T.W - SH

Akira's pov

The phone sitting at the desk started ringing, disturbing the eery silence of the room. The door to the bathroom opens and Sebastian walks out with blood dripping from both of his forearms.

His eyes are blank as he looks at the caller id and answers the phone. He brings the phone to his ear and uses the other arm to balance himself by putting it on the desk as his body starts to sway ever so slightly.

"Hello" he said , his voice cold.

"Fly back the snipers from the UK" He says as brings the phone away from his ear and puts it on speaker and starts to type something on it.

"Should I inform Mr. Ivanovich sir?" The voice asks formally.

Mr. Ivanovich- he's the underboss. I've gathered that he's currently on a mission at an undisclosed location after over hearing conversations.

"No. And get that cargo loaded before this mission" He puts his other hand on the chair as his body starts to lose balance.

The continuous flow of blood on his arms is making him light-headed. I have to announce my presence or he might just kill me after this if he hasn't yet.

"..Ok sir" he ends the call and looks up to notice me stepping forward into the light.

Don't call him sir, I remind myself.

"Boss" I say formally, trying to tear my eyes off his bloody arms, unsuccessfully.

All I hear is a sharp intake of breath before rushes into the bathroom and slams the door shut behind him. I try to keep my focus on my mission objective: apologise, and not let myself be pulled into the whirlpool of memories that his bloody arms threaten to drown me in.

**

"What was that?" Young Akira asks in a small voice.

"He lost his sister kira" Rex says gently, the bruise on his eye getting slowly turning bluer as he ignored all pain and wrapped a ragged blanket around her "he feels bad that he couldn't protect her and so he hurts himself as a...punishment"

Rex didn't like to hide things from Akira. He wanted her to be aware of the atrocities of this life and make better choices by using these as examples in her future.

Still, she was the softest of them all. She felt everyone's pain. Even adopted a dog because she thought he would feel lonely.

Tears pooled in her eyes as she tried to keep a sob in. But he noticed, as he always did and wrapped her in a hug.

"Will you stop him?" She sniffles into his shirt, her small hands clutching him tight.

"Yes" he said resolutely, ignoring the bruise on his eye given by the same person.

** The opening of the bathroom door breaks me out of my reverie. He steps out, the sleeves of his shirt pulled down. Like they always are, I suddenly notice. He doesn't meet my gaze as approaches his desk and starts to shuffle the pages around.

He doesn't even acknowledge me standing in the middle of the room. Is he angry? I shouldn't have disturbed him. Just apologise and leave Akira, his arms are none of your business.

"Boss" I say firmly, trying to get his attention.

"What are you doing here?" He says, his voice cold, as he goes through documents.

Apologise.

"What was that?" I ask cautiously.

What is wrong with me? I don't wanna die so soon.

"I don't know what you're talking about" he says flatly.

To be honest, I am scared shitless. Talking like that infront of your boss? Immediate death. But I continue, if not for me then at least for the young girl who cried when she found out what the cuts on another boy's arm were. I have to atleast make sure that the blood wasn't from what I think it is. It's probably an injury, I try to reassure myself.

"Why are both your arms bloody?" I ask, slowly and cautiously, bracing for him to shout me out of the office.

He doesn't reply. Or show any signs of any other emotion.

"Boss-" I try to ask again but he cuts me off.

"Don't call me that" his voice has an icy edge to it.

I am your brother, his words echo in my mind. Something in me makes me feel exactly how I did when I was young. Too young to know any better.

"Show me" I finally speak up, getting the courage from God knows where.

His hands stop fumbling with the papers as he slowly lifts his head up. My breath catches in my throat as his red rimmed eyes meet mine. His eyes seem hollow, dead, as if mourning someone or something.

These are the eyes that were crying by me that night. This is the man that was pleading that night. This is not the ruthless boss of the American Mafia, this is a man. Just a man.

"Show me" I whisper and he quickly lowers his gaze to his hands.

"It's nothing..I got injured on a mission" he tries to change the subject "why did you come? Are your cramps bad?"

I gaped at him, not knowing what to make of this man. He had fresh blood on his arms, as I had seen. The cut that I made was fairly deep, it's very tactical. And still he acted with such indifference to the pain while actively asking me about mine.

The image of the young boy, mourning his sister's death and blaming himself for it flashes before my eyes. I will not back out, no matter the consequences. Rex didn't, I remind myself. For him.

"I came to apologise for the injury I caused you" I say formally, trying another tactic.

"you don't need to apologise" there was a tone of finality in his voice. A dismissal, I realised.

"Why?" I asked. Another game.

"You're my sister" he says, not looking up to meet my eyes.

"So show me your arms" I ask innocently.

An inhuman stillness falls upon him. His hand trembles lightly as his tries to hide it under the pages of documents.

What would Rex have done?...he would've been gentle, and understanding.

I take the documents pages from his grip and place them on the table. My heart thumps loudly in chest and I almost fear if he can hear it. I cross the table and come to stand beside him.

"Show me?" I whisper.

He looks at me and then stares at the wall on his side and holds up his arm. I clumsily open the cuffs of his shirt and try to roll it up. The shirt rubs on the cuts, aggravating them raw. I notice his jaw set as I try my best to be as careful as possible.

My heart stops for a second and the walls of the room feel like they're closing in on me as the view of his forearm meets my eyes. There was a big cut, made by me. And around it were smaller cuts. Cuts on older scars, some almost faded while the newer ones shone bright over them.

His head turns to look at me after I don't give a visible reaction to his arm. He looks up at me, waiting. I take a deep breath, swallow the lump in my throat down and meet his gaze.

