"Ya know if you wouldn't have killed all those people your mother would still be alive right now..." A voice says.

I looked around confused. Looking down I noticed I was in a white gown. "Killing all those people only made it easier for your demons to catch up with you.." The voice says smoothly as it started to fade away.

"You don't know what you are talking bout, what demons?" I ask confused.

The voice then erupted in laughter. "Don't act innocent Selena me and you both know you are far from that you have taken far too many lives to even be considered innocent." The voice says.

Then a lady with long white hair walked from out of the shadows. "You kill people just for the fun of it and yet you expect nothing bad to happen to you." She says.

"If you don't change your ways, they will catch up with you...." She drags slowly. Then she disappeared and the voice faded away.

I woke up my shirt damp from all of the sweat. "Alonzo?" I call out looking around. "Yes mommy?" He asks looking over at me.

"Come hea baby." I say opening my arms as he crawled over to me. Once he was in my arms I held him tight. He snuggled up to me and I begin to leave kisses all over his face.

"I love you stink." I tell him slowly in a humorous voice causing him to look up at me and smile big. "I luv you too mommy!" He says excitedly.

This boy was really my whole heart. I thank god everyday for blessing me with him. "Mama, you crying?" He asks as he brings his hand up to my face. "No, baby it's sweat." I tell him wiping my face with my shirt.

He only nodded and leaned his head against my chest. Couple minutes later I was sound sleep.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

I pick up my phone and look down at Alonzo to see him knocked out on my chest. "Hello?" I answer.

"Damn, did you forget I was coming back in town today?" I hear on the other end of the phone. "Who is this?" I asks groggily.

It was a lot of movement on the other end causing me to move the phone from my ear and look at the name.

Javelin

"Jav, what you want?" I ask. He then smacked his lips. "Did you not just hear me say I'm back in town?" He asks.

"Nah, you do know it's like five some in the morning?" I ask. "I'm outside." He says before hanging up.

"I deadass dislike him." I say raising up from the bed. I then placed Alonzo onto the other side of the bed and he begin to stir in his sleep but he didn't wake up.

I slipped on my slides and made my way to the front door as he began to knock on the door impatiently. "If you keep knocking on my door like you crazy I'm gone buss a cap in yo scrawny ass." I say unlocking the door and opening it to be faced with his dumb ass smirk.

"Don't look at me with that ugly ass face." I tell him walking off to my room.

"Man, you treating me like you don't miss me." He says walking into the room after me. "I don't, you been gone for so long Alonzo probably don't even remember you." I say climbing back into bed. Alonzo automatically snuggled up to me.

"He's still a mama's boy, I see." Javelin says bitterly.

I chuckle. "You seem a little upset when in all reality it's your fault, ya left because yo ass couldn't handle my lifestyle." I say laying back against my pillow. He chuckled. "You know that's not it." He says.

"Then what was it?" I ask him. "Huh?" I ask again. "You pussy, when shit get hard yo ass run." I tell him waving him off.

"Whatever, which room will I be sleeping in?" He asks walking towards the door. "The room on the end of the hall and close my door please." I tell him pulling the cover over me and Alonzo.

He walks out of the room and closes the door behind him causing me to let out a breath of air I didn't even realize I was holding. Alonzo begins to stir in his sleep then his eyes open.

"Bubba, your papi is here wanna go sleep with him tonight?" I whispered into his ear. He only shook his head and clung onto me. "Alright then." I say deciding to just drop it. Since I couldn't go back to sleep I decided to just watch something on Netflix.

____

I stood over the stove cooking in a oversized white tee shirt and gray sweats. "Hm, smells good." Javelin says as he hovered over my shoulder to look at what I was preparing. "Yeah, yeah take a seat." I tell him shooing him away.

He then walked over to the counter and took a seat. Tiny feet could be heard running down the stairs. "Papi!" He yells loudly running over to Javelin.

He engulfed him into a hug and kissed his forehead and smiled. "You done glowed up on me little nigga." He tells him setting him down on his feet. "Been being good for your mommy?" He asks earning a head nod from him.

He then ran over to me and clung to my leg. "Come on now Alonzo, you know you ain't shy mommy's trying to cook." I tell him chuckling.

He just dropped down to the floor continuing to clang onto my leg. "Alright then." I say continuing to flip the pancakes and stir the eggs.

"Whenever you interact with him I can't even tell you actually kill people." Javelins says lowly.

"You act different, as if all your problems are thrown out the window and your focus is on him." He says.

I continue to cook as if I didn't hear him. Everytime we had this talk he tried to convince me to let Alonzo move in with him because my lifestyle wasn't appropriate. Like nigga, I don't need you to tell me how to care for my child nor do I need you popping up once every blue moon trying to take my child away from me.

I couldn't help but think back to when I first met him. I was finally starting to cope with the fact my father had left me in this world alone. I was in college my senior year to be exact and he was in one of my classes. He had this nerdish personality but he was nothing of that sort. Then more I was around him the more I found out about him. I found out that looks really could be deceiving. He was way different in the streets, maybe that's what made me take a liking into him.

Two years after college I was still doing what my father had wanted me to do take over his legacy. You would think it would be hard for me to be a killer at night and student by day but I made it work.

We messed around a couple times it was nothing serious I had refuse to let it get that deep. I had too much going on at the time and refused to catch feelings knowing that I could be the cause of him getting hurt. People would look at him as my weakness and I couldn't have that.

So I broke it off with him when things got too heated only to find out I was pregnant some months later. So we had agreed to make it work for the baby. But then the killing had gotten worst. You would think by me being pregnant I would stop but nah. I had to keep on I wasn't gonna let my guard down just because I was carrying a child.

Eventually he got tired of my lifestyle and left when Alonzo was old enough to walk. So yeah here we are.

"Don't you think he would be better off with me?" He asks lowly.

I dropped the spatula onto the plate as I took the pancakes and eggs out of their separate skillets. I turned towards him getting him the meanest glare.

"You really want me to fuck you up huh?" I ask him. "You ask me the same shit everytime you come down him and I give you the same answer what makes you think the answer will be different this time huh?" I ask.

He just stood there not uttering a word as if he was thinking. "I just thought maybe you would change your mind considering you lost your mother with everything going on." He says a little bit above a whisper.

I chuckled. "Who told you that?" I ask causing his eyes to go wide. "I never confess to you once about my mother so who told ya Javeline?" I ask once again.

He just stood in his place shocked by the words that had come from his mouth. His mouth always seemed to betray him so I wasn't surprised. "You had some to do with it?" I ask him sternly.

"Don't lie, cause I can have you dead with the snap of a finger." I say humorously. "You don't get off easily by being my child's father." I tell him.

"I saw it on the news, you didn't think the press would get ahold of it?" He asks. "She stayed in a gated community for god sakes." He tells me.

I only nodded my head and began to fix the plates.

______

"Aight." I say as I look over at Jac. "I don't know what I wanna do anymore I have a four year old who doesn't deserve this type of life style." I say.

He nodded his head. "What did you say you had to talk to me about?" He asks me.

"I had a dream and it was like the person in my dream was trying to tell me something." I say looking down at my hands.

I knew that eventually I would have to give this lifestyle up but I didn't think I would have to do it this soon to be honest this was all I knew. But my child meant more to me than anything so I had to do what I had to do.

Fuck..

_______

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