That pair of eyes... they were full of disappointment. I looked down to avoid the eyes of the one who was looking directly at me. At that moment, my chest hurt so much that I could hardly breathe. Both my hands were tense and numb. I tried to close my mouth tightly to hold back the sobs. I begged...

Please don't look at me with those eyes. Please.

"So... You lied? That's not good. Both what you did to Fan and what you did to me." I sobbed...

"Is there anything else you lied to me?"

I, who had no answer and no words, let the tears run down my hands and I couldn't hold them back. All the fear gripped me until I couldn't take it anymore. Phi Fah knew...

"Did you go out drinking late at night? I don't remember you being such a naughty and naughty and rebellious. I thought Fan and I had taught you to be a good boy all the time."

"..."

"To be honest, I'm disappointed."

"..."

"You hurt everyone around you, especially Fan. If she hadn't gone out that day, none of this would have happened. Do you realize you're to blame?"

"...Yes."

"Besides...I don't like liars, I probably can't forgive the person who hurt Fan."

!!!

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry."

I woke up startled in the middle of the night. My body was drenched in sweat. My heart was pounding so hard it was scary. I was panting heavily as if I was short of breath. short of breath. And my tears kept flowing. A dream?.... Another nightmare.

I slowly lifted my cold hands to hug myself and stop shaking. I wiped my tears hard. But when I thought about the nightmare now, I couldn't help but sob.

You're okay, Phoon... It's just a nightmare, just a nightmare. Phi Fah... He didn't say that, he didn't say that at all.

I sobbed... sobbed. I buried my face in the blanket and started crying. This was the first time I had such a dream. Before, I just dreamed the same thing over and over again. But this time, I dreamed of Phi Fah saying that he was disappointed in me and that he couldn't forgive me. My hands were still shaking. I always do this when I have a nightmare and wake up startled. I feel like my whole body is covered in sweat. It takes me a while to come to my senses, but....

I just realized that everything around me is dark. When I find myself in the dark, I start shaking even more. I am afraid of the dark...

Every time I go to bed, I have to turn on the lamp and turn on the light to sleep since I was a child. If I'm alone in the dark, I panic and lose control.

No, no... Where is my phone?

Why won't the lamp come on? Speaking of which, the air conditioning...

The power went out...

I looked for my phone that was next to my bed until I found it and immediately turned on the flashlight. At least it would give me some light. Normally, I always have a flashlight or a candle in my room in case of a power outage like this, but since I just had a power outage. like this one, but since I just moved into a new bedroom, I hadn't prepared myself yet.

Probably because of the power outage, my phone's battery charged only a little before it ran out of juice. What should I do now?

I moved slowly to get out of bed and fell down when I tried to stand up because my legs were weak.

"Aunt Nuan."

Oh, I forgot, I'm not at home.... Normally, when something like this happens, I would always call the housekeeper, but now that I live alone, there's no one to help me.

I sat on the floor for almost three minutes before I could get up and go out to open the door. It was pitch black. At first, I thought if there was any light, I would go down to the 7-Eleven downstairs, but since the whole building doesn't have lights like this, I definitely wouldn't dare go anywhere.

Or should I turn on the flashlight and run downstairs?

No, I can't. It's too dark.

I'm not afraid of ghosts or anything like that. I'm just afraid of the dark. I feel like I'm suffocating and I can't breathe because I have bad memories of it. Especially if it's dark and cramped, I feel like I faint, like it was happening to me now.....

What should I do?

I could only open the window to let the wind in, but I don't dare to go out much because it's so dark at this hour. what should I do?

I looked at the time on my phone. It was around 10 p.m. After going hyacinth shopping with Phi Fah, he brought me back to the dorm. We didn't talk or say goodbye. And since I was tired, I fell asleep around 8 p. m.

Phi Fah...

Although I didn't want to bother him, I didn't know what to do next. I decided to open LINE and send Phi Fah a message.

Phoon: Phi Fah

Phoon: Is it convenient to talk?

If he doesn't reply or doesn't read the message, he may not be free.

Ah... Mona said she would call him, didn't she? Possibly he's talking to her and won't be able to answer me. Should I try asking for a candle or a flashlight from the next room? They might have one. And while I was thinking, a message came in.

