk to him. But when I saw him with North, it was funny.

"I was just joking around. I respect you anyway."

"You already patted me on the face, you know?"

"Oh, you didn't tell me I couldn't do that."

"You're such a little brat."

They both said that while still laughing. It's really entertaining when North and Phi Arthit play together. When North played with his engineer friends, it was the same.

But North said he didn't want to play with us because he didn't want to let out a curse saying that he would feel guilty later, but.... Why is Phi Arthit playing while Phi Fah is working?

"Fah... Where are you going?"

"I'm going to the bathroom for a moment," Phi Fah replied to Phi Hill after getting up from the table. North looked away from his phone screen and turned to look at Phi Fah.

"Phi Thit, is Phi Fah upset with us?"

"No."

"But we were so loud I forgot Phi Fah was working."

"It's okay. In the middle of a concert, Fah will be reading books. You can go back and keep playing. The top lane is going to fight again."

"Hey, how will we fight?"

At first, I was secretly afraid that Phi Fah would be mad at me because I sat at the table with him, but it's been like that for almost a year. It should be fine. Besides... Even though it's a little awkward, I still want to see him like I said before.

"Thit, what are you doing?"

"I'm hungry."

"Fah will be angry later," Phi Hill said to stop him when he saw Phi Arthit reaching out to open Phi Fah's bag.

"Oh, that's nice."

"Thit..."

"It's all right."

Phew.

"Do what you want, but you know he's forbidden you." Phi Hill sighed lightly.

I looked confusedly at Phi Arthit, who was searching through Phi Fah's bag, and understood immediately when I saw that Phi Arthit pulled out the snacks he had just bought for Phi Fah this morning.

Wait... Don't tell me that...

"...Hey!" shouted North immediately after seeing the outrageous act. "Is that okay?"

"Fah doesn't care. It's normal."

"Are you saying it's normal for you to steal things?"

"You're making me look bad."

"No, but it's what it looks like now," North said softly, but everyone heard him.

"I won't eat it. I was just kidding."

"What?"

"Thit!" Phi Fah's voice sounded behind Phi Arthit as he was about to open the bag of snacks. I was worried that Phi Arthit would actually eat it, but Phi Fah came back in time. "What are you doing?"

"Let me rest a little, Fah. I'm hungry."

"No way." Phi Fah said as he took the snack from her. Phi Arthit shrugged nonchalantly.

"You're so stingy. It's just a snack."

"I warned you Fah would be mad for sure," Phi Hill said.

"Are you mad at me, Fah? It's just a snack, it's no big deal."

"I'm not mad," said Phi Fah before sitting down and putting the snack back in his bag.

"I told you Fah wouldn't be mad."

"But this semester, I won't do the work for you anymore."

_____

"Phi Fah is protective of his snacks, you know that."

"Foam, stop making fun of me, you've been making fun of me since we left."

"It's a big deal, didn't you see he doesn't even want to be touched?"

"Foaaaammmm."

"Okay, okay, okay, I'm going."

"Hmmm... Drive carefully."

"OK. See ya."

"See ya." I stood there looking at Foam who had led me back to the bedroom, smiling broadly, unable to stop myself. I've been trying to hold back my smile since I got there.

Phi Fah...protect my snacks too.

I quickly ran back to my room and sat down at the table, ashamed of myself. Oh my god...why is my heart beating so fast? Am I going to have a heart attack? My face feels so hot.

Without delay, I quickly opened the bag and took out the bag Phi Fah had given me and opened it immediately. Since the first time Phi Fah sent me something back, we have been sending each other things and writing little letters to each other for almost a month, like pen pals.

In the past, they were just regular snacks with a note written by him, something like. "Enjoy your meal" or "Have a nice day." They were just normal messages...but it was never normal for me.

This time it was an unfamiliar box of chocolates. It must be expensive.

Along with a piece of paper with a message written on it: "Is this chocolate sweet like you? :)"

____

"What is this, is it for me?"

"Can you raise your head a little so I don't talk to the back of your head?"

"North."

"The sound is lost."

"Northahthathth."

"Cat!" North's laughing voice came from the video call in front of me. After seeing Phi Fah's message, I almost had a heart attack. It took me almost ten minutes to regain my composure. someone and North were listed as the last chat.

"North, I'm like..."

"Yes."

"My hands are shaking. Is my heart going to burst?"

"Easy, Phoon." Since I felt my face was very red, I kept covering it with my hands.

When I looked up, I saw North lying on the couch, snacking comfortably. "Would you like some chocolate? Maybe it will make you feel better."

"No chocolate." I said in a muffled voice. "I don't eat anyone's chocolate anymore."

