｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。oxytocin 　ﾟ･｡･

» [mess it up by gracie abrams]« 0:58 ─〇───── 3:32 ⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

august 21st, 2022

MILLIE WAS SITTING ON HER SOFA, staring blankly at the wall. the silence around her was deafening. she was still processing everything—the emotions, the memories, the weight of it all. harry had been there for her, and she appreciated it, but there was something gnawing at her. something she couldn't shake.

she had thought things might be easier, that the presence of someone like harry would make her feel better. but instead, she was starting to feel more confused. where did they stand? were they just friends? something more? the ambiguity was starting to eat away at her, and she hated how vulnerable it made her feel. she wasn't used to feeling like this. not anymore.

she ran her hands through her hair, sighing deeply. part of her wanted to pull away, to keep her distance, but another part of her didn't want to. it wasn't that she didn't care about him—she did—but the thought of getting hurt again, of letting herself fall into something that could break her all over again, was too much. it was easier to stay guarded, to stay distant.

after a few moments of indecision, millie grabbed her phone and booked the hotel. she needed to get out of her head, to try and be okay. maybe if she could just pretend for a little while, things would feel more manageable. she could breathe a little easier.

she hesitated for a second, then texted harry, but even as she hit send, a sinking feeling settled in her chest. she wasn't sure what she was doing anymore, but she knew she couldn't keep going like this. not with all the uncertainty hanging over her.

౨ৎ

harry could tell something was off the moment he stepped into the hotel room. millie was sitting on the edge of the bed, her legs crossed, staring down at her phone. her usual spark was missing, and the silence between them felt heavier than it should have been.

he dropped his bag on the floor, trying to keep things light. "so, what's the plan tonight? you wanna order pizza or—"

she didn't even look up. "yeah."

that was it. just one word, flat and distant. harry raised an eyebrow, taking a step closer. "you okay?" he asked, trying to sound casual, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

millie didn't answer right away. she just kept staring at her phone, scrolling aimlessly, her face unreadable. harry's brow furrowed. he knew her well enough to know when something was bothering her, and it was clear she wasn't herself.

he sat down next to her on the bed, careful not to crowd her too much. "come on, you're being all quiet. talk to me."

she let out a sharp sigh, finally looking at him. "i'm fine," she muttered, her tone flat, but there was an edge to it. "just tired."

harry wasn't convinced. he reached over and gently took her phone from her hands, setting it aside on the nightstand. "millie," he said, his voice softer now, "i know something's bothering you. you don't have to pretend with me."

she pulled away slightly, her shoulders stiffening. "i said i'm fine, harry. just drop it."

the words hit him harder than he expected. there was something in her voice that stung, something that made him feel like he was being shut out. but he wasn't going to let it go that easily. "no, you're not fine. you've been off all day. what's going on?"

millie's eyes narrowed, and for a moment, she just looked at him, her expression guarded. "i said i don't want to talk about it," she snapped, her voice rising just a little. "can you just let it go for once?"

harry's chest tightened. he hated seeing her like this, and he hated feeling like he couldn't help. "i'm just trying to understand," he said, his voice a little softer now, but still firm. "you're not yourself, and it's freaking me out. if something's going on, you can tell me."

millie stood up abruptly, her frustration bubbling over. "why does it always have to be something, harry? why do you always need to know everything? sometimes i just need space, okay? i don't need you to fix it."

harry stood up too, his hands held out in a gesture of surrender. "i'm not trying to fix it. i just want to know what's going on with you. i care about you, millie."

her eyes flickered with something he couldn't quite place, and for a second, he thought she might say something, but instead, she just shook her head, her voice barely above a whisper. "i don't want to talk about it. i just don't."

the tension in the room thickened, and harry didn't know what to do. he hated seeing her like this, but he also hated feeling like he was being shut out. it felt like they were two people standing on opposite sides of a wall, neither one able to reach the other.

"fine," he said, his voice strained. "if you don't want to talk, then we won't. but you're not fine, millie. and i can't just pretend like everything's okay when it's not."

millie's eyes filled with frustration, and she turned away from him, walking toward the window. "you don't get it," she muttered under her breath. "you just don't get it."

harry stood there, watching her, feeling a knot form in his stomach. this wasn't how he wanted things to go. he wasn't trying to push her, but he couldn't just sit back and pretend like everything was normal when it clearly wasn't.

"i'm sorry," he said, his voice quieter now. "i want to help."

millie didn't turn around. she was silent for a long moment, and harry thought maybe she wouldn't say anything at all. but then, finally, she spoke, her voice barely audible.

