Elias

I woke up warm. That seems to be a pattern right now. My eyes feel heavy, like I should be sleeping but my mind is awake. I look around and see the twins still asleep on the couch, and Alvaro and Leo are nowhere to be found. I quietly get up off the bed and walk towards the door.

"Elias....where are you going?" One of them asks me. I turn around and see its Alexander, Marco is still asleep.

"The kitchen, I'm hungry." I tell him as I move out of the room.

"Well so am I, why don't we get some breakfast together?" He asks. I shrug at him, if he wants to join me he can.

He leads me through the hallways until we eventually reach the kitchen. Leo is there cooking something on the stove.

"Good morning sleepy heads." He says without even looking up from the stove.

"Yeah yeah, we stayed up late last night Leo give us a break." Alexander tells him.

"Alvaro and I stayed up the latest and we're both still up before 11am." He says with a smile. It's an evil, joking smile.

We sit down at the table and Leo comes and places food on our plates. I'm expected the French toast again because it was fucking delicious but this is gas and bacon. I've never had bacon before, but I've had eggs. I hate eggs, they're bland, rubbery, and just nasty. I pick up some bacon and take a bite. It's not bad, it's very salty.

"Eat your eggs Elias they're good for you." Leo tells me as he takes a bite of his.

"No those things are nasty." I tell him while scrunching up my nose. I refuse to eat those things.

"I promise they're not. My eggs are fluffy, and well seasoned." Leo boasts.

"Well good for you, have at them. I am not eating them." I tell him while taking a bite of bacon.

Alexander starts laughing so hard his orange juice comes out his nose.

Leo just looks at me with what I can only describe as jokingly disappointed.

I pick up my plate and walk it into the kitchen while looking for some French toast.

"Elias if you're still hungry I can make you a smoothie?" Leo tells me while grabbing a bunch of different foods and a blender.

"No thanks. I'm looking for French toast." I tell him while looking in the fridge.

"Well we don't have any leftover, you happened to eat it all. I am also not making anymore, you ate a lot the other day and I'm sure your stomach needs a sugar break." Let tells me before starting the blender.

I hate that noise, its so loud. So I leave. I start to walk through the halls, making sure to remind myself where the living room is with the biiiiggg TV.

I hear whispering and turn my head, but no ones there. It sounds like it's right next to me. Is this the schizophrenia Alvaro mentioned? How I hear the whispers but it's not real? I decide to turn back and find Alexander or Leo. I don't want to be alone right now, I feel the paranoia crawling up my spine, like s shiver. I continue walking until I walk back into the kitchen. Not seeing Leo or Alexander anywhere. I feel my lungs breathing fast. My head starts to spin. Where did they go?

I can feel the whispers everywhere, the shadows grow eyes and the paranoia gets worse. So much worse.

"Elias? Elias where are you?" I hear Alexander call but is that Alexander? Or is that in my head?

Did I even see them this morning? Or did I imagine that as well? What is going on? What's real and what is my head fucking doing?

"Elias there you are! You still need your morning meds. And Leo made you a smoothie." Alexander says. I see him walk into the room, wearing the same clothes as this morning.

Is this real? Is he real? Am I making this up?

"H-How do I know you-you're real?" I ask him while backing up. How do I know?

"I'm not sure but if you come with me we can find Leo and he can explain everything okay? You can even hold my hand if it makes you feel better." Alexander tells me while holding out his hand.

I slowly walk towards him and grab his hand. He smiles and squeezes my hand has he leads me down the hallway. The whispers have stopped and the eyes are gone...he's real right?

We continue walking until we come into what looks like a hospital but it's not? Is my head playing more games with me?

I see Leo standing in the corner, grabbing some things from the cabinet.

"Elias there you are. I was wondering where you wandered off to. Now sit down my friend will be here shortly and he has some questions to ask you."

"Wait, what? What do you mean your friend will be here. Why does he want to ask me some questions?" I ask Leo, nobody told me about this.

I sit down on one of the beds in the room. Leo walks over with my regular 3 pills and a cup of water.

"Alvaro should have told you but I guess he forgot. I have a friend who majored in psychology and is a psychiatrist. Alvaro said he told you about your potential schizophrenia and he will be able to diagnose you officially and get you on some medication to help manage it." Leo tells me. He pulls up on of those rolling stools doctors use.

I take my medicine and watch Leo fiddle around the room as we wait. The pain medicine slowly starts to work it was through me and anything that was throbbing is gone now. I sigh in relief as my stomach pain goes away.