"You just want Phi Fah's chocolate."

"Hey you..."

"Or do you want chocolate that's as sweet as you?"

"North! You still haven't stopped teasing me."

"Sorry, I've been holding back. I haven't teased anyone in a long time."

"This, is this a... flirty text message? Or what?" I asked again. The person on the other end of the video call sighed with annoyance.

"Oh, you've already asked me that a hundred times."

"We're no longer pen pals or Phi and Nong, are we?"

"What do you want from him? Oh, Phi Fah isn't wooing you enough?"

"Ahhhhhh.... At first, I thought... 'We'll be just pen pals', as if it's enough just to chat..."

"Are you the talkative type?"

"Uh, not the adventurous type like you."

"I told you to be adventurous, what if Kang ends up with a dog, Kang isn't just cat food like you."

"Are you saying Phi Fah is Kang?"

"Am I comparing him?" North put me back in a bored tone. "Don't stay in your safe zone or you'll be there for the rest of your life."

"I know. I need some time."

"But Phi Fah, he got out of his safe zone first." North said. "Hey, didn't you say you were going to court Phi Fah? Phi Fah is clearly courting you. What are you going to do if you make him like you first?"

I buried my face in the fat cat doll even harder. I was so embarrassed by what North said that I almost bit the fat cat's ear. Not knowing what to vent my feelings, I hit him.

"Calm down, Supaporn's ear is broken."

"I hate the name Supaporn."

"Phi Phung Dai gave it to me."

"I hate the name Phi Phung Tai too."

"Because it's called Phi Phung Dai," said the other party without much care. This fat cat doll, Daotok called him Supaporn...which he thought didn't really match his face. But no matter, Supaporn is Supaporn.

"Hey, where's Phi Jo?", I asked.

"He hasn't come back yet."

"Work?"

"That's right." North pouted slightly. When we talk about Phi Jo and he's not there, he always gets like this. will he notice?

"It's just a bit of work but since it was urgent, he had to go help."

"Hmm, he's really talented."

"Phi Fah is also good."

"Why?"

"I heard Phi Fah and Phi Jo talking about some kind of project involving hospital equipment. Phi Fah is involved in much of the family's hospital business, and apparently he's having trouble with the equipment. He probably has an idea for how that can be fixed, and he asked for a consultation with Phi Jo."

"Wow... So, it's like they're going to repair a piece of equipment or upgrade it?", I asked dumbfounded.

"I think so. I saw that they would take a look at it together first. If it's okay, they'll put together a project and present it to Phi Fah's father and Phi Jo's father. I think it's like a job that the company would do together with the hospital."

"Wow, that's great." My eyes widened in disbelief. It sounded so great.

"So Phi Jo is interested in Phi Fah's idea?"

"Anything that makes money, Phi Jo is interested in," North said, letting out a laugh. "Really, as a business person, if you can see profit and a way to continue, one must dare to take a risk and invest."

"You're great. I couldn't do it." Then North and I talked endlessly for almost fifteen minutes, before I realized he had taken me off topic again and out to sea, where I don't know, I almost forgot what we were really talking about.

"So, what are you going to do now?" asked North, raising an eyebrow and pretending to have a serious expression...disturbingly serious. I responded with a pout.

"I don't know. I guess keep talking."

"Aren't you going to answer if you're 'sweet as chocolate'?"

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"Answer, 'I'm sweeter than your chocolate,'" North said. Then a guffaw was heard. It's always funny when he says it himself. "I'm kidding, I'm not serious."

"I wouldn't tell him," I shook my head. "If things get better between me and Phi Fah, I think it'll be fine, but secretly I'm afraid."

"What are you afraid of?"

"Like...I'm the one in the letter. If Phi Fah finds out, will he be disappointed?

"Why is he disappointed?"

"Because it's me."

"Why are you?" North raised his eyebrows in confusion. "Don't put yourself down. I think what's more of a concern is your father than Phi Fah. If he knows, all will be lost."

"Oh...that's true." I said when I finished remembering....

My father... I haven't contacted my father for a long time. Probably almost a month. Most of the calls were Uncle Kong calling from time to time to ask about money that had been transferred to me.

"It's been a long time since I've talked to my father."

"It's not like that," I shook my head, "anyway...if he orders it, I could be transferred. Really, he doesn't care if I have friends or anything, or where the relationship between us will go, or what will happen to him. Anyway, I can't reveal the identity of the person in the letter."

"After getting him to like you, you'll just disappear? Why are you so cruel?"

"I didn't say I would disappear."

