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» [forever winter by taylor swift]« 0:58 ─〇───── 3:32 ⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

august 21st, 2022

MILLIE SAT ON THE COUCH, her phone in her hands but not really looking at it. the soft hum of conversation from her roommates in the kitchen barely registered. they were talking about something, but her mind was elsewhere. she hadn't been able to shake the argument with harry, or the mess of emotions that had followed.

she'd tried to keep it together, but every time she thought about him, she felt this knot in her stomach. what were they? just friends? something more? she hated the uncertainty, the not knowing. it made her feel like she was teetering on the edge of something, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to fall.

she glanced at the clock. it was late. harry had texted her earlier, asking if she was okay, but she hadn't responded. part of her wanted to reach out, to let him in, but the other part of her was scared. scared of what might happen if she let herself get too close again.

louis poked his head around the corner, noticing she was quiet. "you good?" he asked, his voice casual, but there was a hint of concern in his eyes.

millie nodded, forcing a smile. "yeah, just tired."

audrey, who was flipping through a magazine at the table, glanced up. "you sure? you've been off all day."

"i'm fine," millie said, her voice a little sharper than she intended.

there was a pause, and then louis shrugged, clearly sensing that it wasn't the time to push. audrey didn't seem convinced, but she didn't say anything more.

millie let out a breath, leaning back into the couch. she was trying so hard to hold everything together, but it was getting harder. she couldn't stop thinking about how things had felt with harry before the argument. how easy it had been to fall into their routine, to laugh and talk and just be. but now everything felt like it was in pieces, and she wasn't sure how to put it back together.

she looked at her phone again, her thumb hovering over the screen. she wanted to text him, to tell him that she was sorry for how things had gone down. but then the doubt crept in. what if he didn't want to hear it? what if he didn't want to fix things? what if he was just as confused as she was?

"you're thinking about him, aren't you?" audrey's voice broke through her thoughts.

millie froze, her heart skipping a beat. she hadn't realized audrey had been watching her so closely.

"no," millie said quickly, but it sounded unconvincing, even to her own ears.

audrey raised an eyebrow. "come on, you've been distracted all day. you're not fooling anyone."

millie sighed, running a hand through her hair. "i don't know what to do. i don't know where we stand, and i don't know if i'm ready for all of that again."

louis leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed. "he's been good to you, right? i mean, if he's making you feel this way, maybe he's not the one you need to be worried about."

millie frowned, her thoughts swirling. "it's not about him. it's about me. i don't know if i can handle getting close to someone again. not after everything."

audrey exchanged a look with louis, but neither of them pushed further. they both knew better than to try and solve her problems for her.

millie stood up, shaking her head as if trying to shake off the weight of the conversation. "i'm just... i need some space. to figure things out."

"we're here if you need us," louis said quietly.

millie nodded, her gaze flicking to the door. she knew what she needed. she needed to be alone, to clear her head. but as she walked past her roommates, her phone buzzed in her pocket. it was a text from harry.

harry!

You still up Can we talk

she stared at the message for a moment, her heart racing. she hadn't been expecting him to reach out, but now that he had, she didn't know what to say.

the tension in her chest tightened, and she found herself typing and deleting a response, unsure of what to say. she didn't want to make things worse, but she didn't know if she could keep pretending like everything was fine.

finally, she set the phone down and walked out of the living room, needing some space to breathe.

౨ৎ

harry sat on the couch, his phone in hand, scrolling aimlessly. he kept glancing over at calfreezy, who was busy with something on his laptop. the tension between him and millie was still gnawing at him, and he didn't know how to fix it.

after a long pause, he sighed and set the phone down, rubbing his face with his hands. calfreezy noticed and raised an eyebrow.

"you good, mate?" cal asked, leaning back in his chair, his eyes still fixed on the screen.

"yeah," harry muttered, but the doubt in his voice was obvious. "just a bit of a situation."

cal raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "situation, huh? you want to talk about it?"

harry hesitated, fiddling with the hem of his hoodie. he didn't want to get into it too much, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed some advice. "well, let's say, hypothetically, someone you care about starts pulling away. not because they don't care, but because they're dealing with their own stuff. how do you get them to open up without making them feel like you're pushing them too hard?"

cal sat back in his chair, thinking for a moment. he clicked his tongue before answering, "that's a tough one, mate. you can't force someone to talk if they're not ready, but you can show them you're there for them. just... don't make it all about you. let them know you're not going anywhere, even if they need space. and if they push you away, don't take it personally."

harry nodded slowly, absorbing the advice. he hadn't realized how much he'd been internalizing the situation. it was easy to get frustrated when someone you cared about started pulling away, but cal's words made sense. "keep being there, even if they shut me out."

