"You woke up early," I turned to the owner of the voice, Phi Fah, who had just woken up and came out of the bedroom, looking a little surprised to see that I had woken up first. Now, he was standing at the kitchen counter making coffee.

"Good morning," I smiled and said, "coffee? I took the liberty of using the machine to make coffee first," I said, pointing to the coffee maker I had just turned on. I don't make coffee often because I don't need to drink it, but I thought it would be nice to try making coffee in the morning like this.

"Good morning," Phi Fah smiled at me before sitting down on the couch, "Phoon...can you hand me a cup of coffee?"

"Sure," I nodded and turned around to make another cup of coffee. I looked at the clock and saw that it was now around 6:30, even though it was a holiday, Phi Fah woke up very early. "Is it normal for you to wake up early like this?"

"Yes, you woke up early today too."

"Something like that."

Actually, I hadn't slept at all. I hadn't slept at all since I woke up startled in the middle of the night. There's no way I could have fallen asleep after having that dream. I spent most of the night until morning searching for information on how I could have that dream again.

"You look in a good mood."

"...Really?" I frowned slightly at the other person's greeting even though he still had his back to me. Did I look much better? Or was it because Phi Fah is someone who is very good at observing people? "I guess I had a good dream last night."

"Hmm... here's your coffee."

I walked over, holding a cup of freshly brewed coffee, and placed it on the table in front of the couch, before sitting down on the small couch and taking a sip of my own coffee.

"What did you dream about, can you tell Phi Fah?" Phi Fah asked again, picking up the cup of coffee I had just set down and taking a sip. "Mmmm, the coffee you made is good too."

"Thanks." I smiled in response. I must be in a good mood as Phi Fah said. I feel like today is brighter than any other day in the past few years. "As for the dream...I can't tell you."

"Too bad, Phi Fah wants to know."

"I can only say it was a very good dream." I said, turning to look at the person sitting next to me before avoiding eye contact when the other person turned around as if he saw me smile a little when he caught me looking at him. Phi Fah seemed to be in a good mood today too. I don't know, I feel like it's a little different from usual.

"Have you looked for information about the dormitory yet?"

"Oh... I looked it up." I said, pulling out my phone and flipping it open. I took a screenshot of the dorm I was interested in. "Here it is." I sent it to the other person so he could see it. Phi Fah took it and slowly flipped through it.

"So, do you want to go look today?"

"Don't you have to go to a friend's birthday party?"

"I'll go in the evening."

"...Okay, then I'll be in your care," I said. Phi Fah nodded slightly. After finishing his coffee, she put it in the sink before asking to go take a shower. Then, I sat down on the couch and waited.

From what I've researched about dreams, I think that when we dream about something, it's because we think about it a lot. For example, I kept blaming myself when I had the dream of Dream getting hit by a car. Being obsessed with it made me dream the same thing often, even with my parents. However, if we are comfortable and don't think about it too much, we usually don't have nightmares.

So, if I want to dream about Torfan again, I have to be comfortable and not think too much. Even though I had tried all the time, I couldn't do it. I think the reason I feel comfortable now is because I'm with Phi Fah.

Yes... After I came to live with Phi Fah, I hardly ever had nightmares again.

If I have nightmares, they're probably when I'm afraid Phi Fah will find out the truth. But now that things have turned out like this, whether Phi Fah finds out the truth or not, I will lose it anyway because I have no choice.

I pulled out my phone to check it when I heard the dial tone. It was Uncle Kong calling, what's up, why did he call so early in the morning?

"Yes?"

[Sorry for calling so early in the morning. I'm worried.]

"Uncle What's wrong?"

[Did you have a fight with Rit?]

"Ah... Yes. Yesterday, he was... a bit angry."

[It's okay. Are you okay?]

"Yeah, I'm fine. How's dad?"

[He was angry, but I gave him a good lesson.]

"Lesson about what?

[The same as always, about taking care of Phoon. That you're still a kid.]

"... It's okay, uncle. Anyway... Nothing will get better."

"Yes, thank you."

[This month's salary will be reduced a little. Rit said he has a lot of expenses].

"Okay."

[That's all for now.]

"Okay Uncle, bye..."

Then the other person hung up. What he said about dad having a lot of expenses must be because of dad's daughter. Little kids have a lot of expenses. I don't mind.

I can help dad save money. In any case, I have to sacrifice for my sister, right? Even though we've never met, she's still my younger sister. Just seeing her picture makes me feel an indescribable affection for her. After a while, Phi Fah came out of the bathroom.

We went out, stopped for lunch, and went to the dorm I had investigated.

