A'ishah's POV

Mara's words cut me deep. She's right. How can I drink with my friends knowing that I just lost my best friend? How can I even laugh with them when I'm still grieving from the loss of someone important to me.

“I’m not… Mara, I’m not—” I started to explain, but she cut me off with a bitter laugh, her eyes narrowing.

“Not what?” She demanded, voice rising. “You think this is what Nicole would’ve wanted to see? You out here having fun when she’s gone?”

I shook my head. “Mara, I—”

“Focus on the case, A’ishah! That’s all that matters now. Bring her justice, make sure Maxine will suffer! Don’t just sit here and pretend like everything is fine when it’s not!”

I swallowed hard, the words stinging me deeper than I’d ever imagined. Her eyes were fierce, raw with the pain of losing Nicole, and I felt every ounce of that pain reflected in her gaze.

“You’re right.” I whispered, barely able to speak through the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry, Mara. You’re right. I should be focusing on the case.”

Mara shook her head violently, her tears mingling with the rain on her face, though there was no softness in her expression anymore.

“Nicole needed everyone to fight for her, and now you’re here, having fun like she's nothing to you, like her death was nothing to you!”

I opened my mouth to defend myself, but the words wouldn’t come. What could I say to justify it?

How could I explain that I was trying to keep my head above water, that I was trying to find a moment of peace amidst the chaos?

But there was no excuse, no way to make this right.

“I didn’t mean to… I wasn’t—” I started, but she shook her head, cutting me off again.

“You weren’t what, A’ishah?” Her voice was raw, and I could see the fire in her eyes, the fury that I knew had been building up for so long. “You weren’t thinking? You weren’t thinking about her? About Nicole? About the fight she couldn’t finish? She’s dead, A’ishah! And you’re here laughing, as if it didn’t matter.”

“That’s not true! I’m sorry, Mara.” I whispered again, my voice barely audible. “I was wrong. I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have been so careless.”

She looked at me then, her eyes softening just slightly, but the pain still lingered in her gaze. “You think an apology will fix this?” She asked, her voice trembling with emotion. “Nicole’s gone, A’ishah. She’s gone. Your wife killed her! And you can’t just pretend everything’s okay when it’s not!”

The mention of Maxine made my heart ache even more painfully. Why does all of this have to happen? Why am I even here, still breathing? I wish all the time that it could've been me, it should've been me instead of Nicole!

“The case, A'ishah. That’s what matters now. That’s the only thing we can still do for her. And if you can’t do that, then what’s the point?”

I felt my throat tighten as she spoke, her words cutting deeper than any physical wound ever could. I wasn’t sure if I was more hurt by the truth in her words or by the fact that she was right.

This was my fault.

Nicole deserved better from me. She deserved more than my distractions, more than my inability to focus on what was really important.

“Hey, calm down. Everyone's grieving. Losing Nicole is hard for you but it's hard for A'ishah too.” I heard Rebecca say from behind. Ni hindi ko napansin na nakalapit na pala sila.

“Hard for her?” Mara scoffed. “She's having fun instead of giving Nicole's death justice!”

“She's doing her best.” Lyka interrupted. “We just wanted her to take a breather for a while—”

"What about me?!" She spat, her tears mixing with the rain, her voice cracking with raw emotion. "I lost Nicole, I lost my girlfriend! I’m the one who’s been left here, carrying this pain, and she's out here having fun!”

"Stop, Ate Mara.” Ashley's voice was firm, yet soft, a bridge between her grief and my own. "It's not just about you. We all lost Ate Nicole. We’re all hurting. But attacking Ate A’ishah right now isn’t going to change anything.”

“And stop acting like you're the only one in pain. A'ishah lost someone important to her too.” Jas added, all of them teaming up to protect me against Mara's wrath.

But they don't need to. I understand why Mara is acting this way. She's in pain.

“I’ll focus on the case.” I finally said, my voice hoarse. “I’ll make sure Maxine will pay for what she did. I’ll bring justice for Nicole. I promise.”

