｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。oxytocin 　ﾟ･｡･

» [iced coffee by arthur hill] « 0:58 ─〇───── 2:35 ⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

july 15th, 2022

"THEN HE TOOK me back to his apartment, I kissed him, then we did it. now I'm here, regretting it." millie sighed, to which riley reciprocated.

"okay. so. what I took from that is, you got drunk for the first time ever, went to harry and cal's place, kissed harry, now you regret it?" riley replied, a purplexed look on her face.

millie nodded, and threw herself back on her bed. "I feel like I've ruined everything."

"don't say that, love." riley said softly.

"actually, I did fuck all. it's all finn's fault. if he just stayed alive then we would all be fine and I would still not know what wroetoshaw looks like naked." she declared, sitting up.

"you're blaming your dead boyfriend for last night's events?" riley chuckled with concern.

"yes. it's not hard to stay alive. they've made songs about it. he just wanted to play that sympathy card. I swear to fucking god, when I see that son of a bitch in heaven, I'm beating the shit out of him."

"this is just grief, you don't mean that, hopefully." riley giggled.

"what do you think, daisy, have we royally fucked it?" the blonde said, looking at her dog led on her bed. "blud's so disappointed in me she's giving me the silent treatment. this is the worse." she says, pacing the room again.

"babe, she's a dog." riley replies, with a hint of concern in her voice. "look, you can either freak out about this forever, or you can just talk to him like an adult. you guys are friends, right? it's not like he's going to ghost you."

"I'm scared, riley."

"that's completely normal! this is all new for you, you've gone through a lot this year, you're allowed to feel things, just feel things sat down you're going to wear a hole in the floor. just talk to him, millie. worst-case scenario, he's a dick about it, and I'll slash his tires."

"but what do l even say to him? hey, sorry for stealing your boxers and ruining our friendship?"

"draft it? you've always said, you're horrible at articulating yourself, write it down in your notes app, me or someone else can proof read it, then at least you won't be stressing as much."

they sat in silence for a bit, although riley could almost hear everything that was rushing through millie's head.

"can I have some time to myself? I think I'm gonna make some videos and distract myself for now." millie piped up.

"okay, sweet." riley responded, leaving her with a kiss on a forehead.

millie sat at her desk, staring at the blinking cursor on her phone screen. she had opened the messages app a dozen times, but each time, she couldn't bring herself to send anything. her fingers hovered over harry's name, but she couldn't find the right words. how was she supposed to start this conversation? whay was she supposed to say after what had happened?

the weight of last night still lingered, a heavy cloud over her thoughts. the kiss. the way it had felt so natural, so right in the moment, but now it seemed like a mistake. or was it? she wasn't sure anymore. her emotions were a tangled mess, and every time she thought about it, she felt like she was spiraling.

she had tried to distract herself. after riley left, millie sat down to react to the videos her editor had sent her, hoping it would take her mind off things. But no matter how hard she tried, the thoughts of harry kept creeping in. the way his lips had tasted, the way his hands had felt on her skin. it had been so different than anything she had ever expected. and now, it felt like she was standing on the edge of something, something she wasn't sure she was ready for.

her dog, daisy, was curled up at the foot of her bed, and millie glanced at her, trying to find some comfort in the familiar sight. daisy was always her rock, the one constant in her life. but today, even her dog's presence couldn't calm the storm inside her.

millie let out a sigh, leaning back in her chair. she felt exhausted, emotionally drained. she had been through so much this year, and now this mess with harry was the last thing she needed. she had enough on her plate, didn't she? but she couldn't help herself. there was something about harry that always made her feel like she couldn't keep her distance. he had always been there for her, always made her laugh, always been the one person she could count on. and now, she was worried she'd ruined it all.

the thought of facing him again terrified her. what if things were different now? what if they couldn't go back to being friends after what had happened? she couldn't bear the thought of losing him, but at the same time, she wasn't sure how to move forward.

she picked up her phone again, staring at harry's name. it felt like an eternity before she finally typed out a message: "hey, can we talk?"

but before she could hit send, her finger hovered over the screen, and she deleted the message. what was she supposed to say? was she supposed to apologize? was she supposed to pretend like nothing had happened? her mind was spinning with possibilities, each one more confusing than the last.