"Did you bring a motorcycle?" asked Phi Fah.

"Um, no."

"Um, then it's going to be a little hard to get around."

"Yeah, well...I don't know how to ride a motorcycle."

"Really?" Phi Fah turned to ask me, almost not believing what I said. That made me grimace at the other side.

"Yeah, it's not that I don't know anything, but I'm not very good at it. Besides, Torfan won't let me drive, he says it's dangerous and I tend to get lost," I said as I remembered. Torfan was so worried that I wouldn't let myself drive. No not only was there a risk of an accident, but she also said there was a risk of getting lost and not being able to get home.

"How about I take you to learn to drive?"

"Learn to drive?"

"Yes, even if you don't use a motorcycle, you should at least know how to ride one."

"That's right." I nodded in agreement.

"And about getting lost, I think we should solve this problem."

"..." I was a little surprised when I noticed that the other person's tone had become more serious.

"Although it's been like this since childhood, I think it can be fixed. If it's not, it will be difficult to live everyday life. If you get lost, Phi Fah won't be able to find Phoon as he did before."

"Oh... that's right." I smiled wryly at the other person. I felt empty inside, I couldn't explain it.

Phi Fah took me to see the dormitory I had been looking for. We went through about three places before we found one I liked. Although the room was not very spacious, it was big enough for one person to live in. Everything else was fine, so I decided to move into this dorm.

"Can we move in today?" Phi Fah turned to ask the dorm owner who had come to show me the room.

"Sure, just pay the deposit first and you can move in."

"Is that okay?" Phi Fah turned to ask me again. I nodded, indicating an answer. "Yes, then can I go sign the lease for the room?"

"Sure, then let's go down to the office to complete the formalities."

After signing the room rental agreement, the dorm aunt told me that I had to pay the deposit first. But, come to think of it, my father had not yet transferred the money to me. The money he had just transferred me wasn't enough for the deposit on the new dorm.

"Six thousand."

"Um..." I was speechless for a moment, what should I do? Tell the guy I'll pay another day, would that be okay?

"Here." I turned to watch in surprise, as Phi Tonfah handed the dorm room uncle six thousand baht in cash Why was Phi Fah the one who paid the deposit for my dorm? "Uncle sent it to me."

"... Really?"

"Yes." Phi Fah said with a small smile. That made me not dare to ask anything else. Strange, why did dad leave Phi Fah money? Actually, it was all very strange, since dad allowed me to change dormitory, hadn't uncle said that there were a lot of expenses recently? He paid a lot of money for the old dormitory.

He hasn't even gotten it back yet, and now...he paid for the new bedroom? Or maybe. I frowned at the person sitting next to me with a worried expression.

Could it be that Phi Fah...?

"Is something wrong?" Phi Fah arched his eyebrows and asked. I shook my head slightly because I didn't dare to say anything.

But...why...?

If dad didn't allow me to change dormitories in the first place, but Phi Fah was the one who told me to change, then why did he do it? Because he was worried... But... having to pay another six thousand baht for the new dormitory, isn't this... being too kind? No, it's very kind, but it might not be.

I'll have to ask dad first. "There's still plenty of time left. Should we move your things now?"

"Today?" I raised my eyebrows and asked in surprise.

"Yes."

"Oh... Okay."

Then Phi Fah took it upon himself to call a moving company to help me move the stuff from the old dorm to the new one. It only took one trip because I didn't have a lot of stuff. Actually, I had a lot at first, but I threw it all away. It only took a little over an hour and everything had already been moved.

"N... You don't need to help me. I can sort everything myself," I said quickly when I saw Phi Fah helping to take things out of the cardboard box.

"It's okay. There's not much stuff, if we do it together, everything will soon be ready."

"But Phi Fah has to go to his friend's birthday party, right?"

"It's okay if I'm a little late."

"Oh... Okay. Thanks."

"You have a lot of cameras," Phi Fah said when he saw the cameras he had collected. There really were a lot of them. I had been collecting them for many years. "There should be a camera cabinet."

"I had thought about it before, but never bought it."

"Let's compare it later."

"... Okay." I agreed. This kindness is too scary. No matter where I go, I always carried everything. I kept gathering my things, so I didn't see what Phi Fah was doing.

"I still think the same as before."

"Yes, what is it?"

"That you should study photography."

"... Uhm."

"I don't want to interfere with the decision you've made, but it's what I've always thought." I turned to look at Phi Fah who was fixing my photographic equipment.

"You don't interfere," I said softly.

Phi Fah was right. I did want to study photography. But that's okay. I can study on my own. Right now, I have to take care of other things first.