Mara’s eyes searched mine for a moment, as if weighing my sincerity, but after a long silence, she gave a short, bitter nod.

“You’d better. Because if you don’t, I swear I won’t forgive you. Nicole didn’t deserve to be treated like she was nothing. And I won’t let you pretend she was.”

“I won’t let you down, Mara. I’ll do this right. For Nicole.”

She nodded her head, taking a step back. “Good.”

She turned around, but before she could take a step, I spoke. “Hey, just stay here. Dito ka na matulog.”

Mara paused, her back still on me, her shoulders tense. The rain had softened, but the weight of the conversation lingered, thick in the air.

"I don’t want your pity, A’ishah.” She said, her voice cracking as she spoke, still facing away. “I don’t want your empty promises. You focus on the case, do whatever you need to do. But I’m not staying here.”

I felt a pang in my chest at her words, but I understood. I was the last person who had the right to ask anything of her, especially after everything that had happened.

"Mara.” I called softly, but she didn’t turn around.

“I’m done here. I’ll see you tomorrow at the station.” With those final words, she walked away, leaving me standing there, the weight of her anger pressing down on me.

“I'll bring justice, don't worry.”

I felt utterly helpless. The pain of losing Nicole felt like a weight I couldn’t escape, and now the burden of Mara's wrath was adding to it. She was right, of course. I had to focus on the case.

I watched Mara disappear into the night, her figure fading into the distance. I didn't even know if she had heard my last words to her, but I meant them.

But right now, I couldn’t help feeling like I was standing on the edge of something I couldn’t control, drowning in a sea of grief and rage that threatened to pull me under.

I went inside the house without a single word. I saw Rebecca attempting to approach me but Lyka shook her head.

I collapsed onto my bed, burying my face in my hands. The tears came without warning, hot and bitter, dripping between my fingers. The pain of losing Nicole, of failing to protect her, overwhelmed me.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I whispered to the empty room, choking on the words. "I didn’t want any of this. I never wanted this.”

The tears wouldn’t stop. They were relentless, burning my face with their heat, as though every drop was a piece of guilt, a part of my broken heart being ripped away. I tried to hold it together, to breathe, but the weight of everything was suffocating.

I could feel the anger still simmering inside me, boiling beneath the surface, but it was different now. The rage wasn’t at anyone else, not at Maxine, not at Mara, not at anyone else but me.

I rolled over and pulled the covers up over my head, trying to block out everything, but it wasn’t working. The darkness felt heavy, but it was better than facing the truth.

A soft knock on the door broke my reverie, followed by Rebecca’s voice.

“A’ishah, can we talk?”

I didn’t respond, my voice caught in my throat. But after a few seconds, she entered anyway, her footsteps soft on the wooden floor. She sat at the edge of the bed, her presence quiet and steady, like a lighthouse in the storm of my thoughts.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Rebecca murmured, her hand lightly brushing the back of mine. “But I’m here. We all are.”

I didn't know how to explain what was going on in my head, how torn I felt between my duty to bring justice for Nicole and my own messy emotions. How guilty I felt for not handling things better.

“I should’ve been stronger.” I whispered, barely able to get the words out. “I shouldn’t have let myself fall apart like this. Mara’s right. I’m failing her, and I’m failing Nicole.”

Rebecca gave a small, sad smile, brushing a lock of hair from my face. “You’re grieving. We all are. But you’re doing the best you can, A’ishah. Nobody can ask for more than that.”

I shook my head, still unconvinced. “But I wasn’t there for her. For Nicole. I couldn’t protect her.”

“You weren’t the one who killed her, A’ishah.” Rebecca said softly. “You didn’t abandon her. You’re not the reason she’s gone. Stop blaming yourself for things that weren’t in your control.”

“But I should’ve seen the signs.” I insisted, sitting up now, feeling a sharp ache in my chest. “I should’ve been there for her. I should’ve stopped everything from going down the way it did.”

