The stoners led us to the least likely place you'd find a vampire—a tanning salon. While most vampires can withstand a sunny day, the tanning bed is the equivalent of being locked inside an iron maiden. Whoever invented the thing did a great service for punishing traitors, and for clans that love to practice torture it was the must-have device.

And it was the tanning salon where we split up into our groups again. Homayun and Sasha broke us in and we each took a floor of the three-storey building. Because James lost to Gerald in a game of rock-paper-scissors, we had to search the top. It was an additional flight of stairs and apparently the stoners weren't keen on going all the way up. Neither were we.

"Had you let me play, we'd get the second floor," Carmen groaned as we made our way up the first flight.

"Are ye implying that I lost on purpose?"

"I'm not, James. Yuh rass, you picked paper every time."

"Paper's always been my strategy. Besides, whether we lose or nae the bad guy is usually on the last floor, the top for us."

"Why don't I take that dustpan and—ow! Did your invisible ram just butt its head into my ass?"

"That's my fault." It wasn't mine that she was walking so slow. Okay, it might've been when I took a sip from her, but I refused to believe that.

"Like I'm going to move any faster. Stupid old building with no elevator."

"Aye, an elevator would be useful," James said the moment he stopped walking. "But we're here now, aren't we?"

We arrived on the floor and it was quiet. Quiet as in no one on the floor but us. You'd think there'd be a fan or a radiator running in the background, maybe a TV playing some old Looney Tunes. Nothing.

"We should—" Max started to say something but his voice sounded loud enough to wake the dead.

"You're gonna get us killed, eediat," Carmen hissed as she silenced him with her hand.

Once she removed her hand, Max, speaking more softly, continued, "We should go check the rooms."

We all eyed each other and agreed it was a good idea. Max and James searched the left side of the hallway while Carmen and I searched the right. We all had some metal tubing because, well, they last longer than wooden stakes. Any sharp object will do wonders. And, of course, headlamps for the night vision impaired. Nothing a hardware store could provide am I right?

Starting with the first door there was a sign with letters W and C below neckless human figures. Sure, it was a safe assumption it was just a washroom; however, I knocked it open anyway. As we had guessed, it was a washroom. The second door had BROOM CLOSET on it and, like the room before, I knocked it open and it turned out to be a literal broom closet. No buckets, no cleaning products, just brooms.

"Well, good things happen on the third try," Carmen said, standing in front of the third door. It was bare except for a faded outline of the room number.

"There's still two more to check."

She looked at me with a disappointed expression. "I doubt we're gonna find anything. And the boys've already done searching their side and started moving onto ours."

I sighed as I took my position to knock open the door. After I knocked it down, we were in for quite a surprise.

Carmen whistled. "I wasn't expecting that, but what terrorist group doesn't have supplies to make things go boom?"

The door with a number, to my surprise as well, was filled with materials used to make homemade bombs. Ammonium nitrate, blasting caps, C-4 blocks, wires, you name it and it was there.

"Ye lassies hae hit the jackpot," James said the moment he peeked into the room. "I think I'll go help m'self to some of the stuff."

"Haven't you got those things already?" Max asked as James took a half-kilo ammonium nitrate bag off the shelf. "Also, wouldn't the police need that as evidence?"

"There'll be plenty for the police to document as evidence. One portion wouldnae mess up anything."

"You're rich enough to afford that stuff. Why are you stealing it?"

"What he said," Carmen agreed with Max.

"Lena took something from these wankers. Why the fuck can't I?" As if one item wasn't enough for him, he blindly grabbed a vial containing some liquid from a rack.

"Lena needs blood to live. You don't need someone else's ammonium compounds to live. You could cast a spell just by using your own piss." Carmen snatched the vial from James and put it back.

While I'd love to debate the ethics of the situation, there was a more pressing issue. First it started with the Ukrainian I heard from the floor below. Sasha had met up with his estranged sister, Olesia. Then footsteps. Fast footsteps. Footsteps coming from the stairwell. "Hey, I think we should go hide somewhere."

"Don't tell me what's right and what's wrong, Carmen," James argued. "Yer not so innocent yerself."

"I did what I had to do," she spat back.

I could've sworn that their argument was what drew the attention of the people in the stairs. I also thought their yelling would send Max into a sensory overload meltdown. It didn't to my surprise. He too heard the footsteps, immediately grabbed the metal rod from Carmen's hand and charged toward the stairwell.

"Max, what are you—" Carmen sputtered.

