Athena's Pov

I stay silent as he continues. “We were seventeen when we knoc- impregnated your- that… excuse of a woman. She was twenty six. We didn't see any problem in paying her to sleep with us. And it wasn't our first time doing such stupid shit.”

I knew his testimony would follow a piece of advice for me but I was still interested to hear more. I've always been so weirdly obsessed with knowing what their life was like.

I always compared their childhood to mine from the bits grandpa told me. They got a loving father and even the assurance that their mother would’ve given them everything if she made it.

“But looking back now, I can tell you it was all so foolish. We shouldn't have done any of it.”

“Because I was born out of it.” I pointed out. “If you could turn back time, you would do everything it takes to stop me from getting conceived.”

He just stares at me for a moment and exhales a breath. When he grabbed the tray of alphabets again, I thought he was discarding the topic but the pause was just to gather his thoughts.

“We don't hate you, Athena.” He noted down his fifteen points for the word he just made. “I know you won't believe me but it's true. I agree we don't want the responsibility that comes with you but… that doesn't mean we want to wipe your existence. We do want you to be okay and safe… with dad.” He didn't have to say that, because I knew his best wishes were limited to my place with grandpa. “We don't want to see you get hurt and we-”

“Because if I get hurt then grandpa gets hurt and you love him.”

He messages his forehead, a clear sign that he's getting annoyed. “Sometimes when I sit with you, I feel like you don't even wanna try talking maturely with us.”

“As if you've always behaved so well with me.” I counter.

He shakes his head as if willing himself to calm down. “Can you hear me out for two minutes without getting annoyed or offended or cutting me off like I'm wasting your time?”

“Depends if you don’t bore me.” I shrugged.

I wasn't so comfortable coming alone with him here but now that I feel like he isn't gonna pull out a gun on me, I'm much more on board with uttering a couple of snarky comments here and there and hearing whatever he has to say in light of counseling.

He rolled his eyes and rubbed his little beard before deeming it to be the right amount of silent treatment and continuing whatever lecture he wanted to convey as a self proclaimed wise man.

“I made my first girlfriend when I was fourteen. She was nineteen.” Oh shit! “I was so happy because I got the baddest bitch on the block.” He chuckles, finding it silly. “But she always shied away from me in public, I thought it was because I was an embarrassment —which I probably was with braces, no beard and a weird teen haircut.”

I stayed silent because I do actually want to know more. “I thought once I’d mature, she'd be more comfortable with introducing me to her friends. But I was wrong. We were never endgame, I was just her toy.”

This feels awfully familiar and I hate how much I relate to his story. We're poles apart, the only thing we have in common is that we both love my grandpa. Hades can’t tell me I'm like them, it only proves that a part of them is always alive in me.

“Since I had approached her myself and spent forty four days convincing her for a date, I naturally assumed I was more interested and any chance of her being a predator —the type dad always warned us about— seemed far-fetched.”

That's exactly what happens to me. The men I initiate to, I deem them nice by default. The assumption might not have worked for Hades but I'm much smarter and know how to identify predators.

“After we started dating, it didn't take us two weeks before I had lost my virginity.”

My eyes widened at the words he uttered so casually like it wasn't a big deal. I felt so uneasy as I had never expected any of the Konstantinos brothers to share their personal life with me.

But more than anything I'm scared of the conclusion this story will draw at the end.

“Since that day, each time we met, we followed the same routine.” He huffed. “Don't get me wrong, I was curious and so to say… a horny teenager. I liked being with her, in fact I loved that I could finally do what I had only dreamed of, with the girl I was so crazy for.”

“What went wrong then?”

I urged when he took a pause like thinking back to the memory. By now we had completely discarded the game as we had an important and extremely personal discussion on hand.

“She didn't want anything but sex from me.” I was shocked at how open he was but I appreciated the honesty. “I always went to her with the hopes of getting cuddles or being asked how my day was but each time she would show me I'm not needed for anything else. She never talked to me, never took me to her parties, never introduced me to her friends and family, she didn't even know what grade I was in.” He laughed.

