Athena's Pov

My closet was a huge mess. I rampaged through it but what I was so desperate for was nowhere to be found. I'm getting frustrated now. I didn't have the whole day, I had to go back when Zephyr finishes his call.

I threw a few more things out. I can't believe I bought such hideous stuff that I haven't once used. I really need to deep clean this and possibly pack everything to bring to my new home.

When I heard the door open, I turned to see who it was. Tristan slides in my room and closes the door behind him while I start panicking because I really didn't expect to see him today.

The memories of the conversation we had in this very room folded my mind and an unsettling feeling set in me. It's been eight days now but I still can't process those words.

My best friend confessed that he likes- loves me. He wants to be more than just friends. He wants all my good and bad. He wants me for the rest of his life. And I don't know what the fuck have I done to deserve that.

I was bent over the floor —to go through a box of stuff— with only my head turned to him. When his eyes fell to my ass for a split second, I instantly sat up not wanting to unintentionally tempt him.

“Tristan… um you're here.”

His presence shouldn't bother me but I was so nervous of unknowingly doing or saying something that will cost me more than I can afford.

Tristan looked at me with furrowed brows, like he expected something else to be my first words. “Saw Zephyr in front of the house. He told me you were upstairs.”

“Um yes he drove me here… he had to take an urgent call so he told me to come up here by myself…” I explained because I had nothing else to say.

“Looking for something?” He asks as if everything was normal between us.

I'm not sure if he's mad or just as stressed as me as we witness our friendship burn to ashes. But from outside he looks so relaxed. Like he's moved on from the conversation we once had.

He's acting like nothing that we did actually happened. Like his love for me was just a lie. Like I don't mean as special as he made me feel that day.

Or maybe he just doesn't want to ruin our precious friendship. Maybe it's better this way. We go back to normal. Like we always were. Best friends.

“Um ya…” I didn't know if I should bring up an inappropriate topic by telling him what I was here for.

“What exactly? I might know where it is.”

I hesitated but then decided I didn't want to go home empty handed. And Tristan was still my best friend so I can tell him the truth.

“I was looking for my-” I lowered my voice, moving just a step closer. “My vibrator.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “That’s risky to bring to the mansion, Athena.”

“Then what else am I supposed to do? I'm not allowed to sleep with anyone anymore. I have to somehow get a release.” I argued.

“Try controlling your sexual urges. It'll be good for a change.” He says like the saint he is.

“It's been almost two months. I think that amount of self-control is enough for this lifetime.”

“Then use your fingers. I don't think you should take a vibrator there.”

“Tristan I… I’ve decided to stay with Zephyr —at least until he changes his mind. So I need it now, I can't use my finger forever. I don't even finish with it well.” I huffed and brought him back to the subject. “Do you know where it is or should I keep looking?”

“I hid it under your bed when the staff came to take your belongings for the month.”

I had completely forgotten the brothers had sent people to bring my stuff. I'm glad Tristan was here or I would've been quite embarrassed if they had snitched on me.

He turned around muttering, “I hope you were planning to tell me soon that you decided to stay with Zephyr.”

“Of course I did…”

I always discussed all of my important decisions —except for men in my life— with Tristan before finalizing anything but living with Zephyr seemed like the least important conversation we should be having.

I don't know how he must be feeling after I literally ran away from him. But I seriously didn't have anything to say and the guilt of leaving him without answers was bothering me everyday.

When I got back the awkwardness remained and our texts turned to the most basic stuff like ‘what are you doing’, ‘how are you’ and fucking ‘good morning’.

We haven't had a single real conversation for nine days and each time I think about it, I can't stop blaming myself for initiating that conversation. Things could’ve just been normal if I didn't try to dig out his true feelings.

Tristan moved the mattress and grabbed a small bag from under it. I had expected him to just hand it over but instead he reaches in and takes the vibrator out not caring if it's even washed.

He narrowed his eyes at the thing, turning it around to inspect properly. It was battery operated with the handle having three buttons —two to adjust the level and one to turn off— and an oval-like top which was the real deal.

“Does that go in you?” He suddenly asks.

I have always been comfortable answering inappropriate questions even to strangers. Since Tristan was my best friend there shouldn't be an ounce of unease by his direct question but that's exactly what I felt.

Things were different now.

“No. It stays… out of me.” I answered despite my brain screaming to shut this topic.

He hummed to my answer, keeping his eyes on my vibrator. I still remember the first time I told him two years ago that I got a sex toy. He was so mad at the guy who gifted it to me and didn't show the least amount of interest in the thing. He wasn't this curious before.

“It’s barely two inches, I bet it won't even feel good to put it in.”

I scoffed with a taunting smile. “You say it like you've been pegged a thousand times.”

When he tilts his head back to me, what I see in his eyes makes my smile drop. His beautiful black eyes felt a shade darker, they had a mischievous sexy glint that I so wanted to oversee.

I don't want to imagine what he's thinking right now as his eyes trails down my body then back up to my face. But if our thoughts are anywhere close, we’re doomed.

“Don’t be such a smartmouth, Athena.”

He stalks towards me and I gulp as an unsettling but familiar feeling bubbles in my lower abdomen. I want to shut off my brain to stop the emotions sliding down my body but it's too late as he’s already in front of me.

I press my back to the closet as he’s determined to not leave any space between us. Due to our height difference he had to lean down and he does that so effortlessly that it feels almost natural.

“You know…” He lifts his hand to caress my cheek. “You really need to restrict yourself, Athena. Not because I said so but because it'll be good for you.”

“There's nothing wrong with masturbating…” I mumbled and looked away.

He tsks and my heart beats against my ribcage. “But being addicted to it isn't right.”

“I don't know how to stop doing it.” He knew it already but I still voiced what came to my mind.

“How about…”

This part has been removed due to Wattpad's guidelines. You can read it on Inkitt (@ungrateful_enough)

He placed a small kiss on the side of my head then rubbed my back as if to comfort me for everything we’ve done. “Did you like it?”

Despite him trying to keep his voice even, I could hear the self doubt in it. I knew him well enough to know he’s scared I wouldn't have enjoyed it with him.

“Yes.” I said and brought up my arms to hug him back. “I loved it.”

Right now I don't want to think what we've done was right or wrong. I was just happy to have my best friend in my arms again. I was happy he wasn't going to leave me.

I missed him. I truly did.

The guilt could kill me some other day.

“Now practice some self control. Don't touch yourself for ten days.” He instructed, pulling away just enough so he could remove a few strands of hair out of my face. “You know I'll catch your lie so don't try to do it behind my back.”

“What do I do if it gets too painful?” I shouldn't be asking this.

“Call me. I'll come meet you.”

“And…?” I whispered. “What will you do then?”

I wanted him to say he'll help me like he did today. And I knew how problematic it was if we kept doing this. We were both fully consciously giving our friendship a new meaning and neither of us wanted to back off.

“Athena! Are you done?” Zephyr yelled from downstairs.

I instantly pushed Tristan away fearing he might come upstairs soon. “Shit. He-”

“Relax. He won't know. We're done already.” Tristan tried comforting me.

I nodded and shouted back to Zephyr. “Two minutes!” I then turned to my very messy room. “I'll just grab a few things to bring back home so he doesn't get suspicious…”

Tristan helped me gather some of my old journals and stationary. When I took a look in the mirror, my whole face was red. I adjusted my skirt and splashed some water on my face and by the time I came back, Tristan had hid the vibrator again.

We made our way downstairs and for a moment I thought Zephyr was looking at Tristan suspiciously but he wasn't. He must've just been tired of waiting.