"yeah," cal said, nodding thoughtfully. "but also, don't lose yourself in it. make sure you're still doing your thing. sometimes, people need to see you being okay on your own before they can let you in. it's not about being a savior, it's about showing them that you're solid, that you can handle things even if they can't right now."

harry leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling, deep in thought. he appreciated cal's advice, but it didn't make the situation any easier. millie had been so distant lately, and he couldn't help but feel like he was losing her, even though he didn't know why. "right. makes sense. thanks, man."

cal gave a small shrug and turned back to his laptop, his fingers flying over the keys. "no problem, mate. just don't overthink it too much. it's easy to get lost in your own head with this stuff. just take it day by day."

harry let out a long breath, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "yeah, I know. I don't want to mess it up. I don't know what's going on with her, and it's killing me."

cal glanced at him briefly, his expression softening. "look, mate, you've been there for her through a lot. she's probably just working through some stuff. it's not always about you. don't make it all about you, alright?"

harry nodded, but the weight of the situation still lingered. he appreciated cal's words, but it didn't change the fact that millie was still shutting him out. he had to respect her space, but he also couldn't just stand by and watch her pull away completely.

"yeah," harry said, his voice quieter now. "I'll try."

cal gave him a reassuring smile before turning back to his laptop. "good man. now, get out of your head, yeah? go do something that makes you happy. she'll come around when she's ready."

harry stood up, his mind still racing, but cal's words echoed in his head. he needed to focus on himself for a while, even if it felt impossible. he had to show millie that he was okay on his own, that he wasn't going anywhere, no matter how hard it got.

as he left the flat, he pulled his hoodie tighter around himself, feeling the weight of the uncertainty still hanging over him. but he knew one thing for sure—he wasn't giving up on millie. not yet.

౨ৎ

millie had been trying to distract herself, throwing herself into work and keeping busy with the few things that could keep her mind off everything else. she had an album to write, meetings to attend, and a constant stream of social media messages to manage. but no matter how much she tried to fill her days, there was one thing she couldn't escape—harry.

she kept thinking about him, about the way he looked at her, the way he made her feel like maybe, just maybe, she could have something real. but then there was the fear, the uncertainty. could she trust herself again? could she trust him?

her phone buzzed on the table, snapping her out of her thoughts. she glanced down at the screen, her stomach tightening as she saw harry's name. she hadn't replied to his last few texts, and each time she saw one from him, she couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. she had wanted to reach out, but every time she thought about doing it, she froze.

with a sigh, she pushed the phone away and went back to her work, trying to focus on the task at hand. but her mind kept drifting, like a current pulling her under.

later that afternoon, she was in the studio, reviewing some of the final edits for her album. the room was quiet except for the soft hum of the speakers, but as she listened to the track playing, something shifted inside her. the music was beautiful, but there was a hollow feeling to it, like something was missing. she paused the track and leaned back in her chair, running a hand through her hair.

it was then that the thought hit her—this was exactly how she felt about everything in her life right now. beautiful, but empty. she had everything she thought she wanted—success, a career she loved—but it didn't feel the same without the person who had been there for her through it all. without harry.

the thought of finn crept in, uninvited. she hadn't thought about him much lately, not in a way that felt real. but as she sat there, the weight of everything she had been running from hit her all at once. finn, her career, her fears, and most of all, her feelings for harry.

she had been avoiding the truth, running from the reality that she was starting to care about him more than she had allowed herself to admit.

millie stood up abruptly, her heart pounding in her chest. she grabbed her coat and stormed out of the studio, needing air, needing space to breathe. she didn't know where she was going, but she knew she had to get out of there.

she ended up at a small park near her apartment, the chilly air hitting her face as she walked aimlessly. her thoughts were a whirlwind, each one crashing into the next. she couldn't keep pretending that she wasn't affected by harry. but at the same time, she couldn't let herself fall for him, not with everything else hanging over her.

sitting on a bench, she pulled out her phone and stared at harry's name again. she wanted to reach out, but the fear of what that would mean held her back. what if he didn't feel the same way? what if he was just being nice because that's who he was? she didn't know if she could handle it.

her phone buzzed again, this time a message from audrey. "you good? you've been off lately. call me when you get a chance."

millie stared at the message for a moment, the weight of her emotions threatening to spill over. she typed a quick reply, "yeah, i'm fine. just need some space. talk soon."

she put the phone down and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the bench. the cool breeze ruffled her hair, and for a moment, everything felt still. but deep down, she knew she couldn't keep running from this.

she had to face it. she had to face him.

AUTHOR NOTES !! i want to publish every chapter of this so bad but i don't want to proof read :((