Athena's Pov

“What did you like in those men?”

So far I've done ten two-hour long sessions with Eleni; one each day. Surprisingly I got comfortable too early. I thought it'll take us months to get to the most complicated parts of my life but we've already discussed most of the details.

I've told her about how I got abandoned, about my rebellious urges, about my impulsive nature, my gold digger mother and even my interest in older men. But not once did I feel uncomfortable talking about it.

I initially thought Eleni was too robotic and I was just her latest project but I guess she must've known I'd like a subjective approach. I've already had too many emotional people in my life who tried different methods to tweak and treat me.

“They cared for me, they took out time to meet me, they'd always hear me out, they would take me to parks and malls and cafes, anywhere that I wanted to go. They got me things grandpa refused. They let me do whatever I wanted. I'd drink and smoke and they won't ever tell me to stop. They were also better at sex than people my age and oh the best part, they cuddled me for hours.”

Eleni nodded and turned a page of her notebook. “Last time when we talked you told me that you always knew their care was fake.”

“I mean I kinda did. Not initially but when every guy switched after fucking me I kinda got the idea that they’re faking it.” I shrugged.

She hummed writing down something before she asked, “What about the gifts? Would that be something you'll consider to be a major reason for your attraction?”

I thought of the question before shaking my head. “I wasn't that interested in the gifts. It was always clothes, perfumes, make up, decor or toys. I had enough myself. Grandpa did restrict me from over spending but he got me what was necessary and more.”

“The first time you had sex was with Peter which was, let's say… a child's curiosity. You wanted a taste of freedom.” I nodded with uncertainty. “The second and third guy… you said you got with them because after Peter, being single felt unnatural.” I nodded again. “Just like Peter they were three-four years older than you when you were twelve.”

I don't know why she was narrating me my own story but I kept listening. “Then you got with Richard shortly after you turned thirteen. He was the first adult in your life. Correct?”

“Yes.” I answered.

“You mentioned when you got with him you didn't plan to get intimate. It wasn't even on your mind. What changed after him? What made you seek a sexual relationship with older men after Richard?”

I suddenly got blank. I didn't have the answer to her question. It was frustrating how she managed to ask such in-depth questions about my life that even I couldn't answer them.

“I don't know...” I mumbled.

“It's okay. We’ll figure it out together.” Her encouragement did help move on to the next topic. “Tell me about your meetups. You liked going out with them?”

“Yes. I liked those. I like those very much.”

“Why is that? Anything specific you can tell me behind your fondness of it?”

“Um…” I started racing my brain for answers. “I liked when they held my hand as we walked through malls, or when we went to cafes and they'd patt my head when I finished my whole meal. Or when we went to park they'd stay in front of the slide when I came down, they'd gently push me when I took the swing, they'd playfully chase me but didn't catch me so I could feel like I won. They were so nice when they did all that.”

“What about cuddles?” She moved to the next topic, not letting me enjoy the memories that I just told her about.

“That was my favorite part. I had made it clear to every guy I slept with that if they want to have sex then cuddles are the price.” I chuckled.

Eleni didn't find it amusing and her face remained indifferent. “We’ve already concluded last week that you don't like alcohol or smoking so being with older men because they can provide you with that is out of question.”

I was taken aback last week when she concluded there wasn't a reason behind my interest in cigarettes and alcohol. It was simply something I did because I could. Something I saw as rebellion. As a way to feel in control.

She said I grew up believing my life turned out as it did because I had no control over it. I believed where I am is because my parents abandoned me, not because that's how my life was destined to turn out.

That thinking compelled me to take matters into my own hands. I decided to do what I liked. What I thought I liked. What I knew grandpa wouldn't allow me but I will do it anyway because I lacked control in life and I desperately needed it.

“From what I have heard, what you needed was a parent but you made the mistake of finding it in men who didn't want to play that role.”

I stayed silent to let her complete. “You sought care, comfort, safety. You wanted someone who'd listen, who’d hold your hand in malls, pat your head when you finished your meal, play with you at the park, take out time for you, make you feel special, wanted, heard and cuddle you to sleep.”

“You never needed or wanted a sexual partner or someone who'd provide you with substances. But rather someone who'd show you the right way.” Her words made sense to me.

Since I got caught with Eric and decided to change I became too critical of my past actions and everytime Eleni would bring up a new conclusion, it easily went through my thick skull that used to refuse accepting any point except my own.

Eleni leaned forward placing her elbows on her knees. “After a point you realized they didn't care about you. You knew they wanted nothing more than a sexual relationship but by that time you were deep into it. You had given yourself hope of one day finding the right man who will fill the void your parents left. And you were ready to take whatever you got in the name of love and care.”