Rebecca sighed and shifted closer, offering me a gentle hug. I let myself lean into her, seeking some semblance of comfort, though I knew it wouldn’t fix anything.

“I know you’re hurting.” She said, her voice muffled against my shoulder. “We all are. But we have to stay strong. We owe it to Nicole. We owe it to ourselves to get through this and make sure her death isn’t in vain.”

Rebecca pulled away, looking me in the eye. “You need to rest, A’ishah. You can’t keep pushing yourself like this. The case will still be there when you’re ready. Just take it one step at a time.”

I forced a faint smile, my eyes red-rimmed and swollen from crying. “Thanks, Becca.”

She gave a soft chuckle. “I’m always here, you know that. Now, get some sleep. Tomorrow’s another day.”

I leaned back against the pillow as Rebecca left me alone. I took a deep breath, forcing myself to sleep.

But no matter how hard I try, I just couldn't sleep.

Even with the covers pulled tightly over me, I couldn’t shake off the heaviness that lingered in my chest. I tossed and turned, but my thoughts wouldn’t quiet. Mara’s words kept echoing in my head, her voice sharp and accusing.

And then there was Nicole. The image of her face, smiling in moments that now felt so far away, haunted me. I couldn’t believe she was gone. I couldn't accept it.

The thoughts of the case were suffocating too. Justice for Nicole, justice for her pain and her family, it should have been the only thing that mattered. And yet, I had allowed myself to get distracted, to lose focus.

What kind of lawyer was I? What kind of friend was I?

With a frustrated groan, I finally pushed myself out of bed. My hands were shaking, my body exhausted from crying, yet I couldn’t stay still. I needed to do something. I needed to move.

I stumbled to the desk, grabbing the files on the case, anything to get my mind off of how guilty I felt. My eyes scanned the documents, but they didn’t make any sense. The words blurred together as my mind kept replaying everything that had led up to this moment.

I wasn’t sure how long I had been sitting there when I heard a soft knock on my door again. This time, I didn’t want to face anyone. But the knock came again, more insistent.

“Come in.” I muttered, not even looking up.

“I couldn't sleep.” I immediately turned my head when I heard Nicolas' voice. “And I heard you crying.”

I sighed, giving him a sad smile. “I'm fine, Nicolas. Go back to your room, matulog ka na.”

He stood by the door for a while, contemplating if he should follow my words or stay. Then he shook his head, taking a few steps forward.

“Have you talked to her?” He asked cautiously, his eyes hesitant and careful.

“Who?” I tilted my head.

“Ate Maxine.”

I froze upon hearing that. I immediately felt the sharp pang in my chest at the mention of Maxine's name.

"No." My voice came out cold, despite the tightness in my throat. "I can't. Not after what she did."

Nicolas took another step closer, his expression softening. “Ate A’ishah, I know you’re hurting. But you have to give Ate Maxine a chance to explain. She... she deserves that, doesn’t she?”

I shook my head, feeling a lump form in my throat. “How can you say that? She... she’s the reason Nicole’s gone, Nicolas. If she hadn’t—” I stopped myself, unable to finish the sentence. The accusation felt like it would choke me if I spoke it aloud.

Nicolas sighed, sitting down beside me. “I know you're angry, and I understand why. But you can’t shut everyone out because of what happened. Not everyone is the same, Ate A’ishah. Ate Maxine has always been there for you... even when things were hard.”

“Even when she betrayed me?” I whispered, my voice cracking as I finally let my emotions spill out. “I trusted her, Nicolas. I loved her. And now she's… she's the one who pulled the trigger, Nicolas.”

Nicolas placed a hand on my shoulder gently. “You don’t have to forget what happened, Ate A’ishah. All I'm saying is please give her a chance to tell you her side. That's justice, right?”

A lone tear rolled down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. “The only justice we need is when she's sentenced to rot in prison.”

“Without hearing her side?” He pressed.

