PAST

I picked up the phone multiple times to call Mom. Then I put it right back down. This wasn't a conversation to be had over the phone. So I waited.

Mom texted me that she would be home at 6 p.m. because she did someone a favor and squeezed in another appointment last minute.

In the meantime, I had to keep myself busy. I texted Summer and asked about her day. She was out of town with her mom. They planned a girl's day trip with lots of shopping and food. Summer kept sending pics, and I made her promise to bring me some baked goods when she showed me where they went for dessert.

She told me that she would drop it at my place later.

To keep me busy, I cooked dinner-nothing fancy, just spaghetti with some meatballs and garlic bread.

Mom strolled in five minutes after I set the table.

"Hey, you made dinner, and it smells so good!" she said from behind me.

I had to compose myself before turning to face her.

"Yup. We can eat not if you want."

"Of course. Let me take a quick shower first, and I'll be in 15 minutes."

I nodded then I felt mom kiss my cheek. "You know I love you, right?"

I brought her into a side hug. "Love you too," I said before she bounded up the stairs.

Reheating the food in the oven only took about ten minutes, then I grabbed some glasses from the cabinet with the homemade lemonade she made yesterday.

Mom came back down in her Winnie the Pooh PJs. "I hope you made enough for seconds because I'm starved. I didn't have much time for lunch today because the salon was busy. I had to take bites in-between appointments. But you know what? I'd take that any day than having no customers."

I smiled. "Of course."

I placed the food in the middle of the table between us. "Bon appetite."

Mom's eyes glanced at everything, and then she dug in without hesitation. First, she went for the garlic bread, smothering it with butter. The second was the spaghetti which she sloppily piled onto her plate, nearly having a meatball go overboard. I saved it with my fork, and she laughed it off with a light shrug.

Mom was happy today. She was cheerful almost every day, and I was afraid I was about to ruin that. How could I take that smile off her face by bringing up my father? There must be a reason she never bothered to try and tell me about him?

Is this why we moved to this city in the first place? So we could be close to him?

Wait, does he even know who I am to him? He must know. After all the encounters we've had, he knew who my mother was but not once did any emotion cross his face at the mention of her. He was either a terrific liar, completely clueless, or just downright heartless.

Maybe he hadn't wanted me. Perhaps he wanted nothing to do with us. And that thought hurt like hell, but I could get over that.

It didn't change the fact that I still needed answers, though.

Whatever mom told me, I'd accept it and move on. It's probably for the best. We're living a good life without him.

And mom... she was all I needed rolled up into one-the super parent.

"You're not hungry?" Mom asked me, looking over at my empty plate.

I was too busy in my head to think about it.

"Oh yeah. I um..." I poured us both some lemonade. "I just wanted you to share out yours first since you said you were so hungry. Like they always say, greedy people first."

Mom narrowed her eyes at me for a split second, then snatched up my plate. She began sharing out a massive portion for me, throwing in extra meatballs then sprinkling a coat of parmesan cheese on top. Just the way I liked it.

"Eat," she ordered, placing the plate in front of me. "You're a growing boy and such." She waited for me to take my first bite.

"Thanks." I picked up my fork, twirling the pasta around it before munching down on it.

With a satisfied smile, Mom continued eating.

There were seconds, and then there was dessert. We only had store-bought cookies and Ben and Jerry's, but they hit the spot.

Mom told me about one of the customers that came in, had tried bleaching her hair at home and nearly fried it. The customer had been worried that it couldn't be saved, but mom worked her magic. She showed me before and after pictures, and I couldn't believe it was the same person.

Some people spent their whole lives looking for their calling, and mom had answered hers years ago.

"Let me clean up." Mom grabbed both of our bowls. "You go relax and play video games or something."

"Okay. Thanks."

I left the kitchen, dragging my feet up to my room. Three steps inside, I was greeted by that stupid piece of paper sitting on my desk.

I could put it back where I found it and pretend I didn't know anything.

I knew mom would tell me at some point. I trusted her. But I didn't know if I could trust myself not to slip up.

When I went back to school, I'd have to look at Jason and pretend he wasn't my half-brother. My younger and slightly annoying brother at that.