"Phi Fah."

"Yes?"

"I would like to... take the exam for medicine."

"...Would you?"

"Yes. And... Phi Fah, can you help me study?"

"Okay."

"Then please help me."

"Sure." Phi Fah nodded softly.

Tutoring shouldn't be something strange for him, since he has already tutored many other people. But for me, having him do it is really good. Not only will it help me study, but I'll also be able to talk to Phi Fah often. Because after I move out of my dorm, I probably won't stay with Phi Fah anymore.

_____

"Then, I'm leaving now."

"Yes, drive carefully."

"See you."

"Yeah, see you."

I stood watching Phi Fah leave my new room. Actually, I wanted to tell him to text me when he arrived. 'Don't come back late.' 'Don't drink too much.' But I couldn't do that.

I went back to the room and continued to organize. This room is not bad. It seems better than the previous room. I hadn't even gotten used to the old room yet and I already had to move.

Ah... yes, I have to call my father. I hesitated for a long time before I could press the call button. I hoped I wouldn't disturb him.

"Are you free?"

[Phoon, what's wrong?]

"I'd like to apologize for yelling at you."

[Hmm, that's okay.]

"And about the dorm move..."

[...]

"Dad, did you give Phi Fah money?"

[Hmm, yes, I did. I was afraid that if I gave it to you, you would lose it.]

"Ah... Okay, thank you."

[Is there anything else?]

"Nothing else."

[Hmm]

Then dad hung up. It was a normal conversation between us. He didn't ask me if I had eaten or how my day had gone. He just talked business. Dad always talked to me coldly before he hung up. In short, he's really my dad.

Oh my God, how could I have been so selfish? But anyway, I'm glad Dad let me switch bedrooms and pay for it, even though he's been having money problems lately. I don't know how... but I'm glad.

Thanks for still caring about me.

_____

"Yes, uncle."

[Tonfah, uncle already told Phoon.]

"Ah, Phoon already asked?"

[Yes, why do you have to do this?]

"It's best that Phoon doesn't know it was me."

[I told you, don't let him change bedrooms, but since you wanted him to move so badly, I'll let him.]

"It's okay."

[If it bothers you, tell me.]

"It's not like that uncle."

[Hmm, then I'll leave it aside for now.]

"It's fine."

______

Phoon : If you arrive, please let me know.

Since I was worried, I decided to send a message to inquire after Phi Fah had been gone for about 15 minutes. After almost half an hour, my message showed as read.

Tf: I'm here. Is something wrong?

Phoon: Is the bar too far away?

Tf: No, there was just a little traffic jam. Is something wrong?

Phoon: Oh, nothing. I was just curious.

Phi Fah's answer left me speechless. It seemed strange that he wanted to talk, he even asked me if something happened twice. Nothing had happened, he just wanted to talk. I was worried. I just wanted to know if he arrived safely.

Tf: Is the bedroom okay?

Phoon: Fine. Is something wrong?

Tf. : Nothing, just, since you sent me a message, I thought something happened. Phi Fah may worry too much.

Tf: *sends a sticker*.

I secretly smiled as I saw the sticker that had a cute relieved face.

Cute.

Phoon: *Send a sticker.*

Tf: The sticker is cute. 5555

Tf: I'll go see my friends.

Phoon: Have fun.

Tf: *Send a sticker.*

I smiled broadly and looked at my phone screen again. That was all I needed to scan the room for a few things that were still unfinished before rushing to organize them. I didn't forget to organize the stationery area well. I put up a picture of Fan as before. Once everything was organized, I went out to the balcony.

This time, I could see the sky from a new angle. Speaking of which, the sky was clear today, although I didn't notice it very often because I was with Phi Fah all day.

I sat back down on the bed because I had nothing to do and since I was tired from the move, I fell asleep without realizing it.

I looked at the scene in front of me, my heart was beating irregularly. Both my legs were so stiff that I could barely move.

Torfan...

Just like last time, I saw her sitting on the marble table in front of the house. I looked down and saw that she was wearing the same clothes as in the previous dream. There were small stones laid out to play checkers. I pursed my lips tightly because I felt a lump in my throat. I looked at the sweet smile of the person sitting there. Those eyes were full of sparkle. It reminded me of all the longing I had, and this time I also felt that all the loneliness, pain and longing were being filled.

"Come sit down."

I slowly walked over and sat down across from her, just like last time. The difference was that I no longer felt like crying in front of her. I wanted to smile at her, talk to her and let her know how happy I was to see her.

"Do you want to play?"

"Sure."