"You've disappeared from Phi Fah once before. Are you going to disappear again this time?" asked North with a serious expression. "The last time you did it, I thought you had been very mean."

"I know," I nodded, because it was something that hurt Phi Fah's feelings in various ways or if it was something that came from me without giving a reason.

"Even if I claim to have a reason, he still doesn't know it. Besides... no matter how much I have a reason and then I just hurt someone else. That doesn't work, does it?"

"Yeah...now you understand," North said before falling silent.

"I'm learning my lesson, aren't I," I said. Those were the words North said to me many times, many times I thought about blaming myself.

"Don't do it again."

"Understood. This time will definitely be better than last time," I said with a smile. "I have to do something."

"Yeah, if Phi Fah comes like this, one day you'll definitely come out of the closet. You can't let your father's story go on like this."

"But I don't have any good ideas. Talking to him never works."

"How about taking extreme measures?"

"What do you mean?"

"What does your father do?"

"He works for a real estate company."

"Should I ask Phi Jo to buy that company? If you own the company, you'll definitely be able to squeeze your father."

"What's your heart made of?" I said with a chuckle.

North didn't inherit his wealthy nature from Phi Jo, but he's been joking like that ever since. How about buying the world and sending it to Mars? Buying a faculty and getting an A for himself?

"That's too much."

"I was just kidding. Forget about your father for now. Thinking about it gives me a headache. First, let's address the present."

"Oh, but you're the one who started the topic about my father."

"Oh, never mind. Forget it." Since I didn't want to think about it, I changed the subject. Is it that easy? ....

"So, what's next?"

"Let's go back to the original question." I sighed. My eyes looked at the letter from Phi Fa that I had left on the table, thinking about how to answer him. Probably seeing the picture of those two and Dao wasn't helping me.

"I think I'll keep talking to him."

"You won't make any moves anymore?"

"Do you want me to make the moves?"

"I can't wait for you to do it."

"Well...I think it's nice to move slowly. Oh, I just bought a Polaroid camera," I said, holding up the Polaroid camera I had decided to buy the day before for North to see. "I can take some pictures and send them to Phi Fah."

"Yeah, that's nice."

"Yeah, Polaroids are cool, huh?" I began to ramble on about the advantages of Polaroid photos. Being someone who likes cameras, I accidentally went a little overboard, until North gave me a bored grimace.

"The colors when the photos come out are really beautiful."

"Okay, that's good. And don't send a selfie by accident."

"Are you crazy?"

"I think Phi Fah must be really romantic." North got up, grabbed a new bag of snacks and leaned back to continue eating. "Seeing the prayer he sent you, how could he not be embarrassed?"

"Hmm." I raised my eyebrows at North's words. "Isn't he a romantic?"

"Yes, did you lose?"

"I lost."

"Lost to romantic people?"

"Lost to Phi Fah."

"You're good at that, aren't you? You should use that phrase" North chuckled a little.

We chatted casually for quite a while. I don't talk to friends like that very often, but I talk to Dao often because Dao doesn't really have anyone to talk to. As for Ter and North, they are already with their boyfriends, and Foam, who said he has someone new to talk to.

"Okay, Phoon, let me ask you something."

"What?"

"Why do you want Phi Fah to be your sky?"

"I don't want him to be, but he's my sky now."

"But didn't he tell you that he couldn't be anyone's sky?"

"Hmm." I nodded slightly. "I let him be himself, you know. Even if he didn't accept it, I didn't want to force him. It's like, 'It's my business if I like him.'"

"Yeah, you're being stubborn. You really like him."

"Even though I'm afraid of lightning or the sky when it's dark, I still like it. It's like, no matter what you are, I still love you for being you. The sky is beautiful at any time. When the sun rises or sets, when there are clouds and rain, at night with or without stars. rain, at night with or without stars, it's still beautiful to me. So even if Phi Fah says the sky is not always beautiful, I...I think the sky is always beautiful."

"May be Phi Fah... may be there is a side that I have never seen, like you said, that people always have many facets. But if I approach slowly like this, little by little, I hope we will get to know each other better."

_____

Tonfah POV

"Hello."

"You're very comfortable."

"Normal."

"Have you been awake for long?"

"Not long."

"Does your head hurt?"

"Damn."

"Eat and take your medicine." I left the bag of food on the table in front of the couch where Arthit was, he looked like he hadn't slept. Last night, he was drunk and knocked on my door. I didn't ask why he came to see me. I assumed it was because he didn't want to go home.

He was hungover on the couch all day, so he didn't go to class today. Not only did I have to finish my homework, I also had to buy him food and lend him the couch.

