"every broken heart is a lesson."

Chapter 5

I can feel their eyes on me but I pretend not to notice as I slowly unwrap half part of my sandwich and take a bite out of it. I turn to look at Nile beside me and although I catch her looking at me, she quickly looks away pretending I didn't see her and poking at her plate of rice packed straight from home.

I look away playing into the game of pretense and looking back at my sandwich. That is until Jamal starts humming 'Silent Night'.

"Mal," I fix him a look. "What is it?"

He stop humming, looking at me with a fake innocent look. "Hm? What is what?"

"What is wrong with you all?" I look away from him to fix everyone at the table a look, including Lou who was slowly chewing on an apple. "Why are you guys looking at me?"

"We are?" Jamal asks, making me want to pick up a fork and force into his face. "I didn't notice. Did you, Nile?"

Nile shakes her head, "nope, nothing at all."

"Okay, I'm just going to say it," Darcy starts and Jamal and Nile start protesting. I narrow my eyes at Darcy knowing if I'm getting an explanation it's from her. "Israel, are you okay?"

I blink, not expecting to hear that. "What?"

"Are you okay?" Darcy repeats, then points her finger at me. "You look a bit fine but then, you have the scarf on."

On mentioning it, my hand reaches up to touch as if just realizing I have it on. Yes, after I woke up in it, I was a bit too gloomy to part with it so I decided to wear it to school today. I sigh, at least she wasn't talking about my looks all that much. Over the months I might have perfected the look of looking fine when not fine and masking up my sleep deprived face. Practice really makes perfect.

"Uh, so?"

Nile speaks up now, "you only wear the scarf on bad days. Did you hear anything about Sky?"

"I wear the scarf on good days too," I refute, fisting up the woolen material in my palm.

Darcy, Jamal and Nile all narrow their eyes at me as if saying, "really?" And I sigh in defeat.

"I'm fine really and I didn't hear anything about Sky." Unfortunately.

"Then did you have nightmares?" Darcy asks, "are the pills finished?"

My eyes widen and ears peck up as she asks that out loud and Jamal immediately follows up with another question of his. "What pills?"

"Um," I try and fail to pass a silent message to Darcy to shut up.

"Sleeping pills," Darcy innocently eats a mouth full. "It helps a lot."

"Sleeping pills?" Nile and Mal echo, eye widening and looking at me.

"Um-"

"What?" Darcy asks on my behalf, giving them puzzled looks.

"Israel, why do you take sleeping pills?" Jamal asks, worry written all over his face.

"Oh, you didn't know?" Darcy hits his shoulder to grab his attention to her. "Mal, Israel insomniac like me but then his mum doesn't believe in insomnia like that and wouldn't take him to the hospital for medication. It happened to me too when mine started ages ago, my dad thought milk and honey would do the trick but no no, nothing works. Sometimes even the prescription doesn't work for me."

"Oh." Mal says but his eyes remain narrowed at me and I couldn't tell if he believed me or not. That was the lie I spinned around for Darcy the third time I came to ask her for her medication.

"Really Is?" Nile asks, touching my arm. "How can your mum not believe in insomnia? Did you tell your dad?"

I can only nod, unable to say anything. I can't even eat again, guilt has clogged up my throat.

Darcy laughs, "my dad took me to the church once for deliverance. They thought it was some evil spirit."

"That's just crazy."

"Sometimes it really is evil spirits though," Darcy says and Nile put up a hand to stop her.

"Darce, please don't start I want to eat this food in peace."

I look away from my sandwich and I see Jamal still looking at me. I shrug and he sighs. "Well, insomnia or not, unprescribed pills never end well. That's drug abuse." He turns around and grabs Darcy's hand to kiss it. "Baby, don't give Issy pills again okay?"

Oh come on! I want to say but I think about it and conclude it's best I keep my mouth shut.

"Jamal, I was just trying to help." Darcy says, looking between Mal and I.

"I know but," he turns to me. "Issy, remember my Aunt who works night shifts at the hospital?" I nod, knowing where this was going. He is calling bullshit on my insomniac problem because he clearly knows I remember. "Well, we could go to her if you have a problem again. She can get you tested without your parents."

I smile but it's forced. "Thanks Mal."

"Anytime."