Tf: Is something wrong?

Phoon: It's just that... The lights in my bedroom are off.

Tf: I see.

So... What should I do next? Phi Fah didn't answer anything more than that. It's as if he was waiting for me to continue. That's right. So, what can I ask you?

Phoon: I just... umm, I don't have a candle or a flashlight.

Phoon: And my phone battery is almost dead.

Phoon: I'm scared.

Tf: Oh, you're still afraid of the dark?

Phoon: Yes.

Tf: How much battery life do you have left?

Phoon: 15%.

Incoming call from: Tf.

I was a little surprised when suddenly Phi Fah called. "Phi?", I said in a shaky voice on the other end of the line.

[What room are you in?]

"Me? Er, 302."

[Then I'll come and get you. In the meantime, don't put down your phone.]

"Yes Phi."

Then Phi Fah's voice went quiet and became a half-walking, half-running sound before it became the sound of a car starting up and the engine running.

Phi Fah is coming to pick me up, isn't he?As I waited alone in the pitch black room, I was so scared that I almost lost my mind. I almost lost my mind. But when I saw that my phone screen was still in connection with someone and I was waiting for the other one. connection with someone and was waiting on the other end of the line, I was relieved. At least Phi Fah was still here...as usual.

___

"No, Dad, no. I'm scared, sorry."

I don't remember how old I was as a child, but I remember well that it was a Saturday when no one was home except my father, as Mom had been out with Fan since morning. As for me, I was lonely because no one was playing with me and I snuck into the office.

I snuck into my dad's office and ended up breaking a vase. My dad came in and saw me, he was angry, dragged me by the wrist and dragged me out of the house. I tried to hold on with all my might. My face was covered with tears, feeling guilty and scared.

"Daddy, it hurts me, you hurt me."

"How many times have I told you not to come to the office!" my dad yelled at me, reaching out his big hand to grab my ear.

"Oh, it hurts, it hurts. I'm sorry. I won't do it again." I tried to tell him to let go before he dragged me to the storage room outside the house.

"No, I'm afraid. I don't want to go inside."

"Go in! You'll learn your lesson!" Then my father pushed me into the storage room.

The image I saw was my father's angry, terrified face before he closed the door and the light slowly disappeared, then I heard the sound of the lock. That discouraged me even more.

"Dad! Dad! No! I'm scared. Dad, let Phoon out, I apologize!" I shouted tearfully as my little hands pounded on the storeroom door as if they were going to die, but there was no answer.

No...

Daddy... I'm so scared, Daddy....

"No, no!" sob, sob, sob.

I started crying even harder when I couldn't stand to be in there. The storage room was completely dark, damp and dusty, I could barely breathe. I've been afraid of dark, cramped spaces ever since my father locked me in the storage room. The last time I was locked in there it was for most of the day.

Darkness was a scary thing in my childhood memories. I didn't know what was in that darkness or if something would come out to hurt me. I felt uneasy, scared. It was a narrow place. No light came in, except through a small crack under the door.

I was afraid... I couldn't breathe.

I quickly put my back against the wall and looked into the darkness, afraid that there was something there. I sat up and curled up as small as possible.

"No... no... not... again... Ahhh. Help... Help."

I cramped my body in fear. Does a child only a few years old deserve to be punished by being locked in the storage room for almost a whole day? I sobbed and screamed at the same time.

"I'm sorry, Dad... Daddy, let me out. Phoon is sorry. I didn't mean to break the vase. Dad... Dad, help Phoon."

I shouted but there was no response. I was hoping the housekeeper or the maid would help me like last time. But this time, it's a holiday, no one will be there.

No one will be there. Until Dream comes back...

Fan... hurry back to Phoon, okay?

No, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more. I'm sorry, I'm afraid... someone will help me. Why... why did mom only take Dream and leave me? I want to go play too.

But it's okay... Mom said I had to stay home with Dad, otherwise Dad would be lonely. And Fan said she would buy me some snacks, I only stayed because I was afraid Dad would get lonely, and I thought he would want to play with me. But I ended up breaking a vase.....