And hanging out of his house couldn't happen anymore. That would just be weird, knowing the connection. But that would also explain the looks mom gave me when I told her I was going over there.

Staring down at the paper, I decided I would return this where I found it, and nobody had to know.

I waited until the house got quiet, and I figured Mom fell into a food coma on the couch.

I quietly peeked over the banister and saw that the television was on. And sure enough, mom was curled up with her blanket, missing all the action as she snored softly.

I moved quickly, wanting to get this over with. In hindsight, I guess I could do this tomorrow but knowing I had the paper in my possession made me feel like anything could happen between now and then. And I wanted it gone now.

I hustled up the stairs, to the attic. Reaching for the handle of chest of drawers, I snickered. I had accidentally locked the stupid door again and needed to crack it back open.

The time constraint and the pressure of getting caught had me struggling harder than before to open it. When I heard the click, I let out a breath of relief.

"Thank god," I mumbled.

I turned, about to take up the paper, but... Mom was holding it.

"When did you find this?" she said on the brink of tears.

"It doesn't matter. I was going to put it back. I'm sorry for snooping. It wasn't my intention. I was only trying to fix this dang lock when I found it." I stared at the document for a few seconds before my eyes went back to Mom.

"I thought..." She swallowed. "I thought you would have so many questions." The paper fell from her hands, and neither of us made a move to pick it up. "You don't care?

"I wouldn't pressure you to tell me if you didn't want to. It must be hard to talk about."

There was a slight nod from her, but her eyes didn't meet mine.

"Okay. I lied. I do care," I admitted. "I wanna know what happened? Why was this some huge secret?"

Mom sniffled, shaking her head.

"Was it a bad breakup? Did you find out after you left him?" My mind was racing with endless possibilities, but she wouldn't confirm any of them.

"Can we go back to acting as if you never saw it?" Mom said hoarsely.

"No. I'm sorry, we can't." Not after getting this close to answers. We should talk about this and let it be water under the bridge tomorrow. "Would you prefer I run over to dear old dad to ask him myself?"

Her eyes widened with horror.

She had to know that I would never do that.

"No," mom said firmly.

"You know I would never judge you. There's no one I respect more than you. Nothing could change that." I told her, hoping my words would encourage her to tell me the story.

Mom closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

It was like word diarrhea after that. Mom spoke so fast that some words didn't make sense. And the hiccupping in-between didn't help either.

Mom and Paul Cambridge had been romantically involved for months. She worked as a maid at his family's estate during the summer before college. She had planned to save up money for textbooks, gas, etc.

After the first few days, Paul had taken an interest in her ignoring the seven-year age gap. Mom said he approached her like a man, promising the things she had never dreamed of. She thought he was friendly and funny. He took her on the dates, paying for everything. She felt like he was the one, and he told her that he loved her.

Mom thought they would eventually let his family in on their little secret and ask for their blessing, but it didn't work out that way.

"I stayed late one night to help clean up after one of their famous dinner parties. I overheard a guest mentioning how Paul finally popped the question. He was getting married to his...." She swallowed. "Girlfriend of four years." Mom braced a hand against the wall. I could see the way the recollection of it physically pained her. "I didn't know he was seeing anyone."

Son of a gun!

"It was long distance and that whole time I was with him... I was so stupid and clueless. So I decided to break it off. He didn't take it well. He gave me some excuse about how we could still make it work throughout his marriage." Mom cleared her throat several times when the emotions became too much. "I never wanted to be that kind of woman." She let out a long breath. "I told him I didn't care what he wanted because I was quitting my job and leaving. He didn't like that... Not at all."

There was a long pause, and it seemed like mom couldn't continue.

"What did he do?" I was almost afraid to ask.

Mom shook her head rapidly. "I can't tell you... I never wanted you to know." She said under her breath. "I would have happily made up some story about how you came into this world because of love, but... that doesn't matter. The minute I found out about you, I loved you more than I loved anything in this world. So don't think for a second that this should change anything."

I nodded slowly, trying to understand the hidden meaning in her words.

"What happened?" I rasped. Panic took hold of my heart.