"Why?" I whisper, trying not show whirlwind of feelings risen inside me.

He shrugs and stats to pull down his sleeve rather roughly as I let go of his arm. The Don of the biggest mafia in the country, the most powerful man, hurt himself?

"Why?" I whisper again, not able to think straight.

"I don't know" he mutters while buttoning the cuffs.

No. No. I won't let it happen again. He won't become that boy. So what if Rex couldn't save him? I will finish what Rex started. I won't let him die. A weird weight settled on my chest, threatening to pull me under.

"Boss-sir- Sebastian" I finally land on his name and try a different method "let me clean the wound that I gave you"

He looks sideways and notices the time on his phone, 3 in the morning. He stands up.

"It's 3 in the morning Lu-Akira. You need to go to sleep." He says sternly.

"But-" I speak before he cuts me off.

"No. You're tired and need rest." He hesitantly puts a hand on my back pushes me forward while walking alongside me.

"I am fine" I grit out and he drops his hand.

"Yeah? Then what was that during practice?" He asks with sharp authority.

"Bu-" I try to bring back the previous subject of discussion.

"You collapsed" He says faltly "if you aren't in the condition to work then don't. And infact you shouldn't even work."

"Wha-why?!" I ask offended.

This is my life. If I do not work, then I have nothing. Then I am nothing.

He takes a deep breath before answering "Eiran, Leo and Kai don't have to work in the Mafia if they want to do something else. You are no exception."

"But I want to work" I say as he opens the door to my room.

"You don't have to" he says gesturing to my bed.

I awkwardly stand between the bed and him, not sitting down as he gestured me to because it feels odd to sit while your boss stands. He looks to side as the silence stretches between us and his eyes fall on the family picture that I took from Leo lying to bedside table.

He takes a deep breath and tears his eyes from it to me.

"You need rest Akira" He says calmly.

"You need help" I say snarkily, gesturing to his arms.

"I am fine" he says, his voice completely detached from any emotion.

He turns around and leaves before I could argue, leaving me standing alone in the silence. I try to lay down but the sight of his arms and the sight of that boy's bloody arms keeps flashing across my eyes everytime I close my eyes.

I check the time to find that it had been over half an hour of me trying to find some sleep. So I decide to grab my knife and secure it in the secret pocket and walk out into the balcony. I sweep the ground for any guards and then climb up onto the slanted rooftop.

I lay there under open sky. There was no moon today so the stars shone like salt across a black backdrop. The cool breeze blew past me and I realised just how chilly the weather has gotten. It made me slightly ashamed because I always noticed these things.

You've gotten weak, the voice in the back of mind finally taking the front. Today has been so fucking exhausting , I feel like I don't even remember half the stuff. Probably because you were passed out for nearly six hours, my inner monologue reminded me.

I take a deep breath and try to sort out today's events. It went something like breakfast, studying, that awesome video game with Leo, lunch that he made, wait what was it called?- mac & cheese oh yeah. Then we went for practice and my cramps got really bad.

It was bad to the point that my vision had started turning black so I tried to save myself some embarassment by calling Leo. I don't remember him coming over or me telling him anything, so either I really didn't or I did and don't remember. So according to that Leo probably got me home.

Shame fills me as I realise this. Can't handle a little pain now?, the mean voice probes. No food, I remember the punishment I got for performing weaker when I was on my period. But that was just for 3 days and a very reasonable punishment as compared to others.

The fact the boss made me food after what I did today makes me feel like throwing up. I shouldn't be treated so well. This isn't how it's supposed to go. I take a deep breath and try to order my thoughts once again.

After blacking out, I woke up after getting a nightmare. It was boss, the old one, announcing punishment for stumbling down after I had been without food and on my period for two days with one of the worst cramps I had ever had.

When I woke up, I realised that I was hungry as fuck with very bad cramps which made me think I was back there for a solid minute. Then I saw boss sitting on a chair beside me speaking something which could not hear. I only calmed down after he gave me my knife.

My knife.

My hands reach for the knife and slide it out the pocket. I hold it tight in my grip. Moving on, he fucking carried me downstairs, and made me dinner. I still cannot even process that shit.

Why would he make me dinner?

There's so many things wrong with that sentence. But his arms, his cut covered bloody arms. Those were a tipping point for today. You've gotten soft, the mean voice speaks up in my head. You've started feeling for other people. Their problems are not your problems Akira.

But- I do not care. I will do this. I will do this for Rex. He will be proud of me.

"Right?" I ask the stars above me, hoping that Rex is among them.

That's what a man at the old mafia said, that people go to the stars after they die. He said that to make my 8 year old brain feel better after killing a man. A sad smile formed on my mouth as I realised how he died the next year too.

I exhale again when a minute sound catches my attention. It's coming from the darker end of rooftop, hidden in the shadows. It doesn't come again for a minute, I think it's just my brain malfunctioning.

I lay down again to stare up at the stars-when that sound interrupts my thoughts again. I am sure that it isn't just my mind playing tricks on me. I raise my knife in an attacking position and walk towards the area where I think the sound is coming from.

I crouch as I walk and my silent footsteps are something I've developed exactly for these kinds of scenarios. I am still at a good distance from it as a hand pops up and grabs the edge.

Fuck.

A.N----

Hey guys:)

Sorry for the late update, I've been traumatised by my exams :D

The next update should come faster but I cannot promise anything.

Okay, maybe I can.

If this chapter gets five votes and comments.

I'll update as soon as the target is achieved :)