Athena's Pov

I let out a noise of frustration. “Are you done?”

“Almost.”

It was four in the morning right now. We had gotten back just an hour ago when Tristan helped me take off my makeup before drawing me a bath.

By the time I came out of the bathroom, He had changed and was waiting to put lotion on me because I was too tired to do it myself.

Now I was standing in front of him in just my cotton shorts and a bra as he massaged the stress from my legs that I tortured with those five inch heels.

“Done.” Before he completed the word I literally dropped down on the bed.

“I’ll go then-” I cut him off.

“No stay. I'm not sleepy, I'm just tired.”

He settled beside me on the bed and tugged the comforter up to cover us both. “Thinking about something?”

I sighed and nestled to his side. “Do you think Ares would bring Richard into our basement?”

Tristan runs his fingers through my hair and my mind calms down with his touch. He's always been my safe space. My comfort.

“Maybe.”

“Should I check when we go back?”

“I don't think they'll let you go in there again.”

“I guess that's good, I can't see Richard getting tortured. Giving a contract for his death was the limit. I don't wanna get involved further.”

“Good.”

Tristan encircled his arm around my waist and pulled me closer so I'd be pressed to his side. His free hand came up to brush a few strands out of my face followed by a gentle kiss on my head.

There was so much calm in the room that I could sleep peacefully. But some questions kept bugging me. Tristan’s interaction with Adeline, his words when I spoke to him about it and Ares' advice hadn't gotten out of my head yet.

“When will you get a girlfriend?”

“It's not a fruit I could just pluck off a tree.” He chuckled.

“I'm serious, Tristan.”

His expressions turned weird and he fake yawned. “Let's talk about this tomorrow.”

I lightly punched his rib in warning. “I know you're not sleepy.”

He rubbed the spot I hit and rolled his eyes at me. He's always been so disinterested in relationships and secretive about his preferences. I hadn't forced him to say it only because I knew that’s not the prevailing thought in his mind. But tonight, I was genuinely bothered by the lack of answers.

“I’ve told you before, Thena I just don't want to get a girlfriend right now.” He shrugs casually.

“But why? There has to be a reason why you feel this way?”

He looked away with displeasure. “There isn't. I just don't get attracted to anyone.”

“How can that be possible? We meet so many people, there's so many nice girls at school, in our class, in our neighborhood, at your gym. How can you not like any of them?”

“I don't feel that connection with them.”

“But if you don't try then maybe you'd never know who you feel a connection with.”

“I feel it with you.”

My brain went blank when he said that. I was totally out of words and couldn't believe he really said he feels with me the type of connection he should seek from a partner.

I knew we were comfortable but I didn't think Tristan would term it anything more than friendship. Maybe he wasn't and I was getting the wrong hint.

“I mean you're so understanding, open, caring, considerate and loving towards me. Nobody else ever made me feel that way.” Tristan explained.

I had definitely mistaken his words.

“That’s what I'm saying, if you don't explore then you won't know if someone else can also make you feel that way.” I tried my best to get this through his thick skull. “The only girl you've ever been with is me. I think you need more female friends.”

“What if I’m happy just having you?” He asked with the utmost calmness on his face.

I took a moment to consider my next words. “But you’ll need a girlfriend someday…”

“No I won't.” He gently pressed my nose with a cute smile on his face. “As long as you're with me.”

I don't know exactly when this stupid breathtaking environment developed between us but our close proximity felt different now. I was scared to even breathe loud or something unimaginable would happen.

“But I will get a serious boyfriend one day and… he might not like…” I gestured between us. “this….”

Tristan inhaled deeply and gulped before asking, “So you've planned to leave me one day? For your future partner?”

“No.” I replied instantly. “I'm just saying we won't be able to… you know… be so intimate anymore.”

He didn't say anything to that and a long strange silence stretched between us like a nail digging into my skull and damaging my peace.