“I don't need to. Malinaw na siya ang pumatay kay Nicole. I saw it with my naked eye.” I said in gritted teeth. I'm starting to lose patience.

“But you didn't actually see her pull the trigger. Dumating kayo na patay na si Ate Nicole. You don't even know what happened before she died. Nag-away ba sila? Bakit nauwi sa pamamaril? May galit ba sila sa isa't isa na hindi mo alam? Did Ate Nicole provoke Ate Maxine to do this—”

“Enough!” I accidentally raised my voice, and I instantly regretted it. “I'm sorry, but please, Nicolas. Enough.”

He sighed. “I'm sorry, Ate A'ishah. I just can't think of it. Hindi ako makapaniwala na magagawang patayin ni Ate Maxine si Ate Nicole.”

I felt the heat of my anger burning inside me, a sharp contrast to the deep ache I’d been carrying for days. I wanted to believe him, to believe that maybe, just maybe, Maxine wasn’t capable of such a thing. But the image of Nicole, cold and lifeless, wouldn’t leave my mind.

“I saw her, Nicolas.” I said, my voice quieter this time, though my words are still sharp from anger. “I saw Maxine standing there... with the gun. The look on her face... It’s buried into my mind. It wasn’t an accident, it wasn’t self-defense. It was deliberate. She... she killed Nicole.”

Nicolas didn’t say anything for a moment. I could feel his hesitation, his uncertainty. I was getting lost in my own pain, but I couldn’t help it. The truth was right in front of me, wasn’t it? Maxine had to pay for what she did.

But still, part of me wanted to deny it. Part of me wanted to cling to the image of the Maxine I once knew, the one who made me laugh, who made me feel seen and loved. Could she really have been capable of this?

“I’m sorry, Ate A’ishah.” Nicolas said softly, breaking the silence. “But don’t you owe it to yourself to at least hear her out? Before you make a decision about everything?”

I looked at him, my heart pounding in my chest. His eyes were full of concern, but they held something I couldn’t quite place. It was as if he wasn’t just worried about me but about the truth being buried too quickly.

“I don’t owe her anything, Nicolas.” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. “What she did to Nicole... it’s unforgivable. And I’ll never be able to understand why she did it.”

“But maybe... maybe you don’t need to understand it right now.” He said gently, his voice barely above a whisper. “Maybe you just need to listen to her. So you can understand the bigger picture. You’ve always believed in justice, Ate A’ishah. And justice means hearing both sides, even when it’s hard.”

His words lingered in the air, and for a moment, I felt like I was drowning in them. He's just a boy. And yet, he already knows these things. Everything he said makes sense.

And I could feel my resolve cracking, piece by piece. Nicolas was right. Justice wasn’t about jumping to conclusions. It wasn’t about holding onto anger without knowing the full story.

But the thought of seeing Maxine again, hearing her words, filled me with dread. What if she lied? What if she tried to twist the truth, tried to make me believe it was all a mistake?

“What if she doesn’t even care about the truth?” I whispered, my voice shaky. “What if it was just... about her and her own desires? What if everything we had... meant nothing to her?”

Nicolas met my gaze, his eyes soft with understanding. “I can’t answer that, Ate. I wish I could. But I know you. I know how much you care about justice. And I don’t think you’d want to live with a decision made in anger. At least hear her. If nothing else, for Ate Nicole.”

I looked down at my hands, twisting the fabric of my shirt. It was hard. So hard. As much as I wanna listen to him and consider hearing out Maxine, I couldn't.

“Nicolas…” I sighed. “I can't.”

He nodded his head and gave me a small smile. “I understand po, Ate. I'll be in my room po.”

I didn't say anything, letting him leave. But before he could even turn the knob, he turned to look at me straight in the eye.

“Ate Maxine must've been hurting too, just like you and everyone else. The only difference is that…” He paused, his eyes showed sadness but it's definitely not for me. “She's probably hurting alone.”

With that said, he turned around and completely left me in awe.