"Phoon first."

"Let's play rock, paper, scissors."

"You better start Phoon, Dream is weak."

"If you lose, whine."

"I won't cry. Just play." Torfan's words made me reach out and move the stone pieces like when we were kids, we often played together because in the middle of the marble table was a two-colored square.

We used it instead of the checkerboard square, stones of different shapes instead of pieces or sometimes leaves.

There was no conversation between us. I was surprised that I didn't want to say anything at this point. We moved our pieces forward in silence. I looked up and saw Torfan secretly smiling all the while. Those light brown eyes didn't have the sadness of the last time we saw each other.

"This plan is doomed to fail."

"However, Torfan always gets caught."

"I promised you a safe haven."

"Are you offering me a safe haven or are you really that skilled?", I asked, a smile on my lips as I looked at the other person.

"You're very good with your mouth." Torfan chuckled a little at my words before moving the piece again. I quickly moved my hand to move my own piece to eat the other party's piece and won....

"Do you want a rematch?" I asked.

"No, it will be useless to try." She shook his head slightly and gave me a slight smile. "How was your day? You still haven't written me any letters."

"Um... I'll write some. I have to write some anyway." I reached out to grab the small hand reaching out to me and held it tightly.

I lowered my head and let the small hand stroke my head gently. "I'm so happy you always read them."

"Some of the letters are illegible. They're all dirty."

"Some days are a little bad." I said, thinking of some of the letters I wrote while crying, which left them all soaked.

"But that's over now."

"Yeah, it's over."

"Thanks for getting over it."

"...Sure."

I looked up, tears welling up in my eyes as I looked at her, who was looking at me with sad eyes. Her warm hands tried to wipe away my tears.

"But from now on, I don't know how I'll get through what's coming." I said.

"I know you can do it, you can get through this."

"...I don't know if I can." I tried to control myself from crying in front of Torfan again, pressing my lips tightly together to contain my feelings. "If I...can't, what will happen?"

"Just let it all end, there's no need to endure it, no need to try anymore."

"I'll be able to be with you for once."

"You must live for me."

Sob...

"Did you know that when I found out I had a younger brother, you became the person I loved the most?" A sweet voice spoke softly. Warm hands moved slowly upward, wiping away my tears again, gently caressing my face. I held that hand. "Can you live, for the person who loves you most?"

... Sob...

"Yes... I will."

"Since I was a child, I tried to take care of you as best I could, so... don't hurt the person I love. Take good care of yourself. Eat a lot of rice like when it's served to you."

Sob...

"Hmm."

"Eat only delicious food like when I used to find delicious food for you to eat. Go to good places like when I used to take you on outings. Tell yourself that you love yourself often like when I used to tell you... I always told you that I loved you."

Sob, sob, sob...

"Fan.."

"Someday everything will definitely get better. When that time comes, I'll be watching over you." Tears ran down her white cheeks. Her sweet face was covered with tears, but she still had a smile as she always did.

"Phoon(*)...you are not just a speck of dust that no one can see, but you are the dust of dreams, you are the typhoon of dreams. Do you know how happy Tordan is that our parents gave us that name?"

(*) Phoon: meaning 'dust'.

"I... um..." Sob...

"Don't cry or I'll cry too."

"I just... don't cry..."

"You cried first... cry baby."

"I'm not a crybaby." I said before wiping my tears again roughly. "Okay.... it's okay...I won't cry anymore."

"Good job."

"...Fan."

"Hmm."

"I don't have much time to spend with Phi Fah." I said worriedly, frowning unintentionally and putting on a serious face. "If we have to leave each other... what will I do?"

"...It's hard, isn't it?"

"Yes, it's hard to leave the person we want to be with the most."

"If I start ignoring him, Phi Fah will definitely get angry."

"... Ah, yes."

That made me think that what Phi Fah hates the most is being ignored, no matter how much you yell at him or use harsh words. I think it wouldn't make him as mad as being ignored.

When we were kids, Tordan and I once pretended to ignore Phi Fah for less than an hour. The result was that Phi Fah got very angry and refused to talk to us for an entire day.

And Phi Fah hates things that are unreasonable. If I suddenly left Phi Fah for no reason, I can't imagine how angry he would be, but I...how can I tell him...how can I bear for you to be angry with me.....

"Fah will understand...believe me. But it will take time."

"How long?"

"I don't know." Those comforting words helped me feel a little better. At least, I hoped that Phi Fah would understand and that one day my father would finally understand me. "Dad... Dad is cruel to Phoon?"

"Um... He doesn't love Phoon at all."

