PAST

I wasn't nervous. I told myself that repeatedly on the walk to Cameron's house.

I would've been just fine if the girls hadn't dropped that bomb on me earlier and then proceeded to talk about where and when I should have my imaginary wedding with Cameron.

They were getting ahead of themselves. I was sure any feelings Cameron had for me must have died in the few months that I spent with my ex.

The trip to Cam's house was only about a 20-minute walk and the most exercise I've gotten all week. Gym class didn't count, and Kenny was too busy training for the upcoming track season to drag Rosie and me on her runs or hikes.

And since working out wasn't my favorite thing to do, I had to be motivated by others or bribed to get it done.

Did I completely suck at sports? Nope. If I had wanted to join a sport's team, I could have.

Was I too lazy to get off the couch and turn off Netflix? Yes. That was always the problem with me. My hobbies included all the nerdy stuff and none of the athletic stuff.

It doesn't help that majority of my family was the same way, minus my gramps and dad. They were two of the most adventurous people I knew, who had attempted the craziest things from free climbing to cliff diving.

They inspired me to want to do something that thrilling too. But maybe bungee jumping or sky diving instead. My daredevil-ness had its limitations.

When dad was still here, I remembered he used to wake me up early on his off days, and we'd go bike riding down by the river. I used to fuss about being woken up so early, but during the ride, I'd be having the time of life and admiring the vibrant hues of the sunrise. The hour no longer mattered.

I'd give anything to have those days back. I found it hard to understand how some of the smallest actions you've missed could hurt the most. All those breakfast feasts, late-night dinners after one of his long shifts, baking a cake for every occasion, and untangling the Christmas tree lights by the fire with a steaming mug of coffee.

I've tried to do all of those things by myself, I even tried to bring mom into it, but it didn't feel the same.

My shoulder sagged with the memories weighing on my heart, and my footsteps slowed.

"Are you thinking about turning around? I promise I don't bite."

I gasped, spinning on my heel. Cam was standing at his front door in grey joggers and a hockey jersey. From here, I could see that his hair had some glossiness to it, like it was still wet from a shower earlier. My eyes traveled further down, stopping at his lips which curled up at the corners. And those biceps, he had his arms crossed, leaning against the door frame. So you could imagine how they bulged from the simple action.

Why did I have to have a thing for guys with nice biceps?

Wait a minute.

Oh crap. I was in front of Cameron's house, dragging my feet like a zombie. He probably looked out his window and thought I was a total weirdo.

I shook my head rapidly. "No. No." I said, looking from left to right in a panic. "I was just," I palmed my forehead, willing the words to come out. "Nevermind. I'm fine." I tried to laugh it off.

Judging by the expression on Cameron's face, he had questions, but he changed the subject.

Cameron's smile waned a bit as he said, "Well then. Come on in." He waved me inside.

I jogged right over, skipping up the porch. "Hi," I muttered out of breath with a stupid wave that included my palm shaking in front of his face.

Stop it, Summer, please.

"Hey, Summer," he replied, letting me slide right on by him.

I slipped my feet out of my boots, placing them off to the side.

"Did you walk over here? I could have met you halfway or given you a ride." Cameron said, shutting the door behind me.

"No, it's fine. I don't mind. I don't live far from you."

"Alright, cool." I felt the moment he stepped up next to me, and I straightened my stance.

"Your house is nice," I said, taking a quick look around. I could tell there were wood floors throughout the house, and the furniture complimented it perfectly with a touch of neutral accents. The natural lighting that came through the windows accentuated the vaulted ceiling and Scandinavian-inspired chandelier that hung above us. The wall closest to me was covered with family photos and framed postcards. While the rest remained bare, was this supposed to be an accent wall?

I took a closer look, my eyes honing in on a picture that looked like it was taken in Greece.

"My mom and I traveled a lot when I was growing up. She made everything about life feel like it was meant to be lived through unforgettable experiences." Cameron said from over my shoulder.

I felt his hairbrush my ear as he leaned in to point at the same photo I had my eye on. They were on a restaurant balcony overlooking the Mediterranean Sea.

"This was in Santorini, Greece when I was nine years old. Mom saved up like crazy for that trip, and it was worth every penny. We always planned to go back, but life got busy with the salon."

I nodded. "I've always wanted to go to Europe. But it's never been in the family budget. We've had less extravagant trips, but they meant the world to me."

"Maybe we'll both get out wish someday." I felt his breath on my cheek as he uttered the words.

Too close. And what is what heavenly smell?

I threw the thought away and took a giant step to the side.