The room fell silent after Nicolas closed the door. His words lingered, heavy and uncomfortable, like a weight pressing down on my chest.

She's probably hurting alone.

The thought gnawed at me, even though I didn’t want it to. Maxine, hurting? After what she did? It didn’t seem fair to think of her as the victim.

I buried my face in my hands, torn between the anger that burned inside me and the small sliver of doubt that had crept into my heart. I wanted to cling to my rage, it was easier that way. It made everything clearer, more black and white. But now, there was this gray area I didn’t want to explore, and it terrified me.

I stood up from my chair, pacing the room as I replayed everything that had happened. The confrontation at the scene. The accusations. The way Maxine had looked at me before they took her away.

Was it guilt? Or was it something else entirely?

I clenched my fists, trying to suppress the whirlwind of emotions that threatened to consume me. Nicolas didn’t understand. He wasn’t there. He didn’t see the blood, the chaos, the life that had been stolen.

And yet... his words repeatedly echoed in my mind. The only difference is, she's probably hurting alone.

I sat down and slammed the file shut, frustrated with myself. I needed clarity. I needed answers. But more than anything, I needed to find a way to silence the part of me that still cared about Maxine, because caring about her felt like a betrayal to Nicole’s memory.

And yet, no matter how much I tried to push her away, Maxine’s face remained in my mind. Her voice. Her touch. The love we once shared.

With a heavy sigh, I leaned back in my chair and stared at the ceiling.

Before I knew it, the sun was already rising. Great! I didn't even get a wink of sleep.

I took a while in the bathroom, thinking if I should face her today. I planned to go to the station to meet Jana. I wanna know how’s the progress of the case.

Pagbaba ko, I immediately spotted Ashley cooking breakfast. She really loves to cook, and I'm not complaining because aside from the fact that it tastes good, it helps me save my energy.

“Good morning, Ate!” She greeted me cheerfully. “Kain ka muna bago ka umalis.”

“Good morning, Ashley.” I managed a small smile. “Thanks, but I'm still full.”

“Please? Kahit french toast lang?” She clasped her hands together, batting her eyelashes with those puppy eyes.

I sighed. I know I can't say no to that. "Okay, sige. Pero isa lang, ha? May kailangan pa akong asikasuhin.”

She grin widely upon hearing my response. "Yes! Sige, Ate. Maupo ka na lang diyan.”

She happily served me a french toast with a glass of warm milk. The sight of the warm milk brought a bittersweet memory.

I remember Nicole heating up milk for me when they had a sleepover in my condo. She cared so much for me, and now I miss her more than ever.

“Okay ka lang ba, Ate A'ishah?” Ashley sat in front of me with her own plate.

I quickly nod my head, looking away from the glass of warm milk.

“If you don't mind, what are your plans for today, Ate? Just in case your friends ask me mamaya.”

“I'll go to the station today. I wanna know everything about the case.”

Ashley looked at me with concern in her eyes. I hated that. I hate it when everyone is looking at me like that. I don't need their pity.

I finished my breakfast quickly para makaalis na. And after ko magpaalam kay Ashley, I hopped in my car to leave the house.

I bought this car a few days after I lost Nicole. I need it the most right now.

When I stepped inside the station, I immediately spotted Sasha and Sienna at the front desk.

“Good morning! How may I help—” Sasha froze upon seeing me.

“A'ishah?” Sienna whispered my name in disbelief.

Yeah, it has been almost two weeks since the last time we saw each other. I refused to go here because Maxine is still locked up somewhere in here. As much as possible, I don't wanna see her, even just a glimpse of her.

“I'm here to see Jana.” I casually said, using my usual attorney tone.

“She's not here.” That voice made me freeze. I clenched my jaw as I felt my chest tighten.

There's no mistaking who it was. Even after weeks of not seeing her, I know her like the back of my hand.

I turned my head to see her standing just a few feet away from me. Handcuffed, escorted by John.

Her eyes… it speaks to me.

Maxine.

~~~

Thank you for reading! 💛