“But despite everything, I wanted her. I believed her way of affection was intimacy but she did care for me. She did want me or else why would she select me out of all the men she could have?”

I can't unsee myself in his story and it has started to ache me.

“Grandpa let you date her?” I asked quietly.

I wanted to know grandpa’s take on it. Somewhere in me I still had the feeling that he's been more gentle with them and I need Hades to prove me wrong. He chuckled. “When he found out about her —because my fucking brother Zephyr snitched on me— dad was so furious. He went to her home and slapped her across the face right in front of me.”

“No way!” I exclaimed and sat up right on my knees not being able to contain my shock.

“It's true.” He chuckled at my reaction. “He then dragged me back home and tried explaining to me how wrong it was and that I was being groomed.”

“But you didn't believe him.”

By now I wasn't guessing his reactions, rather taking cues from my own to draw his past life. Because when a similar incident happened to me, I felt the same emotions, hence acted the same way.

“I didn't. I couldn't understand why he didn't want to see me happy. His disapproval was driving me crazy because no way that innocent girl could be a predator.” It was like someone was narrating my own life to me.

“How did you move on then?”

I just wanted to know how he sorted himself out and if he has repressed his mind now because how can a person ever not get addicted to the attention they get from a stranger.

Moving on has never been an issue for me personally since I know each man is with me temporarily. But I do feel a void left in me when they start playing strangers right after having a taste of me.

“I started starving myself to hurt dad. I thought this would get the message through-” I cut him off not believing his words.

“You're lying. That can't be true. You're just saying all of this to prove we’re similar so you can prove to me I'm not original.” I probably didn't get my point across correctly.

He shook his head. “I'm not lying, love. You can ask dad or my brothers if you need confirmation.”

For some reason I wanted to believe him even when my brain didn't agree. It must be my curiosity that was forcing me to stay silent and hear more.

“Two days and I had only eaten a few crackers behind dad’s back while he did his best to convince me to eat. The moment I got a chance to sneak out, I went straight to her home. There was a party happening at her house that day, she had all her friends over.”

I nodded to let him know I'm listening and he continued. “She was shocked to see me there and I was shocked by her behavior. She told her friend that I'm just a little boy from her neighborhood and I come over when I need help with studies.” My heart squeezed as I imagined how he must've felt at that moment.

“I was so heartbroken by how she refused to even acknowledge me as a friend.” He smiled sadly. “I didn't meet her after that day, neither did she try contacting me —probably because of dad. Soon I got to know she started seeing a guy, one that was her age. One that she was so proud to introduce publicly.”

“Maybe…” I knew he'd disagree but I wanted to put it out. Perhaps I wanted to hear what he'd say. “She was using you but that doesn't mean every… that…”

He gave me an encouraging smile. “Go on, love. I won't judge you.”

He must be in a good mood today because I have experienced judgment from him and his brothers ever since I’ve come here.

“I’m just saying that… you had a bad experience,” It was hard putting it in words. Maybe because I already knew I was wrong but refused to accept it. “But it doesn't mean every older person is a predator. Some might have real feelings. Some might genuinely care.”

He stayed silent a second before giving me a nod as if he understood my words. “You know when I realized she was a pedo and not just a bitch? That I wasn't just used but groomed.”

“When?”

“When I turned her age; nineteen. I realized I wasn't attracted to fourteen year olds. It wasn't because they were immature and stupid but I just… I couldn’t feel that attraction to them. And just the thought of being romantically involved with a child, made me sick.”

My breathing hitched as I considered the same from my perspective. I've slept with a twenty-one year old when I was twelve, he was my second boyfriend. Being a sixteen year old now, I can't imagine touching a boy that young but my ex-boyfriend didn't feel the same disgust.

“So to answer your question,” He brought my attention to himself again as I was deep in thought. “The older person might have real feelings, they might genuinely care but is it right for them to do so? Is it okay for them to touch a child? To be attracted to them? Or even talk about love with them?”

I had always known in my heart that what I was doing was wrong which is why I always hid it from everyone. But it provided me comfort which was the most difficult thing to let go of.

I needed those men who wanted me.

