｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。oxytocin 　ﾟ･｡･

» [don't smile by sabrina carpenter] « 0:58 ─〇───── 3:32 ⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

july 17th, 2022

MILLIE PACED THE LENGTH of her apartment, her phone clutched tightly in her hand. she had rewritten the same message at least twenty times, only to delete it every single time. she couldn't keep living like this, wondering what Harry was thinking, feeling, or harry

with a groan, she dropped onto her couch, staring at the ceiling. "this is ridiculous," she muttered to herself.

her phone buzzed.

harry!

Hey Can we talk?

yeah when

Now?

my place?

Be there in 10

the moment she hit send, panic set in. she bolted up from the couch, frantically tidying up her apartment, as if harry would care about a stray sock or an unwashed mug.

the knock at the door came far too quickly.

millie froze, her heart hammering in her chest. with a deep breath, she opened the door to find Harry standing there, hands running through his blonde hair, his expression unreadable.

"hey." he said, his voice softer than usual.

"hey." she replied, stepping aside to let him in.

they stood in awkward silence for a moment, neither knowing how to start.

"so..." millie began, crossing her arms.

"so." harry echoed, scratching the back of his neck. "this is weird, isn't it?"

she let out a nervous laugh. "a little."

harry sighed, running a hand through his hair. "look, I don't want things to be weird between us. you're one of my best friends, millie. I don't want to lose that."

"me neither," she said quickly. "but it's already weird, isn't it? I mean, we can't just pretend nothing happened."

"I know," he admitted, his eyes meeting hers. "that's why I'm here. I don't want to pretend. I just... I don't know what to do."

millie hesitated, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her blue jacksucksatlife jumer. "do you regret it?"

harry's head snapped up, his eyes wide. "no. god, no. never. do you?"

she shook her head, her voice barely above a whisper. "no. but I'm scared. I don't want to ruin our friendship."

"me too," he said, taking a cautious step closer. "but maybe it doesn't have to ruin anything. maybe it could be something good."

her heart skipped a beat. "you really think so?"

"I don't know," he admitted with a small, nervous smile. "but I think it's worth finding out. don't you?"

millie looked at him, really looked at him, and for the first time since that night, she felt the weight on her chest start to lift.

"yeah." she said softly. "I think it is."

a tentative smile spread across harry's face, and for the first time in days, the tension between them seemed to ease.

"okay." he said. "so. where do we start?"

millie shrugged, a small laugh escaping her lips. "I have no idea. but maybe we figure it out together?"

harry grinned. "I can work with that."

there was a pause, the kind that felt heavy with unspoken words. harry's gaze lingered on her a little too long, and millie felt her cheeks flush.

"can I ask you something?" he said, his voice quieter now.

"yeah?"

"did it mean something to you? that night?"

she hesitated, the vulnerability in his question catching her off guard. "it did." she admitted. "but I don't know what it means."

"me neither," he said, taking another step closer. "but I know I don't want it to be the last time."

"harry."

"I'm serious," he said, his tone firm but his expression soft. "I don't know where this goes, and I don't want to mess things up, but... I don't think I can just go back to how things were."

she looked at him, her mind racing. "what are you saying?"

"I'm saying maybe we don't have to figure it all out right now," he said, his voice low. "maybe we just... see where it goes. no pressure, no expectations."

millie hesitated, biting her lip. "maybe we just take it day by day? see where this goes?"

"day by day," harry repeated, as if testing the phrase. he gave her a small smile. "I think I can handle that."

the tension in the room seemed to ease slightly, but there was still an undercurrent of something unresolved. millie shifted her weight, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "So, uh... are we good?"

harry smirked, his usual cheeky demeanor creeping back in. "I mean, I'm fine if you're fine."

"I'm fine," she said quickly, though her cheeks betrayed her with a slight flush.

there was a beat of silence before harry took a step closer. "you know." he said, his voice dropping slightly, "if we're going to be 'taking it day by day,' we might need some ground rules."

millie raised an eyebrow. "ground rules?"

"yeah," he said, his grin widening. "like no catching feelings."

she rolled her eyes, but her lips twitched into a reluctant smile. "you're assuming a lot, harry."

"I'm just saying," he replied, his tone teasing. "we keep this... casual. no pressure, no drama. deal?"

millie studied him for a moment, trying to gauge if he was being serious. his expression was playful, but there was a hint of sincerity in his eyes. "fine," she said finally, holding out her hand. "deal. but we keep it between us. no one else can know."

harry took her hand, his grip warm and firm. "glad we're on the same page."

but as their hands lingered for a moment longer than necessary, millie couldn't help but wonder if it was really that simple.

millie's heart was pounding. She knew this was a bad idea, but when he looked at her like that, she couldn't bring herself to care.

౨ৎ

the arrangement started innocently enough. they didn't talk about it outright, but somehow, they both knew what the other wanted. late-night texts turned into impromptu meetups, and their casual banter grew even sharper, laced with an edge that hadn't been there before.

one night, after a particularly chaotic filming session for sidemen hole in the wall, harry found himself outside millie's flat, the faint glow of her living room light spilling onto the street. he hesitated for a moment before knocking.

when she opened the door, her expression shifted from surprise to amusement. "what are you doing here?"