"They got you on the god stuff huh Hermano?" Alexander asks me.

"I guess, it makes the pain go away pretty quickly." I tell him.

Alexander nods his head and goes to lay on the bed next to mine. I wonder if Marco's awake?...

Suddenly the door opens and a short man walks in. He's short, wearing a nice shirt and nice pants with a blue tie, he's got glasses, and a full head of hair.

"Ah Martin how good it is to see you." Leo says as he walks over to him and gives him a hug. Martin hugs back and they start a light conversation as Martin gets situated at the desk across the floor from the bed I was on. I zone out as they talk about things that just go over my head. My attention is brought back to them when I hear my name called.

"So Elias how are you today?" Martin asks me. He looks nice but I'm not sure how I feel about him. He seems almost to nice.

"Fine I guess." I respond back in a bored tone. I just want to get this over with, the quicker this goes the quicker I can go watch more movies.

"Well that's good, are you settling in good?" He asks me.

"Yes"

We go back and forth for a few minutes, him just asking basic questions about me. 'Do I have a favorite movie?' 'What's my favorite color?' 'Have I figured out my favorite animal?'

"Okay now I'm going to ask your brothers to leave the room for these next questions. Just to make sure your answers aren't altered for their benefit." Martin says as he nods for them to take their leave. Alexander gives me a wink and Leo walks over to squeeze my good shoulder before they both walk out and leave me alone with a man I didn't know. I slip my hand in my pocket and grasp my knife tightly. If he wants to attack I will be ready...

"So anything you say in the room is confidential okay? You can tell me whatever you want to with absolutely no information being leaked okay? This is a safe space. I want you to answer these questions to the best of your ability and to be honest." He tells me with a gentle smile... I wont be fooled...

"Okay Elias do you ever hear voices in your head?"

"Yes."

"Okay what do they sound like, please try to explain it as best as you can."

"It changes. Most of the time its whispers, sometimes it laughing. I usually can't hear what they say exactly unless they're yelling."

"Is your train of thought interrupted frequently?"

"I guess, I don't really notice it."

"Do you think other people can read your thoughts?"

"No."

"Do you often repeat the same sentence?"

"I don't know. I don't talk much unless someone talks to me."

"When you try to concentrate do you get distracted easily?"

"Yeah, sometimes when I try to pay attention my mind wanders, or the words don't register in my head."

"Do you often feel anger or want to shout just because? Like there's no real trigger it's just like. Switch flipped?"

"Yes"

"Do people say you're disorganized or don't make much sense?"

"Yeah my coworkers use to tell me that my sentences didn't sound correct. That could just be because I didn't really go to school."

"Do you zone out a lot?"

"Yeah I guess"

"Do you have difficulty sitting still?"

"I don't know. Not like I'm moving around much right now."

"Do you ever feel paranoid? Like someone's watching you?"

"Yeah, I feel it a lot."

"Explain to me what it feels like."

"Well it's sometimes like a heavy blanket, like one gets put over your head. But it melts into my body. Other times it's like a chill crawling up my spine."

"Do you ever have hallucinations? Seeing something that's not really there?"

"Yeah, apparently the other day I thought someone was running at me with a knife but there wasn't anyone there."

We continue going back and forth with more questions. Questions about my attention span, day to day mood, how do I manage the voices? Do they tell me too hurt myself? Blah Blah Blah.

The questions are never ending and I feel myself zoning out more, my attention not on the question he asks.

"Do you want to take a break Elias? We can come back to these questions later." He tells me and it's like a switch flipped in me.

"NO I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING NSWER ANYMORE FUCKING QUESTIONS. OKAY?? IM DONE. DONE WITH THIS SHIT!" I yell at him while trying to shove my way through the room. I want to get out of here, I want to go watch my movies.

"Elias you can't leave yet, there are more questions that need to be answered if we're going to diagnose you." He tries to tell me but I don't care. I've had these feelings and been hearing these voices for years. I can fucking manage it, I always have.

I push open the door and start walking away. Ignoring him. Ignoring everyone. Until I see Leo in front of me.

"Hey Elias I need you to look at me."

"No, I'm not going in that fucking room and I'm not answering anymore fucking questions okay? I'm done." I tell him while trying to shake off his grip.