Now after four years of Tristan and grandpa trying to mend my ways and after being the cause of someone's death, I wanted to change but it wasn't as easy as everyone thought.

“Do you think Zephyr would kill everyone I date?”

For some reason the question still lingered on no matter how much I tried to convince myself I don't need to think about dating right now.

Hades narrowed his eyes for a second before sighing. “Zephyr didn't kill Eric because he was trying to sleep with you. But because he was triple your age.”

I stayed silent because I didn't have anything to say anymore. “If you date, say for example… Tristan. Just to make it clear we don't have any fondness for him, we don't like him either.” He affirmed. “My point is, he’s your age. If Zephyr caught you in bed with Tristan- that's not gonna happen,” He scrunched his face as if he wasn't a fan of the thought. “But if that was the case then he would’ve still been alive. Because when you're a teenager, dating someone your same age or year younger or older is morally, ethically and legally okay.”

“So I can sleep with people my age?” I may have found a loophole.

His eyebrows furrowed. “That's not what I meant.”

“But you said-”

“For now, it's better that you reevaluate your decisions and sort out your mind. If you rush into a relationship right when you've just found the right direction, you might end up making the wrong choices again.”

“But if they're my age then it's okay-”

“Then they won't be predators but that doesn't mean they would have good intentions for you.”

“What if I don't have good intentions for him either? Then we’re even, right?”

“Then why would you date? For sex?”

I usually don't get embarrassed quite easily but this time my cheeks did turn red. “Um… I… it's not like that… I just have a hard time committing to people. I don't want to bound myself with anyone.”

My eyes were now averted to the ground and I didn't see him lean forward and do something I hadn't expected. He took my hands in his own.

“You might feel like you want a certain form of intimacy, Athena. But it's not your age to seek it.” He told me so softly. “You should focus on yourself, try to be the best version of yourself. The version who isn't emotionally dependent on others, the version who doesn't get influenced by just everyone. Be someone who doesn't seek comfort in others but within herself.”

“If I don't want emotional support or comfort, then why would I ever wanna date anyone? For money?” I genuinely wanted to know.

“For partnership. To share your happiness. And yes, be each other's comfort and support but not be dependent on it. Ideally, you should be strong enough to survive without anyone. That way when you date someone, you know you're with them because you love them, not because they're giving you something that you can't let go of.” I nodded understanding his words.

“What I'm trying to say is, seek a relationship for love, not as a replacement for therapy.” He concluded his Ted talk.

Such a complex concept being broken down to me in the simplest form is so comprehensible. I inhaled deeply because I felt like he could see directly through my soul and addressed each of my flaws one by one. In a way that I didn't feel ashamed but motivated for change.

His thumb lightly brushes over my knuckles. “Wait a few years, Athena. Trust me, the urges are strong in teenage but if you control them now, you become strong and you won't have regrets later on in life.”

I was getting “the talk” from a man who could be my father and my feelings were all over the place right now. I wasn't sure if he really cared about my life or he was advising me just so I don't cause more trouble in his family.

All of a sudden, his phone vibrates with a notification. I was comfortable holding his hand and letting my delusional self believe someone was here to counsel me. But Hades freed his hands from mine without a second of hesitation.

After checking his phone he announced, “Ares’ backing out again. I swear that asshole doesn't wanna do any real work.” He scoffed and got up to his feet. “We’ll continue our game some other time, I gotta go. I’ll have to attend the meeting in his place.” He collects his wallet and the car keys from beside him.

“Do we have anything left off to discuss?” He asks me as if he doesn't want to leave our conversation midway. But he could’ve just stayed if he really cared. “I could postpone the meeting…”

I just keep looking at him, unsure if I want to actually stop him. What would we even talk about if he stayed? Do I really wanna open up to him more than I already have?

Most importantly, what right do I have to stop him?

“No. I'm fine.” I lied.

His eyebrows furrowed but he nodded after a few seconds. “I’ll see you at dinner then.”

So he expects me to have dinner with them now. Maybe it's not a bad idea if I do want to get my life back on track.

Just before he could leave, I spoke. “I think I know why I'm starving myself.” He turns back to me. “I want to go home. But your brother isn't letting me.”