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» [girl so confusing by charli xcx & lorde] « 0:58 ─〇───── 2:62 ⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

july 16th, 2022

THE RESTAURANT BUZZED with the usual chaos that accompanied any sidemen gathering. plates clattered, conversations overlapped, and jj's laugh echoed across the room. millie slid into a seat near the middle of the long table, trying to blend in with the noise. she caught sight of harry across the table, his head ducked low as he scrolled on his phone, but the moment their eyes met, he quickly looked away.

her stomach twisted. the tension between them was suffocating, and it hadn't even been five minutes.

the others didn't seem to notice at first, too caught up in the usual. ethan and simon were arguing over some ridiculous hypothetical scenario, while tobi chimed in with his calm logic. jj, already halfway through a plate of wings, was loudly declaring his latest gym milestone to anyone who would listen.

millie tried to focus on the menu in front of her, but every time she glanced up, her gaze seemed to find harry. he was unnervingly quiet, sipping his drink and keeping his eyes firmly on the table.

it didn't take long for the others to notice.

"oi, harry," cal said, leaning back in his chair with a sly grin. "you've been suspiciously quiet tonight. what's going on?"

harry didn't look up. "nothing. just tired."

"tired from what, though?" cal pressed, his grin widening. "late-night activities, perhaps?"

millie's heart sank. she could feel the heat rising in her cheeks as cal's words hung in the air.

"what are you on about?" harry shot back, his voice cal but not convincing enough to stop Cal.

"oh, come on," cal said, gesturing vaguely between harry and millie. "you're not fooling anyone. something's up."

millie wanted to disappear. she stared at the menu like it held the secrets of the universe, hoping no one would notice the way her hands were trembling.

nnfortunately, jj wasn't one to let an opportunity for chaos pass him by.

"what's up with you two?" jj asked, his voice loud enough to draw everyone's attention. he pointed his fork between harry and millie, grinning like he'd just uncovered a scandal. "did you finally shag or something?"

the table erupted into laughter. ethan nearly spat out his drink, and simon was shaking his head, trying—and failing—to suppress a chuckle.

"jj, man, you can't just say that," simon said, though he was clearly enjoying the moment.

"why not?" jj replied, his grin growing wider. "look at them! they're acting weird as hell."

"we're not acting weird," harry snapped, finally looking up. his jaw was tight, and his tone was defensive. "you're just being annoying."

"oh, come on," cal said, leaning forward on the table. "something definitely happened. spill the tea, mate. blink twice if yes."

millie could feel every pair of eyes on her, and it was unbearable. her cheeks burned as she blurted out, "nothing happened, can we please talk about literally anything else?"

the laughter died down, though not entirely. cal leaned back in his chair, clearly amused. "alright, alright. whatever you say."

tobi, the voice of reason, stepped in. "you lot are ridiculous. leave them alone."

"thank you," millie muttered under her breath, though the damage was already done.

the conversation around the table shifted to football and upcoming video ideas, but the tension between millie and harry lingered. millie tried to focus on the chatter, nodding along when ethan made a joke and forcing a laugh when jj started recounting an absurd gym story. but her mind kept drifting back to the earlier teasing, her embarrassment still fresh.

she risked a glance at harry. he was staring down at his plate, his fork idly pushing food around. he looked tense, like he was barely holding it together.

her phone buzzed under the table. she pulled it out, her heart skipping a beat when she saw harry's name on the screen.

harry lewis

You okay?

yeah are you

harry glanced at his phone, then at her, giving the smallest of nods before returning his focus to his plate. millie felt a flicker of relief, but it was fleeting. there was so much unsaid between them, and she had no idea how—or if—they'd ever address it.

as the group finished their meals, the energy at the table began to shift. People leaned back in their chairs, conversations mellowing out. millie thought she'd made it through the worst of the night, but just as she started to relax, cal leaned in toward harry with a mischievous smirk.

"alright, mate," cal said, lowering his voice just enough to make it seem conspiratorial, though everyone could still hear. "you've been weird all night. spill it. did something happen, or are you just that awkward?"

"freezy," harry said, his voice sharp, though his cheeks flushed slightly. "drop it."

"mate, I'm just saying, you're acting like you've got something to hide."

"leave him alone," tobi interjected, his tone firm but good-natured. "you lot are relentless."

"thank you," harry muttered, shooting tobi a grateful look.

millie kept her gaze fixed on the table, praying no one would drag her into the conversation again. but jj, ever the instigator, wasn't ready to let it go.

"bet it's about millie," jj said, grinning as he leaned back in his chair. "he's probably just shy because he fancies her."

millie's heart raced. "jj, fucking give it up, lad." she said, trying to sound calm but failing miserably.

jj held up his hands in mock surrender, laughing. "alright, alright. I'm just joking. relax."

the table erupted into laughter again, but millie didn't find it funny. she risked another glance at harry, who looked like he wanted to disappear. his hand was gripping his glass tightly, and his jaw was clenched.

millie felt a pang of guilt. harry wasn't the type to get flustered easily, but tonight, he looked completely out of his depth. she wanted to say something to ease the tension, but the words wouldn't come. Instead, she sank further into her chair, wishing the ground would swallow her whole.

the group's laughter eventually died down, and the conversation moved on to other topics, but the awkwardness between her and harry remained. she could feel it like a physical weight, pressing on her chest.

as the night wound down and people began to leave, millie debated her next move. should she leave without saying anything? pretend like it was just another dinner and nothing had changed? Or should she try to talk to harry?

she lingered by the door, pretending to check her phone while waiting for a moment when the others were distracted. harry was still at the table, chatting with simon and ethan, but he glanced her way and caught her eye.

"hey," he said softly, breaking away from the group and walking over to her. "you heading out?"

"yeah," she replied, her voice quieter than she intended. "I think I've had enough human interactions for one night."

harry chuckled, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "tell me about it."

they stood there for a moment, the noise of the group fading into the background. millie wanted to say something—anything—to break the tension, but her mind was blank.

"look," harry said, rubbing the back of his neck. "about earlier—"

"it's fine," millie interrupted quickly, forcing a smile. "they're just being themselves. it's no big deal."

harry frowned, his eyes searching hers. "is it, though? I mean, I don't want you to feel weird or uncomfortable because of...you know."

millie's heart raced. she knew what he was trying to say, but she wasn't sure she was ready to have this conversation. not here, not now.

"I don't," she lied, hoping it sounded convincing. "we're good, harry. really."

he didn't look convinced, but he nodded anyway. "alright. just...if you ever want to talk, you know where to find me."

"yeah," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I know."

as she turned to leave, harry called after her.

"millie?"

she stopped, glancing back over her shoulder.

"don't let jj get to you," he said, his tone lighter now. "he's an idiot."

a genuine smile tugged at her lips. "takes one to know one."

harry laughed, and for a moment, the tension between them eased. it wasn't much, but it was enough to remind her of why she cared about him in the first place.

as she walked out into the cool night air, millie couldn't shake the feeling that this was just the beginning of something much more complicated. whatever happened next, she knew one thing for certain: things between her and harry were never going to be the same.

AUTHOR NOTES !! darlingggg guess who's back from JAILLLL

sorry for not updating, school's been kicking my ass 💃🕺