Athena's Pov

“Does she look cool or is she more like a grumpy old lady?”

The guy gives me a weird look at the question. But it was natural for me to be curious about my psychiatrist, after all I'll be forced to open up to her.

“I haven't paid much attention, Miss Konstantinos.” He replied politely ending the conversation.

I knew none of them would be talking to me more than necessary. Everyone keeps the conversation to the point. I'm guessing it's because they know what happened with Eric and they don't want the same fate for themselves.

I didn't say anything further and moved to the doors of the library where my psychiatrist had been waiting for me. It's been ten minutes since I've been informed of her arrival but I decided to waste a few in interrogating the staff about her because for some reason the thought of therapy scares me.

I haven't concluded if I fear being termed mentally ill or if I don't want to share my shitty past or if I don't want to be called dumb for my actions. But anyhow none of these things are ideal.

As I pushed open the door and stepped inside my gaze fell on Zephyr perched on the opposite sofa from the psychiatrist. Their conversation died down as I entered and the lady turned to give me a smile.

She looks to be in her forties —older than I assumed— and right away I feel at ease by her gentle eyes on me. I don't get the typical doctor sort of vibe from her which is nice if we're going to be talking for an indefinite time.

I mumble a quick hi and take a seat next to Zephyr. I didn't exactly want to be here but if it does me any good then I'm ready to give it a go. Tristan and grandpa are also supporting this step so despite my awkwardness, I've come here with a cooperative mindset.

“Hello Athena. It’s really nice to meet you. I'm Eleni Drakos.”

“It's nice to meet you too.” I replied, fiddling with my phone.

“I appreciate your willingness to be here. I’m sure your father must've already told you what I'm here for.”

“Yes, to check how mentally ill I am.”

She didn't give a reaction to it and remained as calm as ever. “Actually, no. I must tell you we never term anyone mentally ill before conducting several sessions. So Athena, I don't have any assumptions. Neither your family nor I can yet term you mentally ill.”

“Fine, you will after a few sessions.”

“Let's start with establishing a basic understanding that mental illness is a health condition just like any other. It doesn't make you not normal. So there's nothing wrong with having one. It's treatable and I'm sure you have the right people around you to help you with it.”

“Just because it's a commonly used term now, doesn't mean every person would be okay to be termed that.”

“Then let's not use terms. We're primarily here to discuss your life, the diagnosis and treatments will follow after a couple of weeks.”

That suggestion sounds better than finding out today I'm suffering from some disorder I used to think I would never have because I'm completely fine.

“Okay.”

Her eyes moved to Zephyr who was quietly sitting down. “Would you mind leaving us alone, Mr Konstantinos?” He obviously didn't like being told what to do. “It’s much more comfortable to have an open discussion in the absence of family members.”

He eventually nodded and I was shocked when he leaned down towards my ear to whisper. “If you feel uncomfortable just walk out. Or call me, I’ll come get you.” He slightly leaned back to look at my face and I nodded. “But I'll appreciate it if you give this a try. Not for me, but yourself.”

He straightened up to his height and regarded my psychiatrist for a moment before turning to me. “You can be as truthful with her as you want. Eleni isn't oblivious to our line of work.”

He left but his words stayed with me. I really loved how sweet he was at convincing me. He had forced me into this but now that I was here he was giving me an option to leave and I liked that. I liked having a choice even if I should’ve had it from the start.

I folded my legs and sat back on the couch. “Are you like a Mafia’s psychiatrist?”

She shakes her head with a smile on her face. “No. If I'm not wrong, the Mafia doesn't have psychiatrists unless it's for personal use. My husband’s family used to be in the Greek Mafia but he left to have a normal life and later your father and his brothers acquired it from my in-laws. So I know of it but we don't get involved in the business. I was chosen for your counseling so you can freely share anything that’s disturbing you, even events like Eric's death or the things you witnessed in the basement.”

“If you already know then why do you need me to tell you? Just conclude my diagnosis, give me meds and let me go.”

“I fear that's not how it works. But if you want to speed up the process we can quickly cover the few topics in my mind.” She offers like it's a brilliant solution but I know she's only tricking me to be more compliant so I answer her questions.

“Where do we begin?” I huffed.

“Wherever you want, Athena.” She knew it was my first time so she guided me. “How about we start with your childhood? How's your relationship with your grandfather?”

Zephyr must've given her details on what the situation I grew up in. How I wasn't nothing less than a piece of trash for my parents and how my grandpa came into my life like a hero to save me from getting aborted.

“It's perfect. We love each other.” I replied, intentionally not expanding on my answer.

She nods. “That’s nice. What about rules? I'm sure you had some living with him. Was he strict or lenient?”

“A little bit of both.”

“What was he strict about?”

“Drinking, smoking, sneaking out and dating older men.” She already knew so I didn't see the point in hesitating.

She wrote that down then asked, “When was the first time you smoked?”

I liked that she didn't ask about the men first or it would've felt like I was just an entertainment that she's moving on to the spiciest part of my life disregarding everything else.

“Two months after I turned thirteen.”

“And where did you get the cigarettes from?”

“School.”

“Someone in particular?”

“There was a girl in our middle school, both of her parents smoked so she had cigarettes laying around at home which she stole and sold them at school for extra cash.”

“Do you still smoke?”

“I used to until I came here.” She wrote that down too.

“Do you like smoking?”

I considered the question for a second before answering, “I guess so…”

“Does it bring you comfort?”

“Um… I don't think so.”

“Why do you do it then?”

“Because I just do. It's a habit.” I shrugged.