I sob. I sob.

"Phoon."

"Phi Fah!"

"Are you... In there?"

"Phi Fah, Phi Fah, help Phoon." I stood up almost immediately when I heard Phi Fah's voice from outside.

"Phi Fah, I'm scared. I don't want to be here anymore, I want to get out. Let me out." I knocked on the door to urge the person outside to hurry and open it.

"Quiet." I heard the sound of the door opening, but the door only opened a little.

"It's got the chain on, so I can't open it."

Ah, yes... The storage room outside the house is locked from the outside, but to prevent theft, Dad put a chain on it. After unlocking the lock, there was still a chain around it, so the door could only be opened a little because it was chained.

"Phi Fah, can you go talk to daddy? He has to let me out," I shouted and cried, but fortunately I could see outside through the half-open door.

"I saw my uncle go out for a while."

Didn't Mom say that Dad would be lonely if I wasn't around...?

"Phi Fa..." I sob, sob

"I'm scared. Take me outside."

"I'll go get the key for you."

Sob, sob, sob.

"Hurry back."

"Yes."

I saw Phi Fah run out. After almost ten minutes, he came running back, looking exhausted.

"There's no one home. No key. Did he take the key with him?"

I sobbed, sobbed.

"Dad must have taken it with him." I cried even harder when I realized I couldn't get out easily.

"So...how did you know where it was?"

"I heard the noise, so I came to see."

There is a door in the wall between my house and the Phi Fah's house so we can get in and out easily without having to go around the front door. And the storage room is also close to the wall.

"I'm scared. I'm scared. It's dark in here."

"It's okay Phoon. I'm here." That soft voice made me feel a little better. But no matter what, he's still outside and I'm inside.

"But Phi Fah is outside. It's dark inside."

"Give me your hand."

I extended my hand toward the slightly open door as the other person told me. Phi Fah took my hand and let me sit against the wall outside the storage room. Then I sat down. In the room filled with darkness, I was alone in silence and fear.

There was a hand that always reached out to hold me. It may have been dark. It may have been scary, but I was not alone. We sat holding hands through the doorway. Phi Fah sat there with me for hours without getting up or going anywhere. We sat and talked about various things as if nothing had happened.

At that time...the darkness was not scary at all.

Since then, I have always been afraid of that storage room, as it wasn't just that one time I was locked in there, there were many times when no one came to help me. And my fear of the dark was so severe that I had to sleep with the light on until today.

When Fan found out what happened, that my father had punished me like that, Fan begged him, telling him that he didn't want our father to do that again, but he did it anyway. It was probably because he didn't want to beat me like mom used to. So, he locked me in there. That way, I wouldn't be annoying and no one would have to see me and make a mess. They're... pretty cruel, my childhood memories.

Knock, knock.

I turned to the door immediately when I heard the knock.

"Phoon."

Phi Fah...

I walked quickly to open the door and saw Phi Fah standing outside waiting. The lights in the bedroom still showed no signs of turning on.

"Have you packed your things?"

"Huh?"

"Pack your things."

"Why should I pack?"

"Because you're going to stay in my room for now."

"..."

"Or would you rather go out first, wait for the power to come back on, and then come back. But the problem is, I don't know if I'll be able to stay and wait with you."

"Ah... that's fine. I'll go pack my things quickly."

"Very well."

I invited Phi Fa to come in and wait, since since the lights were off, I couldn't see much. I slowly turned on the flashlight on my phone and went to pack my things.

Going to stay in Phi Fah's room? Do you really think that's a good idea?

Phoon?

"Didn't you buy candles or lanterns?" asked Phi Fa.

"I haven't bought any yet."

"It would be nice to buy some for your room."

"Yes."

"Have you been here long since you moved in?"

"Only a few days ago." I replied.

I packed my things in my backpack and was ready in a moment. And suddenly I remembered something... It's a good thing there's no electricity in my room, or else Phi Fah would definitely see pictures of Fan everywhere on the wall. It would be a bit strange.

We walked slowly down the hallway and down the stairs. We no longer had to hold hands like when we were kids.

There seemed to be no electricity in the whole area. I thought it had been the right thing for me not to have come down alone earlier.