She continued her monologue and my heart squeezed with each word. It was a reality check. One I always avoided.

“I can understand it's so difficult to give up something you've always longed for. And so despite knowing the reality, you chose to live in the dark because you liked the fake care, the fake comfort they provided.”

That hit me hard and I took a breath to stop feeling the guilt that I had ruined my life with my own hands. If my parents destroyed half of it, I let the other half burn down to ashes as well.

“Rather than finding that man in your grandpa, you started finding it in strangers. It was your way to redeem yourself, to make yourself worthy in your own eyes.”

“How do I… get rid of that… fake hope? How do I give up wanting it?” I asked in a low voice.

“Usually I recommend my patients that they need to be self-sufficient, that they should move on and what they want is something that can be lived without.” She looked at me with gentler eyes than usual. “But in your case, Athena, you're too young. Sixteen isn't an age to become independent and remove the need of a guardian from your life.”

She regarded me subjectively again, like I was a problem she had the perfect solution to. “I know the brothers have been so unfair to you all your life. But now at least Zephyr is ready to take on your responsibility. He wants to be there for you and I think that's what you need. Someone who can show you what a father is. Someone who loves you for you and not because of your body.”

Anger bubbled in my chest and I got up from the couch. “I knew you were here for this! He appointed you to make me patch up with him!”

Eleni sat back in her chair with utmost calm on her face. She wasn't a least bit affected by my offensive remark.

“I won't lie to you and say he never intended me to help you understand that you need him. But I didn't do it because that's what he wanted but because that's what you need. You need a parent. Your mother's out of picture but you can have a father. Zephyr wants to be the very person you should’ve always had. He's ready to give you all the happiness you were finding all along. All you have to do is give him a chance.”

“So all my issues will be solved if I accept Zephyr?” I asked her the same question I’ve been contemplating since Eric’s death.

“No. But it's a start.”

————

“It's too cold today.” He remarked looking around the backyard like he's seeing it for the first time. “It makes for a nice day to grab a coffee.” I knew what would follow. “Do you wanna come with me to get one?”

This is the ninth time Zephyr has asked me to go out with him. He always makes it seem like he just got the idea, like he doesn't have a motive behind it and it's all casual.

Honestly it's cute how he gets awkward about it. It's cute how he never gives up. He never loses hope and never stops putting in efforts.

“Sure. I'll just go put on some shoes.”

The look of shock on his face was priceless. He must've thought I'll decline again, but I had already decided this morning that I would talk to him.

By now I have developed enough trust in him to know he won't hurt me so the worst that could happen was us getting into an argument. And I'm confident I can handle a silly back and forth.

“Okay. I’ll wait in the driveway.” He informed me.

————

He drove us to a very elegant coffee shop nearly half an hour away from the mansion. It was so beautiful that I felt underdressed in my wrinkled skirt, multicolored thigh high socks and a thick jacket. But looking at Zephyr wearing just a jacket and jeans made me feel a bit at ease.

“Decided on something?” Zephyr asked, looking up from the menu.

I shook my head. “I'm terribly indecisive.”

“Hades has the same problem. He can make good business decisions but when it comes to everyday choices, he’s dependent on us.”

“Maybe he’s my father then.” I shrugged casually.

He looked at me like he understood I'm provoking him. “Your traits resemble all of us. You can't say for sure.”

Before I could say anything the waiter was by our side waiting for the order. Zephyr looked at me and asked, “What do you want?”

“I'll have whatever you're having.” “Two black coffees and-”

“Not a black coffee.” I cut him off and looked at the waiter. “I'll have an iced caramel latte with almond cake.”

“Alright then one black coffee and creme brulee for me.” Zephyr gave his order.

The waiter repeated our order for confirmation then left us alone. I wanted to say something else to piss him off but the atmosphere felt too comfortable to ruin.

“If grandpa brought me here he would’ve taken the cheapest thing on the menu, acting like he doesn't get a monthly allowance from his billionaire sons.” I chuckled.

Zephyr leaned back in his seat. “He's always been like this.”

“So he forced you guys to play poor too?”

He scratched his stubble and thought for a second before answering. “He’s seen some real bad times, Athena. Mom had always been earning the major chunk of their household budget so when she died everything became difficult for him to manage all alone. He had to do two jobs to pay the mortgage, bills, our school fees and the babysitter. After several years when we finally got stable, dad still didn't like spending on himself. He kept saving for us and after us he was saving for you.”

“He’s sacrificed a lot. If I wasn't born, he’d be finally living his best life right now.” I mumbled.