“Tristan,” I called and he turned his head to me again. “I'm worried about you. You don't have anyone but me in your life. And I… I’m always so busy being with disgusting men that I never give you the time and love you deserve but you still have your whole life centered around me.”

I felt so strongly about this matter. It wasn't just about his future relationship anymore, it was also about us. Our future together. The sudden feeling that we won’t always be the same was eating my peace.

He shook his head and his hand that was wrapped around my waist gently caressed my skin. A spark I hadn't felt before with him shook my body and I wondered how messed up my brain is getting.

“I like it like this.” He held my hand and kissed my knuckles. “Whatever we have, this is perfect.”

“But I want more for you. You should have more than just a troubled friend. You deserve better.”

Tristan dryly chuckles. “And I think you deserve better. It is my failure that I couldn't make you understand you're worth so much more than you think, amorcito. You should’ve had a better friend by your side.”

I cupped his face with both of my hands. “I’ve told you before and I'll say it again, my fucked up mind isn't your fault. And there could never be anyone better than you for me.”

“If we both think we don't deserve each other, why are we together then?”

“Because we're biased.” I whispered.

“That means we do deserve each other. Isn’t every human biased to those who they love because none can be perfect? Relationships work on biases and unconditional love that's not blind to flaws but accepts it willingly.”

He was speaking slowly so I could understand each of his words. His eyes studied each of my movements carefully and I tried my best to process everything from a sane mind. But it became difficult when I started imagining stuff that he does not intend to say. He definitely can't be hinting on a relationship between us but my brain was stuck at the idea of it.

“Theoretically… If we're compatible on every level why do we want different people for each other? Wouldn't it be so comfortable if we just spent our lives together?” I know he meant as friends but I heard something else.

Something's seriously wrong with me. After Zephyr’s strictness I’ve become so desperate that I'm taking Tristan's words out of context. He's always counseled me when I'm confused about anything. Why would he be doing something else today?

“I guess in another life…” I gulped feeling I'm on the edge of a line I shouldn't cross. “We would’ve been something more.”

“Why not this one?”

This was so wrong. How can Tristan have the audacity to ask that when all we’ve ever been —all we'll ever be— was friends. Why would he even voice such a weird thought?

My throat dried up at his blunt question but I managed to push out some words. “Because I'm not your type.”

“Who said that?”

I couldn't stop the thumping in my ear. It was getting to the point that my heart would seize and I'd stop breathing just to get rid of this growing ache.

“Nobody has to say it, I know… We’re so different.”

“Opposites attract.”

“I've done some messed up shit.”

“You didn't know any better.”

His words felt like a challenge. Like he was waiting for me to deny his statements. Like we were having a battle and he was so damn sure that he's got the better weapons.

“That doesn't change the fact that my body has been used by so many men.” I kept giving him reasons why I wasn't worth choosing.

“Haven't I always loved you the way you are? Why would I discriminate now?”

“Because…”

“I'm listening.” His thumb very gently grazed my lower lip and his eyes dropped to look at it.

My breath caught up in my throat and a sinful sensation dipped down my body. A scissor of insanity was daring to cut the years of tight knitted strands our friendship was hanging by. But I won't lose the only good thing in my life. I can't live without him.

“You know what your problem is…?” He asked, bringing his eyes back to mine. “You think your body count has decreased your worth and your personality has never been lovable either. The only redeeming factor —according to you— is your beauty and the young age that pedos love.”

“I never said that, I’m just saying you deserve a healthy relationship. You don't deserve a fucked up mind or a dirty body. People like you are rare, Tristan. You should know how special you are. You're pure, you're kind, you're smart, you're cute, you're the most perfect person I know. You deserve someone who has the same qualities as you.”

“If you had said you don't want to accidentally ruin our friendship it would make more sense. But you believe you don't deserve me just because I'm a virgin and you have made some mistakes?” He clicked his tongues in disappointment. “Wouldn't you have forgiven me and loved me for who I am if the roles were reversed?”