the door opened again, and Millie jumped, startled by the sudden sound. she glanced at the door, riley was back.

riley walked in and immediately plopped down on the bed beside millie. "hey, you good?"

millie shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. she felt like she was on the verge of tears, but she didn't want to cry.

riley, sensing the tension, didn't push her. instead, she pulled out her phone and started scrolling through tiktok, giving millie the space she needed. But it didn't help. the silence between them was deafening, and millie couldn't escape the feeling that everything was falling apart.

finally, after what felt like an eternity, Riley broke the silence. "you know, you can talk to me about anything, right?"

millie nodded, though the lump in her throat made it hard to speak. "I don't know what to do, riley."

riley set her phone down, turning to face Millie with a serious expression. "about harry?"

"no, about alex turner, yes about harry." millie snapped, before biting her lip, feeling a wave of guilt wash over her. "I don't know what happened. I don't know what it means. I don't know if I've ruined everything."

riley raised an eyebrow. "ruined everything? millie, you didn't ruin anything. you're allowed to feel confused. you've been through a lot this year. You don't have to have all the answers right now."

"but I don't want to mess things up with him," millie said, her voice trembling. "he's my friend, riley. I don't want to lose that. I don't want him to think I'm some, I don't know, that girl who just complicates everything."

riley shook her head. "You're not that person. and harry's not going to think that. he's your friend. you guys have been through a lot together. you just need to talk it out."

millie took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "I don't know how to talk to him about this. what do I even say? 'hey, sorry for kissing you and then making everything weird?'"

riley chuckled softly. "you're not the first person to get confused about their feelings. it's normal. you just need to be honest with him, millie. you can't avoid it forever."

"I don't want to make it worse." millie said quietly, her gaze dropping to the floor.

"you won't make it worse." riley reassured her. "but you won't know unless you try. just tell him how you're feeling. it's okay to be vulnerable."

millie nodded, but she still felt a tight knot in her stomach. it was one thing to know what she needed to do, but it was another thing entirely to actually do it. the fear of rejection, the fear of making things awkward, it all weighed heavily on her. but, as much as it pained her to admit it, riley was right. she couldn't avoid it forever.

after a long pause, millie finally stood up, grabbing her phone from the desk. "I'm going to text him," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

riley smiled at her. "that's the spirit. and if you need me to proofread, I'll be downstairs."

millie smiled weakly, feeling a little bit lighter. she opened a new message to harry, her fingers hovering over the keyboard. what was she supposed to say?

she typed, then deleted, then typed again. it wasn't perfect, but it was a start:

"hey, can we talk? I don't know what this is, but I need to figure it out. I don't want to mess up our friendship."

she stared at the message for a moment, her heart racing. she felt the weight of the words, the pressure of sending them. her thumb hovered over the send button, but no matter how many times she tried to convince herself, she just couldn't do it. what if it made everything worse? What if he didn't want to talk? what if it ruined everything?

witg a deep sigh, millie put the phone down on the desk without sending the message. she couldn't bring herself to do it. not yet. maybe tomorrow. mayber never. all she knew in that moment, that there was packet of jaffa cakes in the cupboard downstairs and an alexa.

౨ৎ

harry tried to go about his day as if nothing had changed, but it was impossible. the atmosphere in the apartment felt different, charged with an energy that he couldn't shake. cal and lux had already caught wind of what happened the night before, and they weren't about to let him off easy.

"so, what's next? matching couple TikToks? maybe a joint YouTube channel?" cal teased, leaning against the kitchen counter, a smug grin plastered across his face as he sipped his coke.

harry shot him a look, his patience wearing thin. "shut up, mate," he muttered, grabbing a mug from the cupboard and boiling the kettle, preparing his tea, trying to ignore the way his hands shook slightly. he could feel the weight of their eyes on him, and it was making him more self-conscious than he liked.

lux wasn't far behind, his usual demeanor replaced with a mischievous glint in his eye. "no, seriously. you two have been dancing around each other for ages. now that you've crossed the line, I want to know the game plan. are we getting wedding invites soon?"

harry rolled his eyes, but inside, he was starting to feel the pressure. the weight of their words, their expectations, was starting to sink in. he didn't have an answer for them. the truth was, things with millie weren't going to be the same. not after last night. he could still feel the lingering warmth of her lips on his, the way her body had pressed against his in the heat of the moment. he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it all morning, and now the jokes from cal and lux were making it harder to ignore.