"So um, did you get all the materials we needed? I brought my laptop for research." I patted my shoulder bag.

"Yup. Everything is set up in here. Follow me." Cam led me to what I assumed to be the family room. It was right across from the kitchen.

Cam pointed to the coffee table. "Okay, I grabbed a couple of poster boards, not knowing which one you'd want to use but also having back-ups in case we messed up. Then I have my printer set up over there." He gestured to a small desk by the window. "And some books I got from the library. I don't know how much help they'll be, but we can skim through them."

I clapped my hands together. "That's a good start."

Cameron smiled again. Was he always this smiley? Like was this a part of his personality, or was it just me.

Rumor has it that Cameron St. James had a crush on you.

The conversation with the girls came back to haunt me again. I needed to bury those words deep, or else I'll make this whole afternoon a crap ton more awkward than it needed to be.

I took a seat, getting straight to business.

Breaking down the history surrounding the time period and the life of Johannes Gutenberg, I let Cam do the research, relay the info, and I sorted it all out into a well-written research paper. I made some highlights of what I wanted in the presentation too. In a matter of hours, we made some excellent progress.

"Did you know it was said that the Chinese invented printing? So Gutenberg might have invented the printing press, but centuries before that, Chinese monks used parchments and wooden blocks that they had to dip in ink to create words. I feel like the printing press was just a way to mass-produce texts in rapid time, which was revolutionary in his own right."

I finished off the paragraph I was working on and turned to Cameron, staring at me curiously.

"I don't remember seeing that in the research." His pointer finger moved the cursor around like he was trying to find that fact for himself.

"It's a random fact, I know."

Cameron lifted a brow. "What other random facts do you know?" he said with intrigue.

I laughed briefly. "Lots, it's a whole history encyclopedia up here." I tapped my temple with my pointer finger.

"You're a history buff." I saw the one corner of his lips tip-up.

I matched it. "I guess so. It was a shared passion between my dad and me. We used to watch documentaries on Friday nights and go on all sorts of museum trips. Once when we were in New York City, he took me to the Metropolitan. We were wandering around that place for hours. We took enough pictures to fill an album and bought multiple souvenirs to display around the house. Best vacation ever."

I rested the laptop on the coffee tabled and stretched my legs that had been crisscrossed for over an hour. "While we're on the topic of vacations, tell me some other places you've been to and how you liked them."

Cameron face lit up like he was excited that I wanted to learn more about him. He launched into a conversation about another city in Greece that he explored and this small town they discovered on a road trip around Italy.

"Wow. You're practically otherworldly compared to me." I joked, but I secretly wished I had more stories to share like him.

He grinned, scratching his jaw. "I've seen more of the world than a lot of people could say, so I guess that's accurate."

Cameron told me that because he and his mom traveled so much, he was homeschooled for most of his childhood, but he didn't mind. He liked having a different adventure every year.

The only place they called a real home was his uncle's ranch up in Maine. His mother managed the finances for the business, which meant she could work from anywhere as long as he sent the documents over to her.

When I asked more about the ranch, Cameron said his uncle bought it for dirt cheap, just as someplace to rest his head. He never had plans to make a business out of it. But he soon changed his mind when he realized he had a green thumb. Now he runs a small but successful organic tea company, and his mother owns a good percentage of it since she invested.

Cameron spoke highly of his uncle, and I could tell he was one of his favorite people. He didn't mention anything about his father, and I didn't see pictures of the two of them. I concluded that he wasn't in his life. And his grandparents were briefly brought up, but his tone of voice changed when he spoke of them. It became strained in a repressed anger sort of way.

I was sensing some familial tensions somewhere, but Cameron tried not to let it bother him for the most part.

From the way it sounded, Cameron's maternal family wanted nothing to do with him and his mom, but they tolerated his uncle. I was starting to believe that it was their loss because Cameron seemed pretty great.

"Mom and I moved here because it's an hour away from her home town and this place felt homey to her. She liked the vibes, and she saw the potential. When she told my uncle and me about her dream to start a hair salon, we encouraged her." Cameron smiled at the memory. "I was proud of her chasing for reviving an old dream. I thought she had given up on it because she was so comfortable where we were, and she loved the farm as much as I did. But I guess somewhere in the back of her mind, she couldn't let it go, and she wanted to give it a shot."

It wasn't my intention, but Cameron caught me grinning at him like an idiot. "What's that smile for? Not that I mind you smiling at me like that. I like it."

"Promise you won't be offended?"

"Sure thing."