Mom continued, "No one was home. I wouldn't have dared to have that conversation with his family in the house. If I thought for a second that Paul would have snapped like that, I would have protected myself better."

I would have protected myself better.

The words echoed in my head, and my brain fought to put the pieces together.

I would have protected myself better.

I would have protected myself better.

I stared at my mom unblinkingly.

Her eyes filled with tears until they overflowed.

"Did he..." I took a step forward. "He..."

I didn't want to finish that sentence. I didn't want that disgusting word to come out of my mouth.

"Yes, it's exactly what you're thinking." Mom sobbed, throwing a hand over her mouth. "I'm so sorry, honey." Then she ran off.

I didn't know what to say, but I knew if I had said something reassuring, maybe I could have prevented that.

The sound of the front door slamming came soon after.

I stood staring at the floorboards beneath me like they also had something to tell me. But all I was met with was silence.

***

I did one of those things where you leave the television on as background noise, but it doesn't help drown out all the thoughts in your head.

When I heard the doorbell ring, I leaped off the couch.

Summer was a woman of her word. Smiling up at me, she said, "I'm sorry. I hope this isn't too late. Is your mom going to be mad?"

I couldn't talk. I was just so dang happy to see her. For a second, I felt an ounce of tension leave my shoulders for the first time in hours.

I shook my head. Mom hasn't come back since she ran out earlier. I've tried calling, but her phone appeared to be off.

I had more questions. But I would take them to my grave if it meant I'd never had to see that look of horror on my mother's face again. Why did I have to be so stupid and bring it up? I shouldn't have forced her with that empty threat of asking my sperm donor for the facts.

Gosh, my head was a mess.

"Cam?" Summer's warm hand grasped mine, and she stole my attention.

"Can you come in for a bit? Not long," I whispered. I looked at her mom over her shoulder, watching us like a hawk.

"I'll try. But don't get your hopes up. Mom's a real stickler, but she does like you."

Summer held up her hand, signaling five minutes. Her mom took a moment but then nodded, tapping her wrist.

We were on the clock.

I pulled Summer inside quickly. I slipped the box of cupcakes from her hands, resting them on the coffee table.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, examining my calm expression. Of course, she would sense that something was up.

I couldn't tell her what, though. Repeating the conversation from earlier wasn't exactly something I wanted to dive back into.

"Perfect." I lied. I stepped towards Summer, snaking my arm around her lower back. "I just need a kiss." I smiled, but it didn't reach my eyes.

Summer's face lit up before her arms wrapped around my neck. "Whatever you want."

I knew she only said that because the feeling was mutual. I missed her like crazy, and after the day I had, all I could think about was Summer's sunshine effect erasing it away.

My lips pressed against hers and my eyes fluttered shut.

Everyone was calling what we had "puppy love." They believed we were high school sweethearts doomed to fail or move on as soon as graduation day came around. I didn't think that.

Summer was my high school crush, the girl of my dreams. A few months ago, I couldn't imagine having her in my arms, let alone having her as my girlfriend. Yes, there was a lot we hadn't experienced, but we could do that together whenever she was ready. That whole needing to date a bunch of people before settling down thing was a load of crap. Sometimes, you just knew. And I didn't care how early it was for me. I knew Summer was all I needed.

Summer increased the pressure against my lips, and I yearned for more. My lips parted, letting her in and the taste of chocolate on her tongue was nearly my undoing.

The honking outside brought us both back to earth.

That was too soon.

"I gotta go," Summer grumbled with disappointment.

She wanted more too. "It's fine. I'll see you tomorrow." I promised.

Maybe tomorrow I could tell her about tonight.

She smiled beautifully. "I can't wait."

I kissed her forehead.

We heard honking again, but this time we chuckled about it.

Her mom meant business. "She's so embarrassing," Summer muttered. "I bet she sat there with a timer on her phone and everything. Like, let me live my teenage dreams for a bit longer." She rolled her eyes.

"We can do all of that on our date." I winked.

"I repeat, I can't wait." She stood on her tiptoes, kissing my cheek. "Don't be late." She warned me, half-jokingly, as she headed for the door.

"I wouldn't dream of it."