｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。oxytocin 　ﾟ･｡･

» [bed chem by sabrina carpenter ] « 0:58 ─〇───── 2:62 ⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

july 14th, 2022

"GOD, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. you're a pink pony girl, and you dance at the club." millie scream-sang along, dancing around in her room. she was getting ready to go out for the first time since finn died. it had been a month since finn died, and 4 days since she bleached her hair - an impulsive 2AM decision she made after a meltdown.

millie was born blonde, but changed it in 2014 to be brunette. she'd always loved experimenting with her hair, and she'd always debated with finn what the next colour should be. after seven entire months of her brunette bob, sbe eventually grew sick of it, and grew it out and bleached it. the platinum blonde still caught her off guard every time she passed a mirror, like she was staring at a stranger. maybe that was the point, she wondered.

none of her friends had seen her with blonde hair yet, and she didn't really care. she was going out tonight with all of her friends and she was going to enjoy herself, and ignore everything chris says, as per.

she danced harder as Youtube & Bbq Chips played, putting socks on her feet, slipping slightly as she spun. if she moved fast enough, maybe she could forget the guilt she felt in her chest, that she was living happily without him, that she was about to go and get drunk. he would've hated that.

tonight was going to be a fresh start—or something like it. it would be her first night out since everything fell apart. the thought made her stomach twist, but she couldn't let herself back out now. not when she'd spent the last hour convincing herself this was a good idea.

flicking through the mess she called her wardrobe while singing Beyoncé, she settled on just a white tank top with a black miniskirt with go-go boots, because as Chappell Roan said, "mini-skirt and my go-go boots."

she grabbed her headphones, her handbag, left the apartment, and called an uber. she did have a car, but she didn't trust herself driving it sober, let alone drunk. plus that's illegal.

she was always really awkward in ubers, she didn't want to listen to music because she was scared they were going to talk to her and she wouldn't hear them or whatever. so she'd just scroll tiktok on mute, too scared to even laugh at anything.

thanking the driver, she checked her phone for the time, she was sure she actually made it on time. 10:54, it read. 1 hour and 54 minutes late. oh well, there was always next time.

she walked into the club with eagle eyes, searching the crowd for a tall calfreezy or miniminter. somehow, she spotted chrismd first.

"millie!" he shouted over the loud music of the club, pulling her into a tight hug. "your hair is so....different!"

"don't even start chris." she chuckled. "I was bored the other day."

"it's ok, I guess. better than blue haired millie clarke by a mile. god, she was a mess." he said, "your forehead is massive now."

"thank you, I think." she laughed, taking his insult as a compliment. "where are the others?"

"over there. I wouldn't talk to Lux, he's so wasted, he's just insulting everyone and everything."

"noted." she chuckled, walking to the bar.

at the bar, she skimmed the drinks menu. millie was an nothing if not fussy and she was getting a vodka lemonade either way. the rest of the options were foreign to her, and felt like alcohol.

"millie clarke. well I never." a familiar voice slurred. she turned around to see the one and only calfreezy.

her and calfreezy had been friends for years, he was the first person who she really bonded with out of the whole uk youtube scene back in the day. they'd always seen each other as siblings. despite their friendship built on tearing each other down, millie could always go to cal when something was wrong.

"freezy!" she yelled out, giving him a hug.

"your hair!" he shouted, very loudly.

"you like it?" she asked, giggling, taking a sip of her drink.

"it suits you! I didn't realize it was you, we thought chris was cheating on shannon or something." he shrugged, ordering shots for him and millie.

she laughed, though a hint of embarrassment flickered across her face. "well, glad to know I caused a minor scandal." Her fingers tapped nervously on the edge of the bar. "what gave me away?"

he smirked, sliding one of the shots toward her. "the laugh. dead giveaway."

millie grabbed her shotglass, her eyes sparkling. "to blondes?"

"to that," he agreed, clinking his shot against hers, and taking them simultaneously.

with millie and cal, catching up was an unspoken rule. it didn't matter who else was there-they had to talk first. after what felt like hours but was only 24 minutes, they finally wandered over to the group.

compliments about her hair came from all directions, and millie felt her cheeks burn. she forced a chuckle, muttering a small thank you before taking a long sip of her drink. the vodka lemonade fizzed on her tongue, grounding her.

