word count: 1885

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"Ma! Ablihi!" I shouted as I banged on our door. Al had already gone home - their house was located 3 houses ahead of us. (Trans: Mom! Open the door!)

Someone unbolted the door from the other side before it opened. I was met with the scowl of my younger sister. "Why are you so noisy. You could have just called."

I rolled my eyes at her as I went in. I was engulfed in total darkness so I tried to adjust my sight.

"Could someone light the lamp, please? Wa ko'y makita do," I called out. (Trans: I can't see anything.)

I heard a grunt and then a match was suddenly lit from the dining table. Seconds later, I saw that it was my father who lit one of the oil lamps. Our house was a two-story structure with less windows on the ground floor - that's why it was as dark as a cave. Why couldn't we just turn on our lights? Well, that's because our electricity was cut off by VECO since we couldn't pay for our bills. As I had said, the pandemic just doubled our financial problems.

I approached my father, took his hand and brought it up to my forehead. I did the same to my mother who was lounging in our sala, just beside the dining table.

"'Nya, nahuman imo'ng assignment?" Mother asked as I sat down beside her. (Trans: So, did you finish your homework?)

I didn't know what to answer. If I answered honestly, she would scold me and give me money so that I would go back and finish my work. But money wasn't something I could afford to spend, especially then that it was really hard to get.

I took off my face shield and mask. I smiled at my mother and said, "Oo, naka-pass ko on time. Perfect score ako'ng nakuha." (Trans: Yes, I passed it on time. I got a perfect score.)

Months of quarantine helped me develop my lying skills.

I dug around my pockets and took out my spare coins that I was supposed to use for my homework. I gave it to my mother and told her I wouldn't need it.

"Sobra na nako ganina. Ipalit lang na nato'g sud'an, Ma. Na'agian nako ganina na naninda'g ginamos og hipon si Ate Analie-" (Trans: That's my spare change. Let's use it to buy some side dishes, mom. I saw while walking by big sister Analie's store earlier that she's selling fermented shrimp-)

"Inday," my father suddenly cut me off. I turned to look at him. I bit my lip as I realized that he was looking at me seriously.

"Di'ba dapat nagpa-load ka karon para data nimo?" He asked. (Trans: You're supposed to buy load for your phone's data, right?)

I was about to answer when my sister interjected. I didn't even notice that she was already sitting on the other side of our mother.

"Pa, kailangan ra ba mi'g double-sided tape, yarn, og construction paper para sa amo'ng sunod na project." (Trans: Dad, I need to buy double-sided tape, yarn, and construction paper for our next school project.)

I forced out another smile as I interjected. "Ugma lang ko pa-load pa. Gi-cancel man amo'ng klase 'ron. Para less stress daw, haha." (Trans: I'll just buy load tomorrow, dad. Our classes for today was canceled. For less stress, haha.)

Father looked at me, doubtful. I felt uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze so I turned to Aiya. "I still have my old arts-and-crafts stuffs upstairs. Ay' nala'g palit kay pwede pa 'to magamit." (Trans: You don't need to buy because those are still useful.)

Aiya glared at me. "I don't want to use your old garb-" She abruptly stopped as I gave her a warning look. She knew what I meant. Let's try not to spend too much money. She rolled her eyes but didn't argue.

"Inday," my father called me once again.

"Pa?"

"We were thinking..." He paused, looked briefly at my mother then back at me again.

"Kabalo mi na galisod mo kay unstable ang data connection sa inyong selpon. 'Nya di pa jud tarong ang connection sa kompyuteran. Nagsabot mi sa imong mama na magpataod ta'g atoang WiFi diri para makapagklase mo'g tarong sa imo'ng manghud."

(Trans: We know that you are having a hard time on your online classes because of the unstable data connection of your phone. Same with the unreliable internet connection in the computer shop. So your mother and I decided that we could install our own Wi-Fi so that you can do your online classes easily.)

"OMG! Kanus'a man pa?" Aiya excitedly asked. (Trans: OMG, when is that dad?)

But I was too stunned to speak. Even after all those hardships that he had to face, why was he still thinking about us? Tears threatened to spill but I held them back. I knew he was thinking for our sakes but he shouldn't forget that the family was more important to me than my stupid education.

"No."

"Huh?" Aiya was startled after I said the word forcefully.

"I'm perfectly fine with my data connection. And so is Aiya with her classes."

"But-" Aiya tried to intervene but my father loudly interjected.