Before Max could enter the stairwell, three pale-looking, obviously malnourished vampires came out. And they had guns. I can't recall what make or model they were, but they were your typical handguns. Max was for certain a dead man for charging at them. Then again, we had a witch on our team. James muttered a few words and the moment they fired their guns, the bullets neither touched Max nor did the sounds faze him. I wasn't entirely sure if shield spells included soundproofing but that's not important right now. What amazed me was Max's fighting skills. Okay, he did mention he reached the rank of brown belt in karate and stopped actively practising after completing beginner bo staff. I wonder why he didn't use those skills back in episode two. Combine that with his knowledge of vampires from the entertainment industry and he kebabed all three of them. Had they had their fill of blood, Max would've been mincemeat, not that I had anything against him getting killed at the time.

As they fell down, Max struck a pose that involved spinning the metal rod and an action stance. You know, a semi-squat and an extended arm with palm facing forward. Anyway, that pose didn't last long once he saw the bodies on the floor. "Aren't they supposed to turn into dust or burn up?"

I was half expecting that, considering their malnourished state. "Not really. If you stay around longer you might see them turn into a pile of goo." I turned to James and Carmen. "Is that right? When something turns into a sticky liquid?"

"It's the right word, but I've never witnessed that," James responded. "Usually just burn them."

"Why would dead vampires turn into a pile of goo?" Carmen asked with a tone of disgust in her voice.

I pointed to the tiny, pink fountain coming from the hole in one of them. "It's weird though. Vampires can consume each other's blood, but once the heart's damaged beyond repair or regeneration, this happens."

We all leaned closer and the hole gradually grew in size, the goo mixing in with the blood. "What if I cut off his head?" Max asked.

"Then the body turns into goo faster. Anyone got a knife I can borrow?"

None of them were keen on seeing a demonstration, but if Ramsay could speak human, it probably would say 'yes' as it was licking whatever sludge was there.

"Oy! I don't feed ye enough, do I?" James complained. "And where were ye when they came?"

Ramsay baaed and carried on its own business.

Shortly after, the stoners and Olesia joined us. The stoners had their share of a fight as bits and pieces of dead vampire and traces of human blood enveloped them. What, you expect me to be an expert in telling apart one human from another when they have the same blood type?

"Looks like you didn't miss out on the fun either," Sasha commented upon seeing the bodies. "You guys must've found the storage room for the explosives, right?"

All of us nodded.

"Well, Olesia, would you like to do the honours of telling them, or shall I have that?"

"I hate you," Olesia muttered as she stepped forward. "The pokidok you're all looking for, Paz Natividad, he was here this morning and left for the Urbana Shore shortly after. Those men you skewered worked for me. VETHA doesn't support violent actions against vampires who drink from consenting humans. It's extremists like him and his followers who are damaging VETHA's image. Thanks to all of you, my mission to infiltrate has been set back. I'll let you go for now since you never knew about this, but don't expect me or my new hires to go easy on you the next time. Right now, I need a strong drink. You're paying for it, Sasha. The same goes for your priyatelyami."

"Us too?" Gerald groaned along with the other stoners as they followed her out.

"Homayun doesn't like this," Homayun said while following the rest of his group.

As we watched them go off, a gurgling noise came from one of the bodies. If only we turned to ash when stabbed through the heart or decapitated, it'd leave less of a mess.

"If all of you want to stay here and watch them rot, I'll be on my way." Carmen carefully stepped over the bodies but on the way out stepped on an arm. It wasn't a pleasant experience. "Seriously, dead vampires turn into goo that easy? That felt like stepping through mud."

"If it makes you feel any better, we can skip going to Talia's tonight," I suggested to her. "I'm not exhausted. I just want to go home and cocoon myself in blankets."

"Might as well call it a night," Max said, making sure not to step on anything. "And I'm meeting with my thesis supervisor in the morning."

"Yeah, that does sound like a wonderful idea," Carmen agreed as she tried to wipe off the goo from her shoe.

"Aye, if yer all going home, I'll head over to Talia's m'self." James crouched and took out a lighter. "If someone's going to clean up the mess, I'll do it before anyone finds it."

"By burning the entire building down?" Carmen asked.

"No, just the vampire goo. I'll make sure the fire's contained."

"Anyway, good night everyone," she said as I followed her out of the hallway. "Fuck you, hygiene, I'm going straight to bed."

And that's how we restored Talia's regular blood supply. Sadly, she didn't reward any of us discounts or promoted drinks specials. Stories don't always end in happy endings.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Fun language notes:

pokidok (покидьок) --> scum (as an insult)

priyatelyami (приятелями) --> friends, buddies

And thus episode 7 has come to an end. Up next: a holiday special (that's not released during the time the holiday takes place). The title of this part is a reference to a line in what animated movie?

Keep up the support! You know the drill by this point.

Song featured: "Lost Souls Forever" by Kasabian

Edited: 06/28/2020