౨ৎ

MILLIE HOVERED AT THE edge of the group, sipping her drink and letting the conversations flow around her. she laughed when she was supposed to, nodded when prompted, but her mind felt miles away.

"you're too quiet for a night out," a familiar voice teased, pulling her out of her thoughts. she turned to see Harry standing beside her, his grin lopsided and a little too confident.

"I'm pacing myself," she replied, raising her glass in mock defense.

"pacing yourself for what? karaoke?" he asked, leaning closer to be heard over the music.

she rolled her eyes, the corners of her mouth twitching into a smile. "for surviving the night with you lot."

harry laughed, the sound cutting through the pounding bass like a warm breeze. "come on, mills. let's make a bet. first one to embarrass themselves buys the next round."

she raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "what counts as embarrassing?"

"falling over, spilling a drink, bad dancing, the usual." he smiled. "you in?"

millie hesitated, the weight of the last month pressing against her chest. but then she caught sight of chris attempting to moonwalk across the sticky floor, and she couldn't help but laugh. maybe tonight didn't have to be so heavy.

"you're on," she said, clinking her glass against his.

it took less then five minutes for millie to fall, spilling her drink at the same time, harry cheering, earning a playful slap from talia mar.

"you won, lewis. what drink you want?" she chuckled, after composing herself.

harry grabbed her wrist and dragged her towards the bar, her tripping on the way again, but no one saw so it didn't happen.

he ordered their drinks and a round of shots for them to do together. harry lewis wasn't the type of guy millie usually chose to go out with, even though they were extremely similar. she never really talked to him outside of sidemen things before 2019, where she developed a small crush on his girlfriend at the time and decided to be closer to talk to her. ever since though, they were really good friends. she enjoyed his company, and she hoped that was reciprocated.

as they waited for their drinks, harry was waffling, and millie zoned out. she had no idea what he was on about, truth be told. she couldn't stop feeling guilty.

this wasn't her. she'd only ever been out once and actually drank, and that was when she turned 18. she drank for youtube videos, but she knew how to control herself. or at least, she thought she did. she realized slowly after finn's death that he was the one who kept her grounded. ever since, she hadn't stopped drinking. it was almost her way of coping.

staring into the abyss of the barman's eyes, harry shook her back into reality, to show her their pints had arrived.

"this is a pathetic pint, harry. I could get this gone in, like, 30 seconds." she remarked.

"no way. I'm calling bull." harry responded, doing that face he pulled when someone said something he didn't like.

"definitely could."

"you've been drinking for a month, millie. you're too cocky."

"I fucking can, you inbred prick."

"I'm telling you, Clarke, you'll never finish that drink in thirty seconds." harry's grin was infuriatingly smug, and millie raised an eyebrow as she reached for the glass.

"watch me," she said, already tipping the drink back.

the thing about drinking games, millie decided, was that they were a terrible way to forget someone. every laugh, every clink of a glass, only reminded you of what was missing. but Harry was relentless, and she couldn't bring herself to say no to his stupid games —not tonight, anyway.

all night, they ran around the club together, making stupid little bets and getting more drinks out of each other. to an outside perspective, they looked like school children in love, but to harry, he was just distracting her from anything negative she might be thinking.

after 3 hours of making bets and overdoing their drink tolorance, millie eventually fell asleep on the round sofa, resting on chip's leg.

"look at her." chip laughed.

"bro, she's so drunk." Lux responded, also laughing, although she was blissfully unaware of the laughs going on around her.

"leave her, boys." harry chuckled. "we've had a long night."

"what, betting on who would fall over first?" freya laughed.

"actually, we were betting on who would take longer on the toilet, you silly bitch. what's it to do with you anyway?" he retaliated. he was drunk drunk, and it made him nasty.

everyone looked between each other, exchanging glances and giggles.

"I think I'm going to take her back." harry said, breaking the silence, "if I can wake her up."

"I know what to do." shannon pipes up, opening youtube to play an interview with laurence rickard and ben willbond. she put it right up to her ear, and waited for ben willbond to start speaking.

the second he did, she slowly woke up, making everyone laugh.

"millie." harry said, sounding like he needed to cough, but in a hot way, you know, and holding out his hand.

she rubbed her eyes, smudging her mascara, grabbing his hand and following him outside the building.

"wait, where we going?" she said, with a 'i've just woken up and i want to kill myself' tone in her voice.

