"your biggest commitment must and always be to yourself."

Chapter 6

I have always known this time would come but I've always seen it as something really far away from me, now I couldn't see it like that anymore because the time is here... literally. It's no more a question of 'when', that's already here. Now it's time for the question of 'what' and 'where'.

What do I want to do with my life after secondary school that's going to be done with next year or more precisely less than eight months from now? Where do I want to go to University?

Both are really tough questions for me, the former harder than the latter. I could just go be with Nessa at Cambridge. That sounds perfect even, I'd have family with me and at the same time no one would be poking their head into my business all the time. Nessa's supportive of my life and all my decisions already, it'll be completely okay.

So... Cambridge, I write it down on the paper in front of me as a one choice. I could choose another or go with it. Now what do I go to do in Cambridge?

"Stop stressing about it so much," Nile says from across the table where we're sitting at the library, two computers between us. She reaches over and touches a finger on my forehead like she's smoothing a line. "You'd get aging lines."

I sigh, "how can I not stress about it? The only idea I have now is Cambridge."

"Cambridge is a great Uni, I was thinking about that too." Nile says sitting back down on her chair.

"The Uni is not my biggest problem, N and you know it."

"It's mine."

"Lucky you."

She smiles sheepishly, "sorry."

I fall my head down on the table, "I am hopeless."

"No, you're not." She looks around before scooting her chair closer to me. "What are your best subjects?"

I raise my head up a big, "English..."

"Uh huh?" She prods.

"Um," I pick on my hair looking for another.

"English cannot be all Is, what subjects do you have take?"

"I take English literature, history, French and maths." I list out on my finger. I dropped science courses this year, they were stressing me out.

"Favourites then?"

"I like all and English."

Nile slaps her forehead and it isn't a laughing matter else I would have laughed. Her lips are a light shade of purple today with darkened eye lashes. "Force yourself to pick at least two more."

I inhale deeply, "okay so, English, History and French."

"Hm, okay," she draws my book closer to her. "Courses you can do; Law?"

I cringe, "no way. I can barely stand up for myself as it is."

"You could just study History?"

I shake my head, "nah. Not interesting enough for that commitment."

"Ah Isreal, I could strangle you," she exclaims than points at the paper. "Why are you even doing history then?"

I shrug, "in class it's interesting. Easy to pass and memorise."

Nile gapes at me, "History— easy to pass? In what world?"

I laugh, "my world."

She shakes her head, "Study English then, you like it a lot, don't you?"

"I do but I'm scared my mum would not approve of me going to the uni to study just 'English'" I sigh, placing my head on my hand.

Nile hits my head with her palm, "who told you it's 'just' English? And why is your mum's approval needed?"

"Well, my parents. And because they are paying the bills?"

"Fuck that," Nile swears. "You're the one going to study it, not them. Okay, if not that, what do you think they'd approve of?"

"I know my mum would have liked it I studied banking, just like my dad."

"Well," she slaps the paper down on the table, just as the bell for next period goes off. "That's not happening bud, wake her up that dream."

"Not that easy."

"It's your life Issy, yes it's not that easy but at the same time, it is that easy." She gets up. "Let's go to class, Miss Finchley is going to blow off on me if I'm late."

"I don't have class."

"Two bloody free periods," she high-fives me. "Fuckin lucky. I'll see ya."

"Bye."

"Don't you dare grow gray hair before closing time. I'd kill you." She yells out, making everyone in the library turn to her and the librarian coming to escort her out. I don't even dare answer, ducking behind the computer so no one sees me.

I looked at the computer for a few more minutes before I shut it down and leave the library. I'm the only one amongst my friends who have a free period, I wonder if Sky was here, would he have a free period? With my hands holding tightly to the scarf around my neck, I climb up the stairs heading to the second floor— maybe there would be something interesting up in the art section.

Sky and I would have probably gone to get frozen yogurt now or just drive around. I wonder if Frosty is still open, did Jake get shut down or did business improve? I might have to go down there later. Maybe I'd even get an idea on the answers to all the questions in my head. Sky always had the right and best answers.

A sound catches my ear, a sweet sound that has me turning around and going down the left side of the hallway, following it. It's staff rooms up here and— a music room. I recognize the sound as that of the piano. Someone really talented is playing.

As I get closer the sound gets louder and I lean against the door listening in. It's beautiful— one of the most beautiful piece I've ever heard. Unable to help myself, I slowly push on the door and it silently creeps open. I push a little again until there's just enough space for me to squeeze in, I'd hate to disturb or distract the person playing and it seems private— which probably means I shouldn't be listening in but I have nothing else to do so... sue me.

My breath gets caught in my throat when I see its Lou playing the piano. He didn't hear me come in as was the plan and I just stand there frozen in surprise and awe as the melodies hit me from different directions making me feel things I didn't think a sound could make me feel. My knees feel weak and I silently relax on the wall and slide down to the ground, not caring if the ground was dirty at that moment. I just wanted to listen more and watch him.