"Thank you. The Lord has blessed me," Arthit teased me a little before getting up to open the lunch box.

"Sorry to bother you."

"No problem, what made you so drunk?" He shrugged nonchalantly, still chewing his food.

I looked away from the person eating. If it was the same old reason, I didn't want to ask again. I sat down on the small couch next to him, exhausted. Today is another extremely tiring day?

"You look tired."

"Um, tired."

"Tonfah is tired, isn't he?"

"Yes, Tonfah is tired." I smiled unintentionally.

"Arthit's tired?"

"Hahaha, if I were you, I'd be a complete asshole."

"What do you mean, full of shit?"

"Everything."

Hill once said that Arthit and I are polar opposites. Arthit is someone who loves freedom, doesn't care about anyone or anything and can go anywhere he wants. He does whatever he wants, unlike me, who likes to take care of others to the point that sometimes it seems too much, but I don't know why, it's a habit since I was a kid.

"Do you remember?"

"Of what?"

"What Hill said once, that if you and I got together, we'd become the most perfect person."

"But I don't want to be with you."

"I don't want to either. It's a comparison." I turned to him "Thit."

"What?"

"Do you have cigarettes?"

"Yes, why?"

"Can you give me one?"

"Do you want to smoke?"

"Hmm."

I'm not a heavy smoker, only sometimes, when I can't control my feelings, like this time. We went out to the balcony and stood smoking together.

"Are you all right? I thought you had a hangover" I asked him.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be fine?" I inhaled deeply of the gray smoke and exhaled. The view in front of me was a familiar landscape filled with thin smoke.

"It doesn't match."

"What does?"

"You, you're smoking and you're wearing a student uniform."

"It's okay, no one sees me."

"I see you."

"You don't count, Thit." I turned to look at the person next to me. He had his messy hair pulled back, was wearing a black T-shirt and shorts, and his face looked exhausted. "Are you saying the image doesn't go with me?"

"Who do you want me to answer to?"

"To other people."

"Um, not at all. Smoking isn't enough."

"Hmmm." I looked away with a look and a sense of emptiness. I am 'sky'...the sky my father had hoped for. The sky that is higher than any other and the tree my mother wanted me to be, the one that is always a refuge for others. But... What about me?

Do I really want to be like that?

Everything has always been "expected" from me, since I was born and my parents gave me this name, everyone expected everything from me. They expected me to be a good person, a good student, a kind person, to be this or that. So I was taught to be like that since I was a child. My parents taught me to sacrifice, to be patient, to do things for others and to take care of everyone.

Others should always come first.

It became a habit that sometimes I didn't even realize....

Sky must be like that... or like that. I always followed those expectations. Until one day, a question came to me: what is the real me?

I was supposed to be the best in studies, so that no one would be disappointed, but when results came out as I expected, why didn't I feel happy? My parents called me Tonfah since before my mother got pregnant. They had already planned what Tonfah would look like. Of course, it wasn't forced, but I was already used to doing what everyone expected.

But it wasn't that bad. I could do it and I thought I did it well. Sometimes it was just exhausting. Too exhausting.

It turned out that I had to see the people around me happy to be happy. To see my mother happy about my good grades, because she was so much happier than seeing anyone else's grade.

Jo once said that this type of personality can't be changed, but worrying about everyone and everything is exhausting. If I'm tired one day, Jo wants me to try to slow down a little.

"You can't worry about everyone. If two people are crying in front of you, you can only choose one person to comfort them, right? Divide the levels of importance. Not everyone has to be important to you."

Those were the words Johan once said to me. But besides close friends and family, everyone is equally important to me. Maybe it's because I've never felt that way about anyone.

"You put him in the same zone from the first time you met him - how can you open your heart to him in any other way?"

Yes... If you look closely, I've always had a wall since the first time I met him. If you get close enough, you will see that wall. But not everyone can get that close.

I can't accept anyone's feelings. I'm afraid he'll be disappointed. Like now, I'm smoking, anyone who sees me, they'll be disappointed.

Because Tonfah, he is so nice in every way. But for me, it's not like that. All I am...is me. But why does it feel so empty?

The sky or the tree my parents want? Is it me? Because I'm not really perfect...

I've never been perfect.

I'm just an ordinary man.

Everyone who comes here expects me to be what they want. I'm not interesting like Johan or Hill. I'm a bit boring. Someone once said I was worth looking for.... But to be honest, even if you look, you won't find anything.

A woman I dated, who we had to break up with because we didn't get along, said I was a perfect man in every way. But that's not who I am. She had expectations of me like everyone else. And I felt that I didn't think of her that way, rather I saw her as a friend. At the time, I didn't really understand those feelings, but now I understand that that... wasn't love.