"I'm taking you home." he responds, putting his coat on her shoulders. "it's like 2am."

"oh, okay." she replies, very obviously done with people for the day, and wrapping herself in his green coat.

harry and millie stood outside the club for 10 minutes, while harry attempted to book an uber to millie's apartment, but funnily enough he couldn't find one at 2:31am. after all this waiting, millie had slowly woken up and was still vibing to the music playing inside.

"fuck it, I'll walk you to mine." harry shrugged his shoulders, putting his phone in his pockets.

the two slowly made their way back to harry and cal's apartment, harry having to stop her the whole way from trying to look the streets of london, just to point out things they both walked past every day.

just as millie was about to make another stop to point out a lampost that harry had noticed the day he'd moved to london, he decided he was way to tired, he decided to put her around his shoulders, a decision he regret quickly as she started hitting him on the head.

"put me down, you wanker!" she yelled, slurring of her words.

"sorry, Clarke, I have to get you to a bed at some point tonight, and you're stopping to observe everything."

millie groaned in reply to his comment, whacking him on the head, "how is it bad that I'm enjoying the sights of london. we look past it, because we live here, but london is extremely pretty. there are so many things that people would die to see and we just overlook that fact we've got constant access to it, you ungrateful brat." which only made harry laugh even more.

"I'll start observing london from now." he laughed.

he tried to make conversation with the girl around his shoulders, but all he could hear was the sound of light snoring coming from behind him. he smiled to himself, trying to be as gentle as possible as he carried the girl the rest of the way home.

౨ৎ

HARRY REACHED HIS apartment, putting the girl on the floor to open the door. she walked in and almost immediately went to the fridge. drinking made her hungry.

she stared at the contents of the fridge, but despite her hunger, she couldn't bring herself to eat. over the past year, she'd noticed that eating had become harder, like her appetite had slipped away without her even noticing. it was a struggle she didn't talk about much.

taking a mental note of this for later, harry watched her, his eyes softening as she grabbed a glass of water. she sank down on the kitchen floor, tapping the ground beside her as if silently asking him to join her.

"harry." she mumbled, turning to look at him.

"millie." he chuckled."

"thank you for tonight. it was nice." she spoke softly.

"oh, it's fine. it was fun a good distraction, if I do say so myself." he replied, but before he could finish his sentence, Millie turned toward him, crashed her lips into his.

naturally, he kissed back, all thoughts clearing his heads. as they deepened the kiss, harry gently pulled millie onto his lap, while she tangled her fingers through his hair.

but after a few moments, harry slowly pulled away, his breath shaky. he rested his forehead against his palms, trying to steady himself.

"millie," he said softly, standing up and stepping back, his hands running through his hair in frustration. "I can't. I don't want to take advantage of you while you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk." she says, standing up, pushing her hair out her face, tripping over her own feet. "okay, maybe I'm a little drunk."

"millie, I want to do this. I think I do, at least. but I don't want to take advantage of you." harry sighed, walking towards the counter, which she was now sat on. he stood in between her legs, waiting for her to say something.

"harry, you're not. did you ever watch that episode of friends where Monica and Chandler hook up?" she says, waiting for his nod, "she says something like, I'm drunk enough that I want to do this but not drunk enough to be taken advantage of or something."

"god, you're fit as a blonde," he said, his voice low and filled with admiration.

millie chuckled, her hands tugging at his shirt as she pulled it over his head. "I'm glad you think so," she teased, her lips finding his again, more urgent this time. the room seemed to spin as they pulled each other closer, everything else fading away.

harry's hands roamed, exploring the curves of her body, while Millie let out a soft gasp as she felt his touch. it was a mix of tenderness and desire, a balance neither of them had expected but both had wanted.

they paused for a moment, just looking at each other, both trying to read the other's thoughts. harry's fingers brushed her cheek gently, and he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, "are you sure?"

millie nodded, her breath shaky but her eyes steady. "I'm sure."

with that, Harry kissed her again, this time slow and deep, as if they were both savoring the moment. the world outside his apartment didn't matter anymore. it was just the two of them, tangled in the sheets, lost in the chaos of everything they hadn't said but felt.

AUTHOR NOTES

hey hello welcome 🙃🙃🙃

i've been struggling to write an opening for ages (why is writing an intro so hard omfg) but im finally happy with this

just because we're happy now does not mean thats gonna last 😏😏