Then we got in the car and drove to Phi Fah's dorm. It would be more correct to call it a condo. As I walked to the elevator, I felt a little tense because I had never been there before and there was no conversation between us.

We stopped in front of the room before opening the door and walking in. The room at Phi Fah is like a normal condo, spacious and complete. It is simply decorated, nothing special. Most importantly, it looks very clean and has lots of bookshelves.

"Make yourself at home."

"Yes, thank you." I nodded before sitting down on the couch. I don't know what to do here. This is Phi Fah's room....

"If you want to sleep, tell me or are you not sleepy?"

"Oh, not yet." I said, because I had just woken up so I'm not sleepy yet.

I looked around the room for a bit before Phi Fah took out a carton of milk from the refrigerator and offered it to me.

"Thank you."

"You can watch TV. The bathroom is over there. Excuse me for a moment."

"Yes." I nodded in acknowledgment and watched the other person disappear into his room.

I saw a desk inside the room and another outside. I wasn't that surprised, since I knew that Phi Fah likes to read.

I knew Phi Fah likes to read books.

When I told him that the lights in my building were gone, he came to get me, and brought me to stay with him. It's something any Phi would do.... right?

Is this really done between Phi and Nong?

If this is normal... I think I should be more careful with my heart.

I looked at the milk carton in my hand.... It was chocolate milk...I like chocolate milk. But it must be just a coincidence. I put the straw in it and started drinking it. I didn't dare turn on the TV because it wasn't my room, and since everything was quiet, I could hear a noise coming from the bedroom.

"Oh, I went to look for my nong. The power went out in his bedroom."

"..."

"What were you talking about now..."

Who was he talking to? It sounded like he was teaching a tutoring class... It must be Mona, I think. From what I heard and understood, before Phi Fah came for me, he was tutoring Mona, so he hung up and was now calling her back.

Well... I felt a little bad... but not that bad. I sat on the couch for almost half an hour until Phi Fah opened the bedroom door and came out. He was probably done tutoring by now. I turned to look at the other person.

"Are you going to sleep already?"

"Ah... yes, I think so."

"Then you can go sleep in the room."

"Uhm, I can sleep on the couch."

"How can I let you do that?" said Phi Fah.

"You sleep in the room and I'll sleep on the couch."

"Uh..."

"Come on."

"Okay." I had to get up and walk to the bedroom helplessly.

It never crossed my mind that we would sleep together, and it came true, as Phi Fah said he would sleep alone on the couch.

Why...was he so nice?

"If you need anything, just call me."

"Yes." Before Phi Fah arranged the bed a bit for me, she left the room and closed the door.

I looked around the room confused. I never thought I would sleep in Phi Fah's room. There was hardly anything in the room. Everything was very clean and tidy.

But it shouldn't be like that. I opened the door to go out, and looked at Phi Fah who was getting ready to sleep on the couch.

"Phi Fah."

"Yes?" Phi Fah turned at my call.

"I prefer to sleep on the couch. I don't want to disturb you."

"It's fine. Sleeping in bed is more comfortable."

"Um..."

I was silent and speechless. It shouldn't be like this. Phi Fah owns the room.

"Huh... Then, we can share the bed... it's okay." I decided to say.

The bed is very wide, it wouldn't be good for the owner to sleep on the sofa. Besides, we are both men. Sleeping together in the bed shouldn't be a problem.

"Don't worry. You'll be able to rest better in bed."

"... It's okay."

"Good night," Phi Fah said.

"Yes, good night."

I closed the bedroom door as the other person said good night. I set my bag down next to the desk. That I sleep on the bed while Phi Fah slept on the couch only indicated what a gentleman he is. I shouldn't think anything beyond that.

It's alright... It's fine.

"Phi Fah," I opened the door and knocked again. "Thank you."

"Sure," Phi Fah nodded slightly and smiled at me, then I closed the door again and sat on the bed.

The sheets and blanket were a light gray with no pattern. I lay down on the bed and took in the scent of the bed's owner. As a child, I remembered the scent of Phi Fah and Fan very well. But now... I had forgotten the scent of both of them.