"Fah."

"Hmm."

"I heard Mind confessed to you the other day?"

"How did you know?"

"Then what happened?" Arthit cut off my question abruptly. ThanMind? Mind is the Star of my faculty.

At first, Mind liked Hill, but when Ter arrived, Mind was crushed. She could no longer support herself, so she came to consult me. I tried to give her advice as much as I could. Until the other day, Mind came to tell me that it was me who made her better, that I was like a light or something, and she ended up confessing her love.

"I turned her down."

"Oh, and how did you feel?"

"Like a jerk."

"Really, are you cursing yourself?" I nodded.

"Why are you cursing yourself?"

"I should give her hope?"

"Did you give it to her?"

"No." I shook my head. I did what I did normally, cared for her like someone who needed help. "She just wants to have hope."

"Are you sure?"

"Hmm" I nodded. "Why?"

"If you'd made it clear to her from the beginning, it would have been over sooner."

"If I had been that way from the beginning, I would have been called cruel. If I had cared for her but not loved her, I'd be cruel," I said, shrugging slightly. "In the end, whatever I did, it would be cruel."

"Oh, never mind. I shouldn't have asked. You're too picky," said Arthit dismissively. "Next time, when you see someone like that for the first time, just tell them you don't like them, so they won't think about it on their own."

"Is that really what they want?"

"Oh, that's right. Everybody likes you. Don't be so self-centered."

"You're an animal," I said, bursting out laughing. "If I snap back and say I don't like it, it would be embarrassing."

"What difference does that make? It's just a way to clear the areas first."

Whew.

"So are you." I shook my head slightly. "Jo said to find clarity first, to establish priority so that not everyone sees everyone as equally important."

"Oh, that's good advice. Go ahead."

"I don't know, you've never had anyone important, not even friends or family?"

"You want to consult me? Fah, really?"

"I'm just asking."

"In short, you should try to open your heart to someone. Having a partner is the most important thing, right? That way you can give less importance to others."

"Are you going to give me advice about partners?" Arthit shook his head and grimaced in annoyance.

Oh... That's right. Arthit is the man who is farthest from love.

"And what about the person you wrote to?"

"Why?"

"Oh, I heard you said you'd open up to him."

"Hmm, that's the guy I like."

I like the special normal.... Although the phrases we talked about were ordinary, he never thought of changing them. The phrases kept telling me to eat, to get plenty of rest or talking about the weather, until they became cute, sweet, more and more cute.

Johan said that if I got to the point of being "so damn cute," then I was entering a danger zone.

A lot of people send me letters, but I never replied to anyone. It was the first time I had ever responded, and I hadn't even noticed.

Usually, if he didn't respond, I would get anxious and send him a message asking something like "Don't you like the candy?" or "Do you like candy? Tell me about it."

But this person is still the same simple person all the time. It's as if he is willing to keep taking care of me like this without expecting anything in return. Like other people come to me like I'm special, even though I'm just an ordinary person. I just want this kind of normalcy.

So... I like it.

"Fah."

"Hmm."

"Do you know how much the chocolate cost me?"

"Fifty dollars?"

"I'm waiting for my 17,400 baht."

I checked the amount converted from dollars to baht before pulling out my phone to transfer the money to Thit. I asked him to buy chocolate for me because he had gone abroad.It is the brand of chocolate that I think is the best. I wonder if it is as sweet as other people's.

"All my friends are spenders," Arthit said after seeing the amount transferred to his account.

"And you?"

"What the hell do you want me to do? My money is MY money."

"How touching."

"Are you coming back now?", I asked as we walked back to the room.

"I think I'll go back now. I'll borrow a shirt to change into. I smell like alcohol."

"In the closet," I said before Arthit walked toward my closet.

Then I remembered that I also brought a bag of snacks today. But since I was busy all day, I didn't have time to open it to see what that person had sent me.

I pulled the light blue paper bag out of my purse. I wondered what it would say. I found a chocolate bar, a bottle of soda and a Polaroid.

What?

A picture?

I raised my eyebrows in surprise at what I found. I pulled it out and saw that it was a picture of the box of chocolates I had bought her. The chocolates inside had been eaten, and all that was left was the box and the wrapping paper.

There was a message written on the back of the Polaroid that read:

"I don't know. I've never been eaten this before. But this box of chocolates has just the right amount of sweet. They were delicious. Thank you.(*'v'*)"

I couldn't help but smile widely at the message I read. If it's like Johan said...

This is dangerous. My god...

You're the kind of person I really like.