I tore my eyes away from him, knowing it would be easier to say it this way. "I just think it's kinda cute that you're a momma's boy."

He was quiet for a few, but then his laughter roared throughout the house. "That's true. Momma's boy and proud. She's like one of my best friends."

It was nice that he had that kind of relationship with his mom. My mom and I were cool, but we didn't bond the same way that my dad and I did. And sometimes, I wish it was different between us. Maybe because I thought dad's passing would have brought us closer, but the dynamic was still the same.

"So, what year did you move here?" I changed the subject.

Cameron told me that they moved during middle school, and my brain thought it would be cool to blurt out the town history surrounding that time.

To my amazement, Cameron didn't stop my chattering and listened intently, inserting perfectly timed comments.

Yes, my best friends entertained all my history, and current events talk, but even they had their limits.

"Have you ever thought about starting a blog? I think there would be a lot of people interested in your opinions and hearing your voice."

I blinked multiple times, not quite sure if I heard him right. "No," I said at first, but then when I repeated it, it came out like a question. "No?"

Cameron continued, "I think you'd be good at it. I know I would read it. Hey, I could even help you get one started!" He sat up straighter like he was ready to get to work on it.

"Okay. I haven't considered anything like that, but I wouldn't mind doing journalism or something in the future. But it was just a thought." I picked at my cuticles. "I don't know if I could pull it off even with years of schooling. I'd probably get all nervous writing the perfect article.

"All I got from that is how starting your blog would help you get some practice." Cameron leaned back against the couch cushion, throwing an arm across the back. "Pretend it takes off. You could make a living from that sort of stuff and be your own boss. Work on your own terms and then travel the world. I could be your tour guide." He winked.

Cameron St. James and me on a world tour? I giggled. Why did he have to wink and make me do that? "You make some valid points." I had to give him that much.

"Even the part about me coming with you?" he smirked.

"Hahaha. I'm sure you'll be busy with your superstar hockey career to tag along." I rolled my eyes.

"Not true. I'd make the time for you." There wasn't a glimmer of insincerity in his eyes.

The weight of his stare made my heart thump in my chest. He was just saying that to be nice, right?

"Anyway, I still have to put in some serious consideration. I'm a perfectionist, and I hate to fail. I have a problem when I feel like I can't get what I want. I feel like I always need to make a way. If I do this, it has to be flawless or as close to it as I could get."

Cameron wiggled up close to me. I would have recreated some space, but my nerves had me glued to that spot. "That should be easy for you."

I huffed with disbelief. "You have too much faith in me."

"You think it's displaced? Because I assure you, I'm a good judge of character."

Cameron's face was less than a foot from mine. When did that happen? His eyes flicker to my lips, and my tongue wetted them without thinking.

"Cameron..." there were no other words following that. I couldn't think straight.

"Summer?" he replied huskily.

"I-I-I'm..." cue stomach growl. My arms folded against it as the hunger pains hit me.

Cameron changed his direction, twisting to grab his laptop from the coffee table and shut it down. "We should call it a day. We've accomplished enough, and we're ahead of the game. The poster boards could wait until next week." He stood, organizing the mess of papers.

I sighed. I couldn't tell if I was disappointed or relieved with how those last ten seconds of my life played out.

I began packing up my things too. "I can't believe we have to present with a poster board. What happened to a nice PowerPoint with fancy pictures and effects?"

Cameron chuckled. "What do you have against poster boards? What did they ever to do you?"

"They're basic and boring and require too much of my time to make them pretty."

Cameron grabbed one of the rolled-up posters and poked me in the stomach with it. "Give them some respect." He light-heartedly threatened.

"You should know I like to watch a lot of medieval movies, and I think I know a thing or two about sword fighting," I told him, waving the other rolled-up poster board.

He didn't reply. Instead, he lunged for me, and I blocked it, parrying with a move of my own. And there we were sword fighting like a bunch of kids playing knights. I loved every minute of it. Cameron took his swordplay very seriously, it must be the athlete in him, but as I had said before, failure wasn't part of my nature.

Unfortunately, Cameron disarmed me when I accidentally loosened my grip on my fake sword, and the paper sword went flying across the room.

Seeing he had the upper hand, he stalked towards me. "Cameron!" I shouted, shielding myself with an "X" block.

"I told you. Call me 'Cam." He lightly poked my tummy.

He went easy on me.

I dropped my hands, wondering if that would be a mistake. I still hadn't admitted defeat yet, and that predatory look in Cam's eyes said that he wasn't done.

For each step he took, I took a step back. Any minute now, I would be trapped in a corner with no escape. I couldn't let that happen, right?