"But you love him even though he is." I held Torfan's hands with both hands, lowered my head and pressed my forehead against hers.

"Even though... it's like this."

"It's okay."

"This place is not our place, there must be a place that is ours... somewhere in this world."

"And one day Fan will definitely find it."

"Really?"

"Seriously, have I ever lied to you?"

"... Never."

"Yes... Then believe me."

"... Hm... yes. Thank you."

I woke up in the middle of the night. It wasn't a startle like in a nightmare. It was a dream. The best one.

Maybe because it wasn't my usual bedtime, I woke up and fell asleep without turning off the lights. I looked at the clock and saw that it was after 10 pm. The dream I had just had made me feel better in a way I couldn't explain. As I said before, I wasn't sure if it was a real dream or if I was just imagining it. But it was good...very good. It was everything I had ever wanted. The words of comfort from the person I missed. Can I have this kind of dream every night? Please... I want to dream like this all the time.

I went downstairs to get something to eat at the 7-Eleven under the dorm, took a shower and thought I wanted to read a book because I felt refreshed just waking up, even though it was late. I also didn't forget to write Fan a letter first.

Speaking of which, it's already 10 p.m. Is Phi Fah back yet? When I tried to open the chat, it was empty. The last message we talked about was in the evening.

Should I try to send him a message? There are some parts of what I was reading, I don't quite understand. I remembered asking him to tutor me before.

Phoon: Phi Fa, are you back already?

It was almost fifteen minutes before the message showed that it was read.

Tf. : Not yet, but I'll probably be back soon.

Tf. : Is something wrong?

Oh... Ask again if something's wrong... it's nothing.... You have to ask, don't you?

Phoon : I was studying and there's something I don't quite understand.

Tf: Oh, what subject?

Phoon : Mathematics.

Tf. : You don't understand the content or the problem?

Phoon : I'm confused by the problem. I can't do it.

Tf. : Can you take a picture?

Phoon : *Send a picture.*

Tf. : Wait a minute.

I waited less than five minutes, until Phi Fah answered.

Tf. : *Send a picture*

Tf: This is an easy way to solve it. If you don't understand something, you can ask.

This is a picture of the method of the problem that I couldn't do. The method was written on a tissue paper. I guess it's because I was in a restaurant, so there was no paper. Also, the way Fah did it was quite short and easy to understand.Is there a shortcut like this?

Phoon: Thank you. Sorry to bother you.

Tf: No problem. If there is anything else, ask Phi Fah.

Phoon: How was the birthday party?

Tf: No big deal. It was like a normal drinking party.

Phoon: Did the birthday boy like the gift?

Tf: He said it was fine.

Phoon: That's good. I didn't know if it would be appropriate for him to use.

The message was read, but Phi Fah didn't respond until after almost five minutes, when he sent me a picture in reply.

Tf. : *Send a photo*.

Tf: It's appropriate.

It's a photo of a man wearing a sweater I picked out for him, turning around and smiling at the camera. It's so perfect. Honestly, it looks like anything this guy wears would be perfect for him, and he's also very handsome, looking a little perversely handsome. I can't explain it.

Phoon: He's really perfect.

Tf: So, Phi Fah will go first.

Phoon: Yes.

Phoon: When you come back, can I ask you another question?

Tf: Sure.

I waited almost half an hour for Phi Fah to text me to tell me he was on his way back. I don't know if that's normal for people who tutor each other, but Phi Fah called me and said he would tutor me. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Fah's name calling me.

"Yes?"

[Yes, do you have anything else to ask me?]

"Math, trigonometry."

[Phoon, are you going to take the medicine exam again?]

"Yes."

[Then it will be a bit difficult because trigonometry is really hard and there are a lot of questions. Is it better if I teach you from scratch?]

"Ah... Well, the truth is that I don't understand much either."

[How were you doing in math classes in school?]

"Hmmm... I didn't understand it much."

[You haven't understood it since then?]

"That's right."

[Then, we'll start tutoring classes as soon as possible. When are you free?"]

"Actually, I'm free most of the time."

[Okay, I'll tutor you until the exam period. I'll help you understand].

"... Ah, great. Thanks."

[Tutoring every day. Don't give up yet.]

"I won't give up."

[Don't go telling me later that you don't want the tutoring classes anymore.]

"No."

[Then, promise me that you will study and let me tutor you until the exam, okay?]

"Ah... Yes."

[Promise?]

"Yes... I promise."

I promise... I'll stay with you, even if it won't be last until then.

____

P.S.: Hello, for those who had trouble accessing the link I shared in the last update, please try it again. Thank you!