On Fan's bed or on several of his things, their scent had vanished. I took the liberty of bringing many of her items to remind me of their owner, whether it was stationery or some clothes I could wear, including Fan's cell phone.

I turned on the lamp on the bedside table and turned off the lights in the room. I went to bed, tossed and turned several times, but still couldn't fall asleep. Probably because I wasn't used to this bed. It had been almost half an hour and I still couldn't sleep. Or maybe I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight?

After a while, I heard the sound of the door opening, so I tilted my head to look.

"Still not sleeping?" asked Phi Fah when he saw that I was awake.

"Uhm, not yet. Can't sleep?"

"Is the bed uncomfortable?"

"No." I shook my head.

"Hmm. Do you sleep with the lights on?" Phi Fah arched his eyebrows in surprise before walking towards me. So I got up and sat on the bed.

"I thought you could sleep with the lights off with no problem."

"Hum... no."

"But if you leave the lights on, you'll have a hard time falling asleep."

"I know." I nodded.

I knew that sleeping with the lights on wasn't good because it would make me sleep badly. But if I turned off all the lights, I wouldn't be able to sleep at all.

"Would you like to try sleeping with the lights off?"

"I just...I can't do it."

"Try it. Maybe it will help."

"I've tried before, but I really can't do it." I said softly.

"Then... I can stay here with you while you try." Then Phi Fah came over and sat on the bed next to me. "If you feel afraid, you can take my hand."

"..."

Is it possible that Phi Fah's kindness is too much? I reached out my hand to take the firm hand that was already waiting.

This... it shouldn't be like this.

We are Phi and Nong... It shouldn't be like this. Then Phi Fah turned off all the lights in the room. I was shocked by the darkness that suddenly enveloped me, but when Phi Fah squeezed my hand gently in comfort, I calmed down a little. I lay back down again and closed my eyes, with Phi Fah holding my hand at my side.

"Phi Fah, will you stay until I fall asleep?"

"Yes, once you fall asleep, I'll go sleep on the couch."

"Okay, good night again."

"Rest."

I held that warm hand and didn't let go. But after a while, I fell asleep easily, like never before. Tonight... It was the first night in two years that I slept soundly.

___

I opened my eyes feeling groggy still in Phi Fah's bed and saw that there was soft sunlight coming through the curtains. I picked up my phone to check that it was already past eight o'clock. I unplugged the charger and walked out of the bedroom.

"Are you awake?" asked Phi Fah immediately when she saw me. I was sitting at the desk outside, already dressed.

"Yes, sorry for waking up late."

"That's okay. Go shower and get dressed, then we'll go eat."

"Yeah." I nodded before grabbing the clothes I had laid out and went to shower.

When I was done, I went out. I had never woken up at eight before. It might be early for a lot of people, but for me it was very late. Normally, I wake up around four or five. That's why I can see the sunrise every morning.

But today, I couldn't see the sunrise. Also... I slept very well.

I didn't wake up with a headache like I usually do, and I didn't have nightmares. It's great... I slept through the night.

"Do you want to eat something special?"

"Oh, no."

"Okay. Oh, by the way," Phi Fah said as if he had just remembered something.

"Can you pass me Fan's LINE?"

"..."

"We haven't talked in a long time, so I want to know how she's doing."

"Uhm..."

I was silent for a while, thinking what to do. If I told him I wouldn't give it to him, it would be weird. And being silent like this is even stranger.

I probably can't forgive the person who hurt Fan. Suddenly, the words Phi Fah said in my dream appeared in my head.

"Okay, I will send it to you."

I understand, Fan...I'm like the boy who cried 'wolf!' and I will remain so. I don't want to lie like that, I swear... but I'm scared. I'm really scared. There is nothing to guarantee me that Phi Fah won't get angry or criticize me. Just one second of that disappointed look in her eyes... I'm sorry... but I really can't take it .

"So, did you always want to come to study veterinary medicine here?"

"Oh... Yes."

"It's strange that Fan let you come here by yourself."

"Well... I stubbornly wanted to come here alone."

Yes... If she was still alive, there's no way she would have let me come here alone. At this moment, I don't even dare to look at Phi Fah's face, as guilt fills my heart, along with many other mixed feelings.