Zephyr placed a hand on mine. “Don’t think you're not a part of his best life, Athena. He might not have planned for life to be this way but he wanted you. He chose you because he loves you more than anything. Definitely more than he loves us.”

I nodded at his words. He was right, I was grandpa’s first priority and the favorite child. Then I remembered what I have come here for and took a breath to brace myself for the uncomfortable conversation.

“Zephyr, you were wrong for leaving me but… everyone thinks it's the best to have you now that you're ready to accept me. So I… I think I should try- I mean I… I've decided to give you a chance.”

Zephyr broke a small smile. “I can't thank you enough for this, Athena. I promise you won't regret it.”

“But I have some conditions…”

“I accept those.”

I scowled. “At least hear me out first.”

“Fine but just know I'll do whatever you want from me.” His confident words made me feel a little better about my decision.

“Okay so first up… you won't act so… impulsive. If you're mad you'll talk to me calmly and in exchange I promise I'll try to understand your point.”

“Fair enough.”

“You won't force me for anything. If I'm doing something wrong try explaining why I shouldn't do it. I don't do well with authority so try being gentle. If I still don't listen then… maybe grandpa can help, I don't get mad at him.”

“Noted.”

“I won't call you dad-”

“You don't have to until you want to.”

“You have to promise that you won't ever leave me.” This was by far the most important condition.

“I don't make the same mistake twice, Athena. What I did I immensely regret. I can't imagine doing the same cruelty with you again.” His words felt genuine and I chose to believe them.

“I like going out, you have to come with me.”

“I'd love to.”

“You have to take care of me. I don't know what taking care exactly means but do everything that a good father should. Like… ask me how my day was or if I'm stressed you can get me a hot chocolate. We can go on picnics and play badminton. You can take me shopping when I score good in class or you can cuddle me if I can't sleep.”

I was asking him for everything I imagined my father to be like. Everything I've always wanted to feel special. Everything that Eleni said I seeked from strangers.

“I'll keep that in mind.”

“If it seems too difficult you can back off.” I shrugged casually.

I held my breath hoping he won't back off or I'll be shattered for ever thinking this could work out. I've tried my best to stay practical about my decision but emotions always get in the way.

“This is all new to me, Athena. I'm scared I'll disappoint you in some aspects but there's no way I'm going to back off. I want to do this. For you and for myself. You're my daughter and you mean the world to me.”

I nodded and fiddled with my fingers trying to word the next sentence well. “I know I've done some really bad things and it's difficult to trust me after that but… you have to believe it when I say I won't do something. If you keep doubting me or caging me at home, I can't form a good relationship with you.”

“My precautions aren't because I don't trust you, Athena. But because you're a child and I'm scared for your safety.” He explained. “But you're right, you deserve freedom and I should trust your word now that you're genuinely trying to change.”

The waiter was back with our order and placed it on the table. I took a sip from my latte and tried acting as casual as I could. I knew my demand was childish but I still wanted to put the word out.

“There's something else…” I cleared my throat. “You'll prioritize me over your brothers. You'll take my side, you'll believe my word over theirs and you'll love me more.”

A smile formed on his face as he looked at me. “So will be done, my lady.”

He was so quick with his answer that I thought he must be lying but I didn't point it out so he doesn't think I'm too immature.

“Um… I think that would be it… Do you have any conditions for me?”

“Not a condition but a request.” I like how he worded that. “I want you to take care of yourself. I'm genuinely so happy you're putting in efforts to be better and you're taking your session seriously. Just keep that up. Our past or future mess ups shouldn't determine the path you take. Don't ever let us or anyone get in your way of a good life.”

He leaned forward and grabbed my hand. “Another thing… I would really love it if we can leave the past behind and take a new start.”

“I guess that'll be good.”

I took a bite of the almond cake when my eyes accidentally fell on a man sitting behind Zephyr. He was twenty-ish. Too tall. Too hot. Too old for me. Exactly what I like.

I immediately averted my gaze from him. This was seriously wrong. I'm not doing those sessions for no improvement. I have to control these urges.

Eleni said I don't like older men, I just like their care and I'm sticking to that. I'm not gonna be tempted again. I want to change. I don't want to be used again. I'm not a means to an end or a good time. I'm a human, I have feelings and I won't allow anyone to manipulate me for their own good.

But my eyes found their way back to the handsome dude. This was all because I was too sex deprived and the urges were killing me. I needed a release so bad but I knew I shouldn't seek any man for it.

I had to do it myself. And luckily I owned just the right thing for it. The thing that will calm me down and make me sleep so well tonight. The only problem was I didn't have it at my new residence.

“Can you take me to my old house after this? I want to grab a few things.”

“Sure.” Zephyr agreed.