My eyes move from his back that's facing me up to his perfectly structured shoulders and down his muscle arm and to his long, fast moving fingers on the piano. He is really good, mind blowing. I sit watching Lou play the piano like it's a part of him and I start feeling a gnawing feeling in my heart— it could be awe, it could be admiration, it, it could be whatever but whatever it is springs tears to my eyes. And I look away closing my eyes and trying to push the feeling out, somehow my eyes remain close and a certain darkness takes over me. It's a different kind of darkness though, different from the one that comes with the sleeping pills— It isn't lonely.

*

“Taylor-” I hear my name, distant and hollow.

“Taylor, come on, we have to go.”

What?

“Taylor, I would carry you and it wouldn't be my fault."

“W-what?” my eyes flutter open and I groggily raise my head up from what happens to be Lou's shoulder all the while smaking my lips together and fighting the ache on my neck. What in the world... “Lou?"

“Wakey wakey,” he's grinning at me. A grin so wide and so beautiful. I blink and he chuckled lowly to himself. “That finally got you up, aye?”

“W-what happened?" I can fight the yawn that escapes, causing Lou to chuckle some more while I blush and rake my foggy memory for information. The piano...

“You've got something-” his hand reaches out with a handkerchief and wipes on my cheek. I recoil immediately, palms slapping against my face in mortification.

“What is that?” I have an idea what he's wiping off but for my sanity I have to ask and it cannot be it right? Right?

“Um," on cue both our eyes lower to his shoulder where my head was once rested and to my absolute horror I am right and the evidence is on his jacket!

“Oh my God!” I shriek, dragging the handkerchief from him before he can say anything and wiping on his jacket like I'm hoping for a time reversal.

Lou's loud laughter doesn't deter me, although I'm pretty sure I'm about to burst into flames and become a case of study. My entire body is on fire.

“Gosh, stop freaking out it's just a little drool.”

Just a little drool...

I can't look at his face and I don't stop wiping. Something come and just kill me now.

“Israel stop it, it's gone." I don't stop and he grabs my hand tight making me look at his blue eyes. “Its gone."

I down back and face palm, “Jesus, I'm so sorry.”

“It's just a little drool.”

“Can you hear yourself— oh God, I drooled on you!”

“I can't say it hasn't happened to me before."

“Not helping.”

“Calm down.”

I look up at him then. “How are you even here? One minute you were...” I trail off, knowing I've been caught.

Lou smirks, adjusting himself on the floor so he's facing me. “Yeah, imagine my surprise when I turn around and see a sleeping beauty in the class that was once empty. I feel spied on.”

Um...

“Sleeping beauty," I scoff, aiming at distracting us both on the spy aspect. It backfires when Lou's face goes completely red like he just recalled he said that.

“Oh," his hand reaches up to his hair. “Yeah-- you're more good looking asleep. Not that you're not goodlooking awake, just more asleep... if you get what I mean what I mean but that's not saying you should be asleep always, it's just... more.”

“Oh." Is all I can say because really, what else is there to say to that.

“Yeah, oh." He jumps up to his feet, face still red and extends a hand down to me. “We should go, the janitor would be back again any moment now.”

I take his hand and he pulls me up. “Again?”

Lou nods, “he already came by and I told him I'd get you up so we'd leave.”

“Wow," I run a palm down my face as we leave the room. “I'm really sorry for any inconvenience.”

“Shut up,” he slings his hand around my shoulder, smiling down at me. “It was no inconvenience.”

“I drooled on you.”

“And I'm honoured.”

I roll my eyes, “shut up, Lou.”

He laughs and I feel the need to defend myself.

“I don't normally drool, you know. Like, not all the time. Not of late.”

“Like I said, It's fucking fine Taylor. Maybe you were just really tired."

I think about it. “Yes, I kinda still am. Today was really tiring and I was going through future stuff with Nile."

“Future stuff?”

“Long story.”

“Well, in case you need a shoulder to sleep off on again. I'm right here, anytime, anywhere.”

“Shut up,” I almost scream in the empty hallway, my cheeks getting hot again. “And you placed my head there, so this is kinda all your fault. You should have just left me there.”

He scoffs, “never. I'd rather swim in drool.”

“Ew, you're sick.”

He stays silent, until he shrug. “Someone could have kidnapped you.”

“In school?" He shrugs and this time I chuckle. “If you say so.”

We walk out into the almost empty parking lot. I can't believe I slept off through the rest of school. I missed two classes. “Hey," Lou nudges me. “Do you want to get frozen yoghurt and talk about the long story with me?"

I look at him and I feel like I'm in another deja Vu.

“Sure."

He smiles, making his eyes wrinkle. “I'll go get my car."

I watch Lou run off and it's then it hits me— this is the first time in a really long while I've slept without the influence of Darcy's pills.

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