Darting to my right, my foot caught the tip of the rug, and I nearly face-planted, but Cam's arms shot out just in time to catch me.

He pulled me against his chest, holding up the majority of my weight.

My eyes went to those biceps again, and I thought about how nice they felt around me. Now only if I could give them a little squeeze, are they as rock-hard as they looked? And why was I tempted to trace that one bulging vein in his arm with my finger? Oh gosh! What am I saying? That would be embarrassing.

Cam's lips expanded into a grin. Whatever he thought was written all over his face. He shamelessly gazed upon me, and I squirmed, tightening my grip on his jersey. He helps me stand upright but doesn't leave an inch of space between us.

"You should stay for pizza. We can watch a movie, and you can tell me some more about yourself."

I sputtered incoherently. "You want me to talk off your ear some more? Are you a glutton for punishment?" I dropped my hands from him, cursing myself when I saw the crinkles I left behind. Then I slipped away, and Cam let, easing his arms from my back.

"The worst." Cam pulled out his cellphone. "Is Hawaiian pizza, stuffed cheesy bread, and BBQ wings sound good?"

"Perfect!" I smiled.

While we waited for the pizza, we settled on watching King Arthur, but we did more talking than watching. Cam had a lot of questions, and I wanted to answer all of them.

By the time the pizza came, we were more than halfway through the movie, and once we devoured everything, we talked well through the credits letting Netflix jump to the next film without us realizing what it was.

A text on my phone alerted me to the actual time, and I gasped. It was after 8 p.m. I've been at Cam's house for over 6 hours, and we both have school the next morning.

"I think we should call it a night. I have to call and ask if she could pick me up. She must be home by now." Sometimes she traveled with the mayor for special events. She was his assistant, and it appears he was hopeless without her.

"I could take you home if you'd like. I have my mother's car. I'm supposed to pick her up at 9 p.m. from the salon. But I know she wouldn't mind if I dropped you home first."

I began to shake my head. I didn't want to be a bother, but the look on Cam's face told me I should accept the offer because he wasn't going to let me refuse it.

"Alright. I would love a ride. Thank you, Cam."

Less than twenty minutes later, we pulled up in my driveway. My house was pitch black. Mom hadn't called me to check-in, but I'll do that when I'm inside.

Slipping off my seatbelt, I turned to Cam. "Thanks for the ride. I really appreciate it."

"No problem, Summer." He smiled warmly.

"This went a lot better than expected. I mean, I was worried and a little nervous at first, but you seem pretty cool."

Cam side-eyed me. "Did I say or do something to make you feel that way?"

I replayed my own words. Why was I dumb enough to say that first part?

I rushed to explain. "No. No. No." I paused, taking a breath. "There was a silly rumor." I tried to make light of it. "And I thought it might have been true." It would have been easy to believe. I thought about the way he's been looking at me all day and how he's been trying to get to know me. "But I see that it not. So no worries." I finished.

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. "Are you going to tell me what it was?"

I shook my head. "Like I said, it was silly." I threw in a laugh at the end, but Cam just stared at me, and it died down.

"I want to know." He demanded but not unkindly.

"Yeah, so..." I reached for the straps of my bag. "I can't tell you! So can we pretend I never said anything?" I clapped my hands together, pleading.

Cam didn't miss a beat. "Were you talking about the one that said I had a crush on you?"

There went my jaw, unceremoniously detaching from my face and landing in my lap.

My reaction only made him smirk. "Huh? It seems like I was right."

He used his finger to shut my jaw.

"Do you want to know if true?" He cocked his head to the side. "We could clear it up all now." This dude was bold.

I let out a cackle, preparing to bolt. With my bag in tow, I flung open the door and yelled, "Bye, Cam! See you at school." I waved over my shoulder, not daring to look back. My face was on fire, and so was my back because I knew Cam was watching me.

Rushing over to my front door, I dug out of my back pocket, trying my best to unlock the door in record time.

When it finally opened, I let out a long sigh.

"Hey, Summer!" Cam said from the driveway.

It took me a bit, but I turned around.

He was grinning. Of course, he was. "Have a good night!" He winked.

I opened my mouth and from my lips, the words, "K thanks, bye," Rolled off my tongue before I ran in, slamming my door shut.

I listened for the jeep backing out of the driveway, and then I breathed easy, letting myself slump against the door.

I felt some soreness in my cheeks, and I could only blame Cam for making me smile so much.

But that's not the real problem, Cam wasn't here, and I was still stuck smiling.