“How often do you do it?”

“Whenever I feel like it. Sometimes after a month or two. Sometimes I smoke back to back for a whole week.”

“Do you often do it when you're stressed like you have an exam or you maybe had a fight with someone?”

“No. I just do it randomly.”

“So it isn't a source of comfort according to you?” I nodded in agreement. “Then what brings you comfort? Drinking?”

“No. Tristan and grandpa.”

She was writing down everything and it was bothering me as I kept replaying my words trying to figure out what might be it that she found weird.

“Tell me about Tristan. Who is he?”

It has never happened before but today I felt nervous being asked about him. A weird sensation was bubbling up in my stomach and I gulped trying to suppress it. I can't let a blush appear on my cheeks because the psychiatrist must already be suspicious of each movement of mine.

“He's my best friend.”

“Okay. For how long?”

“Since we were infants.”

“Has there ever been a romantic angle to your friendship-” I didn't let her complete the question.

“Not at all. We're just friends.”

I don't know how true my statement is. The things he said to me two days ago were still running through my mind and I couldn't help but draw out the conclusions he didn't mean.

“He knows everything about you?”

Her lack of reaction to everything I said was unsettling and relaxing at the same time. She was so neutral and professional that I had a hard time convincing myself I was talking to a human.

Maybe we'll develop a better understanding as time goes by.

“Yes.”

“Does he support your ideas or advise you against them?”

“Both. Depending on which is appropriate.”

She nodded yet again. “What was his reaction when he first got to know you sneaked out?”

“He was mad, mostly sad for me. But he let it go when I told him I won't do it again.”

“So did you stop sneaking out after that?”

“No.”

“Why did you sneak out the first time? You had something planned?”

An uneasy feeling ran through my body but I didn't acknowledge it. If I was going to tell my story, I might as well be truthful. She doesn't have any intention to cause me harm and I don't need to fear the Konstantinos brothers as they already know what type of person I am.

“I went to meet a guy.”

“Was he your boyfriend?”

I shook my head. “Not exactly… He promised to… teach me stuff so…”

“Sexual stuff?” She asked without a hint of judgment in her voice. I nodded at her question. “How old were you two at the time?”

“I was twelve, he was three years older.”

“Did you go through it?”

“Yes.”

“At any moment did you want to back off? During the act or maybe when you left your home or even when you were getting ready to sneak out?”

“Yes. I wanted to back off the whole night. But I convinced myself because it was what I wanted. It was my decision.”

“What was his name?”

Without thinking I answered, “Peter.”

When she wrote that down my eyes widened and I instantly protested. “Don't write that down, it's irrelevant. His name doesn't matter. Treat me, I'm the problem.”

“I'm just writing that down for future reference-”

“I know you're gonna give all the names to Zephyr. Listen if I want them to kill off all the guys in my life then I’ll tell them myself, you don't have to be the mediator. And Peter doesn't deserve to die, he was a child himself.”

“Relax Athena, I'm not going to pass on any of your information to anyone. Anything you say to me remains between us. Your secrets are safe with me. I'm your psychiatrist, not a spy for your father.”

That didn't put me at ease but I nodded nonetheless, not knowing what else I should argue about when she denied all allegations.

“Now, can you tell me about Peter? What was it that made you choose him?”

I gulped and tried to think about the question. “He was nice. Although I was a dumb teenager, he wanted to be friends with me. He really cared about me. He always prioritized me over everything else and…”

————

I grabbed the whole tub of ice cream and made my way to the back of the house so I could eat it in peace. After the session with Eleni that went on for two hours —but didn't feel that long— I deserved some quiet.

“Athena,” I heard Zephyr call me.

I turned around and my mood soured at the prospect of another argument. “Yes?”

He eyed the ice cream then the direction I was going to. “Where are you going?”

“Backyard.” I answered then added. “Don't worry I'm not going to get myself in trouble by trying to sneak out again.”

“I don't suspect you to.” He said almost like he wanted me to believe him. But I didn't.

“You wanted to say something?” I asked so we could quickly get this over with.

“Um yes.” He took a moment to answer. “What are you doing?” I gave him a confused look and he explained. “I meant if you're free we could maybe go out. For coffee or something.”

I haven't been out of the house for weeks, if I don't count the Astor Gala. I had hoped I would have time to explore US as it was my first time there but we flew back right away.

The offer to go out does interest me but I don't like the company that comes along with it. Zephyr has a short temper and I’m so prone to saying shit I shouldn't.

“Actually I’m a little tired and I was just gonna eat some ice cream… maybe another time?”

He knew I was making excuses but nodded nonetheless. “Okay, whenever you want to go out anywhere just let me know, I'll drive you.”

“Anywhere?”

“Yes, anywhere.”

“Don't back off later, I'll hold you to the promise.” I warned playfully.

“I won't. I’ve never made fake promises to you, Athena. What I've said, I've meant.”

The way he said that I knew he was referring to our relationship. But his promises to never leave me again and be the type of father I deserve, are hard to believe.

I don't trust him, I don't have a reason to.

“Okay…”

“Also… I wanted to tell you you did excellent today. I’m so proud of you for doing this. I'm hopeful this will be really good for you.”

“Thanks.”

I didn't look him in the eyes for several reasons. I didn't know if I deserved this praise, nor did I know the reason why my heart felt so full when he said he was proud of me.

I was finally getting the kind of recognition I always dreamed of from my supposed father. The eleven year old me used to think being the best would make my parents want me back, maybe I was right.

Because Zephyr likes me now that I am becoming the person he wants.