Everybody returns to their lunch and I bite out of my sandwich, forcing myself to eat. But then I still feel one pair of eyes on me, and when I turn my brown eyes met with the deep blue of Louie. He doesn't look away and just bites out of the apple in his hand. He has been silent all through, just looking at me and eating apples. I raise my brow at him and he finally looks away and I feel like I've been caught, not only by Mal but by Lou too.

*

The library seems to have gotten bigger over the holidays with many more books or I've lost my sense of direction because I can't seem to find the book I'm looking for. I guess it'll help if I actually knew exactly what I am looking for, browsing the internet is way easier than browsing the school library.

"Harry Potter?" I hear a familiar voice say.

I turn around and see Lou standing me, elbow relaxed on the shelf as he tilts his head to a side to check out the book I have in my arms. For some reason, I falter, almost dropping the book to the ground as my heart behaves funny.

"Uh, yeah." I move the book from my right hand to my left hand and back to my right.

Lou curiously narrows his eyes at me, "you want to read that now or-"

"I-I was checking books out for my English assignment."

"Oh," he straightens his back, hands in his trouser pockets. "So you're a Potter head?"

"Who isn't?"

Lou smiles and I'm half expecting him to bring up the drug issue. "So Harry Potter and the Phoenix Stone it is."

I am wrong, thank God. "No, not actually," I put the book back in it's place. "I'm still browsing, looking for something different."

Lou tsks, "Shame, I think that's my favourite book of the series."

"Pheonix stone?" I raise my brow. Everybody might be a Potter head but I didn't peg Lou as one but then he reads a lot and finds different ways to surprise me that I'm not even that surprised now.

"Maybe," he drawls. "It's been awhile since I've read the series, I might have them confused."

I nod, "hm. My favourite is the last book."

"Why?"

"Because it brought an end to it all. And it was a happy ending anyone can live with." I try to explain in my own simple words.

"Happy endings are you thing?"

I shrug, "not to generalize but everybody wants a happy ending whether they say or not. It's what makes hope worthwhile."

"Words from a wise man," he says, looking impressed.

I shrug again but this time it's in attempt to distract my warming cheeks.

"Well, have you heard about the party?"

"What party?"

"So no, then." Lou replies, smug.

I roll my eyes. "Yes, no."

"Which is it?"

"Both," I want to smirk but I don't dare. "What party and for what?"

"Swimming tournament begins two weeks from now so we're hosting a party to let off before then, also in hopes that we would win."

"You always win." I say, like he doesn't always know that.

"Yeah but the stakes are higher now and we've got different competitors and with all the distractions, nothing is ever sure." He says and I see the uncertain worried crease on this forehead.

I step closer to him. "Your coach still giving you a hard time?"

Lou smirks and nails it. "It's his job to give everybody a hard time Taylor and I need a hard time. This isn't the year to slack behind and fuck up."

"Well, you're already giving yourself a hard time already, I think your coach has nothing to worry about."

He smiles and we just stand there in a silence that not exactly awkward and fitting to the library environment. I bite my lip and look away from Lou just in time to see his Adam's apple bob.

"So," he resumes talking again. "The party?"

I start shaking my head, "I'm not into parties."

"Really?" He tilts his head to look at me. "I could have sworn I've seen you at a party before."

"Uh," I try to think about it but I don't think long and hard but one can't exactly forget their first and last party. "Yes, Sara Cornwell's seventeenth birthday party."

"Bingo," he snaps his finger in front of me, wearing a relived smile. "So you must be into parties."

"That was a birthday party, it's different."

Lou laughs, "it was a birthday party but it was huge and a party still. The basics are the same."

"It was Sara's party," I deadpan. "The Reverend's cousin? That was the only reason I came."

"Cornwell's the Reverend's cousin?" Lou asks, blinking and his voice almost a pitch high enough for them to send us out of the library.

I put a palm over my mouth to muffle my laughter. "Why do you sound so surprised?"

Lou crosses his hands in front of him, looks up to the ceiling and licks his lips. Then his eyes return to me and he touches my nose with a finger. "Some things are better left unsaid, love."

The part of my nose his finger touched is tingling and I want to touch it too but I fear it'll seem weird and I wonder why he did it even.

"I have to go to class now but I'd convince you to come to the party," he smirks at me. "It's on Friday so I have two or three days left."

"Do not bother Lou."

"See you around, Taylor."

I turn around to watch him leave and it's interesting because it's something I don't do but I'm starting to do? I look away before it turns weird and finally get a chance to touch my tingling nose.

------------------------------------