"Inday, I know you're holding yourself back because you don't want to be a burden to us. But you're not a burden! You are our child. There's nothing more important to us than you two."

To become a burden. That was the worst threat for me. Even before the pandemic, I tried my best to help out in our family. I didn't want to be a burden to them. I would only accept a small amount of allowance, I wouldn't eat too much, I wouldn't ask for clothes and makeup, and I wouldn't ask for pretty much everything a teenager should be enjoying in her youth. But when this pandemic came, I seemed to have fallen into a pitfall. If before, I could avoid asking help for my needs... Now, I was torn between asking for help and just staying silent for the sake of everybody. I was afraid that if I ever did ask for a rope to climb up, I would drag the person from the other end with me in the pitfall. I was afraid to be a burden that would drag everyone else down.

I didn't notice I was crying.

I abruptly stood up and stared my father down. "I don't know where you will get the money but I don't need it. Use it for your medication instead."

His eyes widened at what I just said. "How...?"

"I overheard you talking to Mama the other day. You just came from your friend doctor who gave you a free check up. And...and..." I took a deep breath before continuing. "And you were diagnosed with a growing tumor on your neck. I mean, it's obvious, isn't it? You've been wearing turtleneck these days, trying to hide that stupid lump."

I bit back a sob as I felt devastated by the thought of his disease. It would not be too critical if treated early, otherwise... If he thought I would let him use our money on installing Wi-Fi in exchange for his health, then how horrible did he think of me? Did he think I would appreciate that?

"Inday..."

I wiped my tears away and willed my voice to sound cold.

"Al invited me for lunch. Ma, Pa, didto lang sa ko's ilaha." (Trans: Mom, Dad, I'll be in their house.)

Without waiting for their response, I fled.

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"So, you refused..." Al said as he played with his pet cat on his bed.

"You know our situation! We couldn't even eat a decent meal. My father would even refuse to eat just so he could lend us more food! He's always tired from driving motorcycle all day, but he could only get twenty to fifty pesos from it. Then there's those officers who would always threaten to take his motorcycle away - his only source of income! Not to mention that he couldn't get other jobs because of this stupid pandemic. And he still hasn't even paid completely for his motorcycle. What if someone would take it back? Then there's Manang Linda, bothering my mother constantly because of our debts. Then there's the bills. Then there's the matter of charging our phones without electricity. Then there's our online classes. Then-"

"Alright, alright. I get it. Calm down!" Al shouted as he sat up from his bed. We were in his bedroom, eating bread for lunch. But my bread was forgotten as I paced back and forth in his room, disturbed with all my problems that wouldn't have existed if there was no stupid pandemic.

"And he thought I would happily accept the Wi-Fi when he is suffering from his disease?! Unsa'y tan'aw niya nako? Tanga? I've seen the signs! He's more tired lately! He seems to get headaches often and he couldn't even speak well! He-" (Trans: What did he think am I? A fool?)

I didn't even notice that Al had stood up and approached me until he interjected my rants by gripping both my shoulders.

"Calm down," he said softly as he wiped the tears on my cheeks. I didn't notice I was crying, again.

"Quit pacing around. You're making me dizzy," he said, still with his soft tone. I looked up at him. I had seen his face multiple times before but I always got awestruck at how handsome he was. His prince charming facade didn't seem to fit in this poor status that our families both lived in.

"What if I'll just quit school? I'll find myself a job, borrow money from anyone to get the right requirements. Then I will be able to help my family with the expenses. I'll have money to pay for my father's motorcycle, his medications, to buy my sister a laptop for her online class, even to install Wi-Fi, to buy fruits for my mother because she's been looking sick lately and everything that we will ever need. I'll just get back to my education when this pandemic is over," I whispered as I looked down.

I could feel him staring at me for a moment until he pulled me close. He hugged me tight as I rested my head on his chest. I let my tears flow freely as I inhaled his comforting scent.

"When will this be over, though?" He whispered on my ear.

I didn't know how to answer.

Instead, I said, "My friends asked me out, you know. Eat at newly opened cafes, maybe go shopping. Maybe I could go out with them if I will earn some money." I sniffed as I paused.

He was the first one to let go. I rubbed the tears away from my eyes as I tried not to look too weak under his gaze.

"Kung ganahan ka'g laag, you should have told me," he said with a smirk, trying to lighten up my mood. (Trans: If you want to go out and have fun, you should have told me.)

I gave him a questioning look but he only looked mischievous.

"You'll see."

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