Because of the nightmare, that makes me even more certain... if Phi Fah knew the truth, and talked to me like he did in the dream, I would probably collapse again. And if that happens again... probably won't be able to be the same as before.

____

We stopped at a restaurant. When we walked in, everyone turned to look at Phi Fah. In fact, everyone always liked Phi Fah as soon as they saw him. With his face, personality, mannerisms, everything about him looks good. It is easy to fall in love if you get to know him.

There are hundreds or thousands of people for Phi Fah to choose from? Why would someone like me have the right? Especially Typhoon. We sat at the table at the end by the glass window of the restaurant, which allowed us to see the whole street outside.

After we were seated, we sat down at the table at the end, next to the restaurant's glass window, which allowed us to see the entire street outside. We had ordered our food when Fah's phone rang.

"Excuse me, I have to take this phone call."

"Yes, of course."

"What's up?"

[Fah, have you bought a gift yet?]

"Not yet. I don't know what to buy. Do you?"

[Not yet. They said they wanted a surprise.]

"What kind of surprise?"

[I don't know. I can't think of anything surprising.]

"I don't think I need it. I can't even think of what to buy him as a gift."

[It's just that what else would someone like him want?]

"Yes, that's why it's difficult. What does Thit think?"

[Thit's in Moscow, so he probably bought something there.]

"Will he be back in time for his birthday?"

[He probably will. Do you want me to go shopping with you?]

"No need. I'll go myself. I happen to be free today."

[Okay, then tell me what you'll buy him.]

"I still can't think of anything. I'll take a look first. I think I can find something suitable for him."

[A smoking cessation course?]

"I could enroll him in both Hill. And also one to stop drinking."

[It's too late to quit now, better send him for treatment for cirrhosis].

"Yeah, that should be good."

[You should try talking to James and see if Jo wants something].

"I asked him earlier, and James said he can't think of anything."

[Nothing at all?]

"Hmm, but no one can give him what he really wants."

[What the hell?]

"I want to know too."

[Hmm, then tell me.]

"Okay."

[Then who's that guy sitting with you?]

"Did you see me?"

[I just passed by.]

"[A friend.]

[You're well known.]

"Yes, why?"

[No, did he spend the night with you?]

"Why do you think so?"

[You're having breakfast so far away, if they had slept apart, you would have had to wake up at six in the morning to be there now.]

"..."

[I understand.]

"You know that."

[A friend? Did they sleep together?]

"Hmm, the lights in his bedroom were cut off, he's afraid of the dark. So I went to look for him and brought him to sleep with me."

[But you slept on the couch?]

"Yes."

[That's good.]

"Why?"

[Because of what we already warned you about, Fah.]

"I understand."

[When did you meet?]

"A long time ago, when I lived in Phuket."

[Are you close?]

"We are close, our houses are next door to each other."

[You used to be close.]

"Yes, we haven't seen each other in a long time."

[Hmm, I'll hang up first then.]

[Ok, talk to you later.]

"Ok, talk to you later."

[Ok.]

After breakfast, Phi Fah took me back to the dormitory, saying that he was going to run some errands. I didn't forget to thank him again and tell him to be careful when driving, even though I know be careful driving, although I already know he is a good driver. When I opened the bedroom door, I sighed and threw myself on the bed. I slept well last night, but why do I feel so tired?

I used to think that Phi Fah was someone who had no boundaries between his relationships, but in in reality, he was like a thin, transparent mirror. If you don't get close enough, you can't see him. And when you try to get close enough, you'll crash into the mirror.

This seems to be as close as I can get... for a person. I got up and looked in the drawer under the table. I found a phone lying there. I picked it up and opened it.

Tf added you from LINE

Phi Fah added Fan's Line. I looked at the screen confused. The moment I decided to press it, my hand shook nonstop, including my heart that was beating irregularly.

I pressed to accept it...

And as soon as I pressed to accept, Phi Fah sent a message.

Tf: Fan, this is Fah.

Tf: How are you?

Torfan: I'm fine.

Torfan: How are you?

____

P.S.: Hello everyone for those who wants to join my Telegram channel, please see the photo below.