"i don't know what i'm doing anymore, harry," she whispered, her words heavy with emotion. "i don't know if i'm just... stuck, or if i'm holding onto something that isn't real. i don't know what i want, and i don't know if i can figure it out while you're still here."

the words hit him like a punch to the gut, and he stood frozen for a second, trying to process what she'd just said. he wanted to reach out, to say something that would make it better, but he didn't know what to say.

he took a step toward her, but she turned away, her back to him. "i need space, harry. i need to figure this out on my own."

he nodded, his heart sinking. "okay," he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "i'll give you space."

millie didn't say anything, but he could feel the weight of the moment between them. the distance that had grown so suddenly, so painfully, was too much to ignore.

harry stood there, his arms crossed, watching as millie's face shifted from frustration to something else—something colder. he could feel the tension in the room, thick and heavy, and he wasn't sure how to cut through it. his chest felt tight, his thoughts jumbled. everything he said seemed to make things worse.

"i don't get it, millie," harry said, his voice low but edged with frustration. "you've been shutting me out for days. i've been here, trying to help, and all you do is push me away. what am i supposed to do with that?"

millie's eyes flashed, her lips pressed together in a thin line. "i'm not pushing you away, harry. i'm just trying to figure things out, okay? i don't need you to fix everything for me. i don't need you to have all the answers."

"i'm not trying to fix you," harry shot back, his voice rising now. "but you're acting like i'm some sort of... of distraction, like i'm in the way. i'm here, millie. i'm not going anywhere."

"well, maybe that's the problem," millie said, her voice quiet but cutting. "maybe i need you to go. maybe i need space to breathe, to think, without you hovering over me, trying to make everything better."

harry's heart skipped a beat. he hadn't expected that. he didn't know what to say. but something inside him snapped, a part of him feeling like he couldn't hold it in anymore.

"you think i'm just hovering?" he asked, his voice shaking with the weight of his words. "you think that's all i am? i'm not just some guy trying to fix you, millie. i'm here because i care about you. i care about you more than you'll ever understand."

millie's eyes widened, her breath catching in her throat. "harry, please—"

"no," he interrupted, his frustration spilling out. "you think i don't know what this is? what you're doing? you're pushing me away because of finn. just another man to help you fuck all your problems away."

millie froze, the air in the room suddenly still. harry's words hung between them like a weight. he hadn't meant to say it. he hadn't meant to bring finn into this, but it was out now, and he couldn't take it back.

"don't," millie whispered, her voice breaking. "don't bring him into this."

harry's breath hitched. he hadn't meant to hurt her, but he could see the pain flash across her face. he stepped forward, his hand reaching out as if to apologize, but millie stepped back, shaking her head.

"you don't get it," she said, her voice trembling now. "you don't get how hard this is. how hard it is to feel like i'm always carrying this weight. like i'm always comparing everyone to him, like i'm never going to be good enough because he's gone. i don't know how to be okay, harry. i don't know how to move on from it."

harry opened his mouth to say something, but the words caught in his throat. he felt like an idiot. he hadn't meant to make it worse. he hadn't meant to remind her of the pain she was still carrying.

"i'm not asking you to forget finn," harry said quietly, his voice softer now, filled with regret. "but i can't keep pretending like i'm not here, millie. i'm not just some placeholder. i'm not him. and i don't want to be."

millie looked at him, her eyes filled with a mix of hurt and confusion. "i never said you were," she said. "i just i don't know what i'm doing anymore. i don't know if i can keep doing this."

"doing what?" harry asked. "us? being with me?"

"i don't know," she said, her voice slightly raised. "i don't know if i can keep trying when i'm not sure what i want. i don't know if i can keep act like i'm okay when i'm not."

the silence stretched between them, heavy and suffocating. harry could feel the weight of her words, and it hit him harder than he expected. he wasn't sure what to do with this—what to do with the way she was pulling away from him, even though he knew she didn't want to.

"i don't want to lose you," he said, his voice cracking slightly.

millie's eyes softened, but there was still that distance between them, a space he couldn't seem to close. "i'm not asking you to lose me," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "i'm just asking for some time. some space to figure things out."

harry nodded slowly, the lump in his throat growing. he didn't know what the future held for them, but right now, he had to let her go. even if it was just for a little while.

"okay," he said quietly, stepping back. "i'll give you space. but i'm not going anywhere, millie. i'm still here."

millie didn't respond. she just turned away, walking toward the door. harry stood there, watching her go, feeling like he'd just lost a part of her. but he didn't know how to fix it. not yet. not when she wasn't ready to let him in.

the door clicked shut behind her, and harry stood in the silence, unsure of what to do next.

AUTHOR NOTES ! i've been listening to a lot of ayesha erotica recently and i love her ok bye

also i have a few pop culture references in here cuz bored 🥱

haha lol author looks like arthur like arthur hill