"thought I'd check in," he said, leaning casually against the doorframe. "simon said you seemed a bit off earlier."

"I was fine," she said, stepping aside to let him in. "but thanks for the concern, I guess."

he smirked, kicking off his shoes and flopping onto her couch like he owned the place. "nice to see you've rolled out the red carpet for me."

she rolled her eyes but couldn't hide her smile. "you're insufferable, you know that?"

"yeah, but you love me anyway," he shot back, patting the spot next to him. "come on, sit down."

millie hesitated, but the warmth in his gaze was hard to resist. she sat beside him, keeping a respectable distance, though that didn't last long. before she knew it, his arm was draped lazily over the back of the couch, and her head was resting against his shoulder.

"this is a terrible idea," she murmured.

"probably," he agreed, his voice soft. "but it's not the worst one we've had. fan challenges suck this one off."

she giggled, tilting her head to look up at him. "you're such a div."

"and yet, here you are," he said, his eyes flicking to her lips.

neither of them moved for a moment, the air between them thick with unspoken words. then, as if by some unspoken agreement, they closed the distance, their lips meeting in a kiss that was both familiar and electric.

when they finally pulled away, millie let out a shaky laugh. "so much for ground rules."

harry grinned, his thumb brushing against her cheek. "rules are overrated."

their secret arrangement quickly became their new normal, though it wasn't without its challenges. they had to be careful around the group, dodging suspicious looks and pointed comments from cal and jj. but in the quiet moments when it was just the two of them, everything felt right.

still, millie couldn't shake the feeling that they were playing with fire. and she wasn't sure how long they could keep it up before everything came crashing down.

౨ৎ

millie woke up to the soft glow of sunlight filtering through her curtains, the warmth of her duvet wrapped around her. for a moment, she felt peaceful—until she turned her head and saw harry lying beside her.

his face was relaxed in sleep, his messy blonde hair sticking out in all directions. one arm was tucked under his head, the other sprawled across the bed, dangerously close to hers.

millie's heart skipped a beat as the events of the night before came rushing back. the laughter, the teasing, the way he'd kissed her like he'd been waiting forever to do it. and now here he was, in her bed, looking far too comfortable for someone who wasn't supposed to be there.

she sat up slowly, careful not to wake him, and rubbed her face with her hands. what the hell am i doing?

the bed creaked as harry stirred, groaning softly. "morning," he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.

millie froze, her hands still covering her face. "morning," she replied, her voice muffled.

harry sat up, stretching lazily. he blinked at her, a slow smile spreading across his face. "you look like you've seen a ghost."

"i feel like we've made another terrible decision," she muttered, finally dropping her hands to stare at him.

he chuckled, completely unfazed. "you say that, but i distinctly remember you being very enthusiastic last night."

"shut up," she hissed, her cheeks burning.

harry grinned, leaning back against the headboard like he owned the place. "relax, mills. it's not like we committed a crime."

"no, but we definitely broke the rules of everything." she shot back, pulling the duvet tighter around herself. "what if the guys find out? or worse, what if this ruins everything?"

his smile faded slightly, and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "it's not going to ruin anything. we're still us, yeah? just with a bit of extra fun."

millie raised an eyebrow. "extra fun?"

"yeah," he said, smirking again. "look, we're adults. we can handle this."

she sighed, her shoulders slumping. "i don't know, harry. this feels complicated."

"it doesn't have to be," he said, his tone softer now. "we don't need to tell anyone. it's just between us. no pressure, no expectations."

millie studied him, searching for any sign that he wasn't taking this seriously. but his blue eyes were steady, his expression sincere.

"fine," she said finally, though her voice wavered. "but if this blows up in our faces, i'm blaming you."

"fair enough," he said, grinning as he stood up. he stretched again, completely unbothered by the situation, and began searching for his shirt.

millie watched him, her mind racing. she knew this was a bad idea, but there was something about harry—his confidence, his charm, the way he made her feel like she could let her guard down—that made it impossible to say no.

as he pulled his shirt over his head, he glanced at her and smirked. "by the way, you snore."

"i do not!" she protested, throwing a pillow at him.

he caught it easily, laughing as he tossed it back onto the bed. "you totally do. but don't worry, it's cute."

millie rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help the small smile that tugged at her lips. "get out of my room, harry."

"gladly," he said, heading for the door. but before he left, he turned back to her, leaning casually against the doorframe. his expression softened, and for a moment, the teasing dropped away.

"see you soon, mills."

she narrowed her eyes at him, trying to hide the way her chest tightened at his words. "i hate you."

harry grinned, his voice low and sure. "no, you don't."

he left before she could respond, the sound of the front door clicking shut echoing through the flat. millie sat there for a long moment, her cheeks still warm and her heart racing.

no, i don't, she admitted to herself, burying her face in her hands. and that's the problem.

AUTHOR NOTES !!

was about to publish chapter 16 before remembering i haven't updated in AGES so 💃🕺