"Do you understand how scary it is for me to see you freaking out? How much I just want to hold you and hope that I can convince you you're safe? Do you understand how much it breaks my heart to see you scared of something I can't stop? I can't stop you from hearing voices or seeing people running at you with a knife. What if the voices you hear start to tell you to hurt someone? To hurt yourself? How am I supposed to help you if you don't let me?" Leo asks me, his voice cracking. I see the tears in his eyes, I look over to Alexander and see the same look in his eyes. How hurt they both are.

"I've dealt with these things for years and I can still manage it okay? I don't need a diagnosis, I don't need a shrink. I'm fine." I try to convince them but they don't let me finish.

"No you're not Elias. You were so terrified the other night when you thought someone was trying to kill you. I heard you screaming. I heard you running and crying. You were hallucinating Elias. These weren't whispers in your head, no this was a nightmare, one that you were terrified of." Alexander tells me.

I look at them, I don't understand why they won't leave this alone. Why can't we just ignore this?

"We care about you so much Elias, to much to let you go through this on your own."

I still don't want to deal with this. This is to real. This is to much.

"If you don't want to fine, but will you do this for us? For your older brothers?" Alexander asks me.

I stand there and gauge their reactions. They care about me this much? They want me to take medicine that bad? They think it's this big of a deal?...

"...fine... but not for me. For you guys. To get y'all off my back. Okay?" I tell them, trying to convince them.

"Oh Elias there is nothing you can do to make us get off your back. We care to much about you hermanito. This will make us happy, and we won't be as worried about you." Leo tells me.

I let them take me back into the room, back to that bed, back to answering more of the fucking questions.

"You have to stay though. Okay?" I tell my brothers. I won't answer any questions without them in here. I don't like this guy.

"Of course little brother. We will always be here for you." They both tell me. They get comfortable next to me. Leo on a chair and Alexander on the bed with me. Letting me lean into him.

I answer question upon question upon question. So many questions asked and answered until finally Martin puts his folder down.

Well looking at your results and from what your brothers told me I believe you have type 1 paranoia schizophrenia which is also just as basic as schizophrenia can get. Your hallucinations and symptoms are extreme but you have also had a very stressful life which doesn't help your symptoms. With the right medications and treatment you can learn to live with this condition. I want to start you on Thorazine, it's most commonly used for patients with schizophrenia but it does have some common side effects like drowsiness, blurred vision, muscle weakness, and a few more. Every patient has a different reaction but these are the most common. We can adjust your prescription as needed and we can also try other medications if you want. But this doesn't stop the hallucinations and voices completely. It gets rid of most of them and helps you differentiate between the two. People with schizophrenia often have similar symptoms to those with ADHD and Bi polar disorder." Martin tells us.

I just sit there, wondering who decided to fuck me up like this. I mean my shitty life wasn't enough now I have to have confirmed schizophrenia?? This is absolute bullshit.

I zone out as they continue talking. I'm to tired and my brain is to overloaded to deal with this for much longer.

"Hey let's let these two talk, why don't we go to the living room turn on a movie and we can start ordering you some of your own clothes. Does that sound good?" Alexander asks me.

"Yes please." I beg him. We head to the living room and make a pit stop by his room so we can grab his computer.

That's how the rest of the evening goes, me and Alexander sitting on the couch watching movies and shopping. I of course argue about the cost and the brands and the amount of stuff he just insists I need but Alexander won't listen. We order sweatpants, jeans, pajama pants, shorts, swim trunks, underwear, slacks, even fucking yoga pants. I never plan on wearing those. He just continues going, polos, dress shirts, swim shirts, long sleeve shirts, jackets, hoodies, thermals, a crap ton of graphic tees, sweaters and I don't even know what half of them were. He orders a million pairs of shoes and socks, body lotion, hair products, skin care products, and so so so much more. It takes me 3 hours to get him to stop ordering crap. Even then I knew he had spent way too fucking much. But he won't hear it.

"You deserve everything and so much more Elias. What we just spent doesn't even scratch the top layer of this familias gernerational wealth okay? Honestly I'm pretty sure Leo will order you even more items when he realizes how little we spent." Alexander tells me before pulling me into a bone crushing hug.

Maybe he's right. Maybe it's time I learn my place in this family.

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I got another chapter out and when I tell you I was rushing to get this done because I have work after school until 8. I knew I didn't want to write anymore after that so sorry its rushed again. I also tried my best to keep this as medically accurate as possible but I am not a professional so don't judge me or credit me.

Anyways don't forget to comment/vote I love to read y'all's thoughts on the story.