"seriously, you're not even going to acknowledge it?" cal pressed, crossing his arms. "you're just going to pretend it didn't happen?"

harry sighed, setting his mug down with more force than necessary. "I'm not pretending anything," he said, his voice quieter now. "It was a mistake, a lapse in judgment. that's all."

a long silence followed, and harry could feel the weight of their stares. it wasn't a mistake in the way he'd said it. He knew that. but the words felt like a defense mechanism, something to push back the emotions he didn't want to confront.

lux leaned forward, his smirk never wavering. "so, you're saying it was a mistake, but you're not going to do anything about it? you're just going to let it hang in the air like that?"

harry clenched his jaw, his thoughts swirling. he didn't know what to say. part of him wanted to just brush it off, pretend everything was fine, but he couldn't. he couldn't stop thinking about millie, about how everything had felt so right in the moment, and how now, it felt like a huge mess.

he knew he had to protect their friendship. he didn't want to mess that up. millie had been his friend for so long, and he wasn't sure how they could go back to that after what had happened. but at the same time, he couldn't ignore the feelings that had been building up for years. The chemistry between them had always been there, bubbling just beneath the surface, and last night had been the catalyst that finally made it impossible to deny.

harry glanced at his phone, his thumb hovering over the screen. he thought about texting her, maybe just to check in, to make sure she was okay. but he quickly dismissed the idea. he didn't want to seem too eager, too desperate. after all, they'd only crossed that line once, and who was to say it wouldn't be a one-time thing?

"mate," cal called, snapping harry out of his thoughts. "you good? you've been too quiet."

"yeah," harry replied, forcing a grin, though it didn't reach his eyes. "just tired."

but in reality, his mind was a million miles away, thinking about Millie. what did this mean for them? was this just a one-off, a drunken mistake? or was it something more? harry had always been the one to keep his emotions in check, to keep things light and easy, but with millie, it was different. it had always been different.

the conversation around him continued, but harry barely heard it. his thoughts kept drifting back to her—her laugh, the way she looked at him, the way she felt in his arms. he wanted to talk to her, to figure this out, but he didn't know how. he didn't want to mess things up even more than they already were.

cal's voice broke through his thoughts again. "look, mate, we're just messing with you. but seriously, you've got to talk to her. you can't just leave it hanging. girls hate that stuff."

harry nodded absently, his fingers tapping nervously on the edge of his mug. "I'll figure it out."

cal raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced. "you're not going to just pretend it didn't happen, are you?"

"I'm not pretending anything," harry said again, more forcefully this time. he ran a hand through his hair, frustration bubbling up inside him. "I just don't know what to do, okay?"

lux, who had been quiet up until now, gave him a knowing look. "mate, you've been in love with her for ages. just admit it."

harry froze, his heart pounding in his chest. he didn't know how to respond to that. The truth was, ever since she was 19, he had always felt something for millie, but he'd never let himself act on it. he'd always kept it buried deep down, hidden behind their friendship. and now, with everything that had happened, he wasn't sure if it was too late to change things.

"I'm not in love with her," harry muttered, though even he didn't believe it.

lux raised an eyebrow. "sure, mate. whatever you say."

harry didn't respond. he couldn't. because the more he thought about it, the more he realized that maybe lux was right. maybe he had been in love with millie, and maybe now it was too late to take it back.

the rest of the day passed in a blur, harry going through the motions, but his mind never fully on anything. every time he picked up his phone, he found himself staring at millie's contact, his thumb hovering over the screen, unsure of what to say. He wanted to reach out, but the fear of ruining everything held him back.

as the evening wore on, harry found himself standing by the window, staring out at the city lights, lost in thought. he knew he had to figure this out, but he wasn't sure where to start. what if it was too late? what if millie didn't feel the same way? what if they couldn't go back to being just friends?

witg a heavy sigh, harry grabbed his jacket and keys, heading out the door. he needed to clear his head. he needed to stop thinking about Millie for just a moment. but as he stepped out into the cold night air, his thoughts immediately went back to her.

it was going to be a long night.