I knew what he meant but I refused to go r into his narrative. “Because even if you slept around, you are a nice person and it doesn't change that. But I'm not a nice person. I'm selfish, I'm bratty, I take advantage of grandpa and your love, I'm rebellious and I knowingly make the same mistakes again and again.”

“How can you think that about yourself, Athena?”

His eyes held so much gentleness that I wanted to cry for how much I’m loved. When his hand slowly caressed my side I relaxed under his touch and tried to convince myself we weren't sinning when jump over the thousands of boundaries we should have between us.

“Why are you limiting your brain to what you want to believe is true? Why can't you see the good in you? The compassion you have for random strangers, the nonjudgmental attitude for literal stupid people, the love you have for me, Morpheus, my parents. The selflessness you have when it comes to your people, the sympathy you have for the family of pedos who do you wrong. Your self respect stops you from lowering yourself for those three dickheads or your mother but you still care because that's how you are. All these things aren't common. But you have those traits and it makes your personality so lovable. The only problem is that the men you've been with have never tried seeing past your skin and so you've made this perception that it's your only good quality.”

“Tristan-” I couldn't stop him.

He placed a hand over my mouth and tilted his body to my side to the point that he was on top of me. His body pressed against mine and I wondered if he was hard again because he avoided bringing down his pelvic.

I couldn't help myself from conjuring the feeling of his length on my thigh. The lack of clothing on me and the heat of our bodies and the comforter over us was making it difficult to hear his words.

I was caged between him and the bed. He wasn't holding me, neither would he stop me if I removed his hands from me. But I couldn't bring myself to do that. I didn't move. I didn't protest our position.

“You're not a piece of meat that as long as you look fresh and pink you'd be in demand. You're a gem and you can never lose the shine your soul has no matter how many more people you sleep with.” He said looking directly in my eyes like his words were nothing but the truth.

“We aren't friends because I love you. We're together because you reciprocate my love. You always say you're taking advantage of my love because you never take into account everything you've done for me. I love taking care of you but when I need you you're always there for me, doing just as much if not more in return.” I was about to argue when he started listing our past.

“Remember you stayed by my side for nearly three weeks when I got jaundice, you hated Morpheus and my parents because they were telling you to go rest.” He chuckled, finding the memory of him laying down like a corpse to be funny. “That time you did all my homework despite your dislike for it, you made me your first ever disgusting soup that I drank hoping I won't die. You even let me win when I didn't have the energy to play. You did everything in your power to help me recover fast because you loved me so much.”

“You always save half of your desserts for me. You always lend me anything I want. You always accompany me shopping cause you know I hate it. You always talk to my parents when I mess up. You comfort me when I need it. You always cuddle me when I'm upset. What else can I ask for? What else should you do to be considered a good friend? Stop denying that we have an equal partnership.”

“Tristan,” I called, moving his hand from my mouth. My voice nearly sounded helpless. “What are we doing?”

“Talking.”

I shook my head. He was choosing to not understand me. “Why are we talking about this?”

“Because you can't digest anyone can truly love you for you.”

“But… you might love my personality, you… might be attracted to my body but… you don't love me like that. You shouldn't accept me as a…” I couldn't say the word thinking if I don't acknowledge it then we never had this discussion.

With his hand not in our way anymore, our close proximity was bothering me now but I didn't want him to move away. His breath fanned on my lips and my eyelids felt heavy as I looked at him staying as still as I could.

It would be so easy to just- but I won't. Neither of us were ready to cross that line. There's no coming back from there and we both knew it.

A moment passed until suddenly Tristan rolled off of me and pulled me to his side. “Sleep child. You should rest your mind.”

I couldn't move as he wrapped one arm behind my back and used the other to push my face on his chest. I quietly laid down not knowing what if I wanted to continue the talk or forget about it forever.

I tried taking my mind off of the fact we were in bed and I was half naked. My racing heart refused to calm down but my mind was fixed on the smallest part of our conversation that indicated I wasn't a bad match for my best friend.

If we wanted we could be something more.

But neither of us wanted that. Or did we?